Always there. Never away.

Dear Father God,

I've been doing good these days. I'm holding it all well, thanks to Your constant reminders and comfort.

I had this random wish to confess.

I also think and know it's far-fetched, and yes, so random but...

You know what? I kind of.. somehow wish You'd actually come by and comfort me with your hugs. I wish I could hear your voice to tell me what to do, because I feel lost all the time. I'm always confused and anxious. I wish I could physically hear your voice, with the words I never even knew I needed or wanted.

Father, I randomly kind of wish You could just fetch me from office whenever a long work day ends. How I wish I could sit beside You, on bus and jeepney rides home, so I could sleep with no worries.

It'd feel so surreal to feel Your warm hand patting my head, as You tell me I worked hard, and did well.

I wish I'd feel your hands holding mine whenever they tremble of exhaustion. I wish I could see You right beside me, speaking out for me on times that others belittled me, or did mean things to me, but I couldn't speak for myself.

I wish there could be face to face sessions with you so I can really speak all the ugly stuff I had to deal with, and process on my own.

And yet... I know... these are silly wishes.. For I am sure You're right here, beside me, hearing my silent cries that gets drowned by the night, knowing how I feel without me having the need to say it.

And yet, I know... that You blessed me with Your Holy Spirit to intercede for me, on times I couldn't spare breath to speak. I know You count the tears that stream down my cheeks and wipe them.

You know every bit of me—even my most disgusting parts—and still love me, and that fact alone is comforting enough.

So, I apologize for wishing I could come to You and see you personally—this is saved for when the right time comes—in heaven.

For even in this temporary home we call Earth, I know You're always with me. You cried with me on those nights my heart ached. You held my hands and gave them warmth when they were wet with tears.

You've always accompanied me on every single trip, and made sure I am well-protected. You've watched me as I slept into the deepest of the night, and guarded me against the evil. You've always sent angels to make sure I am alright always.

You've always talked to me through Your written word. You've always given me answers when I ask for them.

Kaya salamat, Ama. Tunay na ako'y mahal mong talaga. Kahit sa mga panahong hindi pa kita kilala.