Transfer of aggression.
Today's blog topic is one that we are conversant with.
I'm pretty sure most of us would have surely acted this way to others of rather I say; been a witness or a victim to someone who has acted, or usually acts this way.
Okay, so then what is transfer of aggression?
Transfer of aggression could also be called displaced aggression.
In displaced aggression, an aggressive behavior is directed at a person or other target (e.g., a pet) that is not the source of the aggression arousing provocation or frustration.
Displaced aggression occurs when it is impossible or unwise to respond aggressively toward the source of the provocation or frustration.
I'm sure we've all been in this situation before or better still, some of us acts this way at times, skip the "some of us part," let me come out plainly:
I have actually found myself acting this way on most occasions, I'm someone who has terrible anger issues, and there's a point whereby I'll just want to download all my frustrations on someone, but since the orchestrator of my frustration isn't available... I tend to talk angrily to myself instead; cursing, hissing, crying... Ooh! All form of negative emotions you could think of.
Now the problem here is that:
If you mistakenly...I used the word "mistakenly" because of the outcome.
If you mistakenly call me or come to meet me during this process, there's a great possibility that I'll transfer such aggression to you.
One amongst my thousand experiences.
I was angry about what someone did to me on that particular day, I was so angry...I started talking harshly to myself, cursing and hissing, shouting and remembering.
My phone rang, I saw the caller's ID, it was my twin... I decided not to pick, especially because I knew he was calling me because of the issue that triggered my anger.
But then...it rang again and boom!! I picked.
Me: (shouts angrily) Hello!!! What happened?!!
My twin: Wait, is it me you're talking to like that?
Me: (cuts in rudely) Wo, say what you want to say, I'm listening.
My twin: It's fine, goodbye...(hangs up)
There's one thing about my twin, of anything... He hates when he's being spoken rudely to, especially not from me. That particular day, right after he hung up, it was as if the anger was suddenly wiped off, I felt immediately sober and started calling and calling him... Nah, my twin didn't pick, he picked after the fourth ring and trust me, his tone wasn't nice at all.
Most people, due to either frustration or an annoyance that arrived from the way their boss behaved or prolly; any their colleagues at work, when they get finally home;
They start shouting at anyone who comes in their way.
They become suddenly irritated with the slightest mistake.
The tinniest mistake triggers more provocation and trust me...
they won't fail to actually lash out their annoyance in a more annoying way...
Now, how can one actually deal with displaced aggression?
Words are seeds, if not careful, it could kill. It's easy to say "sorry" but it's terribly hard to make the person forget those negative and bad words you said towards them, so in essence: "think before you speak."
Only speak or lay out your concerns or emotions when you're calm.
You could also take some time out, just for you to properly get back your sanity.
Learn to forgive the person that actually caused the aggressive mishap.
You could also make use of humor, you could listen to music, see a movie, flip through pictures, watch a comedy skit, try to say funny things yourself, infact you could just laugh out loud... Do things that is soothing enough to reduce the boiling tension you feel.
You could also take a deep breath, lol... I learnt this helps too.
Transfer of aggression isn't really nice, we tend to shout or talk rudely to people that don't even have an idea as to where our anger orchestrated from.
Sighs...
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Till we meet again in my next article and in yours.
Thanks for reading.
Indeed, our word's can literally kill. However i know sometimes that we really can't avoid not to transfer our aggression to other person no matter how much we tried to hold our anger and so it would be better to stay away from people or lock ourselves in one room if we're angry, specially if we can't control our anger every time we are upset or mad to avoid hurting other people unintentionally. It was indeed that saying sorry after our anger cool down is easy, but the pain that our word's had cause aren't easy to forget and we can't get back those hurtful words anymore.