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My Childhood Friends put me through Hell

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Written by   354
5 months ago

August 04, 2021

What’s up? Here I am again at your screen telling the fraction of my life. Well, I am not scared to share something personal here because this is my safe space. Aside from that, you didn’t know my full identity so, yeah. 

⚠ For today’s article, the topic will revolve around traumas, childhood, friends, and my personality. If you don’t feel good, you’re not in the mood, or feeling blue, reading this may worsen those feelings, I guess. So better skip this and find other articles from great authors or you can check my other articles as well. 

If you’re still here, I appreciate it very much.

Let’s have a little throwback. 

I did not originally live in Bacoor. I was born in Muntinlupa and raised there until 4.

I often get sick in the place we lived back then because our environment is not that nice; there are open canals, when it rains it gets flooded, and the place is overly crowded. 

My grandmother suggested that my parents should move out of the place.  My parents followed her advice and used their savings to buy a house here in Cavite. Since then, I rarely get ill.

In my new life here in Bacoor, I made new friends. That time I was still shy but I am proud when I had the courage to approach the little kids across the neighborhood.. However, little did I know, that move will forever change me and shape my personality. 

Since I was a child, my movements were different from the norms set by society.  I am a soft young boy and I get bullied because of that. 

I will never forget the question my friend asked me, "bakla ka ba?". In english, "Are you gay?". 

I answered no. I have no perception of a straight and gay guy and the difference between them back then.

That moment, they were not convinced. They started to question my sexuality. I repeatedly deny their accusations but they are not satisfied and teased me even more.

I can't imagine that at the age of 4-5 years old I am already receiving such treatment. I am just a child who wants to make friends and play outside. Who the hell are they to treat a pure and innocent child like that? 

I am angry and teary eyed while writing this. I don't deserve that. I pity myself. 

Since then, my friends make fun of me. When we are playing outside, they will tease me, saying that I am gay, bakla, bayot. They will get more excited if I get pissed or cry.

I was a victim of bullying since I was a child. But as an innocent individual, I have no idea that it's not normal. I thought it was part and stage of childhood. How stupid I am. 

Things continued that way. For several years, I ate those insults and let them flow into my system. 

One time, my friends were playing tamaang tsinelas, a filipino game where the loser gets punished. I was the loser at that moment and I am ready to take the consequences. However, exactly at that time, my mother had the chance to cross our playing area to go back to our home, when my friend suddenly shouted, "Ate, I will make your son a real man!". 

Everyone laughed of course. I believe that some of the adults near us also participated in the laughing marathon. I got embarrassed. 

I didn't have the chance to take a glimpse of my mother's reaction because I am too ashamed. 

Later that day, when I got home, my mother scolded me. She said that I should not let my friends treat me that way. 

I feel sorry for my younger self. Sorry that I didn't have the courage to defend you. Sorry that I am not there to say stop to your bullies.

I can't clearly remember the things that happened after that incident. But things have changed since then.

I found myself inside of my house often, usually checking the window to see if my friends were there. 

If I see them playing outside. I feel afraid, irrationally shy, and nervous. I want to join them but I can stop myself thinking about things – what if they tease me again?

Even now, 10+ years after those incidents, I am still afraid and nervous when I see them staying outside, I feel uncomfortable when I walk near them, I feel that anytime that they will say something to me.

Since everything we want to know is on the internet, I tried searching for some possible explanation why I feel and act that way. Some of the results showed that I have severe anxiety and maybe a trauma. Well, I don't confirm that I was diagnosed with these problems as I haven't consulted with experts yet.

I partly blame my childhood friends for why I am like this. For why I am scared and uncomfortable with social interactions. For why I am scared of judgement. For why I am scared to express myself. For why I have low self esteem. For why I had a hard time accepting and loving myself. They destroy me.

But to be honest, I don't really know who to blame. They were children, too, back then. They didn't know what they were doing. They were dumb. 

Maybe I should blame their parents? For not educating and disciplining their child? For letting their child bully another child? 

Regardless, if you are reading this, please pledge to me that I am the last person who will experience this. Educate, educate, educate yourself. Do not tolerate any kind of bullying. And if you're the one who bullies, please stop and don't destroy the future of another person.


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Written by   354
5 months ago
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Comments

Awwww I'm sorry to hear about your experience. There will always be people who don't know how to respect others. It's so sad when it happens. I hope you feel better in time...

$ 0.00
5 months ago

My younger brother was also a softie when he was a little kid, a softie and a sensitive one. So many people also thinks that he will be a gay when he gets a little bit older and bigger. But, no. He was just like that and now? He's so manly. I was not against the LGBTQ+, in fact I have so many friends who are a gay, lesbi, or eveb bisexual. I accept them and was in a really good terms. I called them sis, mare, ghourl and any callings that are for girls. Why question them? If that was what they really are. Why treat them so bad if they treated us so nice? Why can't we understand and accept them if they're doing their very bests to also understand our toxic mindsets and accept our foul words towards them? Why discriminate them? Why? Kung sila nga ay tanggap tayo. Why? Madalas nga mas lalaki pa ang mga gays eh. Pero wala eh, 'di natin mababago mindsets nila. Kasi sila lang makakagawa 'nun.

$ 0.02
5 months ago

I can say that we had the same experience of bullying, but the children would often point out how fat I am instead. It really broke me down. Up until now, I have anxiety going out because of that fear of being judged. Hopefully we're both ok by now and never let these people destroy us.

Malapit lang pala kayo saamin, taga-Kawit kami ngayon, lumipat lang din from Caloocan in the past 9 yrs.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

That's also what I experienced when I was a kid, but just picked acquaintances though. Anyway, we have different perspectives in life and kahit ngayon pa rim naman. Ikaw ba naman na walang ginawa maghapon haha. So far, wala namang bully sa school noon at immature lang siguro sila kaya nila yon nasasabi haha. Yung nambully kaya sa akin na grade eight tapos elementary just like yours, naging kaklase ko pa siya nung grade 10. In short, nagstop siya pero di naman niya ako binully. Siguro part lang yon ng maturity. Halos puro babae kausap ko kasi madaldal compared sa boys haha. Sana all strong

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Lungkot naman ng article na to. Naalala ko childhood ko. Lagi akong binubully ng kababata ko.pero ngayon best of bestfriends na kame haha ❤️

$ 0.00
5 months ago

So sorry for what happened. During my time bullying is not an issue. I have had classmates who were bullied and I even contributed to it. I felt guilty even up to now with my flash memories, everytime I recall the incidents of my childhood i regret those times and I wished I have become more friendly to those who have been bullied in our class.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

That's really bad of your friend and I wouldn't blame them much because they are kids as well.

Are you the only child of the family? I had bully issues at school but I had to fight for myself and it was a very dirty one that day. I don't you have any condition that causes that, the issue is that you are a calm person and they just took advantage of your calmness.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

We had a lot of similarities. A LOT.

Sa Paranaque naman ako from infant to 4 or 5 year old. Same din ng description mo sa Muntinlupa. (SKL muntinlupa birthplace ko kahit sa Paranaque ako pinanganak. HAHAHA) Tas lumipat din sa bacoor.

Sana nga magkapitbahay tayo para tayo nalang maglaro.

Nung bata ako napagkakamalan din akong bakla ng mga kaibigan ko at syempre pamilya ko. May time nga na parang napilit ako ng kuya ko makipagsuntukan sa kalaro ko, para maprove na di bakla. Yun syempre talo ako, umiyak so parang lumala pa pang aasar. Palipat lipat din ako ng bahay, tas laging akala ng mga bagong kalaro is bakla ako.

Dahil sa mga diyan may times nadin na naquestion ko sexuality ko. I guess part din yan ng kawalan ko ng confidence at pagiging mahiyain.

And worst kahit pamilya ko, akala nila na bakla ako. Yoko na sumagot at mag explain kasi dapat kilala nila ako. Kahit matanda nako,natatanong padin nila yan. So yan reason bakit distant ako sa pamilya ko,mga pinsan, kapatid at grand parents.

I'm not really sure kung bakit yan tingin nila. Maybe because of my action? I spent a lot of times with my girl classmates and friends way back in elem? I'm not sure but now I don't really care. I know who I am.

Gladly, I have friends now na kilala ako, kung sino man ako. Tsaka mga kalaro ko dati, nakilala din nila ako nang husto.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

That's really sad that you have to go through bullies like that. You are right about educating others. Our society should be educated. The deep rooted beliefs, traditions and cultures are hard to break if we keep holding to the past. We should move forward for times are changing.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

That's a sad and traumatic childhood experience. Now that the topic is bullying, naalala ko na naging bully ako somehow nung elementary. But I think I wasn't completely aware of what I was doing and just realized it later on, now that I'm 20? Ngayon lang talaga pumasok ulit to sa isip ko. I'm not a bully anymore since I graduated from elementary and moved in to high school. Maybe because I'm surrounded with new/different people/environment already and become more aware of my actions. You're right. It's all about educating one another. Sending hugs to you!

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Your post had me in tears. I too was bullied as a child and it has left me emotionally scarred. Thank you so much for speaking out about what happened to you and raising awareness that it is not right and people need to act when they see it happening. You are very strong, thank you for sharing this 🌺

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I am sorry you had to go through such bully right from a tender age

But I don't think you should blame anyone

What if you have to do is forgive yourself for not fighting back, or trying to stop the bully at an early stage

Then forgive your friends and those trained them

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I will take note this. Thank you :))

$ 0.00
5 months ago

ang sad naman ng childhood memories mo though naexperienced ko din yan especially yung sumunod sa akin. Naawa ko nun sa kapatid ko kasi kapag siya yung taya kinakawawa nila buti na lang di natrauma yung kapatid ko. I hope your past won't hinder your present and future. Sana maconquer mo yung trauma na meron ka kasi having that kind of trauma is not really easy to handle. Stay strong. Nakaya mo nuon and mas kakayanin mo now. I hope makatagpo ka n true friends :)

$ 0.03
5 months ago

I didn't experienced bullying when I was a kid but on my High School days dahil sa ilong ko. I lost my confidence everytime they laugh at me. Minsan sasabihin pa nila oink oink Kasi para daw ilong ng baboy Yung ilong ko . First year high school ako noon and nagkatrauma din ako until nung 2nd year na nakatagpo ako ng mga mababait na kaklase.

Then asawa ko Naman ganyan din tulad sayo , hanggang nung naging jowa ko nga Yun may nagcomment pa na lalaki daw pla sya. Yung tipong dahil lng Hindi ka Gaya nila ijujudge kna nila.

Last pa sa anak ko , 2 years old plng to . Dahil nga Hindi mahilig sa mga cars minsan sasabihin bakla kaba? Which is Alam ko pagdadaan nya din Yung experience ng papa nya Kung lalaki syang medyo Hindi tlga manly

$ 0.00
User's avatar Yen
5 months ago

Yung childhood days ang pinaka crucial sa development ng bata. Pag bata palang naeexpose na sya sa mga abuse/bully from others, it may leave a permanent scar sa personality ng bata. Parent's support is also crucial. Yan din po siguro yung kulang sakin nung bata. My parents are aware of bullying pero they let it pass since iniisip siguro nila na away bata lang.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Kaya nga nilalayo Kona Yung mga anak ko sa mga Bata dito saming bully e. Pinipili ko talaga Kung Sino Yung sasamahan nya.

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User's avatar Yen
5 months ago

Bullying can destroy someone's life ..It's a serious disease inside the society and peple who did this kind of thing are selfish. Shame on them...Na experienced kona din ito. sa school pa mismo ..perp since nung kwinelyohan ko yung isang bully eh .tumigil sila.Sometimes we need to slam them in the face to make them stop..To tell them that they are not superior..

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Awe I feel you being bullied from others😔 Ever since before when I was in the elementary to highschool my confidence affected because of that thing. I am thankful to God that I enter college He gave me courage to face all the weaknesses that my confidence would not be affected anymore.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I am also bullied when i was little ,tgey call me "bakla" That is why sometimes i dont want to hangout with my boy friends because if i didnt do anything that they can satisfy they call me bakla instead of coward That is the reason why i grow up so emotional and being togehther with girls And sometimes i am alone because i dont want to show to anyone myself and i dont want to do what they want And also that is rge reason why i hate the word "bakla" i dont hate lgbtq i just hate the term "bakla"😸

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Well, I also hated the gays back then just to prove I don't belong with them pero I realized na mali yun kaya tinigilan ko na

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Madalas ako asarin nung bata ako na tabachingching, tambok or lampa. Tas sinasagot ko sila na "atleast kumakain". Ninsan narin akong nakipagsuntukan nung elem dahil sa bully 🤦🏻‍♀️

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Lantaran din ang body shaming sa mga bata pero yung mga parents dapat ieducate nila mga anak nila. Sa parents kasi talaga dapat nagsisimula

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Tama, yung iba masyado mapagkonsente sa anak nila

$ 0.00
5 months ago