They keep me up at night
Fear is not a logical thing. No matter how many times we try to reason with ourselves, fear will always find a way to gets into our logical defenses.
I have many fears and I want to share them with you today. I am not sure why. I just felt like talking about something illogical today.
I imagine that I am not alone in having many fears. I remember when I read Divergent before, there was a part where the test is to face your fears. And I know back then that I probably would not have been able to face it as fearlessly as the other characters.
Anyway that is beside the point. The point is I carry many fears. I try to work on some fears but some just keep me up at night.
Insects and other creepy creatures
When something has 6 feet or more, I could feel my whole body frozen in fear. I just can not move at all, I know it is illogical since those tiny creatures will probably be more scared of me if I move but I just can't.
Sometimes, I would overcome this fear for a few minutes especially when they are bothering me. For example, a cockroach got inside my room because I forgot to close the windows. I was busy cramming so I was irritated about the roach flying around, so when it landed to rest, I immediately squashed it.
But most times, I just call my father to kill the scary things for me.
Being not alone in the dark
I like sleeping with the lights out. Paranoia will sometimes strike me though since I would feel as though I am not alone. So I would open my phone's flashlight just to check, get freaked out by the jackets or some stuff hanging on my wall but yeah nothing is sharing my room with me.
But I would really be so nervous and fearful sometimes that I can not fall asleep, until the sun started to shine through the windows.
Mirrors
I am not fond of mirrors. Sure, I check my reflection once in a while but having an uncovered mirror on any room freaks me out. I don't know why. Even in my own room, I have a mirror that my sister gave to me, but I usually cover it with a fabric. Maybe this fear is borne out of my love for horror movies.
Being not enough or being too much
This is a fear from my experiences. There were a lot of times when I was told my effort is not enough, but there where more times when I was told that I went beyond their expectations. I am not sure where to place myself, and I find it hard to be comfortable with who I am.
Thankfully, when I started cutting people off my life, I realized that it qas never really me that was the problem. I wss just merely hanging out with people who is not compatible for me.
Waking up in a different room
I do not mean this as in a drunk experience or something. But rather, sleeping in my own room then waking up at a room similar to mine but not my own. Like waking up in the wrong world. I know it is a weird thing to be scared of but I am afraid of that so what can I do.
To be seen as abnoying for something that someone once found interesting
I read something about how what breaks long term couples apart is when the thing that fascinates them at the start of the relationship suddenly becomes annoying.
Seeing your lover worry about little things suddenly became irritating. Hearing someone stutter is no longer adorable but it is not wasting the time.
Some things like that. I have a fear that one day my partner might find certain habits of mine annoying even though he used to enjoy seeing it.
This fear actually made me cry sometimes. I know that I can not see the future and it might not even happen. But like I said, fear is an illogical thing.
Closing words
This is article is a glimpse of my vulnerabilities. I know that everyone has their own fears so I wanted to share mine as well. I am not sure for what reason, I just had the itch to write about this today. Maybe someone needed to read this.
If you needed to read this, just know that everyone faces their own fears. You are not alone, it does not make you weak. You can overcome your fear, and you can learn to live without the fear getting in the way.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
Parehas tayo sa mirrors hahahaha. Ayaw ko talaga na may salamin sa kwarto. Feeling ko anytime may sisilip ko makikita akong kakaiba don ðŸ˜