We Need To Stop.

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2 years ago
Topics: Life, Parents, Marriage, Blogging, Nigeria, ...

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I've never been a fan of parents forcing children to get married. Some parents feel they got married at a certain age and then they heap the pressure on the child to follow the same line. It's totally unfair and I don't subscribe to that school of thought. We are in a different era and they were from a different era. What worked for them isn't a guarantee for success in this age and time that we are. Allow your children to come to terms with when they feel they are ready.

I've never had that pressure from my parents even when they were alive. They were never the type to tell you to get married because they want to see your children. I know most parents add sentimental values to that based on culture but rarely based on understanding. We need to stop that archaic way of thinking so we can stop piling unnecessary pressure on those who are not ready.

When you are not ready to handle certain things you are bound to mess things up. Just like failing a particular class, until the lesson is learnt you would have to keep repeating that same class. It's the same thing with life...you would always feel hard done by when you are not learning what you are supposed to learn. Life won't stop teaching but you have to make sure you never stop learning too because that's the only way to forge ahead.

A lot of people get pressured into marriage and it shouldn't be. They won't be able to handle the heat and this is the reason why we have so many divorces out there in the world. These same parents that forced people into getting married to see their offspring would not be the ones to feel the heat and the pressure. We need to stop piling up the heat on people when life is doing a great job on that already.

We need to stop forcing people to embrace a way of life they have grown out of just because we are still living in it. Life deals with us differently and we learn differently too. We need to learn how to respect the opinions and decisions of others even when we disagree with them. Our parents need to understand better never to force their ways on the children when the children should be responsible for how they feel or what they want to do. They can guide those children but nothing should be enforced.

I feel in this part of the world we are training children to get married more than we are training them for life. These parents of ours already know how life is and yet they skip those important parts and then allow us to learn about life the hard way. I don't think they should be how they should be.

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We need to stop training our female children for marriage alone. We teach them how to be a good wife and endure marriage in the worst case possible yet we don't train them or teach them they can be so much more. We make them feel their role is majorly about being a wife when their major role in life should primarily be about making an impact regardless of being a female gender.

We have also trained our male figures to feel the need to dominate and subject the females to be second fiddle. This is why we are raising monsters for angels because we teach the male figures it's okay to act in certain ways because they are male. This is why most of them feel threatened when they meet an outspoken lady. They confuse the boldness of a lady for being rude. They feel they are the best gift of God to womanhood so they feel their actions cannot be checked.

We breed a lot of problems this way when we tell our children that marriage is the ultimate. A lot of people are not married and they are making waves. I am not saying if you can do everything within your means to get married that you shouldn't, I am simply saying our parents need to understand that everyone needs to come to terms with what they want for their lives and who they want for their lives without feeling unnecessarily pressured for their own selfish reasons.

What worked then won't always work now. What is not working now might have worked then. We need to understand the peculiarity of each season and each human we are dealing with because not everyone can handle the pressure of life. Most people have killed themselves just because they are trying to keep up with the pressure others placed on them. We need to understand that because we were able to handle some pressure it doesn't mean others can. We need to stop judging others based on how we handled ours. We are different and we should stop assuming others have the same capacity as us.

Thank you for your time.

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2 years ago
Topics: Life, Parents, Marriage, Blogging, Nigeria, ...

Comments

I believe parents who do this are parents who compete with other parents. Upon seeing that their counterparts have grandchildren already, they begin to pressure for marriage and grandchildren too. One needs to be ready in everyway before marriage. Long time bro how are you doing?

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2 years ago

That's so true...they feel pressured by what other parents are doing.

Good to have you here as always mama. I'm doing great and you?

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2 years ago

On my point of view, I don't agree with parents forcing their children to marry. I mean, they have their own choices. They should be freely given the privilege to choose the path that they want, nog being forced to married in a snap. Despite that, I respect other cultures as well if that's part of their culture/tradition.

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2 years ago

That's right, if it's part of their culture, I can't speak against it but for those parents who just want to force their opinion on their children, I don't really like it.

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2 years ago

Very interesting to read this from you. It will be nice for parentswto desist from breeding their kids 'only' for marriage. I've seen ladies with good potential but when they got forced into an arranged marriage, the lady lost enthusiasm to pursue her passion. Of course, her husband played a big part in cutting her off from her dream, but the parents played bigger part.

In this age and time, I believe a very big effort need to be made by this generation to make sure that ladies are not trapped in kitchen.

As for the dominant male figures who are trained to trample on their wife, shame on them! Hehe

Thanks for sharing this on DreemPort.

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2 years ago

I love this response and how you dealt with every aspect of it. I appreciate your deep understanding and I enjoy reading from you. Thank you so much.

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2 years ago

Our children must have their own freedom to choose what they want and marry a person who are being love with each other, forced marriage is unacceptable for me .their happiness is at stake until in the end

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2 years ago

Forced marriage is a no-no. It's a violation of their rights and feelings and shouldn't stand at all.

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2 years ago

Personally, i don't like that idea of parents putting pressure on their children as touching marriage. They need to understand that the era we are now isn't the era of quick marriage matters, due to many external factors affecting us, especially in this part our world. Though, it's good to marry early, but when someone does not have the power to do such at the moment, he or she shouldn't be forced. There was an incident that happened a few months ago in Niger state, there was this little girl who was still a teenager, her parents forced her into a marriage which she was not ready for. What happened next seemed catastrophic. As she wasn't enjoying the marriage, and was looking for a way out of it. She ended up poisoning her husband. Sincerely, parents should guide and advise us, but shouldn't force us into marriage. Thanks for this article sir.

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2 years ago

She was pushed against the wall and see what they forced the girl to do. They made her a killer all because they want to feel good with themselves. That's sad.

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2 years ago

Am from a state in the northern part of Nigeria and here telling and forcing your children to marry is so common here that sometimes the young ladies want to just run away from home, and sometimes just enter and start doing everything possible to come home with a man, the annoying part for me is the child marriage, a 12-year-old getting married to a 50-year-old man. That mentality is so entrenched in then that ladies in my area now when they are 20, 21 they think they are ready to get marry and they even pressure on my their moms most especially because they want to show their friends too that she has a daughter that is grown up even to marry

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2 years ago

This is really sad. Yes, I know the northern parts always engage in child marriage and it's shocking that they would disrupt the life of a child just to feel good with themselves. It's terrible. They are just raising children for marriage and not for life or to make them become better.

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2 years ago

That's exactly what they are doing and a friend and I were talking and he said the exact same thing, they are raising 'their' children for their own gain nothing more than that

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2 years ago

This is quite sad. Only a shift in the way we think and see things can curb these evil acts.

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2 years ago

Ah this is so bad.

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2 years ago

It's terrible.

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2 years ago

Some parents really really need to stop forcing their children for married, the Bible says that there's a time for everything under the Earth, One of my best friend parents force his son to marry while they are are still alive, but the guy was not prepared to marry yet but because of that word his parents told him that he should marry while they are still alive, Because of that word the guy when and married wrong woman and now the relationship was scattered and over but his parents are still alive.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

This is sad. That kind of pressure would lead so many to make wrong choices.

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2 years ago

Parents push for their daughter's marriage so that her daughter can have a better future. But the things they are forced to do are sometimes good for the child and sometimes bad for the child. In this case, the parents and the daughter should sit in one place and give priority to the daughter's opinion subject to discussion.

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2 years ago

I understand...they want the best for their child but they should never ignore what the child wants.

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2 years ago

I am glad you mentioned training female children for marriage alone, this thing is what led to our girls today having this entitlement mentality.

When you ask what they have in return for the kind of man they want, their response is about what they can cook and the chores they can do. We need to stop the mentality of breeding female children for marriage.

Parent forcing their kids to get into a relationship will only end in pain for the children because it makes them take the decision they are not ready for.

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2 years ago

I love that angle. They feel contented being house wives which makes them relax and have the entitlement mentality.

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2 years ago

Pressuring people to get married is a horrible thing. Making something indulge himself in something that he doesn't really want to yet is only going to make things worse. I have seen many people who get married because their parents wanted them to and now they don't even treat their wives nicely and when they are asked, they would say: She was imposed forcefully over me. So the wrong decisions made by parents in this regard not only destroy a single life but an entire family

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2 years ago

You are so right. When it is forced, there won't be mutual love and respect.

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2 years ago

Marriage is not something that should imposed on someone, it's s choice...the majority of people don't pray to be single, but that doesn't mean we should jump into marriage when the pressure from our parents is too much.. Like i wonder how those people who are force into marriage will feel, are they with the man of their dream? How will they develop feelings for each other? Like sound crazy to me.. Well, I think the world is advancing now, things like that is rare now, but nevertheless, there's Still some people in that kind of shoe....

And again, this kind of relationship always leads to divorce, because initially, they don't know each other too well and they end up having problem ( marital instability)

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2 years ago

It becomes even worse when both of them don't have the capacity to handle those differences. This is why understanding the child would help the parents know when not to push or force things but the parents always target those kids that they can guilt trip into accepting their forced choices.

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2 years ago

Marriage shouldn't be enforced by our parents when they feel like. They need to allow their children choose what they want to do with their lives. Marriage will come after things are going fine with such child especially the female.

You can't expect your girl child to go into marriage without learning some basis of life. What if things aren't going well in her home, how does she cope or manage? Not everything is about marriage alone but finding the right purpose to life.

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2 years ago

That's the point. They make it sound like everything in life is about marriage and it shouldn't be. It's terrible with the way we have allowed ourselves to think. We need to change that mentality.

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2 years ago

Well, there are still the good parents out there who still understand things and do not force their children against their wishes, but you see the bad parents, they do really need orientation and awareness. Lol

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2 years ago

They need serious orientation process of unlearning and relearning. Most parents think they know better and they don't know how the world is changing so fast.

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2 years ago

Just like my maternal grandmother asking when would I get married every time I call her, comparing me to her granddaughters who had married and given birth. I don't listen to her oo and above all, she would still be telling me who to marry and not to marry 😂😂😂

I asked in my mind "Are you God?" Lol

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2 years ago

Hahahaha. The pressure never stops. They will soon tell you when to give birth and which gender they prefer.

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2 years ago

😂😂

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2 years ago

That's their ways o. Jobless folks.

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2 years ago

A typical African parent is all about procreation and continuing the family's lineage, they rather pressure you to get married and start having children rather than taking things easy and setting up proper plans before marriage. Most forced marriage always ends up broken or even when it doesn't get broken, one of the parties involved isn't going to be happy with the whole thing

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2 years ago

Sometimes when one of the parties couldn't handle it anymore, they end up killing the other person just to break free. It's scary.

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2 years ago

It's sad. A pastor told us that the son must marry at age 22 and not like him that married late. It made me start thinking what if this boy is not ready at that time? The misconceptions is that one should get married and give birth quickly so they can have children that will grow with them.

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2 years ago

Just imagine. Heaping pressure on a child when he didn't face the pressure himself. It's not fair. This is one of the reasons why so many people turn into a monster in their marriages.

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2 years ago

I am so glad that my parents don't look at me and tells me that I need to be ready for marriage. As I make it crystal clear to them — I am not into it. But my door's open once I feel that I can do it.

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2 years ago

I like that... It has to be what you want and when you want it. You are open to it but not ready...simple as that. They should respect that.

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2 years ago

I really hate it when psrents did this to their own child, oh come on, every person or every child has it's right to choose wheter they want to get married or not, don't make them or don't force them to be committed on marriage that they doesn't want.

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2 years ago

Exactly. I detest it with passion and would never force any child of mine to do that. I am glad we don't even have that in our family because none of us were forced.

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2 years ago

This culture of course will be changed. But I am favor of marriage at early age. At least I was save from any break up condition. But there will be opinion of girl or boy to whom we are connecting in marriage relationship.

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2 years ago

It might not be applicable to all and it's sometimes not realistic with the early marriage thing because we all have dreams and goals and accountability. As long as they allow the person to choose for himself or herself, it's not a crime if they marry early...not teens though.

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2 years ago

Parents should be paragon. They don't initiate inappropriate things to happen. Forcing to engage such marriage even though she/he didn't have any interest of it, doesn't show compassion to a person. We need to respect our children if we want them to respect us.

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2 years ago

Respect...that's important. Most parents can't even respect the choice of their children.

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2 years ago

That's the problem we have not only in this country, wrong teaching. You are right when you say, some men find it wrong or rude when bold women speak for themselves. All we need is teaching in these days.

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2 years ago

Teaching...I agree. A shift in mindset can help.

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2 years ago

Gender disadvantage is independently predictive of psychological morbidity to women. In most countries, The high prevalence of psychological morbidity among women is alarming given it's influence in the Social action, public policies and legislation as a result of embedded preferences. This act has entrench consequential inequities including gender bias in access to education, a key millennium developmental goal.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

I think the first thing to do is to create awareness and help with the change of mindset. This has gone for too long.

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2 years ago

Traditions and other customs are really hard to break away from. I think it is a slow process that the next generation is trying to get away from.

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2 years ago

Yes. It's slow and painful. Some are breaking from it and I hope others can see the need to as well.

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2 years ago

Some traditional and customs thoughts need amendment. We are born free with free and independent thought. No one can force for something especially about our marriage. Because we have to spend whole life with our partner after marriage. So it is like someone built a building and forced us to live there. We didn't have taste and environment we want. We should change this thinking properly brother.

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2 years ago

I agree...it starts with changing that mindset...that mentality. Marriage is a journey of life...everyone has the right to choose for themselves.

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2 years ago

This Happy journey should be considered good. Unfortunately people make it rite and select wrong person for a good woman or man.

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2 years ago

Exactly...it should be a good journey but for personal selfishness, they made it worse.

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2 years ago

Although I wasn't raised by a parent's who forced their children's to get Marriage I still won't support this kind of marriage. Children's must create their own future and have the freedom to choose if when they wanted to settle. Building a family has a big responsibility and if the child is isn't ready yet, physically and emotionally she wouldn't be happy and she might only live under pressure. Parents should know that their time is different from their children's time.

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2 years ago

Thank you my friend. Indeed, their time was different and we have different traits to handle things too. They should let them be.

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2 years ago

I do remembered when my half sister forced to marry a guy that she dont even know the first time they meet is on rheir wedding, my mom told us this story. Then a night after the wedding, my sister ran away and never shown up until she work abroad. She pay back the money which the groom parents damange even a single penny, my half sister pay it back and they devorce. The groom never sleep at my sister

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2 years ago

Wow. Just imagine. They made both of them to through unnecessary pain that could have been avoided. It's sad. They should not have forced them.

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2 years ago

Absolutely, before at my young age, my father ask me to marry a guy that i dont know personally but I refused then he dont forced me ever again

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2 years ago

I am happy you refused and I am happy your dad was so understanding not to force it. Some parents would still force it because they want the world to know they are the "parents" and the child must do as they want.

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2 years ago

Especially when it comes to female children. All they are taught is how to be good wives and the guys how to provide for their family, like that's all there is to life

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2 years ago

Exactly...that's all... We should be able to teach them beyond the surface.

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2 years ago

So many people are suffering in marriage because they were pressured by their parents to get married and have grandchildren, especially the men, the mothers will be like “Mike, don't you want me to have my grandchild before I leave the earth, see Emeka your friend has already given his mother 3 grandchildren and the wife is still pregnant. 😅

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2 years ago

Hahahaha that is so annoying...as if they both have the same destiny 😂😂🤣

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2 years ago

Truly the archaic reasoning should be stopped,men dominance began with this as women are told to be the one to take care of the home and breeder of their generation. It is quite unfortunate that this is still done. Marriage isn't a fun house or a play house,it isn't just going in that matters but staying in it. It takes a strong soul to stay in marriage despite it challenges,many are not physically ready nor emotionally ready to fit hence leads to divorce. Parents really needs to stop this act!!

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2 years ago

You spoke so much truth and I could have said you were married in your former life hahahaha. You did justice to this and I enjoyed it. Thank you.

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2 years ago

😂😂😂 maybe I was but me and marriage are not in good terms this life..I'm glad you did and you are welcome..... Mr square 😁😁😁

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2 years ago

Hahahaha you said in this life. Your choice must be respected and it helps because it's something you have to come to terms with and never be forced upon. Good one. Love you too babe. Hahaha

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2 years ago

You are the first person to ever respond to my decision this way, for years now I'd have families on my neck but they are off it a bit when I didn't give them the chance to pry in.. respecting people's choice matters no matter how stupid it may sound. It been known that I can't be forced to do what I don't want to... 😂😂😂 Mr square!!!

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2 years ago

Hahaha of course, it doesn't have to make sense to people. You can't just come to this decision without having your reasons. A lot of people jump without understanding other people's reasons.

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2 years ago

Yeah they do...my reasons they want to know but I'm not in for that chitchat..very well Mr square, do have a blissful day ahead.

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2 years ago

They always want to know everyone's reasons but it's not theirs to know. They should get themselves engaged with something productive.

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2 years ago

Gosh, I just love your talks....it sounds so beautiful 😊😊

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2 years ago

I feel honoured, darling. 🤗

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2 years ago

😘😘😘😘😘

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2 years ago

💋💋💋

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2 years ago

🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

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2 years ago

Marriage should not be force.. Love should be the foundation of it.😌

$ 0.01
2 years ago

That's the whole point...yes.

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2 years ago

I don't like to force marriage. Every one has own choice and we should give value of it.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Absolutely...we all have our individual preferences.

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2 years ago

I felt bad for those who experienced the forced marriage ,its not easy to have in that situation .For some parents ,why not letting them to make a deciscion for themselves.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

Exactly...let them make their decisions on their own and not have it forced.

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2 years ago