I know that we all have this attitude that disgusts someone. We are not perfect and we will never be. Once in our lives, we were the bad guys. There are instances that we are the villain in someone else's story. But, have you admit it?
To be honest, it took months of reflection and realization before I admitted to myself that I was once a toxic person too. I have this attitude that made me feel disgusted towards myself, and here in this article, you will learn what was it.
When I allow someone to be part of my life, I show them the worst sides of me. And because of this, I think I have fallen off the edge. I was too much, and I became at my worst attitude ever during these moments.
It all started when my ex-boyfriend threw harsh words and made me feel unworthy. I learned from then on that something was off, and that I need to do something. I am the kind of person who has too much pride inside me. And that ego and pride ate me which turned me into someone I never imagined I will ever be.
My pride and ego started to grow bigger and stronger that I do not know how to control them. I became toxic. It started with a simple hot-headed and short-tempered lady.
I get angry all the time and even the little things my ex-boyfriend done wrong, I burst out of anger. And I do not accept apologies that quick. It took me days before I cool down. The worst scenarios came...
I learned how to throw hurtful words when I am angry. And I cannot control it before. I kept on talking, sending offensive messages, and all. I will not stop until my ex-boyfriend cries, or say he is sorry. I was that toxic before.
I have been in so much darkness, and all I wanted to do was burst into anger. I do not recognize myself before. I thought that was good. That I was strong and superior.
Even if I was wrong, I forgot how to apologize. I do not apologize before. I thought that saying you are sorry was a pathetic move, and it is for the weak. Those are my thoughts when I was on that darkest moments of my toxicity.
Before, the only thought I have in my mind is that, it will not be my loss after all. If ever my ex-boyfriend decided to leave me, it will not be a big deal for me. And those are toxic thoughts. I thought I was an alpha, that I was strong, and it proved me wrong after I realized the things I did before.
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Remembering those moments, I can say that I have learned a lot from them. I have seen that dark side of me, and I will try my best not to bring it back. That was the demon trying to win me, but I should not let it.
On the other hand, I also realized that all of it are just my defense mechanism so my ex-boyfriend would not hurt me anymore. I became that person because I have been hurt too.
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Date Published: June 9, 2021
Author: charmingcherry08
it's not only you, every teenage relationship becomes toxic as we were not matured enough then. Like why should I msg first, she should. Why should I take care most, she should. This kind of things comes. And we learn through this and become mature. You went through those stages and that's why now you understand what was yor problem. It was not your fault. It's the problem of that age and human nature. Now we know those things are silly