What Then Do You Do?

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The concept of being in a relationship has been mixed up by most people and I understand because it comes with the pressure to show others that they also have someone to call their own. It's not just about the lady, even guys - some guys want to be in a relationship so bad because they want to fuel their ego while some ladies want to be looked upon differently so they just jump into any kind of relationship.

Have you ever noticed that some relationships started without both parties asking each other out? A lot of people assumed they are dating the other person without even saying it while some just kick things off without actually saying a word. I get it, sometimes it starts that way but I am still of the opinion that it has to be defined.

I don't know what most people think a relationship is all about and even from their actions you can see that they are getting it all mixed up. This is why they don't even last in it because how are they supposed to give their best to something they don't even understand? A relationship calls for consideration and observation. Don't tell me about the span of her hips and the curls of her body... Don't tell me about the broadness of his chest and the handsomeness of his face.

Don't tell me how many times you have both slept together or did anything crazy but tell me about her dreams and goals, tell me about what makes him happy and where he told you he wants to be in some years down the line. Tell me about what you both want to build together and how aggressive you are both planning to make it work. Tell me about your plan in this great plan and not just leave things to the other person to sort it out. What are you doing?

I've spoken to quite a few people before now and I asked them what their partner's favourite colour is and they can't even say it. Either by observation, they haven't noticed or either by communication, they don't even know because they never asked. They don't know their partner's favourite movie or the kind of song that gets that person all bubbly up. Most people are closed books, I get it but what's the harm in actually asking?

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Communication is important in a relationship because if the only communication you have is body language on the bed or wherever you choose to explore, then there is a bigger problem ahead and that's even if the relationship survives that long to lead to marriage. We need to be intentional about the growth of the person we claim to love.

Most people take a step back from doing that because they have tried it with others before then and still, things didn't work out between them... I get it but that's the whole essence of healing first before going into another relationship. You can't bring the baggage of past relationship(s) into new ones and expect it to work because it would hinder you from giving your best. I understand the place of fear but there are things we have to do afraid even if we are not sure but not without doing our due diligence.

Being in a relationship isn't just for a show and if yours is just for a show then you both have to be on the same page. You might want to be friends with benefits and that's fine but then, are you both on the same page? Not that I am encouraging anyone to be, I am only stressing the importance of communicating and prioritizing. A relationship isn't just about going for dinner dates and going to the games or even chilling out with each other alone but it could be about that if you both have agreed that you want to waste each other's time anyway and it's your choice but if you are the type that dates with the sole aim of the future in mind, then you might have to re-evaluate what you are doing with each other if you can't even plan for the future together.

Many people are in a "situationship" but they call it a relationship. A relationship is about relating together on all fronts and it has to be mutual. You have to both be on the same page, reading the same book. Some people are alone in the relationship because there is no mutualism from both ends.

If you both don't know the basic things about each other and it's all about parties, "bedmatics" and all sorts, then what are you doing with each other? Do you have goals? Do you have dreams? What happens when "bedmatics" is taken out of the equation? Would you still feel the same way? Being good in bed is and shouldn't be the only criteria you use in picking a spouse and if anyone thinks that's the only thing that matters, then they should wait until life happens. It's a matter of when and not if.

Redefine your relationship and let go of those who are hell-bent on wasting your time. Life is too short for you to embark on trial and error. It's your life and you have to be intentional about it. If your partner can't give you a direct or straight answer while beating around the bush, take the high road and know that you are not on the same page. It's hard to bend someone who isn't willing and it's hard to force someone to be with you when their heart is somewhere else. In my language, we used to say, "You can force a horse to the river but you cannot force the horse to drink." Re-evaluate that relationship and ask the right questions.

Thank you for your time.

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