I am not Ayahay
Date: May 30, 2022 Author: JustMaryel
Tomorrow is the last day of the month of May, it's like yesterday was the first day of May. Time really flies so fast that we cannot do anything to hold it nor stop it for awhile though there sometimes I wanted to pause the time for a moment to cherish that happy moment and make it fast forward when trouble comes in my way. Like today, I want the time to take it slow because of my mood and I felt peaceful even though the weather is kinda gloomy and sunny at the same time which makes me feel neutral which I love as it means no anxiety, no depression, no pain, no stress but peaceful mindfulness is there.
I am a great pretender as I believe you do so, in a way of hiding our true feelings to the people around us. We can laugh in front of them like nothing happened, even deep inside we're falling apart. I am a great pretender in that matter because I don't want to bother people and be a burden to them co'z I believe they also have their own battles. Also, I am a everyone friend who is always ready to lend my ears, shoulder and arms to embrace you when you are in trouble but sadly when I am, no one knows except God because I keep everything in private both failure and success which some people don't understand where I'm coming from. They even told me "ayahay" (it is a Bisaya word which means doing nothing and I don't know the exact English term) without knowing what I even went through. Gosh, if they only knew what I suffered before everything.
Most people say " I am ayahay because I am graduating" , scratch the ayahay because I work hard for it. Lucky thing is not included in professor vocabulary pagbagsak, bagsak talaga hindi madadala ng floorwax like in highschool. Not just work hard but also sacrifices that no one knows. Before the pandemic outbreak, my allowance was only 100 pesos or $2 including everything and note I travel everyday from home to school and school to home for almost 2 hours depending on traffic. I woke up at 4:30 am to prepare my early breakfast and pack my lunch for me to save even though I don't have viand. I make sure before 5:30 am I am already at the highway to wait for a jeepney vehicle which has a cheaper fare (30 pesos or $0.60) and other $0.20 papasok sa school. With the total back and forth of $1.60. I never complain but I am thankful despite the status of our life I am able to pursue even though I am still undecided. I apply for various scholarships to lessen our expenses in tuition fees and sacrifice meals hoping to be chosen.
I'm sorry if it sounds like bragging but what I'm trying to say is "we didn't reach this moment because of luck but it is all because we work hard and put sacrifices that eventually we're about to pay off". I can't take people's level of hardship as ayahay. This is what people could know about every achievement people have. It is all because of his/her hard work. Success and achievement requires hard work before it will happen.
This should not be my topic today but someone really triggered me by telling me that a graduating student just passed because of luck and we are ayahay when the pandemic happens. Honestly, pandemic really makes student life way easier because we can do Google and search while the class is going on or ask Google during examination and we can attend online class even when we are traveling or doing something. In spite of that, online class is way harder in terms of transmitting information and knowledge especially having poor internet connection. To better understand the lesson we need self study and do more research to fully understand the topic.
To conclude, every student passes because of hard work and sacrifices. Maybe they called it ayahay because we finally finished schooling but the truth is it is not ayahay considering it is the moment when I am about to face the reality of life and it gives me a horrible feeling and pressure.
Are you Ayahay? Co'z I'm not.
Lead image from Unsplash.