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@Tomi-Ajax

Joined 2 October 2021 · 912 posts

120 KT

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@Tomi-Ajax

I'm so happy today because my team, Manchester United, won. This is our first back-to-back victory under our new coach. It is also the first time since January 2016 that we have won at Anfield. It is so exciting to see. Also, I visited a friend, and it was a pleasant experience because I talked and interacted with someone. Loneliness is one of the major struggles of youth. It can be very hard, but having someone to talk to can be a blessing in one's life.

@Tomi-Ajax

**Boredom!?** How do you deal with it? Do you pick up your phone, watch series, use social media, etc.? Lately, I have been bored, and I am trying to cultivate the habit of not reaching for my phone and instead try to understand my boredom, but it is hard. Many habits I formed are what I do to kill boredom. I am trying to meditate at least once a day, but I haven't been consistent.

@Tomi-Ajax

"Making mistakes is always better than faking perfection". Lately, this has been my mantra, and I have often recited it to help me overcome the mental block of waiting for things to seem perfect before acting. That's why I am making this short post now, not waiting until I have the perfect short post to share.

@Tomi-Ajax

Lessons from the book: "Psychology of money" Chapter 2 Luck and risk are siblings and they both guide every outcome in life other than individual effort. Bill Gates was lucky to attend one in a million high school that had a computer. Difficulty in identifying what is luck, what is skill, and what is risk is one of the biggest problems we face when trying to learn about the best way to manage money. Be careful who you praise and admire. Be careful who you look down upon and wish to avoid becoming. Nothing is as good or as bad as it seems.

@Tomi-Ajax

**Lesson from Psychology of money** ***Chapter one summary*** I learnt that no one's crazy when it comes to what they do with money. Why? The reason is that people learn very different lessons about money and they make their investment based on their experiences and they are also influenced by their different backgrounds, generations, environment, countries Etc. No amount of study or forecast can recreate the power of fear and uncertainty. And we can't truly understand some lessons unless one experience it. It is noticed that poorer people spend more money on lottery than richer people. Can you guess why?

@Tomi-Ajax

Today was a bit like yesterday. I didn’t do much and it everything felt dull. But I’m already feeling better, and I was able to exercise this evening. In the afternoon I watched my team, Man U, lose 3-1 to Brentford (painful to watch). For a week now, I’ve been reading "The Psychology of Money" by Morgan Housel. Starting tomorrow, I’ll begin sharing what I have learnt from each of its 20 chapters here daily

@Tomi-Ajax

**What a day** Today wasn’t productive. I mostly slept and scrolled on my phone, and I think I might be coming down with malaria. It’s not the kind of day I hoped for, but it’s part of the journey too. Some days are about pushing forward, and some are about simply resting and listening to your body. I just pray for strength to bounce back tomorrow

@Tomi-Ajax

**Courage to Start** Lately, I’ve realized that the hardest part of anything is simply starting. Whether it’s reading, research, or chasing a new goal, the beginning always feels heavy. But once you take that first step, the weight becomes lighter. I'm experiencing it.

@Tomi-Ajax

**Gratitude** Sometimes I get caught up worrying about the future, but today I just want to pause and be grateful. Grateful for health, for strength to keep exercising, for the chance to learn, and for the gift of another day. It’s easy to overlook these simple blessings, but they are what give me the energy to keep moving forward. Thank you God.

@Tomi-Ajax

**My Little Steps 23/09/25** I’m learning more each day about the power of consistency. When I resumed jogging, I was covering a distance of 3-4km. But by showing up regularly, I can now run 8km. That didn’t happen overnight, it came from little improvements stacked over time. It reminds me that life works the same way. I may not have everything figured out yet, for instance in my career path, and next steps after school. But consistency will take me closer. Just like running, the progress comes by showing up, one step at a time. So does clarity happens.

@Tomi-Ajax

**A new week** This morning, I went to church and felt refreshed stepping into a new week. Last week is gone with its wins and mistakes. I’ve also been consistent with my exercises lately, and it’s a reminder that small daily right choices leads to progress. Now, I want to extend that same consistency into every area of my life whether it’s building the right habits, or even finding the right career path. I don’t want to wait until I “feel like it” before I act. I want to step into this week with consistency, focus, and the courage to do the little things that will move me forward. Discipline is what sustains growth. And this week, I’m choosing discipline.

@Tomi-Ajax

Breaking the Mental Barrier Sometimes I reflect on my life and wonder how much more I could have achieved if I had simply acted instead of overthinking or waiting for the “right mood.” The truth is, moods come and go. Some days I feel like writing, other days I feel like exercising or learning, but moods alone can’t sustain anything meaningful or lasting. That’s where discipline comes in. Jocko Willink once said, “***Discipline equals freedom.”*** And the more I think about it, the more I realize how true that is. Discipline frees us from the trap of waiting on emotions. It breaks the barrier of mood swings, excuses, and distractions that keep us from being consistent. It allows us to act even when we don’t feel like it. Discipline is what truly opens the door to growth and freedom. Being absent on read.cash It’s been more than four weeks since my last post here on Read.cash. Throughout those weeks, the thought of showing up and posting kept coming back to my mind. Yet, I didn’t. I kept pushing it aside, telling myself I was too busy with exams or focused on my project. But I knew they were just filmsy excuses. The reality is that I could have carved out even five minutes to write something. Instead, I just let things be without taking action. Why didn’t I show up? Maybe it was fear of not knowing what to write. Maybe it was hesitation, that nagging voice of self-doubt. Or maybe it was just me waiting to “feel in the mood.” Whatever the case, I let overthinking and procrastination win for weeks. But today, thank God, I finally broke that mental barrier today by showing up. And honestly, that alone feels like a victory. *Initially I wanted to write a short post, but I ended up making it a full article. I'm glad that I turned it into an article because it been long since I last posted one.* Writing this post reminds me that the hardest part is usually starting. Once you break through the wall of hesitation, the flow begins. The satisfaction of taking action is far greater than the temporary comfort of doing nothing. And that’s the lesson I want to carry with me: **consistency beats mood, action beats hesitation, and discipline beats procrastination.** I don’t want to keep disappearing anymore. I want to approach everything I do whether it’s writing, learning, exercising, or building my future with seriousness and consistency. Life isn’t waiting for me to be “in the mood.” Time is moving, and I want to move with it, intentionally and purposefully. Exams are over Now that exams are behind me and I’ve successfully defended my final-year project, I feel a sense of transition. A new chapter in my life is beginning. I know the next stage of life won’t be easy. There will be new challenges, new uncertainties, and new responsibilities. But I also know that progress comes from small, consistent actions, from choosing discipline over moods and courage over hesitation.

@Tomi-Ajax

**The night before** It’s been a day since my last post. My first exam is tomorrow morning, and I have been reading since morning and I'll continue in the night. Right now I'm trying hold back the worries on my mind and just focus. I’m reminding myself to breathe, take water, and move through my notes one page at a time. I haven’t touched my research project yet. It bothers me, but tonight my job is simple: prepare for this paper. But I know that my delay in starting would make the work heavier and I pray it doesn't come with bad outcomes. My body feels better than it has in a while. My mind still wanders sometimes but I try to control it. The plan for tonight: finish one past question set, skim my summaries, put my phone away, and sleep. I hope I’ll carry both courage and calm with me into the exam hall.

@Tomi-Ajax

**More than a week** It’s been more than a week since my last post here. Honestly, sometimes I feel scared or I just procrastinate posting. It’s like I don’t always have the mood or confidence to show up. But one thing I can say is that I’ve been consistent with my exercise and jogging. Almost every day, no matter how little, I read something too. And my body feels better than it has in a long time. I haven’t fully faced the responsibilities I’ve been running from, especially my final year project. The negative thoughts are still there, and they sometimes hold me back. But even though everyday I am battling with not succumbing to temptation, I know I’m not the same person I was some weeks ago. Step by step, I’m trying to restart my project write-up and prepare for exams. And in between, I’ve been thinking a lot about what comes after school; about purpose, direction, and what I really want for my future and that makes me anxious.

@Tomi-Ajax

***I need action!*** Yesterday, I wrote about the mountain—my final project, but it's still untouched, but I feel myself moving closer to starting. Maybe I should stop creating excuses or overthinking, but act instead. It’s funny how momentum works. The first push always feels the heaviest. Your brain whispers all the reasons to delay, but once you start, you wonder why you waited so long. I’m still juggling exam preparation, exercise, and life in between. It’s not perfect. I still get distracted. I still have moments where my phone feels like a magnet. But every time I choose work over wasting time, I count it as a small victory. One day, I hope to look back and see that these tiny, ordinary choices were the very steps that took me to the top

@Tomi-Ajax

Before the Climb The quiet mountain I mentioned in my last post; my final project, is still there. It sits untouched, like a mountain I keep glancing at but haven’t started climbing. I know I’ll get there. I just need to take the first step. Exams are getting closer, and the days feel like the last calm stretch before a long, steep climb. I’ve been keeping up with my runs and study sessions, but I know I need to push harder. Lately, I’ve been thinking about discipline. And I remembered what Jocko Williams said, *discipline equals freedom.* Choosing to read instead of scroll. Choosing to sleep early instead of binge-watch. Choosing to jog even when I’d rather stay in bed. It’s strange sometimes, that is not the hard work itself that’s daunting, but the thought of starting it. Once you begin, the steps feel lighter. But standing at the foot of the climb, looking up, it’s easy to hesitate. I'm trying not to be someone who hesitate anymore.

@Tomi-Ajax

Three Days Later It’s been three days since my last post here, and life has been going steady. I’ve recovered from the brief illness I mentioned before, and I’ve been more consistent with my exercise and reading. Yesterday morning, I even wrote a geology test. This morning, I went for a 4km run. Later in the day, I decided to relax a little by watching my club's match - Manchester united. I was disappointed because we didn't win as the match ended up in a draw. Exams are less than 10 days away, and my final project is still waiting for me like a quiet mountain in the distance. The coming days will require more focus: less scrolling and distraction, more reading and progress.

@Tomi-Ajax

***Daily Update*** I was sick on Monday and had to visit the school’s medical center, I was given antimalarial medicines and antibiotics. I’ve been on medication since then, and although I’ve felt better each day, my energy hasn’t fully returned. But this morning, I went to jog, not because I felt strong, but because I need to be strong and sharp. My body was weak, but I kept my feet going. Emotionally, it hasn’t been easy either but, it is getting better although I still have social anxiety. I haven’t started reading seriously for exams, and that adds to the anxiety. I know how fast time flies when you’re not focused. I have to start reading no matter how little and keep away the distraction so I can be focused.

@Tomi-Ajax

***Daily Update*** I’m not okay today. There’s this thing called *"anhedonia"*: where nothing really feels enjoyable, or the absolute lack to feel or enjoy pleasure. I’m not feeling joy, excitement, or even much motivation. I still check my phone. I still think about crypto, school, future plans. But all of it feels distant, and it makes me more anxious and worried. But I still showed up here. And maybe that’s the only thing I can do right now; show up and be honest. There’s a part of me that still believes the fog will lift. That I’ll wake up one day and feel something good again. And that's precisely what I want.

@Tomi-Ajax

#Daily Update We can't do without our mobile phone in today's world and that's why a lot of people like me have or are having *"internet and technology addiction.”* Yesterday for example, I opened Twitter because someone begged me to like his post and then I began scrolling and lost more 2 hours without noticing. This with some other bad decisions I made yesterday, made my yesterday felt useless. But I didn't let the hurt of that stop from doing the right things today. Concerning the advance crypto learning, I haven't started and I have been either busy reading for test and upcoming exams or I've been distracted by phone. Right now, writing this I feel sleepy, I need to take a siesta. I'll be back later in the evening.

@Tomi-Ajax

# Midweek update It’s Wednesday. I wrote my 2nd photochemistry test yesterday after preparing for it on Monday. I'm glad that I showed up. That alone is a win I won’t downplay. This morning, I jogged again—3.88km. My longest yet since restarting. It’s not just the distance that's important but the decision to wake up, step outside and do what is hard. Now, I’m preparing to go for class. But I have wasted some precious time scrolling on my phone because I'm addicted to it. I want to wean myself from this addiction (*May God help me*). One new thought circling my mind lately is cryptocurrency. I’ve ignored it for years, but now I’m wondering if it’s time to understand it properly, I have been familiar and even been in several crypto paying platform but I wasn't knowledgeable about it. And I have realized that cryptocurrency gives greater degree of freedom than any form of currency or banking system. Still hoping I’ll look back one day and see this as the part where everything quietly began to change.

@Tomi-Ajax

***27/07/25: Today’s Update*** I slept earlier than I used to on Saturday night and I woke up early (before 5am), and went for a jog (3.6km). My body was tired, but my mind felt clearer afterward. I went to church. For the first time in over three months. It was healing, and at the church one the topic treated was _"having confidence in God's presence"_ Right now, I’m reading in preparation for a test on photochemistry on Tuesday. There’s a class tomorrow. I’m nervous about going. Part of me still wants to avoid it. But I don’t want to chicken out. Not again. Not after how far I’ve come in just a few days. I hope I look back to these posts in the nearest future and rejoice in my win against depression, anxiety and self-sabotage.

@Tomi-Ajax

***Why I share*** I’ve been thinking about something lately—why am I sharing about my struggles, my failures, my small wins, here on read.cash. The first reason I can think of is that this platform isn't like other platform that is too public and harsh (like Twitter). People here respond politely or maybe it is because this platform has become a ghost site and most of my friends aren't longer here anymore. Right now, I'm treating this platform as a public kind of digital diary where I can share my little wins and my struggle with depression (Oh, I finally said it out.) But one thing that is true is that I’m not doing this for attention, which can be misunderstood if I posted on social media. Rather, I’m doing this for clarity because writing helps me untangle my thoughts. It gives shape to emotions I can’t always explain out loud. And by sharing publicly—even if just a few people are reading—it creates a sense of accountability. It tells my brain, _*“You showed up here. You don’t have to disappear again.”*_

@Tomi-Ajax

***Today's update*** It’s been three days since I last posted, and here is a report of my progress. I have stopped binge-watching, it wasn't easy and I still constantly get the urge to watch something. I’ve also been trying to exercise every day be it morning or night. Yesterday, I did something I had been avoiding for a long time: I showed up to class even though I was really nervous. It turned out to be a test. I wasn’t fully prepared, but I wrote it. This post isn’t to say I’ve figured it out. I haven’t. Everyday is a struggle for me to do the right thing. I have actually repeated this healing cycle more thrice and I ended up falling and that's what scares me. I pray and hope this is the last.

@Tomi-Ajax

*** Bonjour mes amis*** I just got back from jogging. Second day in a row. It was better than yesterday. Today, I ran 2km non-stop and I feel amazing afterwards. For some weeks, I have been lying or seating down without any form of exercise that's why I am proud of myself starting again. I'm glad to be waking up early, stepping outside, choosing to move when hiding or lying down would’ve been easier. I don’t know what the rest of the day holds, but for now, I’m proud of this start.

@Tomi-Ajax

**Night Note** It’s nighttime, and tonight, I’m going to sleep knowing that today, I did something different. Though, I still feel like I’m carrying guilt, fear, and uncertainty. But I also took a small step toward showing up for myself. I exercised, I wrote, and didn't watch any series. That might not seem like much, but for someone who’s been stuck in a cycle of hiding, it *means everything*. I’m not out of the loop yet. But today, I didn’t let them win completely. I want to hold onto this quiet progress. Not because everything is fine now, but because I want to learn how to keep choosing what’s right for me even when it’s hard. Goodnight, and thank you to anyone silently rooting for me.

@Tomi-Ajax

**Today’s Shift** It’s been four days since my last post, and honestly, not much has changed. I’ve been in what I call my *hell loop*: a cycle of binge-watching series to silence my thoughts and escape the weight of everything I’ve been avoiding. Friends and family, have been trying to reach me but I didn't have the guts to pick thier calls, and now I feel like a bad person. Even though I know that escaping the moment only tends to fill up my regrets of the dreams and the responsibilities I have abandoned. But today, after spending the midnight watching series I started the day in a good way by going out to exercise even though it was for short while; I felt better afterwards than I have been in days. And maybe that’s all I need for now—*little steps and sticking to doing the right things no matter how difficult it seems*. Just a small moment where I choose to face life instead of escape it. I’m still scared. I’m still unsure of how to fix the things I’ve broken especially my academics and relationship with friend and acquaintances.

@Tomi-Ajax

*Today Truth* Lately, it feels like I’m moving through life on autopilot, stuck between regrets I haven’t forgiven myself for and responsibilities I keep dodging and right now binge watching series to keep the emotions away. I am not writing this for pity but just to write out the voice I have in my head. I have disappointed people who believed in me. Worse, I feel like I’ve disappointed myself. I ran from something I built with my own hands; something I once thought I was ready for. And now, everything feels heavier. I catch myself wishing I could disappear quietly and return as someone who has it all figured out. Someone sure. Someone brave. But right now I'm still stuck in my hell loop..

@Tomi-Ajax

*Random thought* It's wild how the mind holds on to old pain like it's still useful. I'm currently scared because I ran away from responsibility I put on myself. Now I feel like a coward and I'm stuck in a hell loop of my making. I want to learn how to let go even though it might be slowly, but intentionally. Writing this post helps clear my mind but right now I feel like I am making the biggest mistake in my life by running away from my fears.