During this New Normal, every time after our limited physical worship service in the church, we group ourselves in 3-4 to discuss and reflect on the message we have just heard. Last Sunday, the message revolved around families, and it hit close to the heart. Among the points mentioned were misconceptions on parenting, the dangers of being a passive parent, and the balance between love and discipline. Family, marriage, and parenting are such extensive topics that cannot be discussed in less than an hour.
But on that particular Sunday, though I know we're just scratching the surface, what's served to us was still too "meaty and nutritious" to digest.
I was grouped with two new church attendees. One is a 23-year old man, single, who works as a water-delivery man. The other is a 27-year old married man who is currently looking for a job.
To break the ice, I shared my story first. I wanted them to feel comfortable expressing their feelings and for them to know that our circle is a safe space. I described my family dynamics to them - how I see my father as a passive parent, and that I don't have any memory of him giving me any gift or bringing me treats as other fathers do to their children. Neither have I any memory of a fatherly hug or fatherly advice. He doesn't even know when my birthday is! But I also shared some of his positive traits and things that I am proud of about him. I stressed out to that small group how far from perfect my family is, but I can say we're doing OK.
When it was their turn to speak, without any hesitation, they opened up their hearts to me. One told me that he grew up in a broken family, with no father figure to look up to. His longing for a father led him to a chain of wrong decisions in life including addictions to various vices and even drugs.
The other guy, the married one, shared how fractured his relationship with his father is. He was his mother's favorite. But then her mother died. His father, on the other hand, was a womanizer, and instead of supporting him especially on the death of his mother, he was left on his own. He had to endure collecting recyclable junk just to fill his stomach. He was also not able to finish schooling, which makes his life more difficult especially now that he's a grown-up and has his own family.
Their stories and the emotions they shed during our conversations stirred up some realizations in me. These two men, both projecting a tough image on the outside, are harboring pains behind their masks. They are carrying heavy loads of burdens that nobody even dares to ask about, much more help them carry. Behind the smiles and the toughness they project, are wounds that are still in the process of healing. At least I have some positive things to season my story with, but it was more of a sad testimony for both of them.
Notice the common denominator in our stories? Fathers.
We all have a story to share about our fathers. If you grew up with a responsible father figure, then count yourself as blessed in that area. But we can't deny the fact that not many of us share the same sentiments.
Perhaps this is a call to all who want to be a father someday. It is easy to be called a father, but it is a different story to be a responsible, active father. Anyone can be a dad, but to be a dad-parent takes a lifetime commitment. Don't ruin a child's life with your non-commitment. Man up.
Having a child is not a trophy or a milestone. It is a responsibility and a gift.
Read my other BCH-related blogs:
Bitcoin Cash Changed not only my Routine but also my Perspective
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Hi, I am Marts! Aside from read.cash, I also run my blog - martsvalenzuela.com. I plan on growing my readership while learning to improve my craft and journey towards my passion to write and publish books that add value to people.
Carpe Diem!
It's hard to be father but it is even harder being a husband.
My father is a silent type person and I never had received a single reprimand from him, my mother always does.
I am a father of two now and I don't want my kids to experience the hardship in life i have undergone in the past. It was really hard than you could imagine.
Great post.