Boundaries in Relationship
Modern dating is such a tricky path to navigate. With many confusing stuff that people do during dating, what should have been a fairly straight forward thing becomes complicated.
There are so many terms that popped up trying to capture the types of people you can and will encounter in dating during this period. Social media also played a huge part in this. Cultivating unhealthy expectations and relationship narratives is a recipe for disaster.
One common theme that I have been seeing in some relationship groups are people not knowing their boundaries. These people would post anonymous confessions asking for advice in their situation where they should have been askinf what their boundaries are.
I firmly believe that many relationships fail because the people involve never bothered to talk about each other's boundaries. So they tolerate their partner's bad attitude to them becquse social media like to preach about "staying even when it is tough".
Such narratives then went on to create more toxic relationship that often times leave a lot of trauma to the people involved.
I am not here to judge though, I understand these people after all. I was like that too once upon a time. Naive and so optimistic about the capacity of people to change.
However, now I know better. In my current relationship, I have openly discussed my boundaries and the dealbreakers I have in relationships. My partner also told me his boundaries and dealbreakers so we know what things not to cross since we want to have a healthy relationship.
Establishing clear boundaries means that there is no room for misunderstanding certain actions. Unlike when your boundaries are not clear, you would feel confused all the time. Especially when you just try to imitate what you see online.
I have seen huge amount of people overthinking about their partners following popular personalities of the opposite sex kust because there are some who proudly share that their partners willingly block people that they feel uncomfortable with.
It shows that these people does not know their boundaries. They feel bothered because they see people who are not doing the same thing as them and they are questioning the validity of their relationship.
Which I think is foolish since a relationship is between two people. My boundaries are different from someone else. What they might consider okay mighr be a dealbreaker for me and vice versa.
I just wished that people would start communicating more with their partners instead of turning to strangers for advice. The story they post are usually one-sided painting them in a sad light, like a victim and their partners as bad. So strangers are quick to say to leave a relationship just because of an incomplete version of the truth.
Moreover, there was this one post that bothered me a lot. Where the original poster was asking if their partner was emotionally cheating on them because he was liking someone else's pictures.
Imagine just how confused I felt when I saw the comment section validating the original poster's feeling and telling them to leave their partner. I was wondering when liking one's post was considered cheating.
Like I said everyone is different but should that not have been discussed with the partner first? Why post a heavily edited version of your story just so you can justify leaving a relationship?
Cheating is an awful source of trauma especially since it came from someone you have trusted. But many times people have different ideas of what is considered as cheating. So it is important to talk about that with your partner. Relying on strangers who have no further insights into the working of your relationship is bound to bring more problems than solutions.
I just hope that people would be more willing to discuss their boundaries with their partners instead of being vague about it. And then wondering why their partner never seem to get them.
Closing words
This is just a short string of thoughts I have as I am becoming more frustrated with the posts I see. Especially since it is posted in a group supposedly for healthy relationships.
These kinds of confessions always start with "We are in a healthy relationship but..." then they proceed to describe an unhealthy and tozic relationship.
Thank you for reading this article!
If you want to read some more articles of mine, I have monthly summaries here:
December 2021 Articles Summary
November 2021 Articles Summary
It's really important. I agree sis. The partners should talk about their boundaries so that they will aware on it. It will help the relationship to be heathy. It will lessen the fights and misunderstandings both.
We talked about this thing already with my partner sis. I didn't want a quarrel. I want a peace relationship.
Not talking about relationship boundaries to your partner is one of the reason that you will break apart and destroy your relationship.