New perspective
Yesterday, my elder sister and I went out to do some last minute shopping for Christmas gifts. It has been a while since I go out and have the time to just watch the people come and go.
Before the pandemic, I remember that the sight of people walking to go to their destination is a normal sight. It is so expected that I would barely pay attention to the strangers around me.
The few times that I did go out this pandemic, I usually just book a ride with Grab along with my sisters. So I do not really have much time to observe people.
However yesterday, I managed to persuade my sister to commute because I think the fare for Grab is too expensive (even if I consider the fact that it will be airconditioned unlike when we ride a jeep).
I noticed a few things that I would not have noticed before the pandemic. I saw that our jeepney driver was old. He looks past retiring age and I know that if his family did not need money, he would have been resting at their home.
I noticed a passenger wearing work clothes, but her shoes have a cracked at the ankle part. She earns money, but it must be just enough for their needs and expenses that she could not afford to buy a replacement for her daily shoes.
I noticed when people walking together are comfortable with each other and when the people are not comfortable together. I noticed many parents not looking after their kids. I almost tripped over one as I was holding a lot of bags and was not able to noticed the little girl. Thankfully, I managed to stop before we collided so nothing bad happened.
I also noticed that the children in the malls usually do not have masks on, and they keep touching things and putting their hands in their face or eyes.
I noticed many dogs and they are well-behaved. I also saw someone carrying a cat. It was entertaining to see since the cat was just like a statue staring at everyone. It wss so unlike some of the cats I see who feel uncomfortable being carried around like a baby.
This observations surprises me. I would have never noticed those things before. I was so caught up in my head that I could barely pay attention to my surroundings before the pandemic. I remember how bad my social anxiety was back then.
However, it is different now. I realized that most people are probably busy with their own things to even notice what I do, and even if they do see me, they most likely do not care. This thought is more liberating than anything. It gave me the push I needed to just be myself and not overthink too much when I am outside.
Instead of constantly questioning my actions and appearance, I find that when I feel comfortable with my clothes, I do not have any worries about how people see me.
This shift in perspective is something that comes with the passage of time. As I grow older, I see things for what they are instead of giving meaning to every little things.
People are more concerned about their own problems for them to even pay attention to me or what I am doing. Just remembering this made me more comfortable in my own skin and I have never felt better.
Closing words
I just withdrew my stipend for the last 2 months of the semester. It is a very nice Christmas gift to receive. I gave a part to my parents, and saved some money for upgrading my laptop when I find the time. Today, my sister and I might go out again to buy some chocolates since we are craving some.
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I used to watch people before whenever I am out. But now that it is pandemic and I rarely go out, I focus more on the things that I needed to do when going out.
With regards to Grab, I know it is holiday rush but the price surge was really so high. Plus it was so hard to book a Grab. I tried booking for a Grab Express yesterday and I had a lot of failed bookings as they cannot seem to find me a rider so I tried Lalamove. In less than 5 minutes, I was able to get one. To think that they are cheaper compared to Grab.