I did random questions, now let me join and try to write using @JonicaBradley 's prompt. This is my first entry and I hope you enjoy!

Here's the article, you might want to join too! Writing Prompt #18*: If I Were . . .

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I can't think of anything that I can add to 'IF I WERE...' prompt. The only thing that came in to my mind is Beyonce's song, 'IF I WERE a boy'. This is not about love, but more on why I really wanted to be I boy. Why? Continue reading...

DISCLAIMER: this is just how I see things when I WAS a kid, growing up and raised by a generation that they think boy and girl only exist in the world. But my beliefs and thoughts changed through time as I understand the world.

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My father really wanted to have a son. I don't know if he values boys more or he just wanted someone to get along with as a guy/male, looking forward to have a jr or maybe he just wanted someone to carry and pass on our family name. Very lucky him, he didn't get one. He has 4 lovely girls in the family, well 5 including our mother and he's the only boy in the family.

I am the 3rd child, supposedly the youngest but after 9 years another sibling was born. He was hoping to have a baby boy as his youngest child but he didn't. HAHAHAHA!

I can't remember when my parents started to somehow ask me to do things or chores that guys usually do or was asked to do, I mean chores that requires physical strength. Maybe my parents observed that I kind of have strong bones or muscles. They always say 'ang bigat ng kamay mo' (you have a heavy hand). So maybe from there, I was always the one who they can ask for assistance in moving or lifting heavy things like moving the table (that's hard wood table), even marble or cemented table top, my mother's sewing machine (not the portable sewing machine), there was one time that my father even asked me to carry hollow blocks, bags of cement, even sack of rice. Perhaps I can say that I was his frustration son (uhm not sure about the term) and me being the youngest child that time, I was the one who they always ask assistance in doing chores that boy usually do.

I even got confused on my sexuality when I was a kid. Yes, how and why?

1. I don't like Barbie dolls

2. I don't like wearing skirts

3. I was really playful as a boy

4. I don't have any crush/es when I was a kid.

5. I don't like pink.

One time our neighbor even teased me that maybe I am a tomboy because I am stubborn and playful. Well, she kind of tricked me. I didn't what tomboy was that time. OMG I was so young and pure chaaaaaar! But yeah, she tricked me so I can say that I am a tomboy and that's what I thought and believed for quite a while until I knew what tomboy means.

Hey I am not against LGBTQ+, I am just sharing what I thought I was, but I am still happy if I was one.

Going back...

I really even thought until highschool I am a tomboy because some of my girl friends have crushes, boyfriends, even girlfriends so I thought maybe since I am surrounded by them I might be one too.

My father even wanted me to join the army or go to PMA. I got angry when he asked me to do that, I know that girls and boys can join the army but I don't want to. I want to be treated like a girl too. Until I got into college. Until I got a boyfriend. Until I got heartbroken and got another boyfriend, then repeat. I even thought maybe I wasn't beautiful enough to attract females too. I wanted to have girlfriend, not because I am being curious during that age, but because I thought I might be one. But I was wrong, I wasn't. My body doesn't mind joining the community but my soul wasn't cooperative enough. So, from there yes I was am a full pledged straight girl. HAHAHAHA

I was a frustrated LGBTQ+ member hahahaaa! But yeah, it still didn't get off my mind that I wanted to be a boy. I was kind of hoping, thinking that I can do what boys can. (Ask me, 'like what?) There were so many that I can think of but you know girls can do that too!

I thought, boys can do more. Boys have the liberty to be powerful, influential, can have more control over things, strong, etc. Yes, that's what I thought. I might be belittling myself for being a girl that time or maybe I am also frustrated that I didn't become close to my father as he or I thought would be.

As I age, as I understand things more and now that I've become a mother, there's nothing more stronger, powerful and influential than being a girl/woman.

Women really do run the world, says Beyonce. HAHAHAHHA! Well, the thought of me still wishing to be a boy is now over.

closing

Always remember that there is a reason for everything. Learn to wait, observe and see things through or beyond what you thought it should or would be. Don't doubt yourself, just wait until it's your time to shine.

Me? I am shinning through this little b of mine. :)

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*lead image from Unsplash, pictures posted are mine*