I Woke Up in a Nightmare

They say that I should forget everything and learn to forgive. That I can finally move on and forget those bad memories that this "man" gave to me. If only they know, I want to do that really. I want to forget everything and put my mind and heart to rest from resenting him too much but, I just can't. The more I push myself to forgive him, the more those memories will linger into my head like it is reminding me that this man, this man is the one who ruin everything. Nothing was left with me anymore because of him so I just can't forgive me him not that easily. Never......

I have a boyfriend, let's call him Nick. Even though a lot of people are saying that he's up to no good I didn't believe them. I was blinded by my love for him. Who wouldn't love that kind of man if he is the man that I long for. My dream man as what people say.

We are working on the same company but he's a 5 years ahead of me. So even though I know that my co employees knows what kind of man Nick is, I still didn't believe them. I follow what my heart wants and stay with him. I saw some red flag to him but then the next day he will cover it with his good side and that's why I love him more.

Everything is getting good between me and Nick. We are soon gonna celebrate our 1 year, few days from now. I am actually excited because I plan to give a gift that he will never thought I could give to him. Because he knows that I am saving myself for the man that I want to marry soon. I think of this for a million times and I know, Nick is the one I want to marry to become my husband.

I am anxious, excited and at the same time afraid that what if after this he suddenly distance his self to me. But on the positive side he will know that this is how much I love him. I will just do anything to become the perfect woman for him that he can ever wish for. I am afraid but it's final - I will give my all to him. Because I love him.

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D-DAY!.

It's finally here. Finally the time that I am waiting. The time that I am excited to happen but at the same time, afraid too. But there's no stopping now...

I am finally waiting in my house. We just decided to celebrate in my house. It is actually part of my plan.

Dingdong....

And it's here!

I greeted Nick with my wide smile and Nick on the other hand handed me a bunch of flower and I can't help but to smell it. The loud thud that is coming from my heart suddenly slow down and I think I am finally ready.

"Happy Anniversary Baby, I love you!"

"Happy Anniversary too Babe, I love You tooooo much!"

--

We had fun, we sing, we dance in slow music and we kissed. And when it's finally time. I initiated it all. I did it with the effect or hard liquor. Off course I still know what I'm doing. I just had a sip of it to stir the little courage I have.

I kissed him. He kiss me back and then it happened.... Over and over I make him feel the love I have for him. I'm sure he felt it. I made sure that he will feel it. Everything went black on me after that. It has pain and I know that when I wake up tomorrow everything will sore in my body. I sleep with a smile on my face..

But I woke up in a nightmare....

--

Different faces, different man but whats marked on my head is him. Laughing too loud while watching me with those man.

There's woman too in her lap. I even thought am I not enough?

But when I finally wake up from a long daze it finally sink in to me.

Someone is assaulting me. Not just one but there's 5 of them. Or is it 6? Everything is blurred to me but I will never forget that crazy laugh from him

I will never forgive him

Forgiveness is only for those who deserve it and for those who's asking for it. But him? Never!

--

[Pixabay]

I can't even look at these two monster in front of me. Even if I want to love them I just can't feel it. I see them not as a baby but a monster that was created by those monster. I don't even know who is their father. And it's not like I want to know. I just don't want to be associated with them so it's better if I will just give them to those who needs a kid.

"I'm so sorry kids I just can't look at you two now. I can't, the memory is still fresh with me that whenever I look at you I think of them. So I'm sorry of I have to let go of you two now. I'm sorry."

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Lead Image from Unsplash

July 27, 2022

August 11, 2022

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