I Was Once A Toxic Girlfriend

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Avatar for charmingcherry08
3 years ago

I know that we all have this attitude that disgusts someone. We are not perfect and we will never be. Once in our lives, we were the bad guys. There are instances that we are the villain in someone else's story. But, have you admit it?

To be honest, it took months of reflection and realization before I admitted to myself that I was once a toxic person too. I have this attitude that made me feel disgusted towards myself, and here in this article, you will learn what was it.


When I allow someone to be part of my life, I show them the worst sides of me. And because of this, I think I have fallen off the edge. I was too much, and I became at my worst attitude ever during these moments.

It all started when my ex-boyfriend threw harsh words and made me feel unworthy. I learned from then on that something was off, and that I need to do something. I am the kind of person who has too much pride inside me. And that ego and pride ate me which turned me into someone I never imagined I will ever be.


My pride and ego started to grow bigger and stronger that I do not know how to control them. I became toxic. It started with a simple hot-headed and short-tempered lady.

I get angry all the time and even the little things my ex-boyfriend done wrong, I burst out of anger. And I do not accept apologies that quick. It took me days before I cool down. The worst scenarios came...


I learned how to throw hurtful words when I am angry. And I cannot control it before. I kept on talking, sending offensive messages, and all. I will not stop until my ex-boyfriend cries, or say he is sorry. I was that toxic before.

I have been in so much darkness, and all I wanted to do was burst into anger. I do not recognize myself before. I thought that was good. That I was strong and superior.

Even if I was wrong, I forgot how to apologize. I do not apologize before. I thought that saying you are sorry was a pathetic move, and it is for the weak. Those are my thoughts when I was on that darkest moments of my toxicity.

Before, the only thought I have in my mind is that, it will not be my loss after all. If ever my ex-boyfriend decided to leave me, it will not be a big deal for me. And those are toxic thoughts. I thought I was an alpha, that I was strong, and it proved me wrong after I realized the things I did before.


Author's Message:

Remembering those moments, I can say that I have learned a lot from them. I have seen that dark side of me, and I will try my best not to bring it back. That was the demon trying to win me, but I should not let it.

On the other hand, I also realized that all of it are just my defense mechanism so my ex-boyfriend would not hurt me anymore. I became that person because I have been hurt too.


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Date Published: June 9, 2021

Author: charmingcherry08

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Avatar for charmingcherry08
3 years ago

Comments

it's not only you, every teenage relationship becomes toxic as we were not matured enough then. Like why should I msg first, she should. Why should I take care most, she should. This kind of things comes. And we learn through this and become mature. You went through those stages and that's why now you understand what was yor problem. It was not your fault. It's the problem of that age and human nature. Now we know those things are silly

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3 years ago

Yeah. I was like that before too. I have this too much pride and ego inside me. As years goes by, I started to realize how awful and pathetic those moves are. I chose to change for the better & improve the things and attitude I lack of.

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3 years ago

May reason naman kung bakit naging ganun ka. Parang kumbaga you love yourself kaya mo nagawa yon. Kahit naman siguro ako. Pero yun nga atleast narealize mo na may something wrong kaya nabago mo. ✨character development✨

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3 years ago

Yeah. I used it as my defense talaga. I just protected myself. Later on, nakita ko talaga na mali eh. Mali na maging ganun ako, kasi mas lumalabas yung dark and worst side ko when in fact dapat binabago ko yun. I really changed. Though yung process mahirap, still managed to do it anyway.

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3 years ago

I stan 💯

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3 years ago

What made you change? What was the motivation that leaded the change?

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3 years ago

It's the idea of being the better version of me. I wanted to improve myself, be better, and to do that, I needed to change something.

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3 years ago

You need to aim to be the best version of you ... not only a better version of you

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3 years ago

Yes, PV! Thanks for that. I needed it.

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3 years ago

Toxic dn ata ako sa knya dati kya hiniwalayan 🤣 Madali ako magselosbat magalit.. Pro grats syo kc my lovelife kpa rin 😂

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3 years ago

Hehehe. Ngayon ko lang narerealize na sobrang toxic ko noon ate. Pero okay naman na. Inayos ko naman yun bago ako pumasok ulit sa relationship.

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3 years ago

I'm also planning to write something similar to this. Title ko ay the kind of girlfriend I am. Ahahaha, kasi ang dami kong masamang katangian pag naging gf ako ng juwa ko aigoi. Gaya nong sa last, pinapaiyak ko din Sya tapos walang sorry sorry after. Pero nilalambing ko namaj ng wagas ee haha. Tapos ang clingy ko masyado, ayaw ko. Ng may kachat sya na iba, ayaw kong may ilalike syang picture, dapat qkin lang. Sakin lang sya! Ang possessive ko pramis 😭. Gagawan ko na talaga to ng article din, haha. Ako di pa ako nagbabago, magiging ganito pa rin ako for sure. Crush pa nga lang ngayon ang o.a ko na. Lalo na siguro pag jinuwa, aguyy.

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3 years ago

Hahahaha. Gawan mo rin ng article ate. Ganyan na ganyan din ako noon. As in big deal lahat ganun, selosa, konting bagay nagagalit. Hays. Buti nalang narealize ko yun lahat at inayos ko bago ako ulit pumasok sa isang relationship. Okay lang yan ate. Or baka naman kapag nagkajowa ka hindi na ganun ka-OA gaya ng dati, though depende 🤣

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3 years ago

Ewan ko din, nararanasan ko now ee. May kwash kasi ako , tapos diko mapigilan estalk sya. Tapos nagseselos ako pag you know, tapos ang o.a ko, may paiyak iyak pa ampt. Arghh, ayaw ko na talaga makipag juwa, baka masira ko lang self ko. Papatigasin ko nalang tong puso ko, ayaw ko na ding humanga, nakakairita lang.

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3 years ago

Hahaha. Bakit ka kasi nagpapaapekto ate, jusmiyo! Nakakastress pala ang lovelife sayo hihi.

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3 years ago

Hindi ko alam, sisihin mo utak ko, ang tigas ng ulo 😩. Hindi madala sa mga reasons ko, ayaw paawat, ywa yan.

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3 years ago

"Saying sorry doesn't always mean that you're wrong but instead you value the realtionship than your ego"

we always learn from our mistake,😊 keep moving forward and try to change the toxic side.😊 Life is too short to repeat that big LOVE 😁

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3 years ago

I agree. Pride and ego sometimes ruin the relationship. I changed that side of me and made sure that I don't have it before entering another relationship. Thank you so much for dropping your thoughts about this article of mine. It was deeply appreciated!

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3 years ago

Yeezy Good to you 😊 and wishing you a happy relationship next time.

Value the person next time, treat him like a king and you will be treated like a queen.😊

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3 years ago

I will. Thank you so much!

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3 years ago