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This post is actually due to inspiration by @Oldbastard who made a comment on one of my posts. Thank you for the inspiration!
Warning: This article probably covers "taboos" of womanly-ness that are (probably) not "supposed" to be mentioned. But hey, I'm just me and I don't worry too much about that. But if you're a sensitive reader, maybe click back now...
Most of this post is going to be semi-funny, but there's quite a bit of seriousness in it too. This isn't meant to rile up any gender issues, and I certainly hope it won't, but there's a possibility that it will. It's just my perception as a woman who really wishes (sometimes) that I was a guy. Women have so many problems, which I feel that if I was a guy, I just wouldn't have.
The pain that I go through monthly is really beyond what any human should have to tolerate. I don't remember a single cycle in my life that I haven't considered having a hysterectomy. Why haven't I done it yet? Mostly because I'm afraid of surgery.
I'm not going to go into piles of detail on it, but really...do yourself a favour and read the other post because it's a thorough account of why I am sick and tired of having a period every month.
I really am a lady when I want to be. I make sure my hair is nice, I wear the ladylike clothes. I look good for my Fiancé. I make sure I'm a good wife-to-be, housewife, I do all those things that I love doing. But sometimes, I don't know? Deep down inside there's this other person who comes out of my mouth during my emotional times. I look back and I don't even know who that person was, or why on earth I was crying about a photo of a sunset, or a dropped can of tuna. It makes me sound really emotionally unstable just writing it down, but men don't have that issue (or at least they don't appear to). I'm also one of the lucky ones emotional-wise. I don't get the depression that some women get during their cycle. I just get tearful and angry (sometimes - for no good reason). Writing this I really am having a good laugh at myself.
I was in a street that was owned by the company. My office was on the one end of the street, the building the printer was in was about 100 metres down the road. You don't get in your car and drive, you walk - you walked everywhere. It was one of the hottest days in summer and international clients were flying in from France and Dubai and my boss needed documents printed. I went to my office and pushed print on them all - I was an idiot though, I didn't keep the documents open. It took me about 15 minutes to find all the things he needed. I then went and walked to the machine.
Well, someone had cancelled all my print jobs because they had an "urgent" print. I walked back to the office and went and reprinted everything. I went back to the printer to find the technician busy with repairing something. He had cleared all the documents that needed printing. I stood there waiting for him to finish, and then I asked the accountant to please guard the printer as I went back for the third time to push print.
I returned and the printer was happily doing its thing and I could finally get my documents for the clients and management. Just then the printer started beeping. It had run out of paper. I was still positive at this point.
It's okay, it's okay...just put the paper in. I kept saying those words to myself. I attempted to open the paper tray and it jammed. That was breaking point. I sat on the floor sobbing next to the printer. I laugh about it now, but at the time, that printer broke me.
I don't think I've ever met a man who started crying because of a printer.
Needing to pee (almost) all the time
Even though my work in the emergency services has increased the size of my bladder and my ability to hold it in, it's an absolute nightmare that every place I go, I need to find a toilet. It's frustrating when I ask my Fiancé:
Don't you need to go?
And I get the typical:
No, I went before we left home...
Yes my love, I did as well. I ALSO went before we left home.
I wish my water works didn't work as quickly as yours do. What is it about men? Most of you can go an entire DAY without needing to pee. I'm lucky if I do 3 hours - that's on a good day. Then again, I do drink a lot of water and am always well hydrated, but so are the men I've been around and they certainly aren't lining up for the toilets. Have you ever noticed that no matter where you go at busy places, the women's toilets almost always have a line? The men...nope...walk in and they don't need to wait.
Not being able pee in areas where men can
There is nothing worse for a woman than being on a long journey and only being able to head into an actual restroom. Then when you eventually find a restroom you have to morph into some crazy spider-pose so that you don't SIT on the seat because it is probably covered in some type of disgusting human excrement.
I'm not saying that if I was a guy I would be one of these men who stand in the middle of the road and whip their bits out and pee into oncoming traffic. But it would be really nice to be able to walk into the bush on the side of the road where nobody could see me, keep standing, and empty my bladder.
Gents...please picture having to take your jeans down, make sure they don't get splashed when you go and then still trying to stabilize yourself whilst not getting bitten by some insect on your private bits. At the same time you're also trying to hurry the whole process up because you know you're in a vulnerable dodgy position and that there is an excessive amount of shame that comes with squatting behind a tree. A man can do his thing amongst his friends no problems. I don't know a single woman that's been road tripping with other women who have all gone and had a squat together. It is 100% one of the most unattractive positions possible.
Side note: The invention of the shewee is awesome. If you're not familiar with it, here it is:
However, here's my point again - if there is actually a market for these things (I own one of them) it's an actualproblem that millions of women have. They work great, but once you're *done* you still have to deal with it. It's not like a man who just zips himself back up again.
I know men also have these insecurities, however, I think us ladies are a lot worse off. When a man and woman are getting intimate together, what's the biggest worry he has? His man-stuff?
Then there's a woman...
I feel like an elephant like that
Oh my word I'm going to squash him
Oh no, look at my rolls
Here I am, the beached whale
If that's what my selfie looks like from that angle I can never be on top again
I also do agree that the above was how I felt ALL the time with my ex. I don't feel that way anymore, I DO have my insecurities, but it's significantly better when you have a loving partner who accepts you for you.
This was actually the post that inspired this all:
Image source: screenshot of OldBastard and I on noise.cash
If I put jeans on when I'm bloated I feel like a stuffed potato pocket. You end up getting even more bloated because your jeans are wrestling with your intestines and you cannot wait to just get your clothes off at the end of the day.
The annoyance of a bra
Guys, you have no idea how happy we are to see you at the end of the day when we walk into the house. You also have no idea that when we get home, taking that thing off that's been throttling our chest all day is even more heavenly.
If you do a physical job like I do, you have to wear a bra all the time, because if you don't, you end up having them sagging on your naval before you even hit 30. Further to that, you end up with backache from their weight bouncing all over the damn place. I, thankfully, don't have that problem because I'm one of those "lucky" ones with the B-for-barely-there, or A-for-absolutely-nothing.
That in itself brings a problem. Do you know how many woman-outfits (from the cheap stores I frequent because I just refuse to spend a lot of money clothes) cater for women who actually have a cup size which is as small as mine? Pretty much none of them. I go in, find the perfect shirt, try it on, then BAM! The whole thing just has this giant excess of material in the front because there's nothing to fill it with. So I buy a bra that can attempt to fill it and then I look like I've had some type of Pamela Anderson surgery that's gone wrong and turned into two tennis balls on my chest.
Then of course there's the issue of smuggling smarties. For anyone that hasn't heard that expression, it's the frustration of wearing a shirt without a bra and then ending up with the rising-problem on your chest (especially when it's cold) being visible to everyone as you go about your day. Which you cannot do because having some modesty is good. I mean...I don't want everyone staring at the smarties I'm smuggling.
If a man has that problem, nobody cares. But for a woman, it's problematic. So on goes the bra...
I'm a low maintenance woman. I have shampoo, conditioner, body wash and face soap. Yes, I also have body creams and stuff like that. But seriously...if I was to wash my hair with the same stuff that a man uses, I believe my hair would either fall out completely, or I would land up with dandruff galore.
Well, I hope you've all had a good laugh *with* me about my woman problems. I'm sure there will be a follow up on this, but for now, it's time to prep for this afternoons Formula 1 race! Enjoy your Sunday everyone 🌺🌻