According to this article I have read a few months ago, the Azalea flowers symbolizes love and gentleness.
I had actually planned on writing this article back when I was doing the flower series articles. However, my interests shifted so the lead image has been stuck in my drafts for a few months now.
Back then I was not able to connect with the meaning of the flower because the love I have known has been conditional and it was not gentle by any means. I remember seeing the meaning then and knowing that I cannot write much about my life experiences.
However, time passed and I can say that I grew a bit. I learned how to open my eyes and I saw the things I previously ignored. I realized that all this time, I have been surrounded by love and gentleness. The barrier keeping me from realizing it back then was my own hesitance to believe that I deserve anything good.
Family
My family is the first one who gave me unconditional love. They loved me even when I do not have anything. They showed me gentleness when I was too harsh with myself.
Their soft touches tell me everything will be alright. Bringing me food when I am studying shows me they pay attention to my health even when I forget to take care of myself.
Friends
My friends taught me that a person not of blood can treat you better than any blood relatives. As much as I love my nuclear family, I have never felt much connection with my extended family. It always felt as though they see me as different from them and I had never quite known how to get pass the wall that I know is between us.
My friends gave me the support that I see other extended family members gave each other. I may not be bestfriends with any of my cousins, but I found a true companionship wkth my friends.
Their love never faltered even when they saw me at my lowest point. Instead of turning away, they stayed with me as I was stuck in a dark cavern of self-doubts and self-hate. They did not allow me to fall over the edge. They were there for me when I needed someone to show me that something is worth living for.
Partner
This is a recent addition. We met more than a year ago but I felt closer to him than I ever thought possible. We started out as friends until it turns into something more.
He is someone I admire a lot. Everytime I interact with him, I can feel that he knows his priorities and he gives time for them.
What I like most about his presence in my life though is that he taught me gentleness. He is taller and has a bigger build than me, so I never expected that when he holds my hand I will feel a gentle touch. But somehow, his touches are much gentler than mine.
This gentleness does not only apply to physical touches though. He is gently with me in a way that I have never been gentle with myself.
I used to beat myself up everytime I have to choose resting over my academic work. I used to hurt myself when I feel like I failed because I could not understand a lesson after reading it. I used to chew more than I could bite because I did not know how to say no.
Yet my partner shows me that I can be gentle with myself too. He teaches me how I can take care of myself and still work on my priorities. Maybe he never directly taught me these things. It was my interaction with him that helped me learn gentleness.
For that, I am forever grateful.
Closing words
I only have a few more days left in this semester. Finals week are actually starting so I am busier than ever. After finals week, I will take sometime to get my bearings straight. I will probably be doing some crocheted gifts and other hobbies of mine that I set aside. Once I feel more like myself, I willgo back to interacting again. But for now, my sister will be the only one interacting using this account.
For students like me, we can do it! We are almost at the end of the semester, fighting!
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
September 2021 Articles Summary
To show my appreciation for the support that I have been receiving, please accept a small gift I prepared for the first reader.
Laban lang! Few more days no more hassle activities na haha.