I Should Have Listened To My Grandma

Since I was born, it was my grandma who took care of me. Where's my mom? I don't want to talk about her again. She was the type of mom who just gave birth and leave afterwards. I'm so lucky that she did that because if not, I would live with her and I wouldn't have the life I have now. I am happy to be with my grandma and nothing can change that even if I will be given a chance to choose other options.

See my grandma was the one who make my life possible. I can't count the ways she did for me just to make me live. I wasn't being breastfed by my mom making my grandma bought commercial milk. Some of you here knows that milk for babies are pricy and yes, my grandma seek ways just for us to have milk everytime we cry. My grandma doesn't have work that time but she has been selling snacks like hotcakes, iced candy, cupcakes, softdrinks and donuts. I know her earnings from that is not enough but she managed to give our needs. Yes, OURS. Because my mom got pregnant again and again. As a result, I had my second and third sibling and three of us are in the care of my grandma. Taking care of just one child and providing child's needs is very hard. How much more if there are three? And even just for once, I never heard her complain about the things she did for us. All she wants is for us to finish our studies and land a stable job for own future.

That's why I will do everything to give her the life she deserves after taking care of us. Now that we are grown up, it's time to give back.

But there were really times when the situation was not in our favor. Sometimes, I and my grandma are having a little argument because it's not always all the time our opinions are in sync. There are things she wants me to follow but then I refused because I want to do things my way as I am discovering life as an adult like a butterfly starting to spread it's wings. She always told me to be like this and to be like that. I don't want to be controlled during those times and so I did not listen.

Little did I know that I am slowly putting myself in a trap as I don't listen her. And now, I can't go out from the trap I made. Well, perhaps I can but I don't know how for now.

She was right when she said,

Regret doesn't happen in the beginning and so I must be careful of the decisions I make for I cannot go back in time.

This is the only time that I realized that I should have listened to my grandma.

I should have listened to my grandma when she said:

Don't spend too much of your time with friends for not all of them will stay/help when you need them.

I admit I was such a party-goer before and spent my time with friends from day until dawn. When I have my free time at work, I will always go to my friends instead of staying at home and having a great bonding with my sisters. There was also one time when I stayed overnight with my friends without asking permission from her and when I came home in the morning, I did not heard a word from her that she's upset or mad for what I did. Instead, she asked me what I like to eat for breakfast. I was moved and I felt guilt of what I did and so I decided not to go out with friends always.

That doesn't end there. I can't really forget the first time me and my grandma really had an intense argument. It was New Year's day when I went out because my friends invited me to have a drink. I had a great time there with friends drinking and partying the night away that I didn't notice that it's already morning. Meanwhile I saw my mom coming and wants me to go home but I refused and told her she should leave because she's just making a scene and it's not proper to scold me around with many people. But she didn't listen and continued to talk rudely to me including my friends. Sometimes, my grandma really forgot good manners especially when she's angry. She could have remained calm when she told me I should go home so I would be calm as well.

She would not stop talking so I went home and there at home, I lose my respect to her. I answered her back and shouted at her. Why will she always label my friends as bad influence when in the first place, it was my choice to go with them. They didn't force me at all. It was my willingness to go and get drunk with them. I explained everything to her but she's just too close-minded. All I want is for her to put the blame on me and not with anybody else.

She also told me that I was acting that way because I am drunk. Yes, I do have the influence of an alcohol that time but I was not drunk. If I was, I wouldn't be able to go home by my own. But she insisted again that I am. I lose my temper when she said my friends are just nice to me because I have money but if I will be the one who needs help, they would be nowhere to be found.

I left the house and slept in one of my friends house and I didn't let grandma know about it. My sisters told me she searched for me everywhere but then I just ignored their messages and turned off my phone.

That was 7 months ago and I felt like it was just yesterday. In that 7 months, many things had happened to me which I considered as my karma. I was now in a situation I did not expected for me to be in and I can't get out of this. If I can, things will never be the same as it was. I will never be free.

This is when I realized that my grandma was right. It's true. Some friends will just stay with you when you're at your best. When I am down, some of my friends will notice but most of them didn't care. They just ask me how I am and then they disappear.

My friends are not here with me. I can always communicate with them but not the same as before since they already had work.

I was in a situation where I needed much help but I can't call someone. I want help from my grandma but I am too shy to ask. That's why I choose to solve the problem with my own. I am not complaining to God why He gave me this situation but I do ask for Him to give me the strength I need.

I should have listened to my grandma.

Thank you so much guys for reading! You've been so kind to me since day one.

Thank you so much again for your time! To my generous sponsors, upvoters and to those who comments, I am sending you my warmest gratitude! Let's talk and get to know each other well.

You can also reach me at marianovylhyn@gmail.com

Lead image is edited from Canva

All photos are from Unsplash.com

Ciao! ❤️