Bet me I will or never Get married?

Many people ask me esp my other Aunts and Uncles from Grandparents side everytime that we have some occasion in our house after a long time of not being able to visit our province if do I have a boyfriend? Because I always recieved some praise since I was a kid that i am a beautiful grandchild of my Grandparents and a favorite of my Grandpa. Honestly, I always denied and i can't accept that praises from them because I am not really beautiful. If you know my telegram account, my profiles are the proof of me being ugly so I always answered them No because that is the truth (I know someone will commented this soon and comment, 'Glad that you know' lol).

When I am still a Kid, I do have a lot of crushes back then but i just fall inloved to only one until now and that is my ex- best friend. Until right now, I can't move on and my heart is still belong to him and I don't know why I tried to fall inlove to others but still he is the only one and that is the reason why I end the relationship of my last boyfriend in personal and just choose to have a boyfriend in virtual instead. I admit, I take them all seriously but not as serious as how I fall in love to my best friend. I tried to love them but I really can't because I don't like to hurt them until they are the one who gave up because they know that I am inlove to him.

Back to my Aunt and Uncles, I always answered them that I don't have a boyfriend for almost years already and then they will ask me again the question if "How old are you now?" And that is the moment that I stoped for a second because I'm already 21 years old yet, I don't still have some experiences in serious dates and traveling with my boyfriend just like how my younger cousins doing right now. They are also earlier than me I mean, they are strong and have a courage to introduce their Boyfriend/Girlfriends to our Grandparents and while me? I didn't let them meet my ex's before because I promise to myself that if there is someone who I will let them meet, maybe the guy that I will marry and sure to me to become his Wife.

I still remember the day, when I am still fresh graduate of Senior High School that there are some Engineers visiting our house of my Uncle. One of the Engr. is still young and I bet, he is just a fresh entered in our municipality. He is handsome tho and you know, I am interested in mens that has white skin and tall rawr! Charot. But anyways, After they Go home, I am shock when my Uncle called me and ask me if I saw that engineer and he said that, that young engineer before like me but I just rolled my eyes to my Uncle back then because I thought that he is just kidding or teasing me because that handsome guy is Single.

How I wish he will come here again to save me for being single charot. I want to ask my Uncle if what is his name before but I hesitate because of my Grandpa you know, I'm still young back then and I'm scared that he will scold me but now, he is also wishing me that I will found a right one in the future but I always keep telling him and to them that I marriage is not one of my plan.

By the way, I just knew that the Young engr. Before was got married to a private school teacher.

But speaking of Marriage, my other younger cousins from Father's side is already has a child at their young age and seeing them holding their kids at the young age is making me feel like I can't do that because I'm still young and I'm scared to become a failure Mom to my kid(s).

You already know that I don't have plans of marrying. In our Telegram Groupchat, We are talking about marriage and @Eunoia 's prediction is I will married thrice in the future but I defend myself that is not true because of the reason that I am scared of entering relationship.

And the reason why, I don't like to enter to relationship again is because of my Fear of experiencing being cheated. Knowing that, in our generation, there are a lot of divorces because of their unsuccessful marriage because of cheating and I don't like to experience that. I am scared of hurting myself again just because of the only man.

So, Marriage is not really for me and not on my list but, you know there are still a possible reason for me to get married and that is the 3 words ops, not the bad word okay? My godness! You are a green minded. HA-HA

Possible reasons for me to Get Married

I want to have a kid

When I saw some cute photos of cute dresses and shoes of kids, It makes me want to have one too. This is the first time that I become interested in having a kid even if I am not good at taking care of kids and I have a short patience.

I do like to experience holding my own Child to my arms and dance him to fall asleep and humming with lullaby. I do like to experience to see my child in his first up and walk, hearing his first word that calling me as his 'Mom'.

Staying at our so called Own House

These is also the reason why I want to get married. When I watch the one episode of #Happiness where the two main lead just transfered to their own house. The girl really wants to have and experience to have own house and build your own family.

The feeling of seeing her smiling because finally, the moment is already come and she already achieved that. Makes me wonder if I can also experience that in the future that you will stay in the house that you both spend your whole life and hardwork to build it.

I also like to experience decorating our house as a wife.

Marrying him at night

I don't know if it is good to get married at night. I mean, i always watch, read, and even saw that all of the couples are always get married on Day and not in Night.

I don't know if it is impossible here at our country but I admit that I once dreamed to get married at night in the peaceful clean and green grass mountain, the fireflies around me will be also consider as my lights while walking towards to my groom, that the billions of stars and the moon will be also our guest in our important date of our life aside from our guest.

Conclusion...

You are right, I am not so sure that I will not married in the future but still I admit that there was still fear to me of marrying and I'm not still prepared for that because I'm still starting to become adult. If I will married, I can't guarantee that our family will be perfect because we can't avoid having problems to our life right? I just hope that when I will get married, my children will never experience a broken family because that is what I am fearing the most because I don't experience having a complete family at the young age and it's hard for me because I don't have parents on my side unlike to my cousins that they have complete family.

But anyways, for now, I don't think about marriage because I should focus to my first priorities first before that. Thank you for reading!

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