How To Love A Toxic Person
Image: Unsplash via Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona
I may not be too old to speak the depth of love but my experiences in life made me understand what love is and how should it be. The love that is unconditional, enduring, kind and understanding. Reading the title might give you the idea of fleeing the relationship right away, when the person you love becomes toxic but hear the article out first.
Before you know the person is toxic, you'll know the good side of that person first that is why you fall in love but the more you stay in the relationship the more you see your partner's flaws, their real attitude and character. Some people cannot understand their partner's changes from time to time, and will say “they are not the person I used to love with” without them knowing it was their real attitude that was concealed in the beginning to avoid turn offs.
I admit, I was once a very toxic girlfriend. I don't like my boyfriend way back to enjoy his life with his friends and family even if it seldomly happens. I want all his attention on me. I get mad whenever he can't update me from time to time. I have so many extra baggages in life causing me to be toxic when I had my serious relationship.
With my experience, let me show you ways how to love a toxic person and help them to overcome their battles. When you really love the person, you will chose to stay even if there are days you can no longer understand them.
Communicate with your partner in the right way
Right communication is the key to know the depth of the problem, communicate with your partner why did they end up acting weird or being toxic, because sometimes the root of toxicity is psychological problems that needs to be overcome. Don't react aggressively when you guys have arguments, it is indeed true that “when one is in fire, one should be water” inorder to avoid more complications in the relationship.
My partner used to talk to me aggressively before, we fight a lot but later when he knows what I've been through he tried to mellow down and understand me instead. When we have arguments way back, I always propose to have break up but he usually disregard the the idea even if I was the one who have problems. He never bring ups the break up idea because he tries to understand me in every possible ways he knows.
Know your partner's insecurities
Especially to women, we have a lot of insecurities that sometimes it is not bearable anymore. But if you really love your partner, you will not be turned off after knowing their insecurities. Instead, let your partner feel the assurance they need that you'll never turn your back on to him/her despite knowing their insecurities.
My partner has struggled a lot in handling me way back as I have tons of insecurities, from my physical appearance, educational background and family background. But he never shows he was turned off after knowing all my insecurities, instead he assures me that I should not worry because I nailed being myself despite that I lack a lot. He said I am a fighter and that alone made me stand out among the crowd.
Be patient and understanding
To love a toxic person is not easy, you have to be patient and understanding because a toxic person makes every little things complicated because they are overthinkers.
I used to overthink a lot and make every little details complicated that will lead to another arguments with my partner. But my partner was patient enough to handle me and understand that I was in a deep trouble. He always tells me not to overthink things.
Be affectionate and give your attention
Giving attention does not mean you have to be there 24/7 but to be kin on what your partner's needs. Be affectionate because sometimes they only need your attention and moral support.
I met a lot of men, some are even financially capable but only my partner is capable of giving me the attention and affection I need. He didn't support me financially way back but he supported me morally something other men I met didn't do. Sometimes when I struggle financially way back he'll tell me “I'm sorry, I can't give you financial support but I am all out when it comes to moral support. You can always have my back” it gives me strength to get on my feet because there is someone who is always there to support me morally.
Embrace your partner's imperfections and accept them for who they are
Everyone has their imperfections, so your partner, you have to accept it and for who they are. Their physical appearance, educational background, family background and their past.
My partner knows everything about my imperfections, my family background, educational background and my physical attributes that I am not a trophy type. He also knows my past that I've been a drunkard, have vices, met a lot of men but didn't judge me for it. He embraced who I was and so are my past.
Don't give your partner reasons to be paranoid
One way to avoid conflicts in relationship, is to avoid things that will lead to the other party 's paranoia. Just like giving them reasons to get jealous, you should avoid getting so intimate with your opposite sex and knows your limitations.
Well, this is just additional. My partner fails on this part. He is friendly and approachable guy that made him to have a lot of female friends. This gives me paranoia everytime that he is flirting with other woman. We always argue in this matter a lot before, but as time goes by he slowly understand it. He even unfriend in Facebook all those women I used to get jealous with, I didn't told him to do that but because he wanted to avoid any conflict with the same issues that's why he did it, he said “for peace of mind” hahaha!
Those are the vital ways of loving a toxic person and helps them to overcome whatever they are going through. You're not just loving a person but you are also helping one soul from falling apart.
With all the things my partner have done, I became stronger than I was before, I overcome my toxicity and helped me to grow as person. Indeed when you are with the right person, you will grow despite all the struggles you have instead of provoking you to reach out your limits.
Right now, I can stand on my own and I understand myself more after someone shows it to me. After my healings, I started to reciprocate my partner's effort and his affection towards me, that is why our relationship already runs for 11 years and counting despite that we are in a long distance relationship most of the time.. I know it's not about how long you have been together but it's all about how strong the foundation you have built together.
Sometimes some people just need someone who is willing to listen with all their dramas, and someone who can always back them up morally.
BUT, if a toxic person does all the toxicity to manipulate you then that's another story. Some are also pretentious, using their emotional distress to manipulate others just to stay by their side. You should also be vigilant with your partner's action if it's genuine or not. Some psychotic people are good in manipulating others, which will lead the other party to get rid of them for their own sakes.
If you already did the things I've mentioned above and see no progress on your partner then, it's time for you to find ways to get out of the relationship because it will not prosper anymore but will destroy both of you.
Disclaimer
All written was based on the writer's perspective opinions and experiences, if it's not applicable on your situation then disregard those advises.
Recent personal blogs:
The Random It Gets, The More It Is Rewarded (Sometimes Not)
Becoming A Mom (Happy Mother's Day!)
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Date Published: May 27,2022
This is a great lesson for those who are in a toxic relationship presently. It will really help them a lot