I am the owner of my Wallet NOT them

I thought that this month will never have a rant version of article from me but that is just only my thought. I didn't know that the topic that I am neglected everyday- will come back again. I really don't like to write/published an article about rants you know because, I don't like to ruined the mood if my readers 'coz it you are one of my readers since I started my journey here, you know how much annoying my Sister and my Family are when it comes to money.

Last last last days ago, I shared to you from Cleaning and Organizing my own temporary room. It's not because, I wanted to spend some BCH FOR MYSELF only but because I wanted to clean it because I AM THE ONE who is staying at that room. It's my responsibility to clean and organized it because if i will just wait for someone who will do it , I think I just waited for nothing and so, I started to decorate it a little bit because it's looks plain and nothing changed even if I will organized, clean the floor and change the curtains so, I bought things that I will need to clean and organized it well.

It's all about my Wallet and to the people who are meddling if where I will spend my Earnings. Actually, I rant before about some parts of it already. It always repeat and repeat and repeated problems and reasons why I was annoyed to them and because of this, I wanted to confessed something to all of you who read this blog of mine for today.

Confessions

To be honest, I really don't like to spend my BCH esp. That i need to save for the room of my Mom. I admit, I am not good at making decisions if you are my reader since my Day 1 of being a content creator of this platform, you know How much I changed. From being a person who doesn't like to spend BCH and just saved it to the person who spend to Help my Grandparents to being a great spender and the last sentence is what I hated to become. I really like to neglect or avoid to become a spender person because i need to help my Mom.

Sometimes, I have these thoughts when I have things that I bought for myself, just like thinking that,

"Hey, we are not that rich, why buying things for yourself? You don't deserve to buy beautiful things."

and

"Don't envy those kids here who was sharing their shopee budols or they bought things online because, They have their own house. They have parents. Unlike you, you still need to save, earn and work hard and build your own house."

I admit that I lost my confidence. I lost inspiration. I feel like, I just want to stop everything that I am doing right now. 1 year of writing and spending time to earn. Everytime that I look on the mirror, I always compare myself to other teen agers at the same age as mine, they look good and presentable. They also have an healthy eyes, and they doesn't look like they are Stressed. Meanwhile, I have me. My eyebags, pimples, i don't have proper clothes when I go out and I don't have things such as bags or make ups and even take care of my nails like that.

I wanted to enjoy my youth like other kids too. I want to have what the other kids have that their parents gived to them. I like to tell those things to my Mom but I stopped myself because I don't like her to get tired to wiped and clean the whole house just to get what I wanted.

That's why I am here. That's why I am staying here because this is just the only opportunity that I have to help, to earn, and give myself what I want and deserve without begging my Mom or other people to give what I want and all the things that I have will be from my own sweat and a result of me being a hard working person.

But...Why?

Months Ago, my Grandma always nag to me when My Sister started to decorate her room. They painted it and they even bought a Floor mat. That time, I started to become lazy and I don't have energy to help them anymore because they are too much already. They give me depression that's why I have a lot of absences here.

And because of that, My mind always keep changed some plans until I decided to just spend the money for what I need and teach them a lesson that not everytime, I always help them because they didn't appreciate me. If you read my past articles about this problems, you already know how I struggle to deal with them.

Now, That I am cleaning and organizing the temporary room, They still nag to me, They always Questioned me why I need to bought this and that, they also the one who will decide the color that I will paint to the room and they also Demand that I should also spend some money for everything in the house too.

You know what? I understand that they are saying that because we are just staying here. We don't owned anything here BUT in those years that we are staying here, my Mom sending them a money too. She never stop to helped them too and she even sends 20k for the paint and she even fixed the uneven walls outside. She gives shares and never forget her responsibility as their Daughter.

I am just their grand child. Their other Grandchildren- they didn't be like this to them. Only to me. They pressured me a lot but they never become like this to my Sister, to my other cousins. They don't meddling to their allowances and savings but to me, they are acting like as if they are also my responsibility and they didn't even thought that it was hard for me to save and work too.

Like, "Let her be. It's her money and she is saving to helped our Daughter." and or "It's so good to see our Grandchild saving for her own Future right now. We should not be a burden to her and support her to whatever she wanted to be."

But when I always give or helped them, they don't even appreciate it.

But right now, since when I decided to convert some BCH to paint my temporary room and even separate some money for the floor mat and for organizers, I didn't mind what they will say to me. I mean,

I feel like I started to become unbothered to whatever they say. My ear become closed to the negative things and I started to become independent on making decisions because I am the real owner of my Wallet and it's my choice to whatever I will do to it because I worked hard for it.

I decided that, I will earn for the things that I need when I have needs and I will make sure to spend some for the things that I really need for a good purpose at the same time, separate the half of it for the room that I am saving for my Mom.

Because, I realized that I am still young and I should also pamper myself because, I will just be this younger onced in a life time. What Important to me is even if I am spending, I should never forget that I have goals and because of this mindset, I become Happy and looking at my Temporary room being fixed using my BCH that I worked hard for how many months makes me happy and proud because, I didn't know that I can able to give myself the thing that I wanted by not asking my Mom for it.

At the age of 21, turning 22 this year, I have one DREAM that become real soon. Not my OWN room and it's only temporary though, I am still proud because finally, I have my dream room and someday, the next thing that I will achieved is being at my 20's and I build a room for my Mom.

Thanks to Bitcoincash, Read.cash, #Club1BCH and to you because without those, I can't able to save, earn, learned and become independent in my own and This is the start of my journey for being an unbothered queen. Whatever what the other say, I don't care anymore, as long as I am happy.

Thanks for reading!

My Previous Articles:

While the Clouds are still Orange: Memories will never be forgotten

Planning , Organizing and Decorating Idea

Pick A one Number and i will answer it

While the Clouds are still Orange: Ferris Wheel

While the Clouds are still Orange