Recently I heard a woman’s remark, “I hate to be indebted!”
Most of us share her attitude. When a friend does a favor for us we can’t feel grateful for it, instead we rush to buy her a gift and tell ourselves we’ve paid our debt. If Mrs. Parker invited the Turner’s family to a dinner, Mrs. Turner can’t rest until she had prepared something for the Parkers.
In Filipino, we call it "Utang na Loob," though this must not carry a negative note but the fact that most people would think that repaying a good deed is something obligatory, thus makes this connotation in a pessimistic side. Why? because I typically noticed this discouraging culture among Filipinos wherein people would tag you as ungrateful, in our language to be specific "walang utang na loob," if you happen to say no to a favor from them after they showed you some kindness or favor.
Like this story of Anne, she has been accepting help from her aunt in the United States for her university, and later on for her expenses to pass the Licensure Examination for Accountancy. Her hard work got paid when she passed the exam and finally got a job. After living a decent life, her aunt from the U. S. introduced her to an American guy and a friend of her aunt. Fast forward, to make the story short the aunt wishes Anne to marry this guy, but Anne won't. Making her aunt so mad, kept nagging her brother - Anne's father, that her daughter is so ungrateful.
So, is this fair? If we extend help to someone do you always think that this someone should repay you back? I know it is fair enough to feel indebted but if we must expect I hope it will not come to a point wherein we have to make demands of this and that affecting crucial life decisions on someone's life. But, better if we do acts of kindness primarily because we love to help, no strings attached. Expect payback when karma take its course, not necessarily from this someone but from anyone we might even don't know.
I have a friend who told me this once- that it is better to make actual credit, like the literal "utang" from people we barely know, because after paying back our debts everything is over. We are even. No more talks of ungratefulness. Period. But, if we do this to some family relative of ours, even after paying back our debts, we never run out of paybacks. We still get endless talks of us being ungrateful if we come short from what they expect from us in the future.
Going back, what’s with the fear to be indebted to anyone? Are we quoting our friendship and relationships on a business basis? Are we counting every expectations for doing something great? Aren't we frustrating our own selves? When can we start helping solely because we care and not because we expect something else?
I hope we can always try to help with no strings attached and mind the gap that we don't own anyone after all the good things we do for them... And eventually end this fear of being indebted.
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More inspiring articles you might like from the author:
Hakuna Matata: No Worries - Why Worry?
The Mirror's Reflection of You
What's the Best Advice You Ever Had?
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it relies upon whom you are obliged to for my situation. a few people are crafty.
family doesn't monitor scores...they are steady, and need you to succeed
Further Helping others ought to be from the heart and yes it's difficult to ask help from others espescially when they will ask something consequently