I see how my son cried when I die

Date: June 06, 2022

"Mama, mama, mamaaaa" My son cried and keep on calling my name.

Can you imagine how your spouse or your kids cried when you die? Seeing it for sure you don't want to die anymore.

Hello my dear read.cash family. How are you? I was absent yesterday and was not able to publish an article for the first time in this month. I felt sad about it but that's the reality. I was so emotionally down yesterday that I really want to cry but I am holding back my tears because I don't want my husband see it.

Can you feel in some time that you are so emotionally down and a lot of things sinks in in your mind? That all the problems and negativities comes out from nowhere.

I felt so bored yesterday that I wanted to go home but when I texted my siblings if they are in our house, they said No because they have something to do. So, I didn't go home because they are not around. There is also a thinking that I missed my father, wanted to go to cemetery but it is a little far away from us and if I go there who will be with me and for sure I will reach there at night.

I wanted to go to a mall or even in a plaza just to let my eyes enjoy the surroundings but when my husband arrived from work, I told him that we will go to town and he refused because he had something to do. Another rejections and I felt something heavy in my heart. I am doing something and my tears are falling and can't stop it. I am trying to stop it by putting my shirt on it but it just make my shirt wet from my tears. My husband is busy outside and my son is playing with his friends.

I prepared and cook food for dinner and I'm done but they are still outside. I felt tired and decided to lay down on our bed. I wanted to sleep so I could stop thinking negative and I can't feel the heavy feeling inside.

While I am lying straight in the bed, putting my hands in my head and closing my eyes as if asleep my son entered and called my name.

Ma, mama

I didn't respond and act as if I am asleep. He went near and keeps on calling my name for me to wake up but still I act as asleep.

He tried to push me making my body moves to and fro but still I hold on and act as if still asleep. Then, he open my eyes, put his finger on my nose as if getting some "kulangot", put his finger on my ears (medyo masakit yun ah) and trying to "kiliti" me on my neck and armpit because that was a usual thing I do to him. I really wanted to laugh this time but still I hold back my self.

He went out and found some food that I already cooked. He went back and call my name again.

He had a lot of attempts waking me up but he failed then he started to cry. Mama, let's eat.

My husband noticed that our son is crying and it caught his attention to come in. He found out that I acted asleep and told our son to kiss me on my nose so I will wake up. My son kissed me on my nose a lot of times but still I was asleep.

Ma, mama, mama and he cried a lot until my husband said why I let my son cried.

Then, I hug my son and he hugged me tight. I wanted to cry at this moment because I see how my son cried when I died. But no time for drama, my husband already prepared the food in the table.

Early this morning, when my son woke up I asked him why he cried a lot last night. He said, why you won't wake up? I asked him again why you will cry when I won't wake up? Then he said, wala na akong mama (I don't have a mother anymore).

I can't imagine to die when my son is still very young. He is so dependent from me at this time and it feels so bad and I felt so pity on him how he reacts and how he cried a lot knowing that I won't wake up.

Let's value the moment we have with our kids, spouse, family, friends and love ones. Let's keep safe, keep healthy and take care of ourselves so we may enjoy the life we have with them. Let's keep on asking God good health and long life to be with our love ones.

Thank you for reading my drama. I just can't understand myself why I felt so emotionally down this time.

Till next time. See you.