During the darkest days of my life, I have learned the value of keeping a vault of fond memories in my mind. I keep them safe in some little corner inside, to be brought out when the darkness became too much.
Over the course of a few years, I forgot about this vault of happiness inside of me because of all the disappointments and regrets that followed me. I had thought them long gone to the abyss inside of me but it seems like they are still protected.
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Yesterday was for fun games in the CandyMan telegram. I decided to try it out because there was a consolation price for participation HAHA.
The game that we played was called Qubo. I actually hate the game HAHA. It was so stressful even though I kinda get how it works. I was actually just planning on participating and not trying out for a high score.
Anyway, a user who shall not be named challenged me who can have a higher score in the game. But when I saw that he already has more twice my current score, I declined the challenge HAHA. I know better than to try and fight a losing battle.
But still, just for fun I decided to continue playing the game and ended up getting higher score than what I expected myself to be capable of.
This experience of trying to beat someone else's high score brings back the fond memories I have of my high school friends. During senior high school, we had a lot of free time so we usually passed time playing games.
I had a bestfriend then who likes to beat all the highscore I set on the games on my own. He knew that it frustrated me a lot so he kept doing it. I let him keep trying to beat my score because it was actually fun despite the mild irritation I feel when I see that my highscore was beaten once again.
I remember that there was a time when I finally beat his high score, I took a screenshot of it to show him then I uninstalled the game HAHA. My pride could not have kept going on with the challenge. but instead of backing down, he instead installed the game in his phone and then the challenge started anew.
Thinking about him brings a slew of emotions. The end of our friendship was messy. I think that the main fault lies with me.
I did not know how to handle the fact that he started to like me, and I can only see a bestfriend and a brother in him. So the friendship that we had slowly started to fade until we found ourselves almost strangers except for the fact that we belong to the same circle of friends.
While I was playing Qubo yesterday, I could not focus that much because my mind kept going back to the high school days where I felt happy with my bestfriend. I think I miss the companionship that we had. The feeling of someone readily listening to my rants, or someone who just makes me laugh over random things.
Our other friends think us weird back then because even though we are sitting next to each other, and talking, we still message each other on Messenger HAHA. I do not know why we did that but back then that was the most fun I had.
Of course, he would not have been my bestfriend if fun times were all the things we shared with each other. We were each other secret keepers as well as motivators. I think it is from his praises that I realized just how powerful words are.
I remember that he even made a Tumblr account just so he can read the poems I made even though I was too shy to actually let him know my username at first. I know it's weird to keep a secret from my bestfriend but I was actually afraid of what he might say since I valued his input a lot.
Instesd of the teasing I expected, he expressed his admiration of what I wrote. Okay, he was kinda teasing me about it but that probably has more to do with the fact that I do not know how to handle compliments. After that, he was actually the biggest promoter of my blog then even though I did not want to share it with people much. He shared with our other friends that I write good poetries, without telling them my username as a respect to my choice of not telling the others.
Anyway, yesterday I just realized that I missed having a boy bestfriend. Sure, I have bestfriends but there is something different in having a boy bestfriend. Some of you may doubt the idea of boy/ girl bestfriend because of the widespread belief that it was just another guise for cheating, but I believe that there can be closeness without getting tangled in romantic feelings.
Sure, my faded friendship is probably not the best example of it since it did end up falling apart due to some emotional complications, but I am also friends with a friend's boyfriend. There was never anything more than casual friendship though.
He is also someone I play with. But we play card games instead. Our favorite was Exploding Kittens. I remember that our friends started to get tired of that game after a few days of playing it over and over so we just decided to continue playing against each other most times.
Those were one of my proudest moment because I keep beating him in that game HAHA. He was always confused how I managed to get all of the good cards out of his hands. He would even take off his glasses because he believed that I was somehow cheating with the imaginary reflection of the cards on his glasses haha. For the record, I was not cheating, I was just lucky most times HAHA. It was also easy to read his reactions when I hover my hand over his cards so I know which ones are good or useless.
Anyway, we also play some other card games but we played Explodig Kitten the most, or maybe I just think that way because that is the only game where I consistently beat him HAHA. I remember that my friend (his girlfriend) would also actually tease him about it,and she even watched our games sometimes. She do not play much card games even though we always asked her to join HAHA. And if you're wondering, yes he also beats me in other games HAHAH.
I got off topic but yeah, yesterday brings back memories where I enjoy a chill competition with friends. The feeling of beating their high score or beating them at games made me happy. Even being beaten in those games made me happy as well as motivated to beat them again HAHA.
Those days drove me forward most days, and I doubt they even knew. I kept going because of them, I did not want to end everything when I have not yet beaten them completely HAHA just kidding.
Honestly, I already forgot who holds the records for what now. These memories happen a few years ago before everyrhing fell apart. Well maybe for me. I had a hard time being friends with boys after what happened with my boy bestfriend so even the casual friendship I have with other boys slowly faded away.
As I was playing yesterday, I kept wondering if I should maybe send a message to my bestfriend then. Maybe ask him how he is, how he has been doing, and just things like that. But a larger part of me is afraid to see just how much things changed. A part of me do not wish to know for sure if a broken friendship could be mended or if it is usually done for good.
I just found it funny that I was the one who kept my distance, but now I wish I could have that companionship back. I have tried to find that feeling with others but I never did end up finding a friendship close to the one we had.
I think this kinda sounds like an emotional article which is why I think it's weird that I feel happy and light. Maybe just remembering the good times I had with him/ them is enough to get me through again.
My pride was wounded a lot yesterday, because my scores were beaten within the hour HAHA. I would have wanted to continue trying to regain at least the 2nd place spot but I had some things that I needed to do. Despite the fact that the day ended with me on the 3rd place, I still gained valuable things.
First one is that I remember some precious moments in my life. And then, I have an article to remind me of these precious moments in my life. I think that today will also be a part of these precious memories.
I am glad that I let myself try even if I was not sure I could get past my score of 29 HAHA. At the end of the day, I managed to get a score of 103, which is a LOT higher than what I expected from myself. I thought, I would peak at 70; I was actually going to use that as a title but since I get past that it would be weird to use as a title HAHA.
Thanks to what happened yesterday, I was able to feel competitive again HAHAHA and I was able to enjoy not "winning". It's in a parentheses since I never agreed to the challenge HAHA. I had a night to smooth out my wounded pride so I feel okay. The wins we had in ML last night were also a great help in healing my wounded pride HAHA.
Anyway, I slept at around 10:30PM but I woke up at around 1:57AM. It seems that my body is not used to sleeping for a long time now HAHA. It is already 3:00AM as I finish writing this article. I think I will wait for night time before publishing it.
I kinda feel weirded out that it is already 3:00AM HAHA. It feels like I am actually back in high school, waking up at 3:00AM to do some academic requirements. Anyway, I will now try to go back to sleep. I only wrote this because I could not go back to sleep earlier but now I am feeling a bit sleepy again.
I know that my future self will not bother to esit this so hopefully there are not too many mistakes.
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