Blog: Please Don't Compare People Wrongly

Avatar for Ellehcim
3 years ago

10/13/2021


If you want to be an understanding person, please.. please, don't always compare someone to others. Please, don't do that. Your friend my not show it, but what you did bothers her so much.

Source: Unsplash

Until now.

Someone, let me call her Kate, just talked to me last night. She told me that she's chatting with a batchmate of mine on my student days. I secretly face palmed. I know where this is going.

She told me that this batchmate, let's name him Josh, is now also working like me. He has a salary three steps higher than I have, and I won't mention the amount. I said, oh really. She added that Josh is working from home. (My work does not encourage work from home.) She emphasized I graduated earlier than Josh.

I was about to snap, but I politely told her, "I am staying in my job, until I decide to leave."

Now, what do I wanna tell with this story? Kate did not directly compare me with Josh, but judging from her words, she obviously wants me to do something. To make me think that I am less than what Josh has achieved. I mean? You think I feel better after you said that, Kate? Thanks to you, I could not stop thinking how slow my growth is, from last night, until now that the afternoon is arriving. Damn this overthinking. Damn this low self-esteem.

I have overcome my own tendency to compare myself with others, thanks to Kate, it was relived again. Now, I can't help but to think of bad things about my job, the opinion that I am getting less than what I deserve, and that a certain Josh is easily making more money than me, when he finished later than me. These thoughts, and others, repeatedly ran through my mind for countless times, and it even distracted me heavily at work.

I am still not over with losing my kitten, and just thinking about these stuff always made me risk breaking down in front of the computer today. I am thankful to some of my colleagues, that whenever they ask me questions about work, I get distracted from my suffocating thoughts, and they don't know that. I am still grateful.

I usually work peacefully alone during work hours, either writing, typing, analyzing or computing numbers and other things. Alongside these activities, my mind works simultaneously. It always overthinks, and thinks, and thinks again. Nonstop, that it's distracting me, that I had to go to the restroom and do some calming breathing exercises.

It was a lunchtime and I wanna go home. Or elsewhere I can be alone. I just want a complete silence without people bothering me, or causing me to think again of things I worked hard to overcome.

I did not contact Josh anymore, and all my other batch mates, ever since. It's my own way of getting rid of my habit to compare myself with their progress. It was hard, every step of it. I also abandoned (though not fully) most of my social media accounts to let myself live in peace.

To everyone who's reading this, and experiences what I am going through right now, it's understandable. Its understandable that you also think of many possibilities, or what ifs, and could have beens, when you observe the people around you. I know how it feels. To be regretful of your own decisions and see yourself as incapabale, whn others are doing more. And to always think you're an underdog, that it's the most you could do, and it's still ain't enough.

I know that feeling very, very well.

If you only have me, so you could have something you can brag to your friends, then I apologize that I am not like that. I apologize that I can't be someone you can be proud of, even I am doing my best every single freaking day. I am sorry that I can't flex a thick paycheck every 15th of the month, or at least as thick as the peoples you compare me with. I hope this apology would make you understand how damaging it is to me whenever you do those things, and say those words. I know yo mean no harm, but it affects me so bad. What am I to do again? For sure, I'll be thinking about it again bafore I sleep tonight.

My emotional battles came one after another this month. I am still fine, though not a hundred percent, not even fifty. I am trying to fight back everyday at all of these shts life threw at me recently. I am fighting, and have no intention of giving up.

Before lunch, a song played on the radio that almost.. almost triggered a tear to fall down. I know that when a tear falls, it will be followed by a raging rain of more. Good thing I was able to hold it in. The song is "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten. An old song, yet gold.

"My power's turned on,

Starting right now, I'll be strong..

This is my fight song.

And I don't really care if nobody else believes..

'Cause I still got a lot of fire left in me."

Source

That's right. I am a fighter, and this is just one of the battles I am meant to win. No matter how many Kates will be put in front of me, I won't let them define my own meaning of success. After all, it's my life, and not theirs.

I repeatedly tell myself these words and I feel better as of now. It would be hard to rid me of this tendency to compare myself with my peers, but I was able to fight it last time. I can do it again.

Final Thoughts

Personally, I find it okay to compare people. And I guess it's normal. But in some cases, it's not. If you experience what I experience, it's really not fun. I hated it. This personal blog is not meant to hate people who compare, but to call out those who overdo it.

Hello, folks.

A gloomy Wednesday, both in the weather and my feelings tonight. Do you like being compared to other people? I mean, generally it's not, right? Especially when it's about your progress, your current status in life, vs. someone else's. Isn't that rude, though? Maybe I am overreacting, or maybe it's because I always experience it here. It's okay once, or twice, but more than that, it's hurtful. It's like I am less than other person basing only on things that may always change.

Anyway, today is a Thursday, but this blog's messed up, because I could not publish it yesterday due to faulty connection (thanks, rain) and my phone. Just sharing in case you might be confused with the date I used here. 😅

I believe that good news will soon arrive. It's always like this, worse things happen one after another, as if something really good is prepared for me after. Do you have this kind of thinking, too? Feel free to employ this mindset, as it helps to cheer us up whenever we feel really down. Highly-encouraged.

Maybe, it's a new affiliate for me, or something related to my recent experiences. Something really good is gonna happen, I feel it. I believe it. And let me add again, as always, in Jesus' Name!

Thanks for being here, I appreciate it. Until next time!

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3 years ago
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Comments

Nkaka toxic din talaga mga taong ganyan noh? I hate it when people compare one from another and have to do it in your face, grabe. A healthy comparison is okay but would leave it to the person to reflect. Haaay, I hope you're feeling okay now sissy after venting out. Just remember that you're better being yourself.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Salamat ha! i need people to validate this feeling kasi baka nagiging toxic na ako by ranting this one. Turns out it's not only me who hates being compared to someone else.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I do compare sometimes but I don't bring them out in the open. I just do it in my mind and when I recognize that I am comparing wrongly, I scold myself hahaha.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I also think it's our nature na talaga to compare. Nagiging masama siguro pag openly ginagawa, which is sa case mo naman di mo ginagawa eh. Safe! 😄

$ 0.00
3 years ago

True sis, nature na pwede iwasan ba. It happens everywhere even inside the family

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Ahahahaha, can't deny this one. 👀

$ 0.00
3 years ago

And how much more of it will be a part of your family that will do such thing? Mas masakit. Yung okay ka naman at masaya ka sa naabot ng mga batch mates mo and you are just waiting for your time as well, and there this Kate na magcocompare. Hays! Sarap sabunutan ng mga ganyang tao ii.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Ahuehuehue, hirap nga lalo.pag sa family talaga. Nararanasan mo din ba?

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Sobra Elle.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Ajujuju, okay lang yan. Ehem. Di.. Ehem. Ka.. ehem. Nag iisa.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Comparing two age mate or school mate it's a total turn off, not everyone will be able to answer it, cause some wouldn't bother to risk their metal health.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I agree. 👌

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Personal experience of mine is the older you get the less comparing gets done. You are you, unique wonder awesome you, who cares what anybody else thinks. No Surrender!

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Thanks for these words 🤧 Should I wish I get older then. LOL!

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Dati ganyan ako.. Kinocompare ko self ko sa iba...yung achievements nla sa achievements ko ay ang layo.. Yung dati basaguliro ay ayun milyonaryo na.. Yung dating pala absent ay mas kumikita pa ng malaki kesa akin.. Ganun ako dati..
Kaya inistop ko narn communication sa batchmates ko. Deactivate FB pra iwas literal FOMO

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Tama. Ganyan nga ginagawa ko, tapos ito si Kate, kung anu ano sinasabi sa akin. Kainis. Hahaha

$ 0.00
3 years ago

You still got a lot of fire left in you!

I also hate being compared, even though I am the "Josh" on the case. It's not a good feeling and it's rude.

As for you, I don't have words to make you feel at ease but you do have my prayers for God to give you peace of heart and peace of mind. It's a battle within yourself that I know you will overcome because you are connected to our Lord most high. You got that, I know you got that. But no rush. Work at your own pace and nevermind those "Kates".

XOXO. In Jesus name, you'll be able to overcome whatever it is you are feeling right now. As you've said, it might be gloomy or even rainy today but on the following days, the sun will shine again. :)

$ 0.03
3 years ago

Thanks a lot! I am staying enthusiastic despite many emotional struggles to deal with recently. Thanks a lot for the words, I felt like someone gave me a warm hug. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Stay enthusiastic then. That's a very good attitude. How are you today?

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Thanks for asking. I am feeling better. ♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

glad to know that. :) and hey, if you want someone to talk to, find me at TG. LOL

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I def will! Gugulatin nalang kita don. Hahaha! Salamat, salamat. ♥️♥️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Di mo sure kung magugulat ako haha

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Ahahahha! 😂😂

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Oh dear! I don't even like comparing. It divides us.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I agree, this I guess ut is a normal.tendency for us humans, overdoing it is not right.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Comparison is a thief of joy as the bible says. Don't be sorry for not being the friend that has a fat paycheck. Sometimes, we should shut the voices that are not beneficial to us. As long as you are happy with your job, it is fine and okay. I'm sure you know yourself fully to weigh the things that works better for you.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Oh yes! I said I'd be okay with a job that has No Toxicity than some job where the environment is not friendly, regardless of the paycheck.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

It's true because we have different uniqueness.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Thanks for reading everything through. :)

$ 0.00
3 years ago

I hate comparison, I disgust people who likes to compare. Usually people who likes to compare are lack of attention.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Hahaha, you're right. Hehehe.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Sincerely, self comparison breaks down the system, though it triggers the soul to ponder and leads to devising a means to better a situation, but it hurts make someone worthless.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I agree, thus made me re-evaluate my life decisions and look for ways to improve but I can't deny it felt like trash inside.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Write your Bityard article and good news will surely come! :D

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Working on it! :D

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Comparison is just waste of time LOL. Everyone do that for sure let them be, beside they do that for insecurities. I will blocked certain people who do that to me eh! Ofcourse they afraid to me LOL. I'm dangerous man to mess with. Hehe

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Aigoo, I wish I had that dangerous quality so they'd stop. LOL

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Comparison leads to jealousy and hatred. We all have our lives to live, we shouldn't compare it to that of others.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

I agree, we can be inspired by someone but in no way base our progress to that person's own, because we are meant to have a different set of achievements.

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Just because someone is seemingly has been more rewarded by life doesn’t mean their path is better. Focus on your own life and making yourself better. Xoxo.

$ 0.01
3 years ago

Yes, nailed it! We have our own life to grow as we want it.

$ 0.00
3 years ago