The Helicopter Parenting
21 years of existence in this world should be a valid reason to write about this topic. I firsthand witnessed and experienced how Filipino parents would raise their kids.
Let us know first what is Helicopter Parenting.
According to Google, Helicopter parents are parents who pay extremely close attention to their kids' activities and schoolwork in an effort to not only protect them from pain and disappointment, but to help them succeed. Helicopter parents are known to hover over their children and become overly involved in their lives.
Source: Google
Having a kid is one of the greatest achievements of a couple. Whether it would be biological or adopted children. What matters the most is the life of a child that would depend on the Parents for guidance and nourishment until they are ready to face the reality.
There's no such thing as a perfect parent. There would still be spaces that they cannot fill.
Here are some of the toxic parenting traits that I noticed and witnessed:
Parents should stop treating their kids as a retirement plan. Some parents would tell their children that when they grow older, their kids should be the ones to take care of them and provide for their needs. This is wrong. This should not be imposed on children. Having a kid is a choice and no kid was born ready to have obligations. Children will help their parents if they want to. Not just because they are indebted to them but they are willingly giving back to the love that their parents gave them. And eventually, children will leave the nest and create their own families in the future.
Parents should stop comparing their children to other kids. We are all born individually unique, we have different strengths and weaknesses. Children who have experienced being compared to other kids will question themselves and ask what's wrong with them. They will resent themselves for thinking that they aren't good enough.
Also, parents should stop comparing the lives of their children to the ones that they see on the roads/ streets that have less privilege than they have. It's not their fault for being born into a privileged family and comparing them to the less fortunate kids will make them feel that they don't deserve the life that they have.
Parents should stop dictating/ deciding on the life of their children. The parent's role is to guide and provide for their children. This is a sad reality for some people out there. They aren't the one who chooses their college degree for them but it's their parents. For example, when the parents found out that their kid is going to take a course that has no boards exam, they will automatically tell their kid to take nursing, engineering, education, and etc. It is not new to us that sometimes, discrimination begins in our homes. Some kids end up being rebellious to their parents and even resent and have a grudge against them for the rest of their lives. Dictating for the life of your children is like cutting off their wings. You are restraining them to fly.
Parents should stop invalidating their children's feelings just because they didn't go through the same thing in their generation. Opening up about what we feel is already a hard thing to do. There's this existing trauma that we have because our feelings have been invalidated. This is a toxic trait of some Filipino parents. They always think that we made things up especially when we discuss our mental health. They don't understand that there are a lot of stressors/ events that can affect the mental being of their kids. They don't know that it can have an impact on us and we end up keeping our problems to ourselves. OUR generation is not YOUR generation.
Parents should stop mentioning to their kids on what they have provided to them. The perfect example of this is when our parents borrow money from us. When we try to ask for our money, they will immediately compute all their expenses on us as if we ask them to do that for us--- it's their responsibility.
Parents should stop invading their kids' privacy. There are parents who would search over their children's phones and read messages. For me, parents should cut some slack on their children. There will be a time that their kids will set boundaries and that's okay. Kids need privacy too. Trust is what should be present in the parent-kid relationship.
Final thoughts...
This isn't about showing aggression towards the parents who does these kinds of acts thus, this should make them realized that what matters the most is their love, support, understanding, and guidance.
Author's note:
I know some of you experienced these kinds of treatment from your parents and I hope you are still fighting to live. It's never easy to handle this kind of situation and I hope you have understanding parents that are willing to listen and to be educated.
Thank you for reading this article! Always keep safe and healthy!
Check out my previous articles:
Andami talagang mga parents na ganyan. Hays ako din naranasan ko yung icompare ako sa iba, yung iba nga din dito sa bahay dati nung bata ako sabi nila wag ka makisama sa mga ganto, ganyan. Yung ang baba ng tingin nila sa ibang bata ngay porket may kaya sila pero yung mga nakakalaro ko, walang wala. Kahit naman mula ako sa parents ng mama ko na may kaya, naranasan ko din naman yung walang wala talaga kasi di naman kami yung may kaya eh sila lang. Bahay nga na matino, wala kami eh. Hays. Pero kahit na ganyan sila di parin naman mawawala yung pamilya, kamag anak, magulang mo parin naman sila. Siguro magbabago lang yung mga parents na may ganyang ugali kapag nagsabi na yung bata ng sama ng loob.