11/05/2021
The storm's over, or at least, I claim it to be. I am over that era, and moving on the next chapter, hopefully a fruitful, and fun-filled one.
I am over this specific crisis of my life. October has been a roller coaster of emotions and troubles for me, as I fought with lots of anxieties, fears, and even illnesses. I even wondered at some point, when will this all end?
I am writing this one after talking to God. In my prayer, I thanked Him about my recent improvements. I emphasized how I have come to appreciate just the fact that I did not overthink today. For the first time in a while, my mind was free of invading thoughts, of regrets, and of fears. Today was especially a relaxing day, and I also feel satisfied knowing I made it worth it.
For sure, I'll get a good sleep tonight. I have driven all bad dreams, and negtivities away in Jesus' name. I still tend to have sleep paralysis these past few weeks, to be honest. It's not new to me, as I have been so used to it ever since a few years back. Just last night, I was also about to have it. I have mastered the strategy, though. Whenever that feeling of stiffness starts to take over, I try to move my toes or my finger, attempt to open my eyes—in short, to wake myself up fully. In an awake state, I rebuke whatever it is that's causing me to be like that, and pray strongly. I seriously drive it away, whatever demon that is, that further makes it hard for me to sleep.
I know sleep paralysis is caused by lack of sleep, and stress. But the fear and panic caused by it is the work of the devil. I know they are definitely there, trying to scare the heck out of me, affecting my good sleep. I would never let them win.
After a strong remark, I go back to sleep feeling better than before. Sleep paralysis no more. You know, in my case, if I just try to move to the other side and continue to sleep, the paralysis happens again. So, I have learned my own technique whenever how to fight it.
I missed this. Letting a day pass hapily without any worries bothering me. There are still worries, of course, but they're not bothersome anymore.
When I prayed, I looked back at those days, and weeks that I was so overwhelmed with troubles. I had so many questions back then, lots of tears, and lots of lamentations against the world. Everything just did not go my way, and I asked myself and God, maybe I did wrong for fate to joke with me like this? Is it still because of that decision I made one or two years ago? And then I always asked for God's understanding, again, and again, because I know He's aware that this particular decision was hard for me, too. That after almost five years, I chose myself. Maybe I became selfish, but I could not make muself suffer more emotionally. I believed that it's not bad to leave something that does harm more than good.
Comparing the before and after, I am happy I was able to see how different I am today. I do hope, sincerely, that this will go on in the next day, week, month, year, or decade. Being distant from God brought about all negativities to get the best of me, so I was not in good shape in those days. Right now, I am trying to get myself closer to God, everyday, and I am feeling the results quickly effecting.
My, I am dozing off while writing this. Should I keep on doing this, or sleep? Let's see if I can make it today. My body must be still tired from what I did today.
Oh, the neighbor's still up this time. Karaoke again. There are just people who don't care to others who can only find rest in a night's sleep. These insensitive people just want fun, sing all they want, while other who just want to sleep, are suffering. I hope they'd have a bit of shame left and end their karaoke session now. It's already 10 pm, for Pete's sake. They must have forgotten that they hve neighbors. Oh my, these people.
Anyway, as I am really sleepy, I know I'll just go to the dreamland after this one. I just turned of the light. I hope I won't hear their voices in my dreams LOL.
Regardless, today was still a refreshing day. I was able to do a lot of things, start important journey, plus another achievement—doing the thimg I used to be a bit scared of. I will share about it soon.
I am thankful for my small achievements. I was able to break a bad habit, come out of my risk-scared self box, help someone, and even get a good siesta this afternoon. I am thankful I live in a complete family that are filled with love for one another. I am thankful for the blessings. For the day that is about to end. For the things I used to take for granted and noy notice before, I am thankful. I am sill blessed.
This has been my life update for today. I really am thankful that you read up to here. Until next time! May God provide us happiness, strength, and peace in these trying times.
Thanks a lot for reading! And also... ehem! Thanks in advance for considering to sponsor me. 😉 I will do my best to not disappoint you.
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