Stay Away From Me. Get Lost!

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Avatar for WanderingMedStudent
3 years ago

Totoo pala talaga yung kasabihan na It's Not Always Rainbows And Butterflies. There's this one visitor of mine whom I don't want to visit me anymore, I'm so tired of it. Why? Because it takes away my joy and energy. It always brings a heavy feeling that I cannot explain.

I am talking about my mental health. I hate this visitor! One moment I'm happy and then in just a snap of my fingers, I will start to have a heavy feeling inside of me. Para bang flesh-eating bacteria na paunti-unti akong kinakain sa loob hanggang manghina ako. Nakakapagod na rin.

This heavy feeling always pays a visit when everything in my life is doing perfectly fine. I don't know but I feel scared now whenever everything in my life is doing good. I feel traumatized.

It sucks because I can't do anything when it visits me. My jolly personality will eventually fade and I can't function well. I would just lay in bed and do nothing, sometimes I try to sleep but I just can't. I can't even finish watching an episode of The Good Doctor earlier.

I don't want to think that I have depression because I am not a psychologist and self-diagnosing will just lead to more complications. All I know is that I am helpless. I wanted to scream and cry myself to sleep but for some reason, I can't do it.

There are things that I do to cope up with this feeling. I talk to my little cousin and ask her to give me a hug, pet my cat, not using my phone, go to the garden, and etc. If there's one precious thing that I don't want to be broken/ ruined/ at risk, it would be my mental health. I'll do everything just to protect it.

Everyone is not going to understand what I am feeling and it's okay. I don't seek sympathy from you guys, I just want to share this because this is my reality. That my life is not perfect at all.

Maybe some of you will say that I should talk to my parents about this, I can't and it's not easy. They will not understand. I don't want to hear the phrases, "Nag-aaral ka lang naman tas ganiyan nararamdaman mo" or "Nag iinarte ka lang". It's difficult for them to understand because they are born into a different generation. They wouldn't understand that there are a lot more stressors today than before.

One thing I always tell myself is that my feelings are valid. I am valid. I just didn't make these things up on my mind because who would want to? The right thing to do is to deal with this and not try to get away or ignore this.

I will get over this. My mental health might be fvcked up as of the moment but I will come back as a much stronger person.


Author's Note.

I know that all of us have our own battles that we deal with on our own. Hang in there! You'll get through your silent battles!

If you need mental health consultation/check-up, you can use the code KMDKYLIE on Konsulta.md app for free mental health counseling. You can also follow Mental Health Matters PH to which Kylie Versosa founded for your daily reminders that you are valid.

Thank you for reading this! I wish you all the best!

P.S. I know that is too personal to share but I am already considering this platform as my journal.


If you have time, you can also read my previous articles:

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Avatar for WanderingMedStudent
3 years ago

Comments

I can't say anything but lemme just give you a virtual hugggggg.

Totoo din naman na marami sa atin ang natatakot or ayaw magsabi sa mga parent ng nararandaman or pinagdaraanan natin kasi napapangunahan tayo ng kung anu-ano lalo na kung mula't-sapul ay ganoon naman na nangyayari. Imbes na macomfort tayo is mas lumalala pa dahil sa mga words na nabibitawan nila. I don't know that feeling actualy kasi lumaki kaming magkakapatid na may paki sa amin parents namin. I know naman na may paki lahat ng parents sa mga anak pero iba-ibang ways lang talagaaaa. Pero smile ka na, sisssss! :) Nandito naman kami eh. Willing kami na pakinggan ka. Smile na, okay? Baka kasi nakangiti ka pero malungkot ka naman within. <3

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Hmmm, siguro dahil kahit may masaya kang pakiramdam. Sinisingit mo pa rin sa utak mo ang negativity? Seriously, why you are all thinking too much. I know someone na ang bata bata pa kung ano ano na ang iniisip na ko nag cacause ng stress sa kanya. Why not focus more on a happy thoughts. Kaya naman siguro diba? Kasi nakakaramdam ka rin ng saya, kaso kaya nakakaramdam ka ng ganyan kasi nag iisip ka ng sobra. Breath bata, huwag mong balutin ng negativity ang system mo. Don't think too much, just think of a happy thoughts, set aside muna yang mga what ifs, or whatever na bumabagabag sa isip mo

Well this is just base on my experience, kasi kelan la6mg ganyan din ako. Bigla nalang talagang mababalot ng kalungkutan ang isip ko pati puso. At yesss ang ina sa pakiramdam si talaga sya basta basta maaalis pag di mo pinilit ang sarili mo. I let myself succumb with sadness and helplessness, just for a short time. Dinama ko ng bongga, as in. Iniyak ko, ilang araw ko ding iniyakan yon. Ung dapat happy thought lang kaso di talaga maiwasan na maisingit un. But in the end natalo ko, big help sakin ang music ang funny vids sa fb. And now I'm back to being jolly again. Try it bata, wag kang patalo sa ganyang feeling just love yourself. πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ˜™πŸ’–β™₯οΈπŸ’πŸ’—πŸ’–

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Di ko naman talaga sinisingit ang sad thoughts sadyang pabigla bigla ko lang siyang nararamdaman. :"( I appreciate you Ate for sharing also your experience with dealing with your problems. Thank youuuu! ❀️

$ 0.00
3 years ago

Hi, though I don't know you personally, I just want to say good job for staying strong amidst all the problems in your life! Keep going and soon enough you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel. You're a strong person and your family really loves you, so hang in there! I hope that you'll get through all this and come out as the best version of yourself. Good luck!

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Hello, thank you for this! Actually I know all of the things that you mentioned above. I just get lost sometimes. Thank you for your well wishes! ❀️

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3 years ago

I admire how even when you are struggling with what's going on in your mind, you still refused to self-diagnose.

I don't have any advice for you or something. Since I have an idea that in that state it's useless because I am pretty sure any advice strangers can give you are things that you have already tried.

So I just want to say that I am praying for you to have lesser days getting a visit from this unwanted guest.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

I appreciate your well wishes, Zehrasky. Thank you for not giving me an advice since I don't really need it. I just want someone who will listen and understand me. Thank you! ❀️

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3 years ago

Dikita kilala in personal so diko alam kung ano ano mga pinagdadaanan or prinoproblema mo sa buhay so di muna ako magsasalita na parang feel ko yang nararamdaman mo. Pero may experience din akong ganyan at di ka nag iisa. Gusto ko lang malaman mo na kaya mo yan, ang need mo lang gawin eh maging matatag ako worried din ako sa health ko na gaya mo gusto ko din protektahan ang mental health ko ayoko isipin na nababaliw na ako kasi minsan pag bumibisita din sakin yung lungkot yung ganyan, tapos mamaya okay nanaman ako.

Wag ka mag alala, kaya mo yang labanan! Hindi din naman kasi sa lahat ng oras masaya tayo. Sabi nga sa napanuod ko about life, na pag tayo masaya kapalit nun kalungkutan.

$ 0.02
3 years ago

Yun din nga kinakatakutan ko kapag masaya ako, yung ganto na lungkot. Tas tama ka, kapag bumibisita tas maya-maya magiging okay na naman ako or after a day. Thank youuu!

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3 years ago

Kaya mo yan. Basta ang importante eh nagiging masaya kapaden. ☺️ pray lang tayo kay lord.

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3 years ago

Opo, salamat ng marami!! ❀️❀️❀️

$ 0.00
3 years ago