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Being a single mom was never been an easy chapter of my life. If you had read my previous article about abortion will never be my option. You will know why I end up being a single mom at the age of 18.
One of the hardest parts of being a single mom is raising a child alone. Yes, I have my family but for me, I will have a better life away from them. My dad is a drunkard.He gets violent when he's drunk and that's the dilemma since I was a kid, my siblings and I has to run away from our house when our dad is drunk. It continue that way until I had my 1st born. That time I can't run away from our house because I can't run away at night carrying my baby. All I can do was cry. I felt so frustrated that time. Questions left on my mind. Why do I have to suffer now my daughter will also experience what I experience since I was a kid. I even blame myself. If I didn't get pregnant I will never go back to my parent's house. That's what I wanted to do before. But of course, I never had any choice. I only have them at that time. After I decided to go back to my parent's place I never expect that the father of my baby will not follow me to my parent's place. Before I gave birth He supposes to follow me to my place but it never happened. He always finds excuses why he can't come. Going to prenatal checkups alone. When I gave birth to my daughter I only had my mom. He didn't even know that I hard time giving birth. I was scheduled for the Caesarian section around 2 pm because I was been laboring for a longer time and my daughter's poop was already inside my tummy. I remember I was praying and tears fall down my eyes asking God to guide me and help me to overcome that situation. An hour before my scheduled operation at exactly 1:15 pm I finally gave birth to my beautiful daughter. I remember trying my very best to push harder while the hospital staff was trying to help me, I even told myself that I don't care if it will my last breath as long as my daughter will be alive and safe. Finally, I made it. We're both safe. Since I lost lots of blood I needed four bags of blood but since we only have enough money and I have a rare type of blood which is Ab+ we decided to go home without doing the process of blood transfusion.
After we arrived at the hospital, I wanted to rest and relax my body but no one will take care of my daughter, especially at night. The first few weeks after I gave birth I realized that being a mom is never been an easy job. I am just glad my mom was there to guide me. After a month of giving birth I tried to contact the father of my baby If he can come before the Christening of my daughter, he told me he will try but He never showed up. I rest my case of trying to convince him to come over to my place. Later did I know that He already has a new live-in partner and his partner is already pregnant. So after knowing it, it was about time to move on and focus on taking care of my daughter. I am just blessed with so much milk supply on my breast so I never had a problem feeding my baby.
Days, weeks, and months pass by until my baby turned 1-year-old. I remember we just had a very simple celebration. I remember a friend of mine bought a cake for my daughter because I can't afford to buy it for her. I'm jobless and my parents are not wealthy. I started to work at the food factory near our house when my daughter is already 19 months old. I have to carry my daughter along with me going to work every day. It's never easy but I have to earn money so I can buy her daily needs.
My mom once told me that she will not allow me to work because no one will take care of my daughter. She will only allow me to work if my daughter turns 2 years old. So when the time she turn two and I got the chance to find a better job in the city I have to leave my daughter as I can't bring her to work.
Leaving her is never been easy but I have to sacrifice so I can give her a better future. Imagine leaving her, knowing that my dad is violent when he gets drunk is a thing that always makes me worried. Till I have to shift another nature of job from sales lady to a secretary of the lending business. I had to bring my child with me because of my dad. My daughter is having a trauma. Whenever she will heard someone who will talk in a loud voice she is taught that that person is already mad and starting a fight. Then she will tremble. She had that trauma for how many years.
I work in different jobs from saleslady, secretary, Promodiser, Push girl to my current job right now as Internet Cafe Attendant. Been working here since the year 2012 and since that time I had to bring my daughter with me to work. I work from 10 am to 10 pm. My daughter usually falls asleep before we go home.
We move to different houses from boarding houses to apartments to my parent's house, rent a house at my grandparent's house (father's side) to my grandparent's house (mother's side).
I was in different relationships. Failed relationships. With mostly Filipino men and then I tried my luck with foreigners. I was engaged twice to my Danish and American boyfriends. But God gave me the right person who will be my last and that's my Filipino husband. Wanna know how did I meet him? Click here. Searching for the one for almost 13 years. My whole single mom journey is a roller coaster ride. I just have to make it short. You might get tired of reading my whole journey as it's full of trials and heartaches. And I am already emotional while writing this article.
Life might be full of trials and challenges but as they said it's not the load that breaks you down it's the way you carry it. Been trying to create and plan my life but it always turns out into a mess. I believe that everything happens for a reason and God's plans are always the best.
Photos used in this article are all owned by yours truly unless it is stated.