I've been sleeping late for the past few days because I'm finishing my schoolworks. I remember when our education was still being conducted face-to-face, I was not in a hurry with my schoolworks. I remember that I was not so tired at night when our situation was not yet in the 'new normal'.
I remember that I used to spend the night because I was still doing activities that I had to pass tomorrow. I also remember back then that I was going home at night because we were practicing our role plays that would be performed the next day. I also remember that I didn’t do much at night before because I had already done my assignments before I went home. I have also written essays and short stories that need to be submitted tomorrow.
This is how my life used to be. A student who is a bit busy but I can say it also has been ‘adventurous’ and I used to enjoy while learning because I was happy with what I was doing.
Unlike today my anxiety often attacks me. Often awake because activities are coming to an end. Often tired because I will do modules all day and do it over and over again every day. I’ll admit, I’ve changed to the ‘New Normal’ I’m experiencing now. It's been over a year since I last experienced wandering around and enjoying what I'm doing.
To be honest, I'm not very happy with what I'm doing right now but I can't stop it because I have a dream. I can't stop because I will still be answering my siblings' studies. I can't stop because I still have so many things to achieve.
As my stay here on earth also lasts, so do the realizations that I know. I realized that I was in the adult phase now. I realized that I could no longer enjoy the things I wanted very much. There are things I need to reduce because there are more important things that need to be done. I was nervous that I might not be able to handle it but I also thought that ‘others can handle it, so it’s not impossible that I can handle it too’.
I am also in a phase of my life that I need to set aside a little amount for my family. Well, I'm ready to be here since then. I made up my mind that I would come to the point where I would be the one to support my family. As of now, I can help my family somehow. Sometimes I can buy what we need and I can also pay our bills here at home using my own money.
Another realization of mine is that you also need to reward yourself sometimes. The other day, I experienced a lot of stress in my studies. I was stressed at that time because our teacher giving Learning Activity Sheets and Mastery Tests and Performance tasks simultaneously. I admit, we hold our time to do school works but it is not enough to finish all at once. I do activities every day but I am still in a hurry to do. Just imagine that.
These past few weeks, when I’m tired I’ve been playing Mobile Legends and it serves as my break. I'll just play 1 or 2 games and my brain will be fine again. I can say that Mobile Legends has contributed a lot to my mental health. It helps ease my feelings and relieve stress even though I can only play occasionally. Just yesterday I rewarded myself because I knew I deserved it. By doing this, my feelings of loneliness and stress are reduced.
I was also given the opportunity to buy my dream thing which boosted my perseverance to do my activites. I used to accumulate for it before, but now I’ve got it. This way, the stress I feel is reduced.
Closing Thoughts.
There is nothing wrong with rewarding oneself. It can be a way for your good. I can say that giving a reward to yourself is giving value to yourself as well. Others may not be able to do it for you even though you have helped others a lot but I can do it for myself. I know the hardship I feel now is only temporary so I will do my best to overcome it and be the best version of my self.
You can read my previous articles:
My Goals and Wishes for the month of May and my Achievements in April.
Flowers and Photography: Some of my Best Shots for this Month.
Just Keep Going Even if it’s Hard.
Do you still remember your Life before the Pandemic?
I Will Always be Grateful for all the Support I Receive.
Music benefits my life: Benefits of music to my life
Celebrate your Silent and Small Wins.
Benefits of Playing Games: Virtual Games and Physical Games
Nakakaasar talaga pero ganon talaga. Nakakapagod rin noong normal pa lang ang lahat pero mas nakakapagod ngayon. Before, yung mga problema mo sa school, poproblemahin niyo ng sabay. At yung role play, kahit mahirap at least nag-e-enjoy kayo. Pero ngayon, ako na lang ang nag-iisang tumataguyod ng studies ko. Walang tagaturo, walang kaklaseng makakausap na classmates, hindi ko man lang natungtong yung school ng MNHS. Kasad lang hahahahah