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In The Middle of Giving up, We Always Learned How to Fight Back.
I’m okay, that is the word that was so easy to say, that was very easy to say that we are fine. That we have no problems, we have nothing to think. But that’s not true. Every statement that included those words are all lies. We can say that we are okay, we can say that we are fine, we can say that because we are laughing in the front of other people, we are laughing in the front of everyone. But that one doesn’t matter when we, ourselves breakdown.
During the trials that I am experiencing, I learned how to laugh at it. I also learned on how to deal with them. Learning on ho dealing with those problem is a very big help, imagine, when you are alone and nobody has with you and you are breaking down. All we thinking is about ending everything right? We even didn’t think about the solution that we can try for us to survive on what kind of problem that we have right now. We just want every moments of us to be happy, without thinking that we may have any problems that will occurred. Being alone is not quite easy. There are times where a lot of questions were bugging us, especially disappointment, thoughts, problems, or anything that can cause of our breakdowns. And during that breakdowns, most of the time we are alone and no one is there to help us to get up, no one is there to help us to move. No one is there to help us to be stronger, because in the end of the day, the only thing that we have is ourselves.
It’s not us who’s experiencing this kind of giving up, even the person who’s motivated, also them they are unmotivated most of the time. But guess what, the only thing for them to go on is to motivate others for them to be able to feel the happiness also, what a joke right?.
In the middle of giving up, we always learned on how to fight back. We always learned on how to deal with them with a positive thoughts.
At this moment, when I know that I don’t feel good enough, I always thought that this is okay.
Lately, I have a little problem with myself. Coming back to my anxiety since I stopped working, I was afraid of coming to terms with the fact that I could do nothing but stay home. I tell my self that it's okay, I don't want this and I never ask for something like that. I was filled with what ifs, and I feel sorry also about the things I couldn't help.
I even tell my parents that even I, was super disappoint with my own because I had to leave work to choose my health. That I had to leave work just for myself. I don't want to leave the employer, I don't want to. Sometimes I don't know if I'm right blaming myself for it or being too wrong. but nevermind, i will still do mybest despite everything. Maybe right now, its not for me. But time will come, everything will be worth it.