Better than Before.

Days appear different as I age. The changes are noticeable. At some point, I still get a feeling that I stopped aging at nineteen, but experiencing the subtle differences of life as compared to before brings me back to the reality. I am, indeed, getting older.

This was the first holiday season that we could not be together to celebrate Christmas. I am talking about my siblings. The youngest started working this year, after he finished school. My older sister has been working since forever, and I recently got accepted into a new job after passing the licensure examinations.

Well, here's the thing: his days off are Tuesdays and Wednesdays—I have trainings during these days. My time off starts at the last week of my December—the oldest starts at the third. Not until Christmas day has passed that we could finally be together at once. Finally. December 26th, yet, the youngest is still recovering from the night shift, so we had to reschedule the bonding proper at the 27th.

Came 27th and everyone has gotten proper rest, at last. Until the very last minute we went outside, we could not decide where we'd go. The decision was finalized after ten minutes that seemed like eternal exchange of arguments of which place was nearer, more convenient, more foods, and whatever.

It was a more or less three to four hour time well spent. Father was not with us—someone has to be left at home. We just brought him some good food to eat for the night.

It's funny because I did not buy anything that day. Everyone brought presents for themselves and for mom (I also did), but I could not find anything to gift myself this day. I was just glad I got to eat good food, and have not spent much.

Adulting also means making plans that wil never come true. I've been wanting to get an overall body massage, well, look, the year is coming to an end, and I am nowhere near that appointment.

I also wanted to go on a week's worth of vacation, but everything was never enough to make it happen this year, be it time, money, or willpower.

I fell deeper in love with sleep, especially later this year. After that horrendous licensure exams review season, I finally gave in to those nine to ten hour long sleeping sessions. If I didn't have errands to attend to, you can easily find me comfortably cuddling with my pillows and plushies in my room. I returned to that "chronically-online" habits of mine—lurking on social media but not publicly posting—I love "observing" people.

Confidence of mine got a little better, and I realized that when I found myself posting my own pictures publicly.. What.. it ain't me! Well... that's indeed me. I just got more comfortable with myself, and I believe that's a good thing. You'll never know, I might start posting song or dance covers soon (I'm not a talented singer or dancer, by the way).

Everything I said are product of pure random train of thoughts that were processed as I think of adulthood. No matter how I deny it, adulthood is really now a part of me.

The year is coming to an end, making me realize that there are tons of things to be grateful about. Personally, I initially believed that this is nothing to me, but another year of stagnant growth—no remarkable improvements, no new stories to keep, no accomplishments. However, God has a different plan.

What has been said is true: so much can still happen in a few months. Look, I got my professional license, I got a new, better-paying job, I got back on track with my spiritual journey, I was able to finally realize that dream of helping my younger brother with his education, among other things.

I am so blessed. Turns out, when I focused more on the good things that happened to me this year, there are reasons to be thankful.

It has been so long, I guess. To end this, let me just share to you the powerful words I heard directly from a very talented artist of my generation, Chwe Hansol, or Vernon of a Kpop group Seventeen. I hope you take time tor read word for word, and impacts you the way it did to me.

"More often than not, we compare ourselves with people who seem to have more than we do. And while it may seem very simple and innocuous, it makes us believe that we are lacking or missing something in some way, which forces us to believe we are lesser than. On the flip side, sometimes it's easy for us to think that we're better than or superior to some people, which is also not a great thing either.

Regardless of how you may think about yourself, I think it's also pretty common for all of us to be unhappy with ourselves at times. But I believe that if you change your perspective ever so slightly, you can find happiness anytime and anywhere. So what's the key to happiness? Gratitude. Gratitude is at the center of happiness."

Seventeen member, Vernon

Thanks for reading, until next time!

Elle.

To God be the Glory.