I'm sad because....
Hello users!
I don't know what will be my motivation today. Seems like I feel demotivated and there's no progress anymore. I keep trying to be more optimistic but seems like I cannot lie about my feelings. I cannot hide what inside of me.
I just feel lonely. I feel sad. I am feeling blue. All sadness was into me right now. I just don't know why I feel this way. It makes me feel that I'm not worth of everything. It's hard to take sometimes life that you even don't know what would be in the end or what would be the process to reach out all those happiness. I know that you will see me as a positive person but somehow life is like a wheels it might be up and down. I might feel reluctant sometimes in a way that if makes me tired of everything and standing up for my dreams. I might be not okay, well definitely I am not okay. I tried to fight all negatives motion in me but sometimes I am so weak.
I know i'm sad because i'm alone.
I know i'm sad because no one I can talk to.
I know i'm sad because l overthink.
I know i'm sad because I feel useless.
I know i'm sad because I am so negative.
I know i'm sad because I feel worthless.
I am here again in the four corner where the corner who taught me to be a dreamer. I am here again locking up myself after all those years of studying. I don't know what to do that every woke up and from the rest of my day still there's no changes and have this four corner again. I am back again where I wasted my time before. I am here again spending my tears to fall. A four corner where the comfort hold me. A zone where make me feel free. My room is my bestfriend of all my happiness, sadness and hatred.
I took a lot of uncertainties that makes me feel down. Lots of realizations that will used my mind to think everything in my life.
A questions that left me hanging;
Am I progressing?
Am I worth of everything?
Am I still have power to keep going?
I know that it's on me how to take this life. I feel guilty to God that I am questioning my worth and it feels like my faith to him is not that strong because why I feel like this. I feel that I am not progressing anymore. I feel sad truthfully to myself that why I am not like before who strongly hold the faith and strongly fight the battle. Fighting silent battle alone is very painful to take. I can't take that whole life without God. I want God to be my companion every beat of my life.
I need to pray more harder for me to win this battle. I need to be more logistic why I'm feeling blue. Everything will gonna be fine as God promise. I know someday that with all of this moment on me having sadness in my heart will be cast away.
While sadness took me this time, I search on youtube the song that I heard last Sunday in Church. As I heard it, it makes me startled because it hit me. I feel goosebump the way I heard every word in the song.
A song entitled, lift up your hands. I play this song right now for me to remind again and again that God has only power to cast all those burdens. We only need to lift up our hands to him and be with him.
Honestly, brimming tears in my eyes because I know that it's already heavy loads inside of my heart and messy on my mind. Seems like i'm tired but God remind me that I need to cast all the burden and come with him because he will give me rest. I want to cry all out loud because no matter how sinner I am and sometimes I forgot to praise Him and glorify Him, still God is wiling to accept me. God is willing to lift up my hand and will show my way.😭
Lord God, why you are so good at all time even how many times we've fail you and disappoint you😭
I am speechless the way your presence existed in our feelings Lord. You are the only one who will fulfilled our life no matter how many dreams we've set.
Thank you is not enough and I will keep praise you Lord from the rest of my life.
Your grace is enough.
It's inevitable to feel sad, but never allow yourself to stay there my friend. Cast all your worries to the Lord instead because He cares for you. xoxo