I wonder what turn my life would have taken if I had a choice on certain things. It is not a good idea to entertain these thoughts but I still find myself pondering about it.
Who would I be if I had a choice?
If I could have chosen my parts, who would I choose?
Will I choose my same parents or look for someone else?
Of course, I knew what is expected of me to say. Honestly, it would not be a bad choice to pick ky parents if ever. They love me and my sisters a lot. I know that they do their best to provide for us.
Still, in moments of vulnerabilities, I would often wonder what would have happened if I was the child of someone with more connections.
I remember feeling out of place when I was in a Science High School because the parents of my classmates have connections they can count on. My classmates are there knowing that they will be successful in the future.
They were there with the knowledge that if they struggled, they could ask for help about their academics to their parents.
That was not the case for me. My parents do their best to support me but there are a lot of things that I has to do on my own. There were times when I would forego eating snacks just so the money given to me could be used for projects.
But like I said, it was just fancy dreaming. I know for a fact that I would not trade my family for someone else. It might be tempting to think of a different life with rich parents but I kmow that it will not be the same.
While my family experienced a lot of struggles, I still have precious memories with them. And I treasure them too much to exchange them for money or connections.
If I had a choice, would I have chosen a different course?
The program I am taking right now is the best at the time that I was choosing. I was not in the right state of mind to try farther universities so I looked for the best course for me in the closest university to us.
I do enjoy the lessons sometimes but I often wonder what would have happened if I had chosen another path.
As much as my course is an incredible one, for me it is just a stepping stone towards what I truly wamted to study- Biomedical Engineering. With my course right now, I could find myself going in that direction someday. Or maybe I would choose the "highey paying" part instead of something that interests me.
If I had a choice to turn back time, would I take it?
If someone had asked me that question a few years ago, I would have probably asked the possibility of it happening before answering. If they say that it can happen with 90% chance of working, I am sure thatI would have taken the chance.
Probably to change a few things that I regret, to things that I wished I had done earlier, to take my future more seriously, and other things like that.
However, if someone asked me that now, I wouls still be tempted. I am not gonna lie about such a simple thing.
Turning back time and having the chance to do better things sounds appealing.
I used to imagine it sometimes. Imagine myself waking up in the past, with no idea how I got there, just that I was given another chance. I remember skipping over small details and just thinking about the big differences foresight could make.
Although now, I could no longer do that. Imagining myself in the past means no Moshi. It means no puppy to spoil, to puppy to bark insanely loud because someone was standing at the door, and no puppy to look at when I feel stressed.
Sure, I could try to imagine about adopting her once she gets born but what if the changes never bring her to us. I do not want that.
What's more is that I do not want to lose my connection with my loved ones. My relationship with others started growing deeper in the past year, and I know that I will feel incredibly alone even if I could talk to their younger versions.
The memories we shared will only be carried by me if I go back in time, and I am not afraid to say that I do not lile the idea.
So if I had a choice to go back in time, I would just be tempted but I would not take the chance. What I have right now might leave me wanying for more sometines, but the precious moments and people I have right now are worth more than the chance of doing things a bit differently.
What about you? If you had a choice to go back in time, would you take it?
Closing words
It feels weird trying to justify my lack of interaction despite posting articles HAHA. Anyway, I am still busy. The academic break turned out to be the biggest joke of the year because I had 2 quizzes, and more activities during the time that was supposedly dedicsted to resting.
I am not gonna bore you with details. Just know that I appreciate all of you. I wish I could kust disappear from the platform altogether but I really don't want to lose something that I worked hard on.
I still have not gotten around to making my October articles summary huhu.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
September 2021 Articles Summary
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"Going back in time and having the opportunity to do better things sounds appealing." If you could go back in time to do better things, you wouldn't be you anymore, you wouldn't be who you are right now, you would be someone totally different, you wouldn't have learned everything you know. If I could go back in time, maybe I would, but I would try to do everything the same, I would only do it to relive old moments, I would not change anything, because what happened before made me what I am now, an ordinary person full of mistakes, but willing to learn anything. If I traveled back in time and instead of studying engineering or music I would have studied to be a lawyer as my mother wanted, maybe I would have had a better income, a house of my own, but maybe I would not be happy, because I wasted my time studying something I don't like, and time is something that can never be recovered. If I could go back in time, I would leave everything the same, my parents, my grandparents, my brother, my pets, my friends who are still with me and the friends who are no longer by my side.