Why In A Rush? (Early Marriage POV)

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Avatar for Jane
Written by
2 years ago

October 31, 2021

It is funny sometimes, yet annoying to be asked by relatives "when are you planning to get married?" My mind always goes blank 🙄 and unable to respond to their questions right away. And a few months ago, I wrote an article about a message from my boss where she also impelled me to get hitched. And my answer was, "I don't have a plan for that yet."

Why do people always ask me about the matter even though they already know the situation I am into? Do they want to provoke or insult me? Or maybe encouragement, lol.

My deactivated Facebook account has been activated a few days ago as I was curious about Facebook's latest news on rebranding its name and changing it to Meta.

But instead of checking the news, I got hooked by the post of my cousin who just graduated from University. She dropped a bombshell and I couldn't believe that another young cousin of mine is going to tie the knot with her partner.

Just last year, a young cousin of mine had walked down the aisle with her long-time seaman boyfriend and they settled under the same roof. Even my gay cousin surprised me and I was struck dumb when I found out that he'd impregnated his girlfriend. And another young cousin got pregnant as well.

I was like, "wth is going on in the world of young people? Are they in a rush?" Or maybe, I'm just being left behind 🤦‍♀️. I am the oldest (ouch!) among my female cousins in our village but they already are getting married and having children, while I remain still behind my wall and have no plan to break it to get hitched.

Well, I just don't want to marry in haste and repent at leisure later. Besides, I have no partner at all, lol.

After sending my congratulatory message to her, I deactivated my account shortly, lol. That's probably the best thing to do.

Image from Unsplash

Young people nowadays are truly different compared to previous generations. They are being saturated by technology. Social media and the internet have impacted their lives in different ways. And just like what @HappyBoy said in his article I will choose now, they are learning more things on the internet than they learn from their parents and teachers.

When they saw their colleagues excelling from the path they have chosen, they would perceive the environment as competitive and would wish to have the same life too. They tend to envy the achievements of others. Although being competitive is an advantage in this fast-paced generation, it sometimes impacts teens' minds negatively. That feeling of being outcasted or left out once they failed to achieve their goals. Some would belittle their own selves and would see themselves as tiny and others are giant. And some would end up going in the wrong direction due to successive failures.

Everything they see online triggers change in their brain and the way they perceive the world or ways to gain things. And the decision of getting married at an early stage has been influenced by technology as well because of the life status they are seeing online. Even the dramas they are watching where the main male and female characters had happy endings also impacted their minds.

Those scenes would change their minds and they would think, "I want to have a happy family too and find my perfect match."

Moreover, the sexual videos circulating online would trigger their curiosity to try a sinful thing at an early stage. And that's how premarital s*x appears.

A seventeen-year-old cousin of mine for example got pregnant when her S. curiosity put her on fire after being invited by her boyfriend to have Netflix and chill. They didn't go binge-watching but the other way around, lol. And she has been dumped right away when his boyfriend found out that she has a bun in the oven. And that gave her a dismal life.

Image source: https://vocal.media/humans/7-best-hacks-for-young-couples-to-preserve-love-and-passion

It seemed so easy for some to hop into the fire without getting burnt. While others are just too cautious and don't want to try playing the fire no matter how strong their relationships with their partners are. Only a few are true with their oaths that that intimate thing would only happen after they tie the knot with their partners. And a young lady should stick to it and at least, give respect to herself. Unfortunately, there are only a few cases of that nowadays due to the advent of technology and its negative impact on young people's lives.

And the new generation is just too hostile and influential that even an innocent and demure one can change and go wild in just one snap. I wasn't expecting my cousin to play the fire with someone else as I found her careful and wholesome. And it was a bolt in the blue that she suddenly changed and dived into a black hole where it's too hard to hop out.

Some would prefer not to marry yet at a young age as they want to enjoy their lives first, travel to their dream places, and experience things they want to. Because for them, tying the knot with someone might hinder them from pursuing their dreams and the careers they want to achieve. Some would pursue education like taking a Master's Degree or other courses, some would upgrade their skills in their field of expertise before saying "I Do" to their partner. While some wouldn't mind marrying at all despite having a strong relationship with their partners.

However, some would prefer to marry at a young age once they found their perfect match because of this main reason, they want to grow and build their lives together, and they would later build their dream house and perfect family together.

I am not against early marriage as I can see some advantages for doing so. But that is only acceptable if both sides agree to have it, and not just by accident. Because just like what I mentioned above, we don't want to marry in haste and repent at leisure later. This sacred decision should be planned well and lay all the foundations before having it to achieve a healthy marriage. Because it's not the same as eating hot food, that once it burns your tongue, you can simply spit it out. However in marriage, once you untie the knot, the damage has been done, and sometimes tough to recover the losses, especially for the affected children. The emotional pain is too painful to handle.

As for premarital sex, many have tackled the issue here like @Eunoia and @Ellehcim and shared their POVs. It is something unavoidable nowadays, especially that the young generation is much too aggressive and have a great interest in trying new things. It isn't a sin as well and should be taken into account. However, we can't control the minds of others to stop them from discriminating the byproducts of premarital sex. So even if it is not a sin, in the eyes of others, it is.

So for young people out there, before you play the fire, think of the consequences well. Because it might get you burnt.

Thanks for your time.

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2 years ago

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Me? I am on my 20's na kung saan ang dami ko na ding kakilala na may mga family na. Habang ako? Eto, aral aral muna tapos grind-grind. Ganun, haha. Pero saka na 'yang kasal-kasal na 'yan. 'Di pa ready wallet ko for other expenses noh. Like you, Ate, jowa nga wala ako eh. Dadating din tayo jan, in no time. Hanap muna tayo 'nung tutulong sa atin sa mga expenses tapos 'yung goal-centered din. 😉

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2 years ago

Haha . late na mga comments mo

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2 years ago

Haha truelala, Ate. Ngayon lang nakapag-halungkat ng bongga sa notifs ko eh. 😂

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2 years ago

Everything has its moment, you must prepare for it, do not take decisions lightly, you can make mistakes that will be difficult to repair. What I didn't understand is how your gay male cousin got his girlfriend pregnant, he is supposed to be with another person of the same sex if he is gay.

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2 years ago

You are right about this, having relationship at an early stage isn't the best since we don't have a grown up brain then and it would later affect us someday...I just hope this generation would change.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

You are not left behind sis because I believe there is time for everything and that means when it time your perfect partner will come

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2 years ago

Good for those na susuportahan ng partner at a young age. Pero mostly pa naman e tatakbuhan lang. Sana lang maging masaya yung iba sa desisyon nila na magpakasal na at a young age. Kahit pa kasi sabihan natin sila for their own good, e kung gusto nila gugo pa din yan.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Kaya nga. Kawawa yung tatakasan.. Babae ang nagsusuffer kc sya nagbubuntis at magpapalaki sa anak

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2 years ago

Hays true lang ate. Some boys, when kaya?

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2 years ago

The issue of premarital sex is the same all over the world and it's been influenced by social media and the internet in Nigeria. My mom recently told me of my cousin who just gave birth and she's just 18! 🤦

You just have to go through life at your own pace, it's not a race but a marathon and everyone will certainly get to their destination. I know you're a career woman and you're mostly focused on grinding everyday so you might not have room for a man in your life, that's how it is with powerful women 😉

$ 0.03
2 years ago

The same in my country, many get married at a young age but will regret later.. Some got pregnant and abandoned by their partners and that's the worst part..

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2 years ago

That's right ma'am, many of them aren't experienced enough to handle it and they end up getting burned

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2 years ago

I am new here and one of my friends who invited me here, asked me to start reading your articles, I will learn how to write and he was true, you pen down your emotions so well in the article that it appeared as if I was talking to someone rather than reading an article. Moreover, I think these old folks have a very keen interest in getting us married, in my town, it is similar, even I am a boy(here boy has low pressure) but this happens to me. and I reply to myself, I do not feel mature enough to handle a family right now, interestingly, I get a response like, we were also never ready. Look at your age at this age we had our first child. I think you are right that it should be an individual choice to get married at what and when? Nice article.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Marriage is not something you can jump into just like that because when you rush in you shall surely rush out in due time.

Many young blood today tend to marry at the early age forgetting the consequences that surround premature marriage. When you observe those who got married at their tender age, their marriage may not be stable just because of infidelity. The issue of not trusting each other will come in and indeed true and the fact.

I have someone who just got married at a tender age just because of some.kond.of love which I don't know. As time goes on, their love became faded and the guy has to look outside by carrying girls.

Marriage is al about Patience and mind. When you are truly ripe for it, then go for it because no one would be able to stop you.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

I would rather not be influenced by social media seeing my mates or those younger than me getting married. We all have different times and I can't compare myself to them. My Dad talked to me few days ago and was trying to sing the song of marriage to I and my elder sister 😁😁 I told him God will do it and he encouraged us to keep praying. What works for A cannot work for B and besides I don't want to enter into the fire and get burnt 😬

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Haha. That's good ma. You are a smart person. I know you know well how to handle your life and when to enter into that kind of situation

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2 years ago

For the fact marriage is a beautiful and amazing union,we have to prepare very well for it . we should marry out of pressure from any side at all .you should try to wait till the right time to avoid marrying the wrong person or regretting afterwards😊

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2 years ago

Ackkk, yong iba nag iisip na ng pag aasawa tapos ako dito chill chill lang ahahaha. Kala ata ng ilan ee oag nakasal na sila ee magiging madali nalang ang lahat Doon na mag uumpisa ang kalbaryo lalo na at hindi handa.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

True..yung mga hndi stable at walang tamang goal sa buhay nla. Iba anak lng nf anak, kya ayum daming namamalimos sa kalsada

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2 years ago

Nadadamay mga bata dahil sa kapusukan nila. Ang bata ang naghihirap

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2 years ago

Dami ko nga ring nakikitang mga kakilala ko na nabuntis ng maaga, nakakaliungkot lang isipin kasi parang nino normalize na nila ngayon yung teenage pregnancy tas premarital sex. Wala na atang takot mga kabataan ngayon lol. Yung iba kasi maagang nagpapabuntis tas magiging responsibilidad na naman ng magulang. Pero luckily yung parents ng jowa ng pinsan ko ay medyo may kaya sa buhay kasi may negosyo kaya okay lang sa parents niya.

Pero siguro depende narin siguro nila if they're matured enough already para harapin yung responsibility.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Yun nga kinakatakot ko pra sa mga babae kong kapatid..wag naman sna sla mapaso ...

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Let me tell you that this situation is normal here. Young women are from a very early age (15 years), some even less, being active in that world. Very few of them go over 20 without being intimate with their boyfriend. It is something that is instilled in society. The difference in culture is alarming. This is a natural thing as long as you protect yourself against disease or unwanted pregnancy. Then comes the marriage that usually occurs on average from 25 to 30 years of age. And with him, also the children. Although there are situations where children arrive even earlier without being married yet.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Lucky those women who have been supported by the father of their kids. Unfortunate for those who have been dumped after getting pregnant.

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2 years ago

This is also the case. On many occasions they are pregnant from high school. Imagine, the father is also a young man without any kind of responsibility and in the end the parents are the ones who have to take on the baby. This also cuts off the mother's professional improvement on many occasions, since to continue studying later the effort is superhuman. This is the case in the part of the world where I live. A society where young women in their 20s are already experienced in being intimate with their partner. 100% cultural difference

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2 years ago

True...many teens nowadays are liberated. Seems like S. is just for fun for them. But when an accident happened where they conceived life in the woman's womb, they would regret it.

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2 years ago

This is a great article that the youth of nowadays really need. Premarital sex is now like candy sweet in their eyes that they can just buy and taste it but the consequences are very huge to face. I really feel for your little cousin, I hope she will learn her lesson the hard way now. We shouldn't rush marriage at all costs if we rush into it, we will definitely rush out at the same time.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

We can rush doing our tasks..but definitely not marriage, lol..

$ 0.00
2 years ago

That's how influential the society is madam. However, at the end of the day, it is still your choice when or not to get married. Di magpadala sa pressure oy. Hehe

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Pro ikaw confirmed na jud. Good luck syo madam 😁

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Haha. Soon madam. We'll get there. Like you said, why rush things. 😁

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I just want to say "God´s time is perfect" as people from here say. every case is different, and you know, it´s a personal decision to "Enjoy life " before marriage, or knot early, at the end, happiness is the important

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Of course, happiness does matter here.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Youth is rebellious, it is experimenting. If we do not have total confidence in ourselves we should not be near things that can disturb us. I believe that everything has its time and yours will come. If you haven't found that person who complements you, don't despair, it will come.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

I know, and I'm not into it. 😁

$ 0.00
2 years ago

So when are you getting hitched? Haha! Kidding aside, there's no rush. Take it easy and when it's time, it will happen.

It always shocks me when hearing about young teens getting pregnant and then the guys just leaving them alone. It's quite unfortunate when that happens.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Haha.. Wala na ata sa plan sis 🤣 Ayun na nangyari sa pinsan ko.. Imbes papag aralin ng auntie ko. Nabuntis pa at iniwanan.

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2 years ago

Hehe, don't put a period sis, meron yan hehehe. Unless ayaw mo talaga. Kawawa din pinsan mo sis. Pero okay lang, alagaan na lang nya baby nya

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2 years ago

Yung pinsan ko din sa father side, nabuntis ng maaga. 🥴 compare naman sa family sa mother side, wala namang ganun lahat may goals. Pero yung ate ko din, lagi nilang tinatanong when mag aasawa since siya pinaka una sa pinsan.. kahit ako na pangalawa. Pero wala din akong balak, lagi kong sagot talaga eh gusto ko muna mag abroad at magpatayo ng bahay.

Hirap kapag walang plano sa buhay mahihirapan tayo sa sitwasyon soon at gaya sa mga pangaral na edukasyon mula sa libro at sa mga magulang, ayoko talaga dumating sa sitwasyon na gagaya din ako sa mga kabataan ngayon hays. Hirap na nga ako magpayaman, papahirapan ko pa sarili ko 🥲

$ 0.05
2 years ago

🤣 mahirap magpayaman nga haha. Mganda yan dai....wag magmadali..enjoy muna ang life.

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2 years ago

Parang normal nalang nowadays ang premarital sex sa mga kabataan.. Samantalang nung time ko, malaman lang ng mga magulang na nahalikan ang babae, usapang kasal na agad ang kasunod.. Hahaha

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Haha..sinabi mo pa.. Ipagkakasundi agad yun 🤣

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2 years ago

Ou.. Ganun kahigpit noon..

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2 years ago

Web-based media and climate truly assumes a fundamental part in affecting adolescents. Interest truly kills, things depicted in films are one reason why we have early relationships these days, ang the new age are exceptionally drawn in to utilize any web-based media stages. I'm not into early marriage also but rather like what you have said not be lamented at some point or another.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Dramas are supposed to give lessons.. But in some cases, it inspires the teens to pursue marriage at a young age. Lol

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Not in a rush means purity. You are preserving your virginity to the right person. God's timing is on time. Wait for the right time. This make sense Ate Jane. Todays generation is different from the past.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Totally different.. Their curiosity sometimes give them misfortune

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Social media and environment really plays a vital role in influencing teens. Curiosity really kills. There are a lot of young girls who aren't supported by their boyfriends and the worst thing is that the parents of the girls would have to support another life again. Then it would allow them to be chained in endless poverty.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

That's the saddest part there. If the boyfriend runs away after impregnating his girlfriend. And the kid will suffer the most

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Naalala ko yung convo namin ng kaibigan ko. Maaga kasi yon nag asawa e tapos sabi ko sa kanya ako mag aasawa ako kapag stable nako pero sabi nya sakin hindi ko daw masasabi yon. Maaga syang nag asawa , they been through ups and down , hindi ganon kadali pero ngayon masasabi ko na totoo yung sinabi nya na once na pumasok kana sa pag aasawa lahat ng pagsisikap gagawin mo para sa pamilya mo. Though hindi naman talaga to nangyayari sa lahat ng married couples. Pero I don't agree dun sa nakaplan , siguro financially pwede. it's all about on how you handle the marriage wether it's early or it's not. Just my opinion. Anyways , I got married at 26 , no regrets ♥️

$ 0.05
User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

I'm not against it as I've said above. And yeah you're right. It's just how you handle the relationship through ups and downs and weather the storm to remain stronger.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

You are right about young people trying to move at a faster pace with the world around them. A lot of things seems to be moving fast and young people of this generation are really deficient when it comes to patience. I hope we can learn to be more patient

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Agreed with you. Well our cousins & relatives are more concern about our marriage than our parents and even us.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Firmly you have a lot of cousins, my God!! Secondly beautifully written, many time what we see blind our reasoning that we choose to live the same life portrayed on TV or friends or colleagues or whatsoever...

If there isn't proper growth mindset then nothing will ever stand for long... a friend of mine got married at 17 and I was completely shocked...

Not saying it's wrong although it's still standing but we miss out on achievement and freedom... what you desire is the best, and you'll get it at the appointed time..

$ 0.05
2 years ago

My 17 yr old cousin really shocked me. She is just too young to suffer.. But she has a fault as well. It should serve as a lesson to her. And hoping that she could stand to be a single mom.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Jane first of all I will say that I am also answered the same question and feels that the generation are going very fast specially towards the sexual intercourse. Their environment and the technological development and easy access to each and every information is leading towards the early age puberty. That is causing many frustrating situations

$ 0.03
2 years ago

I agree that the things portrayed in movies are one of the reasons why we have early marriages nowadays. When the team of a movie is about two people meeting and falling in love, it's always a young boy and girl they use for such roles. And it now like a competition, My friend A got married at 24 i must also tie the knot before 25. That's why we have high rate of divorce cases every day. Marriage shouldn't be rushed. If you rush in,you will rush out. Better to enjoy one's singleness for now.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Because they thought early marriage would help them grow together.. And give more room for divorce if everything won't work and find a new one again. 🤣🤣

$ 0.00
2 years ago

So divorce is already an option from the inception of the marriage 😂

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2 years ago

Ahmm it was grow together, typo 🤣 Yeah for some. Divorce seems so easy for them..

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I am happy I have a person here who has the same principles as mine. It's sad to know we are now called as somehow "old-fashioned" or stiff by other people just because of our insights like these. I agree with your words.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Bata kpa naman cguro noh? 20's or 30's kna? _😅

$ 0.00
2 years ago

20s ako mare. Hehehe.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I add some word more in you're article that really necessary I think now a days food are very spicy and this is main reason kid's are going to maturation in Early stage

And I really appreciate you dear friend This is Awesome Word and great article by you're side Sometimes this type of article very important to read to knowing about something new

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Hahaha I am seeing my co-bachelors also planning their marriage and I never gets jealous to them like seriously, now a days marriage is too far from past. Like it's really scared me to be with person whom one day becomes my wife next thing stranger LOl. Happens now days. So yeah your at the right path thou. Choose the right one, don't look how it's long to take haha.

But I think @Expertwritter will comes before me LOL. I just read her article that "she don't want to live in her biyanan house" in the future haha.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Nangdadamay talaga to HAHAHA nanahimik ako eh. Basta mauuna ka 🙂 mas matanda ka saken ehe.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Scary tlga 🤣 lalo na kung hndi handa.. Lol

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Di talaga nawawala ung ganyang katanungan lalo na kapag nasa 25+ na eh, ung isa sa kakilala ko kinasal at the age of 35, gapos nagampon nalang sila. Inuna muna nila both work para di sila mahirapan which is super good example talaga. Di naman daw kasi minamadali yung mga kasal nayan

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Hndi naman tlga dapat...hndi yan laro laro lang

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Competitiveness, premarital sex and forced marriages are one of the causes of early marriages. The world is a circus these days and it's really difficult. It takes sheer willpower and focus to stay focused lol. Marriage is a sacred institution and should be treated as such. You don't just rush in to do things you aren't prepared for.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

There should be a right time for that. Coz things in a rush often end up broken.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I agree that it is up to people themselves when they want to get married, but it makes me so angry when others keep asking you when are you getting married? Do you want children? These people need to realize that is none of their business and it's an inappropriate question to ask!

$ 0.03
2 years ago

Sometimes it's giving you pressure as well 🤣

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Because my boyfriend and I have been together for some years and I have crossed 30 I am constantly bombarded with the baby question...

$ 0.00
2 years ago

After a certain age, "when will you get married?" You are not the only one exposed to your questions, I am exposed to the same questions throughout the day. As for early marriage, I don't find it right. There is a serious problem in the continuation of the marriage. This is what I've observed around me, of course, this is just my opinion.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

There's nothing wrong with early marriage for as long as the two are prepared, mentally and financially. Just like what Ola said.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I always tell people not to stay in the kitchen if they can't withstand the heat. The sad thing is most parents are raising their kids for marriage rather than build their character for marriage and that's why they get more than what they bargained for after a year or two and start thinking of exit strategy.

It's okay to get married earlier because maturity is not a function of age but if anyone choose to marry that early then they should be ready mentally, physically, spiritually, socially, sexually, financially and all other kinds of 'ally'.

Most people just yield to pressure to get married because they think it is an achievement of some sort and our parents didn't help matters too and the society because they start looking at those not married yet differently and that's wrong.

Take your time, Janey.. it's worth waiting for. No rush... No pressure.

$ 0.08
2 years ago

Exactly. I would rather not claim that achievement if it would only make me broken in the end.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Absolutely... Please take your time... They don't even give awards for marrying early 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Good choice that you alone will be thankful of yourself sis. I am not into early marriage as well but like what you have said not be regretted sooner or later. I do have my boyfriend and we choose not to be in hurry because we don't want to suffer the consequences or to our soon children to have. We want to put everything in the right time and in God's will and perfect timing. I am not surprised about this early marriage or premarital sex and all since my cousins are all in. And I am not pressure or whatever in that aspect because there is nothing to be pressure or competitive about it. Marriage should be built in love, strong will, and faith not just because of pressure or because it's a trend. Therefore don't feel bad or whatever that they will push you to things you know much continue to fight and stand for it. I am proud and I appreciate you with that.

$ 0.08
2 years ago

And I appreciate your decision too is.. You guys should settle in God's due time. Don't be in a rush.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

We won't sis. Thank you. What's important to you sis is you are happy whatever you do. You deserve to be happy sis.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Talking about premarital s*x, I don't know if God had already removed it among the sins of the earth, because it's becoming rampant and people don't care anymore. It happens anyhow, no guilty conscience, no remorse. It baffles me alot. The marriage rush? It's very common in my hood here, everyone rushing as if the expiring date is near. Lol. Just like you said, some ends up in breakdown.

Anything that has advantage also have Disadvantages 🙌

$ 0.05
2 years ago

It's very common everywhere haha. It's like become normal nowadays

$ 0.00
2 years ago