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Yesterday reminded me of you

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Avatar for ZehraSky
Written by ย ย 257
2 months ago

During the darkest days of my life, I have learned the value of keeping a vault of fond memories in my mind. I keep them safe in some little corner inside, to be brought out when the darkness became too much.

Over the course of a few years, I forgot about this vault of happiness inside of me because of all the disappointments and regrets that followed me. I had thought them long gone to the abyss inside of me but it seems like they are still protected.

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Yesterday was for fun games in the CandyMan telegram. I decided to try it out because there was a consolation price for participation HAHA.

The game that we played was called Qubo. I actually hate the game HAHA. It was so stressful even though I kinda get how it works. I was actually just planning on participating and not trying out for a high score.

Anyway, a user who shall not be named challenged me who can have a higher score in the game. But when I saw that he already has more twice my current score, I declined the challenge HAHA. I know better than to try and fight a losing battle.

But still, just for fun I decided to continue playing the game and ended up getting higher score than what I expected myself to be capable of.

This experience of trying to beat someone else's high score brings back the fond memories I have of my high school friends. During senior high school, we had a lot of free time so we usually passed time playing games.

I had a bestfriend then who likes to beat all the highscore I set on the games on my own. He knew that it frustrated me a lot so he kept doing it. I let him keep trying to beat my score because it was actually fun despite the mild irritation I feel when I see that my highscore was beaten once again.

I remember that there was a time when I finally beat his high score, I took a screenshot of it to show him then I uninstalled the game HAHA. My pride could not have kept going on with the challenge. but instead of backing down, he instead installed the game in his phone and then the challenge started anew.

Thinking about him brings a slew of emotions. The end of our friendship was messy. I think that the main fault lies with me.

I did not know how to handle the fact that he started to like me, and I can only see a bestfriend and a brother in him. So the friendship that we had slowly started to fade until we found ourselves almost strangers except for the fact that we belong to the same circle of friends.

While I was playing Qubo yesterday, I could not focus that much because my mind kept going back to the high school days where I felt happy with my bestfriend. I think I miss the companionship that we had. The feeling of someone readily listening to my rants, or someone who just makes me laugh over random things.

Our other friends think us weird back then because even though we are sitting next to each other, and talking, we still message each other on Messenger HAHA. I do not know why we did that but back then that was the most fun I had.

Of course, he would not have been my bestfriend if fun times were all the things we shared with each other. We were each other secret keepers as well as motivators. I think it is from his praises that I realized just how powerful words are.

I remember that he even made a Tumblr account just so he can read the poems I made even though I was too shy to actually let him know my username at first. I know it's weird to keep a secret from my bestfriend but I was actually afraid of what he might say since I valued his input a lot.

Instesd of the teasing I expected, he expressed his admiration of what I wrote. Okay, he was kinda teasing me about it but that probably has more to do with the fact that I do not know how to handle compliments. After that, he was actually the biggest promoter of my blog then even though I did not want to share it with people much. He shared with our other friends that I write good poetries, without telling them my username as a respect to my choice of not telling the others.

Anyway, yesterday I just realized that I missed having a boy bestfriend. Sure, I have bestfriends but there is something different in having a boy bestfriend. Some of you may doubt the idea of boy/ girl bestfriend because of the widespread belief that it was just another guise for cheating, but I believe that there can be closeness without getting tangled in romantic feelings.

Sure, my faded friendship is probably not the best example of it since it did end up falling apart due to some emotional complications, but I am also friends with a friend's boyfriend. There was never anything more than casual friendship though.

He is also someone I play with. But we play card games instead. Our favorite was Exploding Kittens. I remember that our friends started to get tired of that game after a few days of playing it over and over so we just decided to continue playing against each other most times.

Those were one of my proudest moment because I keep beating him in that game HAHA. He was always confused how I managed to get all of the good cards out of his hands. He would even take off his glasses because he believed that I was somehow cheating with the imaginary reflection of the cards on his glasses haha. For the record, I was not cheating, I was just lucky most times HAHA. It was also easy to read his reactions when I hover my hand over his cards so I know which ones are good or useless.

Anyway, we also play some other card games but we played Explodig Kitten the most, or maybe I just think that way because that is the only game where I consistently beat him HAHA. I remember that my friend (his girlfriend) would also actually tease him about it,and she even watched our games sometimes. She do not play much card games even though we always asked her to join HAHA. And if you're wondering, yes he also beats me in other games HAHAH.

I got off topic but yeah, yesterday brings back memories where I enjoy a chill competition with friends. The feeling of beating their high score or beating them at games made me happy. Even being beaten in those games made me happy as well as motivated to beat them again HAHA.

Those days drove me forward most days, and I doubt they even knew. I kept going because of them, I did not want to end everything when I have not yet beaten them completely HAHA just kidding.

Honestly, I already forgot who holds the records for what now. These memories happen a few years ago before everyrhing fell apart. Well maybe for me. I had a hard time being friends with boys after what happened with my boy bestfriend so even the casual friendship I have with other boys slowly faded away.

As I was playing yesterday, I kept wondering if I should maybe send a message to my bestfriend then. Maybe ask him how he is, how he has been doing, and just things like that. But a larger part of me is afraid to see just how much things changed. A part of me do not wish to know for sure if a broken friendship could be mended or if it is usually done for good.

I just found it funny that I was the one who kept my distance, but now I wish I could have that companionship back. I have tried to find that feeling with others but I never did end up finding a friendship close to the one we had.

Closing words

I think this kinda sounds like an emotional article which is why I think it's weird that I feel happy and light. Maybe just remembering the good times I had with him/ them is enough to get me through again.

My pride was wounded a lot yesterday, because my scores were beaten within the hour HAHA. I would have wanted to continue trying to regain at least the 2nd place spot but I had some things that I needed to do. Despite the fact that the day ended with me on the 3rd place, I still gained valuable things.

First one is that I remember some precious moments in my life. And then, I have an article to remind me of these precious moments in my life. I think that today will also be a part of these precious memories.

I am glad that I let myself try even if I was not sure I could get past my score of 29 HAHA. At the end of the day, I managed to get a score of 103, which is a LOT higher than what I expected from myself. I thought, I would peak at 70; I was actually going to use that as a title but since I get past that it would be weird to use as a title HAHA.

Thanks to what happened yesterday, I was able to feel competitive again HAHAHA and I was able to enjoy not "winning". It's in a parentheses since I never agreed to the challenge HAHA. I had a night to smooth out my wounded pride so I feel okay. The wins we had in ML last night were also a great help in healing my wounded pride HAHA.

Anyway, I slept at around 10:30PM but I woke up at around 1:57AM. It seems that my body is not used to sleeping for a long time now HAHA. It is already 3:00AM as I finish writing this article. I think I will wait for night time before publishing it.

I kinda feel weirded out that it is already 3:00AM HAHA. It feels like I am actually back in high school, waking up at 3:00AM to do some academic requirements. Anyway, I will now try to go back to sleep. I only wrote this because I could not go back to sleep earlier but now I am feeling a bit sleepy again.

I know that my future self will not bother to esit this so hopefully there are not too many mistakes.



Thank you for reading this article!

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Avatar for ZehraSky
Written by ย ย 257
2 months ago
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Comments

Boy bestfriend :) nagkaroon din ako niyan halos 1 year ang 5months kami magkasama palagi. Hatid sundo pa niya ako parehas kasi kami ng school. Sabi ko non sa mga kaibigan kong babae hindi ako magkakagusto sakanya pero katagalan. Tinamaan ako ni Mr . Kupido haha pero hindi kami nagkatuluyan

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Alam mo napakahirap magkaroon ng boy best friend tapos magugustuhan ka, I have thisbfriend na di ko alam na gusto nya na pala ako and i have no any idea na nililigawan niya na pala ako. Nagulat ako nung nagseselos nasya maski wala akong idea e, diko alam na may gusto napala sya saken. Inamin nyarin na ganon, pero sinabi kong kaibigan tingin konsakaniya. Tas sinabihan nyakong "duwag", bushet HAHAHAHA

$ 0.03
2 months ago

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA enebe yan bat nangliligaw na di mo alam HAHAHAHAHAHA kakaloka naman yang friend mo na yan

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Ganyan daw way nyabe HAHAHAHA

$ 0.00
2 months ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA mej abnormal ung way niya ah, first time kong nalamang pwede pala ganyan HAHAHA

$ 0.00
2 months ago

It seems that you write to a daily and that we are gossiping in the ahaha. The story between you is very beautiful. You should write to him. Friendship is above all, it has no comparison with anything. Best of luck friend. Hope you keep breaking records ahah.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Memories comes in handy a lot of time for me too. I use both happy and sad memories for my day to day activities.

For instance, if someone says something very funny and laughing will seem disrespectful or embarrassing, Iโ€™ll just retrieve a sad memory from my memory vault to suppress my. Laughter.

Weird right?๐Ÿ˜‚ I know, but it works.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Oh wow, that is some helpful advice right there. I am always smiling or laughing at the wrong times HAHA, I should probably try your trick.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

It seems that your having fun yesterday. I want to try that game also.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Yup, I definitely enjoyed yesterday. I hope that you'll enjoy the game as well.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

It was longer than I expected, but it was worth the read, reminds me too of my boy bestfriend in high school. But on my part I got a crush on him but only for a while because platonic friendship takes over. We havenโ€™t seen in a while since he is living in the province while me in Manila.๐Ÿ˜Š

$ 0.03
2 months ago

I was actually quite surprised when I saw the reading time HAHA, I was not expecting that I wrote that much when I was half asleep. I hope that you get to see each other soon hehe

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Grabe ka pala sissy pag half sleep ang daming nasusulat, pa share naman ng talent na yan.๐Ÿ˜… But I did enjoy it, dumugo lang ng konti ung ilong ko๐Ÿ˜ Soon pag pede na magbakasyon baka magkita rin kami:)

$ 0.01
2 months ago

Talent po ba yung wala kausap madalas kaya sa articles na lang dumadaldal? HAHA

$ 0.00
2 months ago

hahaha! subukan ko din kaya yan๐Ÿ˜

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Bes ties do make life fun! Remembering the things I've done with my bestie just has a way of making my day all the time. Those are memories I sure won't be forgetting in a long time.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Yes! Bestfriends make life seem more bearable and definitely a lot happier

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I remember my bestfriend with this. A lot of memories to him. He fond of playing games too which make me laugh always.๐Ÿฅบ

$ 0.03
2 months ago

I hope that your bestfriend also remembers the time he spent with you

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Thank you. I'm hoping also that he still remember and the past memories we had.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

It easy to fall for one's best friend. But it's all about setting boundaries at the inception of the friendship. But ones feelings starts developing, it better one put distance between each other, but if the feeling is mutual- go ahead.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

You're right. This is why I always try to make things clear what aee our expectations with each other at the start of a friendship.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Naks. Sino kaya tong mysterious toot toot na itech? Hmm.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

HAHA tagal na po kaming di nag uusap niyan, pero okay lang at least may good memories

$ 0.00
2 months ago

Never had I ever fall in my best friend? Whahaha once I did, but I didn't prolonged and I never mentioned LOL. Gawan ko article whahaha...

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Omg intayin ko yan

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I got reminded of my boy best friend from high school whom I don't talk with anymore. Just like yours, it was a faded relationship due to some emotional complications. I'd like to claim myself as a very courageous person for saying what I truly felt for him. Only to find out, he was already with someone. So, he was dating behind my back because he already knew my feelings for him. We've been for so long and we've been to ups and downs that I did not notice I am falling for him already. it was my fault how we end up like this anyway. But yes, I missed him a lot.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

I think that it was not fair of him to try and hide his relationships from you. I hope that you know how brave you were for telling him your feelings.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I don't think of it anymore. For as long as he's happy. I'm good with it. Thank you so much <3

$ 0.01
2 months ago

Oh, this kind of reading fits the weather I have today. Rainy, cold and sentimental. I so had a boy best friend. We were inseparable from childhood until we both got into college. People would really think that we will end up together hahaha but things changed when he got himself a girlfriend. Ever since then, he stopped talking to me, he doesn't go to our casual meetups with high school friends every time he knows that I'm present. It's fine with me actually. I would've supported him but he chose to shut me out. Until now, I'm still waiting for him to reach out. I know he knows that I'm always on his side.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Oh that sounds so painful. I hope that soon both of you can rekindle your friendship.

$ 0.00
2 months ago

I actually liked when you went off-topic. Although I'm off the belief that a boy and a girl can't be best friends without getting feelings attached to it due to past experiences. It was good to see how you held on to the good times instead of the bad. In the end, it's the little things we did that matter the most.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Oh, it's nice to see some different perspective as well. I am actually starting to think that you might be onto something haha. And yes, I like holding onto happy memories more than the bad ones as I already have a lot of those haha

$ 0.00
2 months ago

And who's this bf of yours? So he could read this article and would know about your feelings ๐Ÿ˜…

$ 0.03
2 months ago

Oh no, I doubt he will ever find this article which is why I published it without hesitation HAHA

$ 0.00
2 months ago

It is sad to lose a friend, especially when things ended akwardly, its always nice to have an opposite gender friend, sometimes we really need their point of view.

$ 0.03
2 months ago

True, their input on some problems are really valuable in helping gain more perspective.

$ 0.00
2 months ago