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If I was a guy...

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Written by   294
1 year ago

This post is actually due to inspiration by @Oldbastard who made a comment on one of my posts. Thank you for the inspiration!

Warning: This article probably covers "taboos" of womanly-ness that are (probably) not "supposed" to be mentioned. But hey, I'm just me and I don't worry too much about that. But if you're a sensitive reader, maybe click back now...

Most of this post is going to be semi-funny, but there's quite a bit of seriousness in it too. This isn't meant to rile up any gender issues, and I certainly hope it won't, but there's a possibility that it will. It's just my perception as a woman who really wishes (sometimes) that I was a guy. Women have so many problems, which I feel that if I was a guy, I just wouldn't have.

Women-Problems

  • Menstruation

I even wrote a post about this here: https://read.cash/@JustMyRambles01/the-p-word-end-the-taboo-94e69e4a

The pain that I go through monthly is really beyond what any human should have to tolerate. I don't remember a single cycle in my life that I haven't considered having a hysterectomy. Why haven't I done it yet? Mostly because I'm afraid of surgery.

I'm not going to go into piles of detail on it, but really...do yourself a favour and read the other post because it's a thorough account of why I am sick and tired of having a period every month.

  • Emotions

Well, this sums it up pretty much perfectly:

Above image source: https://www.someecards.com/usercards/viewcard/MjAxNC04ZDg5ZDNmZjFjYTI5N2Fk/?tagSlug=flirting

I really am a lady when I want to be. I make sure my hair is nice, I wear the ladylike clothes. I look good for my Fiancé. I make sure I'm a good wife-to-be, housewife, I do all those things that I love doing. But sometimes, I don't know? Deep down inside there's this other person who comes out of my mouth during my emotional times. I look back and I don't even know who that person was, or why on earth I was crying about a photo of a sunset, or a dropped can of tuna. It makes me sound really emotionally unstable just writing it down, but men don't have that issue (or at least they don't appear to). I'm also one of the lucky ones emotional-wise. I don't get the depression that some women get during their cycle. I just get tearful and angry (sometimes - for no good reason). Writing this I really am having a good laugh at myself.

Here's an account from where I had a total emotional breakdown at a place I was working at...

I was in a street that was owned by the company. My office was on the one end of the street, the building the printer was in was about 100 metres down the road. You don't get in your car and drive, you walk - you walked everywhere. It was one of the hottest days in summer and international clients were flying in from France and Dubai and my boss needed documents printed. I went to my office and pushed print on them all - I was an idiot though, I didn't keep the documents open. It took me about 15 minutes to find all the things he needed. I then went and walked to the machine.

Well, someone had cancelled all my print jobs because they had an "urgent" print. I walked back to the office and went and reprinted everything. I went back to the printer to find the technician busy with repairing something. He had cleared all the documents that needed printing. I stood there waiting for him to finish, and then I asked the accountant to please guard the printer as I went back for the third time to push print.

I returned and the printer was happily doing its thing and I could finally get my documents for the clients and management. Just then the printer started beeping. It had run out of paper. I was still positive at this point.

It's okay, it's okay...just put the paper in. I kept saying those words to myself. I attempted to open the paper tray and it jammed. That was breaking point. I sat on the floor sobbing next to the printer. I laugh about it now, but at the time, that printer broke me.

I don't think I've ever met a man who started crying because of a printer.

  • Needing to pee (almost) all the time

Even though my work in the emergency services has increased the size of my bladder and my ability to hold it in, it's an absolute nightmare that every place I go, I need to find a toilet. It's frustrating when I ask my Fiancé:

Don't you need to go?

And I get the typical:

No, I went before we left home...

Yes my love, I did as well. I ALSO went before we left home.

I wish my water works didn't work as quickly as yours do. What is it about men? Most of you can go an entire DAY without needing to pee. I'm lucky if I do 3 hours - that's on a good day. Then again, I do drink a lot of water and am always well hydrated, but so are the men I've been around and they certainly aren't lining up for the toilets. Have you ever noticed that no matter where you go at busy places, the women's toilets almost always have a line? The men...nope...walk in and they don't need to wait.

  • Not being able pee in areas where men can

There is nothing worse for a woman than being on a long journey and only being able to head into an actual restroom. Then when you eventually find a restroom you have to morph into some crazy spider-pose so that you don't SIT on the seat because it is probably covered in some type of disgusting human excrement.

I'm not saying that if I was a guy I would be one of these men who stand in the middle of the road and whip their bits out and pee into oncoming traffic. But it would be really nice to be able to walk into the bush on the side of the road where nobody could see me, keep standing, and empty my bladder.

Gents...please picture having to take your jeans down, make sure they don't get splashed when you go and then still trying to stabilize yourself whilst not getting bitten by some insect on your private bits. At the same time you're also trying to hurry the whole process up because you know you're in a vulnerable dodgy position and that there is an excessive amount of shame that comes with squatting behind a tree. A man can do his thing amongst his friends no problems. I don't know a single woman that's been road tripping with other women who have all gone and had a squat together. It is 100% one of the most unattractive positions possible.

Side note: The invention of the shewee is awesome. If you're not familiar with it, here it is:

Above image source: https://www.shewee.com/

However, here's my point again - if there is actually a market for these things (I own one of them) it's an actual problem that millions of women have. They work great, but once you're *done* you still have to deal with it. It's not like a man who just zips himself back up again.

  • Physical insecurities

I know men also have these insecurities, however, I think us ladies are a lot worse off. When a man and woman are getting intimate together, what's the biggest worry he has? His man-stuff?

Then there's a woman...

  • I feel like an elephant like that

  • Oh my word I'm going to squash him

  • Oh no, look at my rolls

  • Here I am, the beached whale

  • If that's what my selfie looks like from that angle I can never be on top again

I also do agree that the above was how I felt ALL the time with my ex. I don't feel that way anymore, I DO have my insecurities, but it's significantly better when you have a loving partner who accepts you for you.

This was actually the post that inspired this all:

Image source: screenshot of OldBastard and I on noise.cash

If I put jeans on when I'm bloated I feel like a stuffed potato pocket. You end up getting even more bloated because your jeans are wrestling with your intestines and you cannot wait to just get your clothes off at the end of the day.

  • The annoyance of a bra

Guys, you have no idea how happy we are to see you at the end of the day when we walk into the house. You also have no idea that when we get home, taking that thing off that's been throttling our chest all day is even more heavenly.

  • Having breasts

If you do a physical job like I do, you have to wear a bra all the time, because if you don't, you end up having them sagging on your naval before you even hit 30. Further to that, you end up with backache from their weight bouncing all over the damn place. I, thankfully, don't have that problem because I'm one of those "lucky" ones with the B-for-barely-there, or A-for-absolutely-nothing.

That in itself brings a problem. Do you know how many woman-outfits (from the cheap stores I frequent because I just refuse to spend a lot of money clothes) cater for women who actually have a cup size which is as small as mine? Pretty much none of them. I go in, find the perfect shirt, try it on, then BAM! The whole thing just has this giant excess of material in the front because there's nothing to fill it with. So I buy a bra that can attempt to fill it and then I look like I've had some type of Pamela Anderson surgery that's gone wrong and turned into two tennis balls on my chest.

Then of course there's the issue of smuggling smarties. For anyone that hasn't heard that expression, it's the frustration of wearing a shirt without a bra and then ending up with the rising-problem on your chest (especially when it's cold) being visible to everyone as you go about your day. Which you cannot do because having some modesty is good. I mean...I don't want everyone staring at the smarties I'm smuggling.

If a man has that problem, nobody cares. But for a woman, it's problematic. So on goes the bra...

  • Hygiene products

Literally, this sums it up:

Above image source: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/97cnmv/shampoo_man_vs_woman/

I'm a low maintenance woman. I have shampoo, conditioner, body wash and face soap. Yes, I also have body creams and stuff like that. But seriously...if I was to wash my hair with the same stuff that a man uses, I believe my hair would either fall out completely, or I would land up with dandruff galore.

That's just some of it...

Well, I hope you've all had a good laugh *with* me about my woman problems. I'm sure there will be a follow up on this, but for now, it's time to prep for this afternoons Formula 1 race! Enjoy your Sunday everyone 🌺🌻

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Written by   294
1 year ago
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Comments

Your support on noise and read about my controversial opinion on the role of women, despite you being a women yourself and having different opinion, inspired me to look into your articles. This article about challenges of being a women came at right time for me. Been having plenty of problems with my ladies not accepting their at times bad moods and also becoming rude in return. This has escalated often in temporary break ups. Understanding the pain they go through when having their menstruation makes me open to "Just let her be" approach, that I was unwilling to do before. Thank you so much, tip well deserved.

$ 0.06
11 months ago

I am so glad that I've managed to help in some way! We are definitely moody creatures at times, but we love our partners and sometimes the smallest thing makes the biggest difference. The temporary break ups must be extremely difficult on both sides for you, because unfortunately the heart wants what it wants, but the emotions that come into it complicate the hell out of everything. When my Fiancé and I have had fights I've felt like my world is falling apart. I've never said I can't live without him, because I can. But I don't want to, I want to make us work. When someone completes you, sometimes a fight helps to fix things and makes you realize that you don't want to live without that person. It was easy when I was with an ex - I really didn't care if that was the last fight I ever had with them. With him, it's different. No matter how bad the fight is, how angry I am, I want him. What we don't say often, is that when the screaming starts and tears start rolling, we just want the one we love to hold us and tell us they love us. It sounds corny, but sometimes that's what we need, even when we are a screaming bitchy angry mess ❤ Thank you for making my day / week / month / year 🤣🤪

$ 0.00
11 months ago

WAW WAW 😁🤗 Wounderful and great article 👍👍👍

$ 0.00
7 months ago

Being as woman is not easy but God gave them the strength

$ 0.00
11 months ago

This is really educational

$ 0.00
11 months ago

This is really educative

$ 0.00
11 months ago

hmmm... in addition to most of your women problems, the bladder thing and mentruration I have several other problems - mostly anxiety atleast I had most of my adult life because of possibility of getting raped.

Other issues are not able to do physical things as neatly as men do, like lifting heavy water cans but I have learned to do it, and not be given exciting stuff to do by family because they think girls need not be adventurous but should be kept safe and all...

Oh I had it as a girl several times... I even wanted to be a journalist but did not pursue it because of anxirty and complexes...

Anyway... I don't wish to have been born only.... anyway. Cheers, have fun!!

And ofcourse there is the fear of pregnancy too if something uptoward happens, when men get irresponsible...oh need for women to be strong is so paramount, but none of it these days, I will be 37 next month and I am just travelling solo somewhere and enjoying my time, forgetting all those old insecurities!!

Anyway... I suppose as I age Menopause and less menstruration times are coming, it already is reducing. I am a damn heavy bleeder and all ...all my life and had anemia but...

2 years a go I started using menstrunal cup which has reduced my period discomfort nicely.

Anyway...

$ 0.00
11 months ago

I agree with you on many of your points. I used to have really bad periods, but with the right supplements and daily earthing I manged to overcome the pain. In the past I wasn't able to leave the house without a box of strong painkillers and if I forgot to take any before going to sleep, pain would wake me up at stupid o'clock. It was a nightmare, which I am happy is now over. The hormonal changes we experience throughout the cycle make our mood swings sometimes unbearable. I can totally get your printer breakdown ;) As for the bra, I kinda gave up on it since last year. I put it on when I go salsa dancing, but apart from that I don't bother. I also barely ever leave the house these days, so that helps ;) And the peeing saga! I can totally relate too. It would be nice indeed to be a man at least for a little while.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

When I started to reading this I didn't think that it will be like that.But your every word was right. I know every women who will read your article will imagine the same problems. It's a story of every women life.You deserve the tips and more.Stay happy always dear and overcome all problems. Have a good day dear!!

$ 0.00
11 months ago

This article was so cool at all🥰

$ 0.00
11 months ago

You have written exactly the way ladies feel. My period time is the quietest and weird time for me. Little things did by another person can make me upset. I'm one of the few Ladies that doesn't have pain during does times but my mood swings are always on a high level.

The fact that guys can wear whatever they want to wear at any time makes me jealous.

During menstruation, they are some clothes that can be worn as a lady. And you have to keep checking whether you're stain or not.

I hate wearing a bra but it's something someone can't do without.

Thanks for this writeup, I enjoyed it

$ 0.00
11 months ago

A two thumbs up for this articles which you said it all. Definitely nailed it. Since I was a kid I really wanted to become a boy the first reason is the boobs followed by the menstruation. Here comes emotional aspects that get so much more as I aged more. So much frustration to deal with aside from the emotion you should consider with the people around you. Around of applause for a bravery to stand for us all -women. And congratulations for the tip you received. You deserved it indeed.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

Wow ! Congratulations👏 this article has the biggest tips I've seen and read here. Its true ,being a woman isn't easy at all ,especially the monthly period you mentioned😅

$ 0.00
11 months ago

What an informative article, I truly love the topic "If i was a guy" really intriguing.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

Wowwww what a huge tip you have I was stunningly amaze by the huge amount that tipped in your article but I guess there is no doubt about that well-deserved indeed!.. you just nailed it This article had given a great way to start my journey in this platform since i am a newbie here. Job well done!

$ 0.00
11 months ago

I know this article is great.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

Wooowww congrats po❤️

$ 0.00
11 months ago

I think type of article are very necessary now a Days to spread awareness about Woman how she Face these type of problem and how she keep silence when her during a period .. I really appreciate you dear and This Is appreciated work

$ 0.00
11 months ago

I also thought about being a woman why when I have my period I always have a headache, stomach ache or so called dysmenorhea. I suffer a lot of pain when I have my menstruation. Sometimes I am irritable with everything around me. I also got to the point where I couldn't understand myself why I'm like this , why I have something with me. For others, they just relax when they have a period, Me? there's physical and behavioral pain.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

Hahahah relate much😁😁😁. Sometimes I'm dreaming I really wanted to be a a man. There are lot of advantages unlike woman. But yeah thats life we can't choose who we are.So Ill just keep dreaming myself being a man.hahaha...

$ 0.00
11 months ago

I felt all kinds of emotions reading this post, I genuinely smiled, went angry, frustrated.. you put down this so so so well and this reflects all women in one post wow... you absolutely deserved getting that recognition from Marc, Congrats honey

$ 0.10
11 months ago

Wow wow. Congratulations on being noticed by Marc de Mesel!

Indeed it is not easy being a woman at all. Mood swings before and after our periods are the worst. 😂

$ 0.10
11 months ago

I really like your article. Women faces too much complicated issues. Hats of too you. Therefore I respect every women.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

It is funny how we ladies sometimes wish we were the other gender and amazing how these men wished they had an easy life of ladies. I guess that is the irony 🤔.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

Very informative! I'm a woman and I can relate much. We woman has mood swings when we have our periods but our partners sometimes don't understand us. I like what you have said about woman having breast. I do feel that sometimes I wish I had smaller breast. Lol. Don't ask I'm a cup B. I have difficulty in running, jumping etc.since it bounces unlike guys whom they don't need to experience such. Hahaha. Anyway, I really love your article. Thank you

$ 0.10
11 months ago

If only I could be a man, I would grab that opportunity too. It's not easy to be a woman most of the time. I admit that I have that mood swings due to menstruation which greatly affects my behaviour toward the people around me and they tend to be pissed about it.

$ 0.10
11 months ago

I think so long as we find a way to communicate about it and help those to understand why we are sensitive or over sensitive it can really help us to be in a better mental space 🌻

$ 0.00
11 months ago

In reading this one I remember the song If I were a Boy and then suddenly I sang a little lines from that song and then back in reading this. Yes being a woman is completely a difficult one. When you have a period you are sometimes being annoyed but when your period doesn't visit you become suddenly worried and bother about it. That is only one of the problem of girls and there's a lot more, many many more. I can say that being a woman too is so unexplainable. Hihihi.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

So insightful, the world of a woman is indeed different from ours, we love you guys all the same and appreciate the areas you guys have carried and handled for us all right from the start of time till now. Kudos dear. ❤

$ 0.10
11 months ago

I love this article and I wish it could reach the door steps of every men to understand the women after reading this article of yours. Men have to understand that women Way of life is not as simple as men way of life and that is how the Creator has made it to be. Therefore men shouldn't see women as complicated creatures in such challenging circumstances.

$ 0.10
11 months ago

Women are special beings and I appreciate the fact that your article addresses the womanhood traits. Women deserve to be studied... All of the issues associated with women as mentioned in your article defined how they are...

$ 0.10
11 months ago

You know, I never really ever thought of many of these trials and tribulations women face on a day to day basis. So, I guess it helps me put into a different perspective some of the frustrations of my own wife, whom I often misunderstand.

Thanks for a nice bit of enlightenment today.

$ 0.10
11 months ago

Happy to shed some light on it all 🤣 I just think if more people spoke about it, life would be much simpler for men and women and relationships would be easier 🌺

$ 0.05
11 months ago

Though these are the daily issues faced by every women all of us hesitate to put it in writing. But you took a bold initiative to put it in writing. As told this read made be laugh. Enjoyed reading this article.

$ 0.10
11 months ago

Menstrual period is sometimes a curse for me. I really hate red days because of the discomfort it brings but on the other hand, that's one of the essence being a woman.

$ 0.10
11 months ago

I think I've always loved being a guy cos as guys, we never had too much to worry about like our opposite sex, the ladies. Most of the times as guys, what we do is gladly slid into our wears and off we go without minding how we dress but the ladies won't do that at all as they are very conscious of their looks. Also, when comparing the ladies and their side problems as well like the use of sanitary pads and the need to stand their breasts using the bra, then it is an assured way to say proudly that IAM HAPPILY A GUY! LOLZZZZ.... but I love the ladies too

$ 0.00
11 months ago

If I have a choice too, I will choose to be a man/guy, because they only suffer once and its only the circumsition(tuli), unlike we girls, oh no! Many things to undergo, menstrual period, getting pregnant/carrying a baby in our womb for 9months, giving birth and taking care of the baby and the unlimites chores., But we have no choice but to accept it wholeheartedly because its the Creator who give us life so whatever gender we have we must be thankful.

$ 0.10
11 months ago

I can relate to what you've mentioned here specially the menstruation thing, Whenever it visit me, I always think of becoming a guy because I always had a dysmenorrhoea and a hot compress is not enough to ease the pain. Also there are many advantages when you are a guy just like what you've said. But we're not the one who choose what gender we had so we don't have a choice but to accept and deal with it.

$ 0.10
11 months ago

Stop taking chemical pills, stop eating any kind of milk products, stop eating meat, practice yoga, then you wont have any pain on menstruation anymore. There is a reason why nature wants to give you that pain, its telling you something, listen to mother nature.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

Hahahaha... When am reading your article, wowooo... I was laughing like a mad person. Very good article 💕🌹.

$ 0.00
11 months ago

Most woman can relate to this. I laughed reading your article 😂 it really is relatable

$ 0.10
11 months ago

I think I may have an idea based on what I observed with my wife. She had so many items in the bath room when I have just seven. 1 toothbrush, 1 toothpaste, 1 toothpick, 1 shaver, 1 shaver cream, 1 hair shampoo, 1 shower foam.

$ 0.10
11 months ago

Hahaha it made me laugh, I mean the last photo. Yes indeed we woman are complicated creatures because of the physical things we have and ubdergo. If only I have the chance to chose gender I would chose to be a guy, being a woman sometimes too overbearing haha

Btw, congratulations on Marc's recognition on your article! Happy for your! 😊

$ 0.10
11 months ago

If I were a guy, I'd treat my girl right. It's not easy to handle the pain, changes, and all the calls of a woman's body. But, women, they made it all bearable.

I sometimes wished I was born a boy. In that manner, I wouldn't have to feel the uneasiness every time I have my period, I wouldn't have to get on a fight with my boyfriend every time I'm PMS-ing.

But life as I supposed, I became proud somehow of being a woman. I can do things that boys can't do and I could still possibly do things that boys can do.

$ 0.10
1 year ago

I think most women will relate to this article. HRT patches have been amazing for me. Mellowed my mood swings ;-) I love the shewee idea. I've used similar disposable items when camping and they are amazing but not environmentally friendly. I reckon I finally need to get a shewee!

$ 0.10
1 year ago

You won't regret buying one! Definitely worth the money 🤣

$ 0.00
1 year ago

You might get a laugh out of this film:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spring_(2014_film)
It is a beautiful and thoughtful rendition of some of what you describe.

$ 0.05
1 year ago

I will definitely take a look! Thank you 🌻

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Girls says you have no idea how we face these problem but truely they face so many problem when they become young and when grow......... Sometimes girls think may I became boy instead of girl's...

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Relate! I, sometimes wish that I am boy too so I wouldn't be as irritated and as sensitive as now. But we can't change it tho, haha! So I just let go of that thinking and just embrace all I have.

$ 0.30
1 year ago