I only want your love and attention, I won't ask for more. I won't ask for a minute just to spend your time with me. I will never be jealous even if you love them more than me. I won't bug you to fix my toys as long as you make feel loved. That's all I want from you Mama and Papa. I'm not asking for more, just a little bit time from what you can give to them is all I want.
"Mama, Teacher wants you in school."
"Mama, can you fix this car for me? It was Mico's toy, it was broken that's why I pick it up."
"Mama, can we play?"
"Mama,can you buy this toy car for me? Please?"
"Mama? Do you Love me?"
"Mama? Why you're ignoring me?"
"Mama, am I your child? Why they are saying I'm not your child?"
I don't know what I did to get this treatment from you Mama, Papa. I love you so much with my other siblings but seems like you don't feel the same with me. What do I have to do so that you can love me too? Just like the love that you are giving to others. Why I have to feel lonely even if I have a complete family? Am I really your son?
You love them more than me, you give everything to them but to me who only wants your love get nothing. I love you Mama, Papa. You are my everything, you're the light to my darkest world. And I only want your love, if it's possible then I'm also asking fo your attention. But why do I have to beg? Isn't love is supposed to be given to your child, to all of your child. With fairness, I wish.
"Papa, Teacher wants you in school."
"Papa, can you fix this car for me? It was Mico's toy, it was broken that's why I pick it up."
"Papa, can we play?"
"Papa, can you buy this toy car for me? Please?"
"Papa? Do you Love me?"
"Papa? Why you're ignoring me?"
"Papa, am I your child? Why they are saying I'm not your child?"
Can you please look at me like you care? That I exist? Am I not worth of your time? Am I a nuisance to you? If I die will you finally look at me with love in your eyes? Why they get to bond with you while I can't? Why they are important to you while I am not, never even just once! Why I have to beg for your attention and love? Am I not worth to live?
"Welcome to the world Karin, you are so adorable, you are perfect baby."
"Welcome My Love, having you in the family finally complete me."
I was just eyeing my Mama at Papa while they are rejoicing for their newborn baby. They have full of love, lucky Karin coz she get to experience that. And Papa is not complete even if I'm here. Another thing that saddened me, I think I'm not really their child. I love them so much but, I'm tired already. Should I give up?
Living in the world full of loneliness is really tiring. It will drain even the last drop of your energy. It will consume you until you just give up everything. I wish I am brave as like the others. But I'm different from them, from the start I have no one beside me. So what's the use of fighting.
Even if I want to wash away this feelings that I have, my heart can't just shrug it off because I am not brave, I am not as strong as you. I'm just a kid who wants to be love but can't get it with my own family. It will be better if I will just vanish in this world. I'll gladly do that if that's what will make my parents happy.
Being ignored is something that I can't ever used to. Even others doesn't want to have anything with me. Why this is so hard, I just want to have a happy life. I want their love, I want their warmth, I want their attention. But I guess I have to stop this wishful thinking. It will never happen in my case.
As I'm walking, I can't stop myself from looking at the sky. It's already dark, but the star was scattered and it's like a happy pill that lighten up my mood. I was so focus on the beauty of the stars when suddenly, a deafening sound from a car occupied the whole place. A loud thud can be heard after.
And in the road, a young body was on the ground, lying - blood all over his body. Blood was scattered into places like someone splash it there. And if you can see the face of the young boy, a smile was written on it like he is happy of his end.
"I will happily leave this cruel world, no more loneliness, no more crying inside from the pain of being ignored."
Lead Image from Unsplash
July 23, 2021