I don't know what to do
Date: June 03, 2022 Author: JustMaryel
No words can describe how painful my head is right now, it spins unstopped as I say it will spin, I laugh it spin and I move it spin. Gosh, I don't know what to do just to make it stop as it aches no matter what I do. I already take medicine but nothing happens and I even sleep all day to ease the pain but still nothing happens. Now, I really don't know what to do. I don't even have the courage to write today but I don't want to miss a day because I badly need money for my graduation fee and expenses worth $60. I will be the one who will shoulder all the expenses but I don't have any savings left as I made a transaction before the announcement was made. And now, I am totally finally broken and I still have days to accumulate that amount and I know I cannot make it, especially with my health these days.
I am a graduating student next month, taking up a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration major in Financial Management. I barely don't know why I took that major because I hate mathematics and analysis. Maybe I was sleeping when I enrolled, lol. My mathematics teacher before advised us to choose a course that we hate for us to love. Afterwards maybe I followed that advice. When the pandemic starts, online modality is introduced to us as a way of learning which everybody thinks is easy and assumes that I am ayahay accusing without knowing the hardship I've been through.
Online class is so hard aside from the poor connection barrier, my main struggle is making projects, assignments or requirements that need to be done using a computer or laptop. Glory to God, I made it though there are times I really want to give up and leave everything behind. I even cry in front of my family saying "I'll give up" but what hurts is they just ignore it. All the sleepless nights are worth it and soon will be paid off. I am thankful for my phone, though it's a lag and delay, it still survived and was with me for the entire online class. One time, I wanted to throw away my phone because of the delay. Imagine 5 minutes before the time everything went black that made me shake and cry cuz I got zero and my professor can't accept my reason. In spite of everything, I made it but part of me doesn't want to graduate because my family expectation is too heavy that I can cope up with that thought. Honestly, I am not ready to face the reality of life.
I sound too much but I want to take this chance at talagang kakapalan ko na mukha as I mentioned I am totally financially broken right now but I am not begging, okay😊. And unlucky, the site is in an upside and downside situation and Rusty is aloof with me but still thankful that he is with me.
Thank you in advance❤
Lead image from Unsplash.