We've meet in unexpected way, it's a mess but I'll forever treasure it. We've met because of that, it's not really a good memory but I can add that to a treasured one. When I look back to that time, I can't help myself but just to laugh at it. It's really something.
Actually, never in my wildest dream that we will have this beautiful something between us. I had the hard time at first, it's just that I can't believe it - as in me and you? I mean, it can't be - I'm sure you'll agree to this. At first, wah I mean really? Can I really go with it?
I had to make sure back then, I mean it's really hard to believe it. Coz you know it's you. You're the Mr. Popular Guy and you had a lot of fair share of those beautiful woman. I mean, they are so ready to kiss the path that you're walking. While me? You know, I'm just a nobody.
Well, I hate attention that's why I don't go with people who had a lot of set of friends. I'm all okay sitting alone on the library listening to a good music while pretending reading. I just really want my peace yeah. Also, I can become who I am doing that. I'm in my own world.
No one's gonna disturb me and people will just mind their own business and I'll do mine too. It's hard sometimes because I don't have someone to talk to especially if there's something going on in our mind, family problem yeah. That's why I'd rather stay in our School than to go home.
You know I can sleep everywhere just to avoid going home. No one understand me because they are not in my shoes. They don't have any idea of what I'm going through. Instead of listening to me they will just. . . . . Why this is so hard for me really. I hate my life.
Then you came to my life, everything's changed and I love that change. But I can't still show the real me to you. I'm afraid to hear the words that I know you will say once you find out. It's hard for me to hide something to someone's important to me that's why I told you my biggest secret even though I know that everything will change once you know it.
But the words that I'm waiting for you to throw at my face didn't happened. You just look at me there like I didn't reveal something big. Yeah, for me it's big and my whole being was at staked. But you, you accept it like it's nothing. And I feel like I saw an angel in you.
And that's where everything started. I never thought that you could be my friend who's always there to listen to my petty problems. You're there to give me your advices and always cheering me on when I needed it. You're always ready to lend your shoulder for me.
I am so lucky to have found you. You just give a new meaning of my life. Because of what you show me I couldn't stop myself from loving you. Who wouldn't anyway if you're just so amazing. I want to atop it really but it is so beautiful I just let myself enjoy what I've felt fo you.
And then you accidentally find out that love that I'm trying to hide from you. I began ignoring and avoiding you but you didn't let me. And that's where I spat this nonsense feelings I have for you in your face. But you just laugh at me. I was so hurt back then but then you hug me.
You don't the effect in me when you did that. And then you whisper in my ear "I Love You too!" You know I'm the happiest that time. But you laugh at me coz I cried and you just kiss my tears away and all of my fears disappear. You hug me and shower me with your sweet words.
What we had is a beautiful love for each other that I'm afraid of what may come later. Coz I know that after that heavenly feelings is sadness. It's always been like that. They will just let me enjoy that moment for a very short time and then after problem will occur. And I'm right. Because after the time that we had spent together as a happy couple. A big problem happened.
We can't really avoid it because they will still discover this perfect relationship that we had, because it's forbidden to some. Your family doesn't like me and they will do anything just to remove me in you life. But you fight for us. You just made feel the happiest human alive ever.
And I let you go even if you are holding my hand so tightly. I'm the first one to let go of you. It's not that I don't love you but, I still have to find myself. You know that I'm Still full of insecurities. And I'm not even sure if I already accept myself. I have fears in my heart that what if I'm still not enough?
We both cried, we both questions the heaven if why they are doing this to us. I'm sorry if I become so selfish that time. It's just that, I have to accept myself first, I have to love myself if I want our relationship to last. And I told you that we're not over yet, we will never be over.
I believe that, if you really like something a lot, you'll be led in that direction. And I hold on to this, I really love you so much so for sure I'll still end up with you. Our story is just starting. So, it's not over yet. I really believe that fate will cheer us on and in the end we will be forever together.
And just like that we part ways with tears in our eyes. But with hope.
"Hey I'm coming home."
This is the message that I sent to you. I'm finally going home. I just hope that I'm still there in your heart. I'm sorry if I had to close the door to you. I just want to do it alone, conquering those fears and doubt that I have in me. And now that I'm all good and ready it's time to go home. And I just really hope that I'm still welcome in your life.
I am so nervous right now because I'm not sure what's gonna happen next. I just hope that you're still there - waiting for me. I know it sound selfish of me, but I just want to be selfish if it's for my happiness. I will be selfish just this once. And if ever there's someone else already, then I'll accept it coz it's my fault that It happened. But I'm still hoping.
And then the time has come. I'm not really expecting that you'll show up there. I mean, my plan is to go in your place directly. I will just show up in your door and will say "Hey." But that plan didn't happen. Because after landing and arriving, you are there. I saw you hodling a placard with your serious face. I can't really read that emotions but, I'm happy that I finally see you.
And then your gaze land at me. I'm waiting for your reaction but I see nothing. And because of it I feel more anxious. And when I'm finally closer to you. You finally show what's in your eyes. I saw longing sadness but much of happiness. We're both crying. We're just looking at each other, full of love and that's where we move and hold each others hand.
"I miss you Baby!"
"Me too, me too. I'm happy that you're here. I'm glad thay you wait for me. I really am. It's over, our suffering is over. I'm now ready to fight for us. Will you still accept me?"
"My feelings for you doesn't really change baby. You're still here, my heart is still beating just for you."
"Thank You, I Love You!"
"I Love You too damn much!"
To some, we may look like two man giving each other a friendly hug but we're not. One of us has a man of a body, but with a woman's heart. And I'm proud to say that it's me and I am Patrick, you can call me Patricia for long. And he's my Baby - My Michael and the Love of my Life. And we have each other now.
We may face a lot of criticism because you know, some can't still accept the fact that a Man can have a woman's heart. But there's still a lot who accept my kind. But I don't give a damn anymore to those judgemental people. They can say a lot of word to us, call us names but we are who are. And that's not gonna change ever. I have a lot of love for myself and I won't be affected by that anymore!
By the way, Thanks to my new Sponsor @PH.BCH - Thank You so very much from the bottom of my hearteuu 🤩.
©️Lead Image from Unsplash
September 03, 2021