To Live is to Hope.

Avatar for Ellehcim
3 years ago
Topics: Hope, Freewriting, Blog, Life, Sharing, ...

10/12/2021


Listening to my favorite classical music playlist, while letting my fingers move wherever they want, writing letters into words, words into phrases, phrases into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, paragraphs into a BLOG.

Source: Unsplash

Another freewrite Tuesday, as I have no prepared formal article for today. Let me just write whatever comes to mind..


Mind, mine is exhausted right now. Nothing much to think about actually, and I guess thats okay, because when I try to think, loads of thoughts suddenly pile up, as if I have open a forbidden Pandora's box. I don't want to dwell with grief and pressure, not tonight. I want to sleep well.

Well. Definitely not I am feeling nowadays. I feel that I am just breathing these days, letting each day pass by, still doing my best to make each one count, so I'd have nothing to regret. I am not happy, but that does not mean I'd let myself become in a miserable state. Missing someone is such a torture, especially when I can't show it openly. I can't understand. I have been used to not expressing how I feel, but now it feels restricting that I had to keep myself from showing my longing for my kitten. It's like it's a forbidden topic, even when it's not. Specific things easily make me angry, and there's always that feeling of making a mess out of myself, like yelling, being annoyed of everything. But I am thankful that so far, I can still hold it in, aside from that short, yet loud yell I released at the clueless cat earlier. Not Mia, her mother. I hate myself for getting mad whenever I see Mia's mother. I know I should not be, but I still do. I have to take a breath of fresh air to be fine again.

Again. And yet again. After a few moments of happiness, sorrow is meant to visit again. Life is like this, I've always known this, but I can't seem to get used to this fact. I am unusually lethargic these days. I know I got proper sleep time these days, but I still feel sleepy. I just want to sleep these days. Like, for a whole day. I want that. I think sleeping it all away would make me feel better. Right now, I am having the urge to sleep. It's funny.

Funny. I wish I came across something funny today. Or maybe I did, but I did not find it to be one. I am coping better, because I am not crying anymore. It's just a sad, empty feeling inside, that only my darling could fill. I updated my cover photo on a sns account of mine, and I think I'll keep it forever there. There is still hope that I would see her. Even if she may not recognize me, it's okay. As long as I am assured she is alive, healthy, and has people that takes good care of her. I wish I have a way to know that. Even just in a dream.

Dream, I had one last night, and it's a weird one again. It's hard to explain, but I saw that familiar tall house or apartment, should I say, which is still in progress. I saw that again, I am sure it's not a first to see that construction in my dream last night. I don't remember when's the first time, but I just know it's familiar. There's also this raging river that separates me from that construction in progress, and other things I saw that I really find difficult to describe. I wish we could take a photo or video of our dreams, so we could let others visualize it. I will surely look for my dream meaning after this one.

One. One more day, and I think my salary will be ready as early as tomorrow. To be honest, it's the only thing that's giving me sparks of excitement nowadays. Or, maybe I was just forcing myself, too. Whatever. I figured I should buy to replenish some of the skin care products I use, and some stuff online (that I may or may not really need). Anyway, my favorite piece is playing right now. What's your favorite classical piece?

Click this picture to play the track on Spotify. :)

Piece. I want a piece of cake. Or burger. Oh, and a piece of ice cream. Maybe that would make me eat well. I have very little appetite, too, since last Sunday. I still eat because there are still hours I get hungry. And I should not let myself starve even I don't have the will to eat. I claim that it's just in my mind. Hopefully, I could buy myself some nice ice cream tomorrow, or a hotdog sandwich, maybe. I am sometimes weary of eating rice.

Rice. Hmmm.. My hands stopped typing, and I was lost in a trance, as if it went blank for a few seconds. What should I talk about rice? LOL. Rice, egg, and chicken adobo, it is my lunch earlier this afternoon. It's mom's cooking, so it surely is delicious. The rest of the afternoon at work today went fine, because I made myself busy with many things, and I also wrote a lot. Going home after work, I was with my two colleagues traveling in similar destinations, and we are always going home together, a trio. I slept while traveling until home without worries, because I know someone will wake me up when I get to my destination. Sleep is life.

Life. Life is hard. I guess it's not life when we take out the word "Difficult" in it. We can't really control how life works in us, but what we can control is our reactions to it. The good way to not give up is to dance along life. To accept that hardships are meant to come and hurt us, and those dilemmas are not permanent. As long as there's life, there's hope. It's a really famous saying in our country, Philippines. I am 99% sure pretty much of us Filipinos here knows it.

"Habang may buhay, may pag-asa."

A hope-filled Tuesday!

I wanted to end this blog with a hopeful note. Everything may seem dark for you and me, and that it feels impossible to reach the end of this tunnel.

But I hope, that like what I always try to do, we'll still always find ways to be grateful. To not let heartbreaks stop us from going forward. I know it's hard because I am in that stage right now. It's hard, but it's worth it.

We can do it. Give me a high five!

Thanks for reading, until next time!

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Avatar for Ellehcim
3 years ago
Topics: Hope, Freewriting, Blog, Life, Sharing, ...
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Comments

"Tell me of a love that doesn't drown in sorrow, that doesn't decay, that doesn't die. Tell me of a love that does not wither with time. At the end he dried my tears and told me: love without pain does not exist"... I read this a long time ago and I liked it. When I read your sentence: "As long as there is life, there is hope" I wanted to share it.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Thank you so much for this. I love the quotes you added. It is so poetic and touching. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Its mean i picked good article. I randomly visited you. Nice to meet you and glad to see that you are member of club1BCH. Whoa. You like music too?

I am keen to music. When i goes to sleep i put handfree in ear and than sleep. My family is worried about me why i do such a crazy things while sleeping and studying.

Actually, i listened to music so much. I have alot pf favourite singer. What is your favourite one ? My favourite one is zayn Malik.

Oh dreams yeah, they are awesome sometimes frightening us and sometimes they make us happy. Don't take them seriously lol.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Hello! Nice to meet you, and thanks for showing some love here. I am more into Kpop music, alongside Classical music. Zayn Malik also has really good songs. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Hehehe nice string of words and sentences. Yung rice lang talaga, nagutom ako bigla. Then yung salary, sana may biglang itataas.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Hanggang sana muna. Gusto ko na din tumaas eh. Hahaha char.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Saya ng ganitong article, connected ang words. Speaking of rice, nong pumunta kami sa East Coast, I bought black rice kasi mas healthy daw yon. Yon na ang rice ko now. I on Keep hoping that magless ang weight, but of course I should do something too.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Malamang mas mahal po ang black rice ano? I want my parents na din po to have these at dapat naman talaga nag aaral na sila kumain nang tama, kaso di pa po kaya. Hehehe.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Mas mahal talaga ang black rice tapos hindi sya always available. I bought mine for 65 pesos direct pa yon sa farmers coop.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

65 po per kilo? Grabe dollars! hahaha! di ko pa po sya keri na imaintain. hehehe.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

A piece of burger would delight me too as of this moment. Oh actually it's everytime 😁

$ 0.01
3 years ago

same! Sadly, no free meals these days. 😂

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Free writing can be very helpful. I enjoyed your wandering thoughts. Especially about rice. I have been avoiding white rice and sticky rice (with coconut milk and mango on top) because it has too many carbs and I'm trying to reverse some medical conditions. So, I read "rice" and I also went into a trance. I think maybe I drooled on myself a little.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Hahaha, I apologize for that. Hehe, as much as I want to avoid rice, it's what's prepared on the table so I have no choice. I can't have a diet because mostly in Asian families like I am in, it is considered bad. Sigh.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I remember. When we were in Laos, even when I was at the temple, they kept trying to make me eat a lot.

At the home where we were staying, food was the center of every activity. We made a lot of food! House blessing? Food (and party with booze and dancing and karaoke) Visiting family village? Food and party. It's a Wednesday? Food and party.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes, food is like our way to express and receive love. I love mom's cooking nonetheless!

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Even receiving salary makes me sad for I will not even hold it. Since it is sent online, I will just use that to pay bills and sent them to family and that's about it.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Hahaha, even I get to hold it, it just touches my hands for a while then it flies away again. 😂 Not as different as yours.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Ah salary, I hope I can get a big salary soon. I have to finish the OJT first. Haha. It's always nice to write with classical music playing. I do that too.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I don't consider mine as a big salary 😂 but I am still thankful and blessed.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Well I don't have a salary now that's why that's the first thing that popped out to me. Hahahaha.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Hajahaha, soon! (Hopefully) 😅

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Yes soon! It's coming! Hahaha.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Naks congratulations!

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Tagal pa yun haha, pero sana malapit na.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Go for it! ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I love the concept of writing whatever comes to the mind. Seeing the classical music in your Spotify playlist gave me the idea to listen to it too. And I am listening to it right now.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Enjoy! Have you see the playlist it originated from?

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Not sure if it is exactly the same with the one that you been listening to po, but it has some of the classic sonatas

$ 0.02
3 years ago

They are all good, whatever that is,. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Putting anything that comes to my mind when I run out of topic is a big vibe to me. I love how you described life, when the worries are too much, some tend to commit suicide, but nah, that's never an option, play with it, dance along and see the magical end.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Oh yes, we never know what surprise life brings us when we held on to it a little bit more. Thanks for visiting, FirstCity! ♥️♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I see you have good taste of music. You ok dear?

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Oh, yeah, classical music comforts me and helps me focus. 😄 I am not okay, but I am still grateful for the life and for a new day.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

We say that here too. I pray you heal quickly from the heartbreak Michelle

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Thanks for this, Happy Boy. I'll get through this, in Jesus' name!

$ 0.00
3 years ago

When your is exhausted, it's better to take a break for things or take a nap. When you wake up, you will feel fine and continue from where you stopped.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes, I got a good, solid 7 hours of sleep! Planning to increase it to 8 hours soon. 👌

$ 0.00
3 years ago

A hopeful Tuesday to you sis!Whatever it is that keeps on bothering you, I hope you can find comfort in any way that you can. Also, always go back to the things that sparks joy in you.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Thanks a lot! The last sentence you said wilp be hard becasluse the reason of my joy is not with me now. But I'll do my best to be happy. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago