@Eyesthewriter

@Eyesthewriter 27 September 2023

It isn't about the opportunities but about what's good for us because at the end of the day, it's not every open door that's worth entering.

@Eyesthewriter 20 June 2022

Of course you can Of course she's in love with him. His eyes, physique and confidence even when he cheats on her. Five years into a once upon a time happy marriage which soon jilted last year after she swallowed the camel into cocaine addiction. Lola sniffes her cocaine feeling and at the same time clutching the emptiness inside of her. "Will I ever be happy again? She ponders letting a baffled chuckle as she cracks her knuckles. Funny enough; most times it isn't the losses that teach but the way it ripples out in the future. It's raining outside and her husband is leaving for another woman, there's a plate of apple lying formless before her as she examines her situation and that of her beloved husband. "There you are" he wails squeezing his chocolate face in disgust. "Sometimes I wonder how I ever imagined a life with an addict". His words had stopped getting through her since the day he cheated on her and if you ask her, she would say he turned her into what she is now because anytime she sniffs this stuff, the hole inside of her fills up with the emptiness of living although she wouldn't end her life just yet after two attempts. For some reasons he still appeals to her eyes. His enchanting horroric voice and motion never for once stopped melting her spines even while he plods through the door to the arms of his concubine. "Someday he would change" her thoughts lingers, "How about you change first" her conscience cuts in making her sniffs the white stuff slowly but this time, with a burden in her heart. Weakness makes us stronger because they make us stand up to ourselves. They diminishes our spirit, courses our soul into judgement and low self esteem yet if only we can listen to ourselves; that whisper within the noise and turbulent times then only we would know and understand why it is important for us to fall and fail just so we can sluggishly stand and learn the best thing that'll always happen to us, living itself. Lola's heart and lips are in galore of words to fight back and redeem herself; her eyes streams wet and heavy making it hard for her lips to open so she stayed calm letting him pick the quarrel again, "You'll never change, will you" this time his face shriveled like that of a begger, his broad physique deafened in its weakness and for a moment, she could see through the windows of his heart that space and bond where she matters. Most of our perceptions are other people's concept of us and Lola couldn't see it. "I'll never change" she thought because he said so, he believes so yet Lola needs to know that it doesn't matter what he thought of her because the only valid perception and concept remains the fact of what she thinks about herself. If she thinks she can change, she will. Same way the opposite and Lola wants to live fully. She understands the Importance of worthiness yet that was a long time ago when her marriage still had a balance. Now she's ashamed of herself of who she has become and it's so realistic why she'll never change unless she quits doing what her husband does: pointing the blame on someone for ones action. Yes, Andre is a cheat who blames his infidelity on his wife's addiction forgetting he had been a cheat even before she got caught up in drugs but back to Lola, Andre didn't make her an addict because that was a decision and choice only she could make. We all have our own addiction just like Lola and Andre who blames Lola for being an addict but never for once considered himself a sex addict even when he's one. But back to Lola because shame is all she feels. The shame of being something you're not so it causes her so much shame which in return comes with guilt, fear, blame and disconnection yet she might never know that in order for one to live fully and happily with oneself without the constant fear of not being enough, one must first of all own his or her story. And this can be done by cultivating awareness of ones physical shame symptoms then react to that shame in a way that wouldn't increase ones shame. This is a short story tangled with a simple message to Lola that in this life, we all come and go. We live and die yet all that'll be left of us will remain the story of ourselves we left behind. Don't you think it's high time Lola wakes up and face her story writing and editing it in ways that will inspire our children mostly our growing innocent daughters about love, addiction and marriage. So let's come together and preach to Lola and every soul out there facing their demons that our story is about worthiness and embracing the imperfections that brings us courage, compassion and connection. I think that's the most courageous act of mankind, thanks.

@Eyesthewriter 10 June 2022

Should I stay I told her not to cry that I'll always be there for her. I was so convinced that we had the rest of our lives together. It felt so clear and lucid, infact at that point in my life, she was everything I wanted in life until last night. Before the incident, we had spent some time at Food Affairs where we made love in the rest room although it was quick yet magical. I walked her to the front door then headed back to where we were sitting because I didn't feel like going home mostly now she's headed for church rehearsals. Love is the realest thing, that I know but why does it hurt so much that I barely breathe nor put myself together after realizing that the same thing which brings a moment of peace and blossomness can actually hit you so hard that you might start to wonder how and when you became a shadow of yourself. Before getting home, I mean her place where I had decided to spend the night within the four walls of her fragrance and enchanting memories. She called me asking weird questions about where I was and where I would go next probably because of her intentions to take a man home, the same man who has been calling her in the middle of the night whenever we were making love. All thanks to my introspection because I found myself not telling her where I was headed. First, I strolled to Emmy's cut saloon where I seldom breath some smoke then headed to my cousin's place to eat some home cooked meal before heading to her place. Believe me, I had no intention of going to her place until I found my feet before her door. It was few minutes past 9pm and she had mentioned something about having an all night in church so I bought some sativa with a pack of rizz to smoke the night while missing the Queen of my heart. There was no footwear outside making it obvious that no one was at home but I had the spare key in my wallet so I tried to open the door only to realize that it was locked from the inside. "Who's there? A cocky bass voice wailed. Suddenly I heard some indistinct chatter which sounded like they were having a moment of quarrel inside before she opened the curtain to spy who was outside. That moment, our eyes caught just as she opened the curtain and for a second, I saw remorse in her eyes. She let a baffled expressionless chuckle and couldn't open the door until the man inside did. Trust me, I really wanted to rain some punches on him because it isn't on me to lay hands on a lady no matter what but couldn't because it wasn't necessary. it wasn't even his fault so I managed to stay calm, walked in to see their clothes scattered on the floor while her undies laid sick by the wardrobe. "Babe, I can explain" she moaned grasping my left hand. "You have nothing to say" I stuttered still trying to put myself together and avoid creating a scene. "Will you just take your things and get lost" she wailed at the man as he tried to ask her who I am. "Yeah you heard her, get out" I cut in staring crazily into his eyes ready to throw a punch if he had relented but he quickly wore his clothes then sailed out. I didn't know what to say to her, I couldn't even stare into her eyes knowing that's my weakness. So I collapsed on the bed with tears on my heart bleeding like a wounded soldier in the midst of a genocide. She couldn't come closer, she wouldn't dare because my whole body burnt in rage and I believe she could feel it. "Babe, am really sorry and.." I didn't allow her to finish when I grabbed her by her keister to myself then kissed her. I don't know why I did that but she quickly responded back with a French kiss then grabbed my penis. I was wearing a joggers so she didn't have problems undressing me then made me awe when I felt her mouth on my pipe. I know she was only trying to save the moment because it was our first time to actually touch ourselves that intimately after three months of going out on a date. We've even spent nights together in her place and mine but never for once did I dare touch her until now. She sucked me so well including my precum until I finally penetrated her. I knew we had the entire night and she was actually horny so I made her beg for it. After few seconds of going deep into her, I positioned her on the edge of the bed then slurped her pussy till she couldn't hold on no more so she turned me over, caught my erected penis with her left hand then digged it into her pussy again. Last night was crazy, fun and worth it and after the whole thing in the morning; she still came to me while I was in the bathroom then gave me another fellatio of my life. We freshened up together this morning, ate some baked bread she prepared before heading to my house where we made love again before observing siesta together. I realized I still want her even now as I write this. I mean I can't just stop thinking about her although I know am not safe with her and I need some advice, please.

@Eyesthewriter 5 June 2022

Thinking out loud I'm sensitive. I feel everything, I feel everybody. That's my only critic, my only flaws and weakness because every time I pray to the universe admiring the trees and the way the leaves green. The more I live, the more I realize how much more I'll need to learn, need to grow and experience a life am never in control because my insecurities of not being loved by a beloved becomes my addiction. The reason I tend to roll up a chunk of sativa and pledge aligence to the smoke I watch transform into nothingness. Before I grow old and become the grandpa with too much to say and observe about a failed community and nation of dogs eat dogs, I'll have to pause for a minute and trade places with a child then a youth whose curiosity paints a purple heart soaked in its fears and mistakes amongst the same fact that it never matters what I've become but how pure my soul swims. They might judge your life in an open tab of social media and some tricks you don't know. They may even feed on your anxiety and sorrows in order to feel hopeful and worthy of being called 'Better' but who cares about being saint when the deep speeches of the villain inside of us keeps saying our good deeds only prove our daily needs to be acknowledged by others. I'm trying to keep my balance. Still trying to hold on to the uncertainties of my hopelessness and believes that I turn into an article of hope and faith which I pen down with a little glimpse of courage that something somehow might make a difference in my world then the universe at large because every time I wake to find myself in the same shoes, I only try to reach out to the other side where my dreams and emotions stays stable in content with the realization of my hopes and favors. I walk around like everything is in control although with the thoughts that fate will come when I can't say no. I go my separate way from friends and family hoping to understand why love changes like seasons same way I can't please everyone. I confronted my past last night in my sleep then had conversations with my future during a short dream until it downed on me immediately I woke that I've been graced with the present that the past and future barely matters. I may not know which way to go through these path of living and learning in the streets of pains and lessons around the stomach of injustice, lies and deception until we learn to love ourselves, improve ourselves absorbing every pains and sorrows which tentatively breeds us into something comparable to the sculpture of of the heavenly sculptor. These words may sound boring with no direction or specific point but in somewhere between the first and last paragraph, a part of me has been elevated, inspired and thrusted deep into my own thoughts exactly through the window of my own soul as I say these last words, Living is the only teacher about life. Everything here is unedited and raw from my thoughts and thanks for passing by.

@Eyesthewriter 2 June 2022

Tales of Eyes "Men are not punished for their sins but by them" she shudders with the edge of her voice. Her eyelids flutters as she reflects her entire life knowing it will soon be gone. Her brain was starved of oxygen as I heard her struggle for her last jagged breath before giving to the darkness which awaits her. She glared at me making it impossible for me to sleep that night and I can still remember the fright in her eyes as I watched her skin turned pale. Her hair was still plugged by his left hand as blood soaked her pyjamas and for a moment, I found myself in her state of mind dying with her potentials. My God! this memory had hunted me for years anytime I remember the symphonies from her hands which could play a violin, guitar and harp. She was the best, believe me. He dug the dagger deeper into her floating ribs while I remained a coward. Too fearful to save her; I couldn't stop blaming myself for her death until I decided to take laws into my hands because It felt so painful to watch her loose her feet to the ground while her eyes rested towards the blue sky. Before she closed her eyes for the last time, she stuttered something only him could hear although I felt she was talking to me. The time was 5:15am and she died in a glimpse of light within darkness on a Tuesday morning. "What will I tell her mother? Wouldn't she affirm her claims that I've never been worthy of her daughter? this and that lingered through my thoughts causing me more grief than death that I obliged for therapy; self therapy of drugs but never abuse until I became an addict. He smiled the moment she passed on and I remember wishing I had a gun. Naive me at seventeen with no knowledge of courage except some love I found with her. I couldn't face him, regardless it wasn't his time but hers because for a moment I saw her ghost hovering around its corpse in its endless sleep surrounded by nature. It's like this was a fragment of my imagination but I saw her say, "There is no such thing as a really calm sea. Always, always, there is motion" I still don't fully grasp what it meant but I understood something, she had her own secret. My eyes bulged in disbelief when he turned to face me. All these while, he knew I was around. "What were you thinking" he wailed pointing the dagger at me. I had to think cos I needed to survive so I swallowed the camel and stepped forward. "You've got a chance" something whispered before he threw the dagger at me and pulled a gun behind him. it's a silver revolver and my first time to see a gun, a real gun so I chickened out. With the gun in his hand, he forced me to wear his shirt while I wore his. He quickly brushed his bloody hands on me then commanded me to pick the dagger. He knocked me to the ground with his gun then grinned, "You'll pay for the humiliation she caused me" I can't say exactly but the next minute, people started rushing into our apartment and it gave me great hope that justice just arrived until he whispered something to a strange man who suddenly pointed me to the crowd, "He killed her" he groaned pointing at the dagger before me. I was stained with blood, smelling of fear and anyone could believe his lies. Immediately, the men started raining jabs and kicks on me. I even felt a leather belt off and on my back until they pushed me outside. Suddenly there was a great shout into the morning sun as people spilled out of their houses calling their neighbors. For a minute, I was condemned to death for murdering my own beloved and those lights of hope faded from my eyes. I wanted to scream, shout and explain what I had saw yet my voice couldn't make it so I condemned myself too and opened my heart to join my beloved in the other side. I was tortured beyond imagination and almost set ablaze when a blue Corolla arrived. Yes, it wasn't my time too although I had lossed sense of hope. A man jumped out of the car and came to my rescue. He was my angel, the one the heavens had sent to my rescue as he pleaded with them to hand me over to the police. I couldn't walk neither talk as my body ached in fear, bitterness and guilt. Yes I was guilty because I was afraid to face him when he came to the house and murdered her. Two men hopped into the car dragging me along as we drove out of the scene. We hadn't covered a mile when the car started jerking almost by a lonely path along the stomach of the community. The man stepped out to check what was wrong until the other men hoped out. I noticed they were having a dialogue about what to do with me when it hit me, "This is your chance or live to pay for what you didn't do" that minute, it felt like the universe had decided to be on my side as a drip of strength flowed into me. I slowly scrutinized the path to take then quickly took to my heels. I didn't care to look behind but noticed they didn't bother to chase me. To cut the story short, I escaped to my ex girlfriend's house looking like a mad man but who cares when my life was at stake. God bless her because she took me in, cleaned me up before listening to my story. she gave me three thousand naira which I used to relocate to Bayelsa where my childhood friend stays. Bayelsa was pretty fair to give me a new live, a new home and beginning. Days turned into months then years until that day, I4th of February, 2017. That day, I had a blind date somewhere within Rivers State where I had relocated few weeks back. I was late so my proposed date left angrily before I arrived. My memory isn't perfect but I remember wandering around the open park when I noticed someone. Huge and chubby with a broad chest, it was him, the murderer; the man who killed my beloved and set me up for the consequences. That instance, my skin pinched as my emotions boiled viciously. Again, I wished I had a gun when I remembered I was grown and man enough to face my greatest enemy. He was so happy with a lady twice younger than he was and it whipped my spirit watching him live while an innocent girl who only wanted a better life laid lifeless somewhere six feets in Enugu. News got it that she was laid to rest at her maternal home the next day and I was being hunted by the state police except that they couldn't lay hands on anything about me. For me, I'd say it was fate tolling around me because we met three weeks before her death and I was squatting with her. I trailed him that night to his house and realized that girl earlier with him was just a concubine, he was a husband and a father of a beautiful girl whose tears drained my spirit till this very minute we're having this conversation but it gave me more reasons why I should end his life because he wasn't just a murderer but a cheat and irresponsible father. I told a friend who knew about the story so he obliged to follow me to the man's place. Believe me, this friend was born for such moment and life brought him to me. We attacked same time he attacked I and Grace and believe me, he was so swamped to see me again. "Remember me, old friend" I asked with shimmers of revenge in my eyes. He wanted to cry out for help, to scream his agony and fears to the silent streets of Marine Base but stayed like I did the day he murdered my beloved. His open mouth was gurgling and sputtering saliva as my friend pointed the gun at him. "So you too is afraid of death" my friend giggles. "Yet he smiled while taking her life" I added. Although I had premeditated myself shooting him countlessly but shivered when his little girl started crying. I felt terrified to make the little girl go fatherless and I knew I could change my mind the more I watched her cry so I ordered my friend to shoot which he did thrice. Maybe I'm a fool for not killing him myself. Maybe am a murderer who's destined to die by my own sins but am happy I did something, something I couldn't do, am glad I avenged the death of my sweet Grace, the only girl who showed me so much love and the world although she wasn't a saint. I still don't know what she shared or did with this man who took her life but still not interested because once upon a time, we either become the Villian or Hero.

@Eyesthewriter 29 May 2022

Watch out Is it the bad days that made him the realest or it's the fact that he barely survived the cold hands of death; that, we don't know. He's the tall and handsome with a broad chest he had managed to build these few months although something about him remains the same: he's back to the streets life. Every Sunday evening when the sunsets, Alihandro and his friends would trace their footprints through the old road as the dark birds sang and followed them deep into the jungle where they would smoke, drink and waste the evening till they couldn't feel their face. Today's different even the dark birds stays mute as they strode through the jungle. "That's Mr. Jumbo's chicken" Marcelo whines pointing at a native hen that was scattering a waste bin by the corner. The chicken was so into her meal that it barely noticed them."That old bastard" Felix groaned with a sour expression on his face. At same instance, they dragged their eyes back to their faces drowning in the same thought and idea. To them, it's definitely Mr. Jumbo's payback time because they all had brutal experiences with him and had nurtured hate and revenge towards his household till this moment. Alihandro nodded reluctantly in agreement although amongst the three of them, he has always been the fearful and weakest and he wasn't ready to be criticized by his friends so he didn't deem fit to object but obliged. What were you expecting when they're heading for a jungle session which would last for hours. They had seen Mr. Jumbo's chicken as dinner and of course, today's Sunday so they deserve some extra groove. Marcelo quickly grasp a long stick while Felix positioned himself with a stone. Alihandro cocked himself to the other end knowing he would let the hen go if it comes his way but fortunately unfortunately, Felix didn't miss as his stone knocked the hen into the waste bin as she tried to escape. They chanted some songs from their childhood days anytime they had succeeded in something and gathered some firewoods to roast the hen. That evening was lit and special to them including Alihandro who had drifted into the moment. While they smoked, Felix roasted the chicken till it was served. "The only thing missing right here is some soft drinks to dilute" Marcelo nags. Alihandro shook his head vehemently but soon smiled when Marcelo threw his bone at him. "The old man should better look out for his animals" Felix grins, "Because I'll slaughter even his goats if they cross my path" He continues. His mouth was masticating the chunk of meat in his mouth as he had trouble talking. That night when they got to their various homes, Alihandro still felt heavy on his chest. He was worried and it just didn't sit well with his spirit that he had killed and eaten Mr. Jumbo's hen yet there was nothing he could do about it since Mr. Jumbo doesn't know who did. The first day passed, second too then on the third day, Mr. Jumbo walked round the village announcing about his missing hen. He threatened to do whatever he pleases if his hen wasn't returned to him after the ultimatum of twenty four hours. "Forget that old selfish man" Marcelo grins as Alihandro suggested that they report themselves. "The highest he can do is what he's doing already" Felix cuts in, "Besides, who gives a fuck about his black magic" he adds. Yet Alihandro wasn't convinced. He knew what Mr. Jumbo was capable of doing mostly after hearing evil tales about the old man yet the words and courage of his friends induced him to stay quiet and hope that nothing happens. Two days later, probably on a Friday morning. News got to him that Marcelo was bitten by a rattle snake and couldn't survive the bite and it gripped Alihandro like an electric shock even more when he heard that evening that Felix had been knocked by a motorcycle and died on the spot. "This isn't coincidence" Alihandro shivers as he raced to Mr. Jumbo's place to confess. He had just crossed the T-junction before the street to the old man's compound when he noticed his heartbeat failing. He could feel his heart ceasing by the second as he struggled to the old man's house. "I see you made it" Mr. Jumbo wails with a smile as Alihandro appeared before him. "Please forgive me" Alihandro stutters as he shudders to gain redemption from Mr. Jumbo, the devil himself. "I purposely allowed you to live till this moment". Mr Jumbo squeaks, "I noticed you were foolish and childish to stand up for your own conscience" the old man continues, "So I decided to teach those bastards a lesson they'll never have a chance to learn except you" he adds then pats Alihandro on his shoulder. Everything else that happened remains a distant memory as I tell this story. That day, I saw my soul on the other end staring heavily at me like it was the last minute of my life this is a tale I'll live to tell my children and their kid's kids. Mr. Jumbo spared my life though in exchange to be a better person by following my conscience with will and discipline. Marcelo and Felix were the only friends I had from childhood and may their souls rest in peace but at the same time, they were the perfect picture of the tag they call 'TOXIC FRIENDS'. Mr. Jumbo gave me a second chance to live but me, I gave myself a second chance to live, learn and grow. I'm telling this story for the sake of anyone out there who barely thinks for himself. You'll never be happy and live a blissful life until you stop chasing peer pressure to feel among and have a voice of your own. True friendship doesn't discriminate rather, true friendship understands individual differences, personal weakness and most importantly, true friendship is a path to grow and teach virtues to one another not a quest to prove who's stronger and better than the other. I learnt these lessons with my life on the line and I thank God I survived it but understand that grace differs just as our faces are different so it will be wise to learn from people's experience than risking your life in order to get a first hand experience. thanks for listening.

@Eyesthewriter 28 May 2022

Thanks for reading. A minute of silence I don't know why I feel so alone. It's like the things I do don't worth it. I check my read.cash blog and it breaks my heart that they don't see the greatness I put in those articles. Then I type these worries and pains in my hive account telling my emotions and feelings with no expectations of accuring some dollars from those who may bump into me. I'm not sad nor complaining about this long road I've been walking neither am I worried about the scars that I may wear. I don't want to talk about the love I found, the love that keeps me lonely beneath the seashells of my own stream but all I want to do right now is write until my heart feels lighter. I'm staring back to the man I see before me. This weak and ugly, his heart is heavy as the fears of falling for somebody creeps into his veins and arteries to and fro the ventricular and pulmonary tunnel. I don't want to be who the world expects me to be, not even a slight of what the dreams addresses but the one and only who wakes and dies every twenty four hours with one intention and mandate clear: To love God and believe in his winds and forces as they mould and correct us in every conscience we hear. I had a dream where I was walking with the devil although I can't remember how and where yet I can still smell him around believing I can take this darkness and turn it into light. He won't let me rest so I barely sleep, I've known God all my life yet the devil always visits my shadow. I walk with God every day that I wake yet the devil won't stop following. All my mistakes don't let me less of a man and I may not even have seen my best moments so am stuck between a rock and a hard place asking anyone to correct me when am wrong. I know it's unfair when I displace discipline and let my feelings take the best of me, I watch the lusts of my flesh manipulate my soul into a cage of emptiness so I quickly put my ego aside and talk about my problems for your eyes only. I'm going insane and nobody knows. My sanity yells for a quiet place where I can scream as possible. A place I can shout away my burden without putting my sanity at stake. They say heaven is what you get when you pass through hell and I find it hard to understand why the tables turn although the fire keeps burning. Next week Saturday, I'll be twenty five and in all, I thank God that I've understood life enough to find my purpose. Thanks for reading.

@Eyesthewriter 28 May 2022

Love from the heavens. Deborah and Maxwell are out on a date somewhere around discovery park. Though they met two weeks ago yet for Maxwell; she's the girl he has been waiting for since last year's Eve when his ex girlfriend left him for a dancer who apparently is her dance coach. 'Why can't you change? Sandra yells. They had been dating for almost three years until she decided to groom her dancing skills at a dance academy downtown. Before now, Sandra had always been polite, caring and never for once had issues with his smoking habit. She tilted her face against him then squeaked 'All you know how to do is sit here before your laptop and smoke your miserable deceitful life away. Maxwell was into online fraud which he had been doing even before their path crossed. He's twenty eight, tall with bushy facial beards which she liked him for but lately, everything about him seems to disgust her although she lacked nothing with him. he only time he went out of his two bedroom apartment was during weekends where he would take her to different eateries and beautiful places. 'Babe' Maxwell moans, 'You'd Never had issues with my end means' he grumbles tentatively relinquishing his big eyes on her dark face which always melted his soul making him feel like the luckiest man to have such a beautiful girl like Sandra. He knew it wasn't about his work nor his habit of smoking because he had understood the concepts of women's fury that most times, the thing they nag about might not be their actual problem. 'Please sit let's....' he hadn't finished his statement when she gave him a loud hiss then slammed the door hurrying to practice. At this time, Maxwell didn't know about Hernandez, her supposed dance instructor who apparently had been sleeping with her almost every evening before she came back home until one faithful weekend when he travelled to visit his family. That night became the worst day of his entire life after he had hurriedly came back home because of a client who had called and insisted they have a video call which is something he couldn't do under his parents roof Knowing how well they disgust anything illegal and deceitful. That night is still fresh in his mind the moment he strode towards his door. Even steps away from the door, he could hear Sandra moan in a way that he hadn't heard before even when he would make love to her. Yes, Sandra is a sex addict which he noticed because of her unending urge almost every day and night but something struck him, now he understood why and how she survived without sex with him for almost a month. Though the door was locked but after he had knocked pretending to be a neighbor causing her to open the door yet what didn't sit well with his spirit was the fact that she acted without remorse when he walked in only to find packets of condom littered on the floor. 'Sandy' Maxwell yelled thrusting his big eyes on her, 'You couldn't even respect me enough to carry your deceitful act outside my home'. Instead she rained curses on him calling him the actual deceitful one then parked her belongings and dashed away with Hernandez. For a moment he wanted to strangle them both to death but managed to get hold of himself knowing he wouldn't defeat them both at once. 'I'm not asking you to leave' Maxwell squeaked although he couldn't believe himself for still wanting to forgive her that moment yet she left him without an atom of remorse forgetting all the things he had done for her including supporting her family financially. He can remember how he almost smoked a full bowl of weed that night while calling her phone. 'Aren't you ashamed of yourself' Sandra bellowed after he had given her almost thirty missed calls. The next day he called, she picked the call then kept the phone beside her moaning as she and her new found love were having sex. That was the day he finally gave up and decided to move on although the first weeks weren't easy at all. They say sometimes, our pains pushes us and suffering is universal while victim-hood is optional. 'I deserve better' he would always growl to himself looking back at the mirror. He was faced with two options, to move on with hope of meeting someone worthy or shudder over an ungrateful person like Sandra. Few months later, she called back to apologise insisting she still loves him and was only a fool to have fallen for Hernandez only to discover that he was only using her because he was already engaged to another girl, 'No wonder he didn't take me to his house' Sandra bellowed with a heart full of regrets but Maxwell declined her knowing it would be foolish to have her back into his life after all that she did although he had forgiven her and moved on without grudges. He didn't know that some changes in his life may look negative on the surface because he had come to love and cherish Sandra so much like she's his oxygen only to realize that, that space is being created in his life for something new to emerge. Something adorable and amazing like Deborah. Maxwell's eyes glazed when Deborah confessed her love to him. His gut tightened like he had sour throat leaving him with a cold feet. Now he understood something: Sandra was a door he needed to pass through in order to become a better man because when a man is quilty; he fears even his own shadow. When Sandra left him, he thought maybe she was correct about the kind of job he does remembering her exact words 'You deceitful smoker' so he quit online fraud and used his savings to start up a dry cleaning services which led him to Deborah. He could remember the day they met. She had come to his shop in fury after realizing that her clothes were swapped with some else's. 'I sent my brother here with a yellow gown' she yelled, 'Not this' she wailed throwing the bag of clothe on the desk. He can't actually grasp how it happened but after settling that day, she started coming to his shop to charge her phone because that area then was having power supply issues and Maxwell's generator was always on till midnight. The first day he actually wooed her, they coincidentally boarded same cab on a Sunday morning and it happened that they were headed to the same church. 'I never knew you worship here' Maxwell stutters immediately they both walked into the church auditorium. 'I never knew you as a church boy' she replied with a baffled chuckle. That day immediately after service, he rushed and waited for her outside then took her to Cold Stone where they ate lunch. Since then, they became friends until things changed. 'Trust me' Deborah moans then paused to mop into Maxwell's eyes with her hair tucked under a blue scarf, 'The first day you opened your shop in our street' she paused again though this time sniffs like what she was about to say couldn't fall out  from her lips. 'I had a crush on you, from day one I admired the way you carried yourself' she concludes. No wonder she always came to his shop to charge her phone when her neighbors next door always had their generator on too. Now everything became clear to Maxwell that it was all God's plan from the beginning. God used Sandra to groom a better man out of him, now he had quit smoking entirely after some weeks with Deborah. There's laughter in his eyes and he has to let it out through his mouth saying 'God sent you to me'. He had understood that in life, we're nothing but pawns in the hands of time waiting to be crowned Kings and Queens. This is a true life story and the girl you see is Deborah. She told the story her way with the consent of Maxwell her love while I scripted the story my way. I wish her a lasting love life.

@Eyesthewriter 28 May 2022

Never stop; keep going. They say in life change is constant yet I can't stop myself from thinking why some things never changes. Things like financial ineptitude, betrayer and abuse from loved ones; racism and injustice. Last night before I went to bed, I angrily turned off the television when I saw on news how a husband beat his wife to death because he thinks she's quilty of infidelity. Then I decided to distract myself with social media only to bump into a story about a young man who was murdered on the exact day he was supposed to graduate from the University after the hurdles and struggles of his single mother who tirelessly strained herself from one job to another just to see him through school. News got it that she couldn't believe her eyes when she was summoned to identify her son's corpse so she immediately tilted her face with grief and unbelief and slumped to death. This story really got the best of me with random thoughts of the epiphanies of life till I unconsciously slept off. This morning when I woke, infact it was the indistinct screaming and crying from the compound next door that woke me. So I quickly wore my boxers then raced outside only to meet a whole community gathered to stop a child from committing suicide because her enitre family had slept last night and didn't wake this morning except for her who had arrived from work late due to traffic jam last night which exhausted her and stopped her from eating before going to bed. Her entire family had just died of food poisoning, 'Allow me to die with them ' I watched her yelled and it struck me so hard that although she has every right and reason to end her life yet she wasn't destined for that else she wouldn't have been stuck on traffic just to miss dinner with her family. Random thoughts resumed in my head as I stared at her rolling from her dad's corpse to that of her mother then to her younger siblings. Trust me, I had to cry too because I've had a glimpse of what and how it feels to lose a loved one. At a point I wasn't sure whether I was griefing with her loss or about my late uncles because I could remember at that point how I bluntly stopped myself from crying during their burials. Now am back into my apartment collapsed on my old fading couch which my late uncle Edet had bought me years before his demise. I try to feel the couch and pay more attention to it like it has a voice and was about to say something to me until I hear my late uncle's voice in my thoughts whispering like he would always say when he was alive "In life, to change anything whether the circumstances of health, wealth or relationships; first-you must learn to change how you feel about them". Then it downed on me. Not the ultimate truth because that which we know is only a glimpse of what we don't know but the golden truth that no man has power over what life brings except that we all have the power to see the circumstances of life in a different way from a broader perspective that no matter what life throws at us, so long we've overcome our biggest failure which is death then we must understand that things happens for a reason although not for our sake yet for a lesson we've come this Earth to feel, learn and pass on to generations unborn because suffering does us best by drawing forth our sleeping courage and wisdom for survival. We're all survivals so long we're alive and we must understand that we're not alive because we're better than the dead ones but because we're learning, sculpting, writing and growing our purpose for the sake of the ones unborn(our children). So whenever you're faced with a difficulty in life, remember this "Nothing comes from without; everything comes from within" so take a deep breath to feel it, imagine it and receive it because it has come to you for someone's sake. Maybe to sprout a muse within you that'll push you to script a story that'll someday balance someone's life or create a music that'll somehow shape a shapeless soul because in life, it is ALL FOR ONE; ONE FOR ALL.

@Eyesthewriter 27 May 2022

Let's talk about my past. I don't know why I did it yet I feel each and every virtue I can ever imagine in myself get ripped and kicked because I deserved it. Oh! yes, I did because I was foolish and proved to myself that I wasn't content with what I had. I forgot for a moment the graces in my little moments and the life I was given. But before we continue my lame words of ignorance, let's pause for a moment and visit my past, shall we?. I can't let you leave because it was just you and i. So if am not with my necklace then you are. I was confident that I had won the case so I didn't bother to fuss or scamp in a hurry. I was counting my witnesses and the old lady who parked by the corner clocked my ninth witnesses. I made a little hole then hid the necklace deep inside my pause where I thought no one would see. Every hour gave me more confidence though my soul cripped in tench. This young man had took me home where I noticed his nonchalant attitude. According to him, the necklace Is worth a million and was a gift from someone I didn't care to know. I can't tell why he still refused to let me go even after searching my pulse and body but now I understand, that was my end, and end for a new start which am lucky to get. Every witness searched me but nothing was found. You need to see the confidence in my eyes, I acted so real that you could barely suspect me. I had my kinky hairdo, my mini black skirt and turtleneck sweater. I still can't tell what came into that young man. He just grasp my pulse, shook it closer to his ear then tore the bag into pieces. I could believe my eyes, even the entire crowd had already pronounced me innocent. You need to see the way the boys bounced on me immediately I was exposed. I can still feel the first slap from the young man who found the necklace. He hit me with so much hate like I was the demon after his miserable life. I looked into the eyes of the other man who tore my clothes into pieces including my undies. Inside his eyes dwelled emptiness and hate for humanity which he had nurtured everyday he woke as a deaf man. Oh! I cursed myself. can't imagine how long he had been wanking to relief his urge because no sane woman would condole a touch from him. His body odour could be felt every time the wind blew and his actions revealed how long he had lived without the smooth silk of the opening of a vagina and the way he hit my half broken hymen with disrespect swallowed my dignity. Him and the other men raped me in public and no one could say a word because I was a lying bitch who succumbed to my greed and lust. Yes, I made myself a whore although fresh and succulent for a worthy taste. My breasts are saggy yet voluptuously endowed with magic, my magic I had used to charm and steal from every man until today. For a moment, I thought about Brownson, the only man who showed my genuine and unconditional love yet I chastised him because I was blinded by my own greed and gluttony. I was so foolishly living my life to impress those I probably hate because of a race for self worth which I could actually build myself. I used to trust my abilities and placed almost all of my attention and time over value than my self worth. I didn't believe in time and chances and those things they call hard work; to me, hardwork was my success in every man I seduced to doom yet today was my doom. They beat and raped me. Abused and touched my body in ways I never imagined. I watched myself being used by hoodlums, tramps and men who would bow and respect my presence if only I had respected myself. I was abused in the highest order. My fellow women watched them rape me in public and called me shame to womanhood. I premeditated myself committing suicide if they had pardon on me from jungle justice but I'm still grateful for second chance. Life used that aged lady who parked by the corner to save me. She paid those boys in order to save me from them and who cares whether I was justified, they took the money and poured their semen in me. The lady took me as her child and never for once criticized me even after hearing what I did. She accepted me without an atom of disdain instead treated me like a Queen in her apartment. Life used her to liberate me from who I used to be, now am born again like the morning. I'm free from my ignorance and elevated to a better me. Through this experience, I realized something about life that the most dangerous thing to do after a shameful experience in our life is to hide or bury our story because when we bury our shame, that shame metastasizes thus keeping us captives of that incident and its trauma for life. That aged woman taught me how to take advantage of my circumstances and live a new life. She taught the importance of sharing my story so as to save someone anonymous who might want to take such path and I agree with her. So for now, this is my story.

@Eyesthewriter 27 May 2022

My Morning pages I hope you have an idea about waking every morning feeling like you're on a mission. I hope you make it on your own and get the things you want and desire. Where I'm from, they barely grow. All they do is hustle for survival thus plotting life whatever way it transcends, forgetting about the one thing our fore fathers fought for in earnest; forgetting about honor yet striving for freedom they already have although refined by the English man who attached possessions and wealth to the thing we call success. Survival is but a daily routine. It's not about knowing where you're going but about knowing where you are. It's like a child in the arms of a mother, a dog within the four walls of its master's compound and a cat treating humans like its fellow cat; not friendly like the dog. For so long we've attached our freedom to materialistic things. We've spent years and most of our lives holding on to people we want although they never wanted us. We've clinged to illusional feelings and attachment thereby creating a false world in our own very eyes. The beauty of life: the pains don't always last. The sun won't always shine while the rain will always cease. I'm only trying to say, "Don't battle with circumstances which barely is about you but around you to express its essence". I love to write in plain words that might make one lost in ones thoughts. I'd prefer solitude than multitude because silence makes the best part of me. When she's gone, am reasoning. When she's here am fine. My father once told me to do what I can with what I have at exactly where I am and it sits well with my spirit that my flaws reflect my strength. Last night ended like a bar fight and I went home as a drunk who's ashamed and alone yet waking this morning tells so much about life itself: Timeless with seasons for us to grow and die. I woke to imagine how it feels to know you're going to die someday then I realized that dying never teaches anything about life but acceptance even when it isn't acceptable because the only thing that teaches about life is living itself. I'm not too proud that I cry sometimes. Am not too shy when the moments wakes against me although my blood surges through my veins just as my brain sprouts illusions about the world around me. They say you never know what one is going through until you go through it and that's the point where my ex girlfriend stays mad at me. She thought am going through the drain until she was drained up. Drained in depression, stuck in her own fears and anxiety that barely exist but in her mind. Am awake not to do or live differently but to stand and see the world differently as depression leads to suicide, love intertwines with hate and regrets follow suits with sorrows that reminds us of the cross we'll have to carry till the day we answer present to Mr. Death. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is in our dairy yet the one thing we have complete control over is the moment, now and the present. So I ask you, will you soak it up in the regrets of yesterdays, waste it all in the pictures of tomorrow or grasp it with all pleasure to make every second from it count? This is my morning pages and I hope I just spoke to someone because I was only thinking out loud.

@Eyesthewriter 26 May 2022

A call from the past They met in an old road condemned for farmers. the Earth quakes with flood while the bushes stayed trimmed. It felt like destiny when he saw her and the fact that she smiled back at him made it all cooked up like fate. She said her name is Amanda although she lied because telling him her name felt like giving away the voucher for her love. Same ways as always when she met her ex boyfriend yet this one in front of her brings alive those emotions that were laid to rest from her past experiences and trauma. There's peace in her eyes. Her square face pinches every beauty he can imagine and the way she dressed enchanted him. "You should be a model" he stutters not knowing what to say and she doesn't blame him because she'd prefer no pick up lines. Although I hate to say this but for a moment, he pictured her naked. A reverie that gave him a dream, a dream to know her enough to love her without obligations. The first week of acquaintances went sour and needy from his end yet she liked it thus built her wall higher because everything is now about her. He used to spend the rest of the nights on his bed reading and writing, now it's either the Chess club or her place. But how things got here is destiny because she built her wall so high even forgot to keep a window yet he just happened to be that man for her and she was quite smart to see that too. They say dream keeps us going and love motivates us yet they remain a cage set by ourselves knowing we can easily come out of it. What's money without happiness or hard times without the people you love because sometimes we laugh and eat in abundance while many times we frown and go to bed cuddling hunger. Maybe tonight is that night. He can't catch some sleep. Neither can she over there at her place. Earlier today when they had met at their usual spot, she received a call from her ex lover and for a moment, things changed. You don't know how long she has been waiting for her ex lover to come back but right now, she happens to be on the fence because she has grown to love and Cherish her new man. A part of her wants to go back after reminiscing those beautiful moments they had together yet the other part of her keeps drawing her to the bad moments, mostly the day he had beaten her to stupor. He's violent though wealthy and famous while at the other hand, her new man is poor though romantic and caring. She wants your advice because I told her about our community and how we help each other here so she asked me to tell her story in order to glimpse of her next decision and choice. And please feel free to share your thoughts on this because she will waiting to read your comments. thanks

@Eyesthewriter 25 May 2022

Brace yourself. It's past 7pm. Andre cuddles himself as they strolled into the uncompleted building. It's a seven storey in the stomach of a six acres though fenced and interlocked with ornamental plants here and there yet the building looks dumped and unkept judging from the broken glasses, roaming lizards and littered bottles, satchets and licking roofs. Before they came here, Mussonda had told Andre that they were going to visit an old friend who just came back from Europe but immediately they entered the compound, Andre had felt nothing but heavy on his feet while his heart beat pounds causing his amygdala to rise in fear. "What exactly are we doing here? Andre squeaks though hiding his fears from Mussonda's gaze. "Are you scared? Mussonda inquires, "Don't worry your big head because you're safe with me" he adds as they use the stairs. Mussonda actually knows where exactly they're headed and it seems like today isn't his first time here. "This is where I get the money we spend everyday" Mussonda smirks as they approach a room with indistinct chatter. When they walked in, Andre had no option but to put away any atom of fear and unease though his heartbeat pounded like he was about to be sentenced to death. "Here comes the man" the young man on red Barret wailed. Beside him are two other men with a blonde girl who seems to be lost in her thoughts. The room is scattered with broken bottles of codeine, ISP and burnt sticks of cigarettes. "Who's this young lad? The other man on yellow T-shirt bellows. He's smoking something which he wrapped in a brown rizzla and his voice heightened Andre's uneasiness because it sounded like thunder though cracked in a strange accent. Mussonda knew Andre wasn't comfortable but cared less except for the fact that he has enough to drink and smoke. Andre didn't want to feel left out so he accepted a pack of cigarette from the short and quiet man who barely spoke but busy smoking and nodding his head in alignment with the music blaring from his headset. The next minute Andre tilted his face to the girl, he caught her stealing glances at him. Her eyes are pale and faded revealing a sickening light and the way she held herself together made it obvious that she was under the influence of something dangerous and addictive. He noticed the way that quiet man puffed his cigarette then cocked his head to face Mussonda who was already snorting a white substance wrapped in a newspaper. "Now we're all here, I think it's high time we talk business" The light skinned man with a red Barret murmured. Andre noticed he's in charge, maybe that's why they call him 'Presido'. Mussonda's gaze widened, his attitude somehow became dull like he was dizzy yet I knew he's under the influence of that whitish substance he was snorting. "We hit tonight" the gang leader groans then turns to face me. "Newbie! He smirks making the entire room burst into laughter. "Do you know how to use a gun? I didn't know what to say nor do although I was mad at Mussonda for not telling me about this. Yet I didn't want to lose my cool and appear like the novice here so I remarked that I was ready and good to go knowing that kicking against them now am here might cause some fuss. Believe me, I was under the influence of peer pressure and didn't know when I had finished a pack of cigarette. "Try this" the quiet man groan, passing me a wrap of sativa. Maybe he knew I didn't know how to roll it and I liked him for that. "My name's Andre" I replied when the team leader asked. The other boys barely noticed me as they kept on smoking, snorting and slurping some codeine they had mixed with fanta. But wait a second, I only knew the substance was codeine because I read the label on the bottle and somewhere within me, I could feel the urge to try it. We spent almost three hours there in silence waiting for darkness to cloud the Earth until the quiet man whispered to me, "You know you still have a choice" my mouth went sour when he continued, "**This is what we were born to do but how about you, were you born to be a killer?** I could see disappointment and fear in his eyes. His lips had darkened from excess smoking while the tattoo on his bicep read, "Who cares". I inhaled the first puff from the burning sativa, its embers poured on my shirts as I wiped it off then whines, "I was born to do everything and most importantly, take risks". He let a baffled chuckle then resumed nodding his head to his music. I took that moment of silence to stare around me then it hit me, "This might be my last night on Earth or wake tomorrow as a millionaire". I knew how much the money could transform my life including that of my starving family yet my conscience stayed awake, making me understand that this wasn't what I was born to do so I sluggishly found my feet, pretended like I had a call then strolled towards the hallway. I knew jilting could put Mussonda at risk yet who cares since he already put my life at risk without deeming it fit to enlighten me. Story short, I ran for my life. I ran out of that compound knowing danger was behind me and since that day, I warned Mussonda in a text message never to come close to me. For now, I and my family may starve but it's better than starving them with my presence for eternity. I just couldn't comprehend how my mom will feel when the news gets to her that her only son had become an armed robber and a murderer. This is my story, a story I've shared to no one but my read.cash family. Thanks

@Eyesthewriter 24 May 2022

Before I die. Before I die; this is my Will. The day I die will be my death day. I imagine the world registering the time of my death. I see the tears on the eyes of my great grand children while their parents stay silent as stone watching the undertakers dance with my coffin. What a day it will be and if I'll have it my way, I'll love the rain to fall with glimmers of thunders on the air. After a while, I'll love the rainbow to beautify the sky telling my entire linage that the thoughts of me will always paint their hearts with amazing memories of my stay on Earth. I still don't know how or what will take my life yet am sure that I'll live till am old enough to accept death with open arms. I'll call my favorite grandson and daughter to my dying bed and sing them songs I wrote as a teenager. I'll tell them the secrets behind my entire survival on earth and how I came this far. I'll teach them the lessons behind compassion, love and courage. I'll make them understand why every living soul needs God and why God needs every living soul's faith even an atom of it. I'll pray with them and tell them how happy I am for not leaving a dream untouched. I'll make them understand why they'll need to obey their parents and teachers yet never allow anyone brainwash them from following their hearts and instinct. I'll use myself as an example and reveal to them the secrets of true success. That success isn't about what you achieve or possess but the ability to know yourself enough to understand that no one is better than you neither are you better than anyone but that won't stop you from striving to become a better person in thoughts, choice of words, action and understanding. I'll teach them the true meaning of friendship and reasons why they should never place their entire hope and trust on people not even their parents because in life, everyone is a soul longing for itself. I'll assemble my entire family and watch videos of happy moments with them. I'll tell them not to miss me rather take care of everything I'd labor as a man. I'll script my will according to my will and read it out myself. I'll watch my grandchildren take over my possessions while I appreciate God about how glad I am for these gifts he had given me in form of these amazing souls as my great grand children, grand children and children. I'll write a memoir about every life changing experience I had and make sure it's enough to teach them the best lessons of life and survival. I'll dance with my weak feet with a whole hearted smile on my wrinkled face as I'll say 'LIFE IS THE DANCER WHILE WE ARE THE DANCE SO LEARN TO FOLLOW THE FLOW OF LIFE RELENTLESSLY'. Overflowing joy and grace shall stuck on the hearts of my entire generation just at the mare mention of my name. My children, their children's children and their children's children children shall be so proud to bare my name making them walk with their shoulders and face highly erect without pompousity but honor and respect. Though it seems like we're born here on earth just to die yet my children and generation will understand through me that we are born to live, learn and leave behind a legacy worthy enough to breed a better, happy and wiser generation. On my death day; I'll say just three words before I pass on. Those words will be written on every heart and will follow every soul who believes in my struggle and purpose. Those words will be: GOD IS GOOD.

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@Eyesthewriter 24 May 2022

Her Precious stone. Well, she has been masturbating since she was nineteen. Charlotte is from Africa. somewhere around those places where a girl child is subject to nothing except to manage a home and bare children thereby forcing them into marriage before eighteen. By tomorrow, Charlotte will clock forty and yes. She's a victim; at seventeen she was forced into marriage to an Allahji who died three years later after being diagnosed with AIDs. I understand what you're thinking right now and you're absolutely correct. Her life had crashed when the doctor whispered that day at her husband's death bed wearing the worst gaze she had ever seen. 'Am sorry Ma'am. your test results shows you've got HIV'. Though the doctor had encouraged her never to give up in life and could still live a normal life because the symptoms were discovered early so she apparently has a huge chance of living a long life yet all that killed her spirit was the fact that couldn't marry again in order not to transmit the virus to her partner just as Morgan, her husband did. Although she was told about  ARVs yet couldn't imagine herself getting into another marriage after what it had made of her. For a moment, Charlotte tilted her hopes to her only son, Jerry her only hope to stay alive and protect from this shady world. Her late husband left her with great wealth. Two years after her husbands death, Jerry died mysteriously and this time, it shattered her so she migrated to Europe where she built herself a classic home with wooden floors. Charlotte had experienced all these tragedies before twenty three years. Her eyes would be cloudy though filled with hope. It is not our task to judge the worthiness of our path; It is our task to walk our path with worthiness and she knows this although sometimes it feels like she isn't the one she claims to be. Just a shadow of her fantasies away from reality though clutched in her thoughts through the window of self intuition. Over these years, her life has been a gauntlet of loneliness and pains. She would turn the black night into white crying till her eyes ran out of tears to purge the pains and guilt that were growing within her like tumor after she had spent most of the early nights fingering and touching herself. Somewhere deep beneath her, she knew she wasn't supposed to masturbating but she has HIV and couldn't be with a man whenever her body yearned for the touch of a man so she would grasp her golden vibrator which she had purchased a decade ago on a trip to Poland. This vibrator costs a fortune and she hid it on the chest of her bedroom drawer. It was her favorite jewel, the one thing that gave her pleasure as she would use it for hours screaming and moaning in fantasy. Two hours ago, she had gone for a meeting with her counselor when a broad man infiltrated her mansion. 'This lady must be somewhat wealthy' he whispers as he sneaks around every corner hoping to find a fortune. He had been spying on her for a week now and realized that she would always go out on Tuesday afternoon before 2pm until 7 to 7:30pm when she would return and right now, he has the entire building to himself for about four to five hours and he wasn't going to leave any stone unturned. First, the diamond jar which was resting by the split unit caught his attention so he dangled it into his bag. He's wearing a black Jack Wolfskin cap with a scarf covering his nose downwards. After two hours of looting including an envelope containing fifteen thousand dollar cash, he bustles upstairs only to stumble on Charlotte's golden vibrator lying on her untidied bed. She had used it some hours ago before launching out. His face shriveled like an old apple. "She certainly needs a man" he squeaks. He flings the vibrator into his bag and some diamond jewels then take to his heels. It's past eight in the evening and Charlotte just arrived home to find the entire sitting room scattered and littered. "I've just been robbed" her thoughts yells but surprisingly, the only thing that comes to her mind is the safety of her golden vibrator. She quickly surges upstairs hoping to find her golden vibrator but disappointedly, it's gone and not even her golden and diamond bracelets worries her except her vibrator; her man and companion. The thief sells every bracelet, diamond jewels including the jar but no one wants to buy the Vibrator although it's gold. He's rich already so the vibrator doesn't bother him. He finally sells it for a hundred dollar although it costs millons of Dollars. To Charlotte, the golden vibrator is like a precious stone that can't be found anywhere but the chest of her drawer but to the thief, it's just a toy some lady uses to cure her loneliness and it's worthless.

@Eyesthewriter 23 May 2022

Thinking Out Loud. ****#From my diary**** It is not in the skies to hold our destiny but in ourselves. We dream then doubt, love then hate yet life remains empty and not worth it without dreams and love. Never for once did I ever thought that I'll be exactly where I am today. Even as a boy who was young and naive, I never for once imagined that a time will come when the true meaning and cacophonies of survival will hover around me to reveal that emptiness and unworthiness I feel without a glimpse of my dreams and a kiss from a beloved who my heart will beat for. I've searched and surged for love but wait a minute because I mean true love. I've found myself in relationships which only lasted on bed, lusts and personal desires intertwined in greed and mania of loneliness thus causing me more pains than loneliness itself. If you asked me five years ago, I'd scream on top of my voice with lights glistening in my eyes saying, "Dreams are everything". Sadly, that perception about life faded with yesterdays and its darkness like stagnant water on a pot hole. These days, I barely dream except that I take life one day at a time; one step at a time with hopes and a mustard faith dancing in my thoughts as I put these words together for my eyes to see while my lips read. I know I'll make it, somehow. But for now, my life is just an artwork that hasn't been finished because I'll need to learn, grow and find some colours for my soul in order to prove myself worthy of the goddess life has bestowed for me. They say when you have nothing then you have something to prove but how about when you've got something, wouldn't it be placing yourself in a situation where you have something to lose? It will be my birthday soon and I'll be obliged to celebrate it as I tick the date on my diary. But I'll have to face the fact that birthdays take one closer to ones death day knowing that a day will come when my presence, smiles and potentials to make someone's world a better place will disappear into thin air like I never existed yet I know and premeditate that honor and respect my children and their kid's kids will wear on their face with shimmers of delight when they talk about me and my once upon a time on planet Earth. I've been a failure. Failed many times in diverse walks of life including my personal growth. I've lived like a tramp wandering round town in the middle of the night while my mates slept peacefully at the comfort of their bed and luxury. I've seen bloody wars with guns involved at the same time when my peers were studying and doing chores to impress their parents so never compare me with your top five writers because most of them might not come back from where I survived. Please I'll love to use this opportunity and emotions to extend an honest thanks and appreciation to everyone here in this community and read.cash as a family who takes time to support and encourage my blog. I really do appreciate you guys.

@Eyesthewriter 23 May 2022

The Beauty of Life Have you ever seen a baby cry? relentlessly, the baby cries like something is about to take its life but what happens next? in a twinkle of an eye, laughter clouds the baby like it knows no pain. Many times, we give room for the circumstances of life to steal our happiness, dreams and sanity because we've forgotten the most important truth in life that we only have power over our mind but never with the events of life. In this mordern world; anxiety and stress has become silent killers in almost every living soul.  So if you allow yourself to be overwhelmed by circumstances and events that you have no control over, your life will end long before your actual death. Trust me, in order to be peaceful with yourself and those around you. First, you must learn to accept what you can't control while focusing your power and attention on things you can actually change because there'll always be a bridge between what we can control and what we can't. Remember the sobriety prayer: LORD GIVE ME THE POWER TO ACCEPT WHAT I CAN'T CONTROL, CHANGE WHAT I HAVE CONTROL OVER AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. My teacher back then I primary school will always yell at her pupils saying 'KINDNESS COUNTS'. Only the strongest and most intelligent people have the ability to exercise kindness because it takes a deep level of understanding to be kind to people and takes even more to be kind to those that doesn't deserve your kindness but in all, KINDNESS COUNTS. Getting angry and mad at someone is as easy as breathing. Sometimes we get angry almost unconsciously but understand that nothing changes whenever you're angry instead you deminish your worth and happiness because holding on to anger is like drinking poison then expecting someone else to die in return. Kindness doesn't just leave one with a peaceful and calm heart but also makes the world, your world in general a better place for others to live in. True friendship is hard and almost impossible to get yet it is advisable to value friendship whenever we have one. Remember the words of Cicero who said 'FRIENDSHIP IMPROVES HAPPINESS AND ABATES MISERY BY DOUBLING OUR JOYS AND DIVIDING OUR GRIEFS'. Many of us misinterprets the true definition of friendship by always expecting our so called friends to come through for us mostly when we're in need and although this is one of the benefits of friendship yet such lame understanding ends up destroying the true value of friendship because true friendship is a bond of mutual trust, love and understanding whether or not they come through for us. Learn to face your pain. You'll agree with me that in this mordern world, almost every depressed and distressed person falls back on alcohol and drugs to eliminate their pains. Trust me, I am a living witness when it comes to drugs just to escape pains and one reason anyone should be afraid of drugs and alcohol is that they actually save you from the pains and worry but believe me, that will be only for a moment because once your body system becomes sober again, every inch of pain you avoided returns in double folds. Escaped pains will never make you wiser and stronger instead it breaks your sense of judgement, deminishes your will and confidence. No wonder Pythagoras said 'STRENGTH OF MIND RESTS IN SOBRIETY; FOR THIS KEEPS YOUR REASON UNCLOUDED BY PASSION'. True freedom is only achieved by overcoming our struggles within because we all have difficult moments, sometimes more or less than others but overcoming these moments is where wisdom and strength is formed. last week, something I can't really explain happened and it actually got the best of me into depression. Truth is, I really don't know how to act whenever depression hits me so my dad noticed I wasn't the bright and happy man I really am. I remember the intense gaze from his eyes before walking closer to me then whispered 'THIS LIFE IS YOURS. THE MOMENT YOU REALIZE THAT THIS LIFE IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, THAT NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO SAVE YOU; NOT EVEN ME OR WHAT HAPPENS IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WAY YOU THINK. He told me that the moment I grasp that truth and sink it into my well of knowledge which needs only wisdom to draw from, then I'll start to approach life differently rather than fall back on my bed to soak up my sheets because of some little unfortunate event that can't even be compared to what people face in their daily lives all over the world. He made me understand that life will always cause us to break down, cry and feel less of ourselves but until I find a balance somewhere within my mind, I'll always take the events, I mean the unfortunate events life throws at me as the most greatest when it is nothing at all but a cause to draw forth my wisdom and courage. THE BEAUTY OF LIFE IS THAT NOTHING EVER STAYS THE SAME. NOT THE PAINS, NOT THE MOMENTS; NOT EVEN OUR LUCK YET ONE THING CAN BE MADE CONSTANT: OUR HAPPINESS. AND THAT'S BY ALWAYS KNOWING THAT LIFE ISN'T A BED OF ROSES BUT A BED OF CIRCUMSTANCES THAT TEACHES AND INSTRUCTS.

@Eyesthewriter 23 May 2022

Cassandra and her new life in the university Cassandra's phone chirped. "Hi! Mum, am sorry for not returning your calls. I'm...." she hasn't completed her statement when Mrs. Bruno hung the call. She tried calling back yet her mother's phone wasn't reachable. "Why would she hang the call on me or did her battery go flat? She kept pondering about her mother's attitude when her phone chimed. It's Maquire and he had texted her concerning their date tonight at the love garden behind department of law. She felt happy hearing from him yet still worried about her mother. Cassandra traipsed towards the hostel to take a nap before her date and was about to amble inside the hostel when her roommate yelled her name. She knew that voice was nobody but Miracle yet ignored it and dashed inside with anxiety. She just got admitted into the university and for the past three days, life has been different here. New friends, new environment and less good food because no one is allowed to cook inside the hostel. Every student are expected to buy their three square meals outside the hostel and Cassandra wasn't finding it accommodating because she's used to good food while the food carts used poor ingredients and too much flavors to sweeten their food. Few minutes after waking, she dialed her mother's line again yet still couldn't reach her. Her anxiety were getting stronger, her thoughts brooding uncertainties yet she managed to shower waiting for Bruno's call. It's past 7pm, the day is fading dark yet neither Bruno nor her mother has called. Although she kept trying her mother's number but couldn't try Bruno, maybe she didn't want to appear desperate or something. So she wore her pyjama, took some cash and strode down the canteen outside the hostel to get some junks for dinner. "Hello Pretty one" A young man almost twice her age sibilated. At first she pretended not to hear him because her earphones were already stuck on her ears silent. She had gotten used to using earphones mostly anytime she wanted to go out so as to avoid answering people as she would vibe to her songs seriously even when it wasn't her favorite just to snob anyone who dared encroached her. "Please just hear me out" the young man muttered as he dart towards her. When it was obvious that she wouldn't give him a listening ear, he seized her left hand and double crossed her. "Who are you and what do you want? Cassandra sneered still trying to ignore him. "I've been meaning to speak with you since last week Monday when I saw you though I steal glances at you every evening when you stroll through this part. "Oh! I see, you're one of those hunters who stalk anything on skirt just to sate their never ending urge" Cassandra groaned retrieving her hand from him. "I understand what you mean and you're correct" the young man moaned still wearing his cheery face. His eyes are brown and his skin has this odd bright color that occurs whenever fair skin has been burned and weathered by the sun. She relaxed unknowingly chirping at him. Maybe because he didn't try to defend himself and her dark eyes glimmered when two beautiful ladies who were passing by stopped to hug him calling him Presido. Surprisingly to him, she let go her guard as they both started gisting and knowing themselves. She didn't want to ask why the beautiful girl addressed him as Presido in order not to give him the impression that she's getting interested in him but could tell that he's one of the final year students. "I know you won't give me your number but at least write me your mail so I can mail you at least" the young man implored.   "But I don't have a piece of paper" Cassandra countered. He thrust his hand from his pocket and pulled a fancy gold coated pen and brown refillable journal then stretched them to Cassandra. "Who's this stranger giving me his journal? Cas thought as she stared at him feeling more intrigued about  his personality maybe because he smiles so easily. She's startled that she's enjoying this stranger's company and want to hear him talk more so she grinned "I said it. You walk around with this to get your prey's number. Isn't it? He blushed without a word allowing her to open it and Immediately she did, the first words that caught her eyes were boldly written "WIN IN SILENCE, LET THEM THINK YOU'RE LOSING". she quickly scanned through the journal and it was as if every page contained alot. "That's my personal Journal but this time you were wrong because there's no number written on it". They both chuckled as she silently wrote her number on the middle page then affirmed "I don't have a mail". Cassandra handed him back his journal and strode towards the canteen. He couldn't believe he finally got her number and was left in awe watching her colossal keister bounce behind her. "How about my pen? He yelled. She paused and turned slightly, stare into his eyes for a second waving the pen at him without a word then chuckled "It's mine now" but It never mattered to him instead sweetened his soul that she smiled at him. "Please can I have two pies and a bottle of nutri-milk" Cas requested, plunging a thousand naira note to the salesman. Soon she received her package and headed for the hostel. Cassandra quickly clicked on the notification immediately her phone chimed. It's her mum and she had sent her a text warning her to stay safe and would call as soon as she gets home from church. "Oh! Now I see why mummy's number wasn't going through. Today's  Wednesday and she's at praise".

@Eyesthewriter 22 May 2022

Who cares? Imagine a world without hero and villain. How empty and void the Earth would be without good and bad. Some people are born to be a hero; many were born to be villains while everyone is born to be a hero and villain at the same time because even an angel has to put her halo down from time to time. Sometimes I ask myself questions like a child in the wonder world. What's a hero without quilt or a villain without purpose? Over the years, our society has become fascinated with characters who are not fully evil or fully good but instead, lie somewhere in the middle. Our obsession with antiheroes and anti-villains are results of social ideals being rewritten in an unbalanced format because We are unmaking the concept of wickedness as the popularity of the 'heroes' in Batman, The Punisher, and Suicide Squad shows, the lines between heroes and villains have become blurred in almost everyone's mind that we selfishly and ignorantly strive for the world to see us as nothing but heroes when deep within us, we all know that there's no perfect man on Earth. Isn't it fascinating that no man can ever win the love of every single soul on earth? Even Christ who was as perfect as anything you can imagine was murdered without guilt because he couldn't win the love of everyone around him including his own disciples. Growing up, my parents taught me how to be disciplined, kind and everything good yet over these years, I've grown to realize that no matter how we live, no matter what we do; there'll always be a spot where we'll fail. A spot where our greed will surface, a spot where we'll have to hurt people in order to do what is right in our very eyes. Now tell me, does being a hero means hurting someone in order to please another or fighting for a cause whether or not we do good or bad because evil deeds and good deeds are stains that will forever stuck on us so long we're here on planet Earth. Hold on a minute. Don't get me wrong because am not trying to justify neither evil or good because to one, a deed might be evil while to the other; same deed is absolutely good. What I am trying to convey here is that: it is high time we quit straining ourselves just to appear as heroes in our community but follow the wake up call of our instinct, conscience and believe because the very same people you're trying to please by becoming a hypocrite will still end up to criticize you at any given opportunity. Instead of acting because we want to appear good in the eyes of our society, why not pause for a while and make friends with your own conscience because sometimes it isn't about what you believe but about what is expected of you by the divine will within you. Let's understand that no one is perfect although everyone has something unique   and perfect within them. A cause to follow, a purpose to adhere and a vision to make reality whether or not we appear as heroes or villains. Forget what the society thinks of you, let go of those ill indistinct chatter about you and focus your entire attention on the life inside of you because life isn't about what we want or how we want to live but about the life that wants to live through us. Be who you were born to be. Learn who you actually are and watch your life improve in happiness, comfort and clear mind. But mind you, you might never actually find yourself until you go out there and show kindness to every single soul that comes your way.

@Eyesthewriter 22 May 2022

Most embarrassing moment of my life. "Never look down on someone unless you want to lift him up" Nero said with a shadow of shame worn on his cheeks. It's been almost forgotten since he got himself being embarrassed in public as he shivered inside his jacket, cuddling himself. The waitress behind Mercy chuckled silently in pretense, Nero knew countless eyes were glaring at him and walking away wasn't an option so he smiled at her moaning "I understand you don't know me but please grant me the courtesy of sitting beside you" Mercy reluctantly tucked her head backwards and this time the frown on her face froze him although this wasn't his first time with such experience with women. She yelled "I said, leave me alone". Her voice got the attention of even those who weren't observant. This was becoming more embarrassing because she was sitting with her friend while Nero stood in front of them like the bartender yet calm. Her friend silently watched him from the beginning and with the way Mercy addressed and ridiculed him, his level of Confidence still with a smile on his face melted her heart. Nero didn't hesitate any more minute as he struggled to find his keister beside Mercy but almost fell to the floor when she angrily pushed his chair away, pick up her bag and stylishly walked out of sight not minding if her friend followed her. "Hi! Nero quietly stuttered immediately him and Kate caught their eyes after watching Mercy leave in awe. "Hey! Am sorry about my friend's attitude but she's actually a beautiful soul" Kate quickly responded to Nero feeling pity for him. "Do you care for a drink or.." Nero asked still trying to relax but Kate declined as she suddenly stood to shake him then quickly rushed after her friend. Though Nero felt like knowing her but the embarrassment he had just survived Instead he smiled as she walked away. "Please! A can of black bullet will do" he whispered to the waitress who sat at the counter just by his table. "I'll make it two and don't worry about the bills, it is on me" Nero had already tagged today a bad day so the waitresses kindness came as a bomb to him because to him, nothing good could come out of today after his experience with Kate and her chubby friend. "Are you compensating me for the well taken embarrassment or for not getting any of their numbers? He said still wearing his half chucked smile. The waitress winked at him with a slight bite on her lips as she whispered to his ears just as she was about to serve him "It's an invitation to my bed but also an appeal to wait for me to round up today's sales" Nero instantly dropped his smiles, his abdomen quickly contracted giving a great erection beneath his trousers. Although he had thought of having a one night stand today but the way it was about to happen now looked so much like a dream he wouldn't want to wake from. Just as she settled his table, she stylishly used her thumb to rub his almost pink lips walking seductively back to the counter. Thirty minutes later after he had walked outside standing by his black venza, the waitress sluggishly walked towards him but this time her countenance changed. Maybe she felt low about herself for offering herself so cheaply but that was her only chance because he never noticed her although he visited the bar almost every weekends for a year now. "Are you okay? Nero asked as he pulled the door for her to hop in. She didn't hesitate yet said nothing. After a while when he had drove almost to the high way though stealing glances at her, she asked "Wait! Are you taking me to your place? He nodded in affirmation when she bellowed "Pls I only opted for my place so if you're not comfortable coming to my place then I suggest you drop me here" Nero pulled over the car, took a deep breath then asked for directions to her place which she gave before hitting the road. They both remained silent throughout the drive time until he got to her gate. "I thought you would park inside? She asked with a blush that came with a low tone. He ducked his head facing her then said "I only brought you home".

@Eyesthewriter 21 May 2022

Damsel in distress. She's five feet tall, chubby with heavy chest. Her mother named her Precious but she'd prefer you call her Pearl. Last week she had an abortion, the third within two years and it never bothers her. I mean what's the pain in the ass when there's enough cash to hold me down; those are her words. She walks like a model even her fellows gender would turn to steal more glances at her and she knows this. Maybe that's why she's attracted to both gender. Her life's a circle of give and take. For business, she sleeps with men for money then squanders it on her fellow women for pleasure. Meet her man, Francis. He's a constructor in Julius Berger so barely spends time with her but whenever they do, they make each other feel like what they share is complete passion and more like soulmates. If you ask Francis, he would say she's the girl of his dreams yet Pearl sees him no less than a rich client in the name of her boyfriend. Last night, he got a call from his neighbor that Pearl had brought another man into his apartment which he doubted until he met them on his bed drunk, stormed with rounds of sex and almost unconscious. Her bra is hanging by the moon lamp, the panties he bought her from Malaysia last weekend is torn and shattered by the door post. "This isn't real" his thoughts lingers trying to hold back the pain as his veins swells in rage. "No I can't let this slide" he wails as he rushed back to the bedroom. He had decided to leave and jilt their relationship but the thought of loosing her to another man wouldn't sit well with his spirits. I wish he knew that she wasn't emotionally attached to any man but him. Maybe that's why she addressed him as her boyfriend and always raced to see him whenever he's in town. Francis had lost his sanity though he thought he knew what he was doing. He reached for his revolver beside the jacuzzi in his bathroom, aimed at Pearl for a second then pulled the trigger on the sleeping young man. Francis shot again on the man's forehead then tilted the gun to Pearl who was already clasping her both hands on her mouth in order not to shout. "You betrayed me" he wails sweating on his both palms, "I'm sorry but it isn't what you think" Pearl pleads trying to win a second chance. "You won't shoot" she whispers not daring to look into his eyes. She knew he wouldn't kill her and so it happened except that he left her for good with two bullets on her left leg. "That's for defying for bed" he groans as he slams the door behind her. Pearl couldn't believe her eyes, she hadn't seen a man die needless to be on the same bed with a corpse. She tried to move but couldn't until some neighbors came to her aid. Words have it that the leg was amputated while Francis was charged for murder then sentenced to firing squad. Pearl lived the rest of her life in regret calling herself, 'the damsel in distress'.

@Eyesthewriter 21 May 2022

Don't do these. ****Don't seek attention****: I used to hate loneliness and sometimes whenever I found myself alone, it'd feel like I was abandoned and can remember always seeking for attention by either spending all day calling people who didn't even miss me or going out to visit friends who were busy with their lives. Soon my friends noticed that I couldn't stay on my own so they started taking my presence for granted and would sometimes leave me behind in some indistinct chatter that would make them steal glances at me and guffaw. Trust me, I became irrelevant in their midst and had to learn the hard way. It's years now and I've learnt the true meaning of loneliness and solitude; now I spend the entire week reading and focusing on my personal development and it's funny how the table has turned because they're now the ones complaining that I don't care about them while they always want to have me around. They've experienced some tremendous transformation in me mostly my silence and now it feels like am the most important person in their midst. ****Don't Say 'yes' to everything****. This, I've been guilty of. I used to have lots of friends and somehow placed myself in the middle amongst all of them until sometime I realized that all these while, I had been a people pleaser. I could hardly say NO to their suggestions and it made me go places against my will thus making me almost lose my life twice. Believe me, always saying yes to family and friends did cost me alot even now, I still indirectly pay for that mistake so I would advise anyone to learn how to say No even when it might hurt others because it's better to make a loved one feel irritating about you for saying No that loosing yourself to pressure. ****Don't let your past define your present****. I pick these pitfalls because I've been caged and turtured by them. Somewhere around 2017, I dropped out of school exactly two weeks before my final year exams and screening. It really did hurt me because it wasn't an action of mine but circumstances. I remember waking one morning with blindness. Yes am serious, I woke that morning only to open my eyes and realize that I had gone blind. From days to weeks, months and almost a year. I looked back and realized this had happened and cost me five years of study. When I regained my sight, I did all I could to continue from where I stopped but was rendered hopeless saying I hadn't written a letter to the school to pause my studies thus I'll have to reapply for a fresh admission and begin from year one. I won't lie, I gave up my education and stayed home almost three years but am happy today that I didn't lose myself to my circumstances because I'm back to school and this time, am studying a course that I love also realized that tragedy happened to teach me somethings about life and am glad to be a witness of the epiphanies of life. ***So in all, remember not to always seek attention from people, learn to say No and avoid letting your past define your present. Thanks***

@Eyesthewriter 21 May 2022

My worst distraction They say love is a captivity lovers chose and I can't settle for that because my heart is a place where I sojourn for peace and quiet. My girl won't break up with me because she thinks am too rough. To her, violence and hardcore sex is what attunes her libido. The last time we made love, she made me handcuff her hands then moaned how much she needed me to spank and rough handle her but I couldn't because to me, I would be abusing her and wouldn't want such to happen to my sister so I uncuffed her then backed off. We live together in a small town around the stomach of Alabama. We met at a grocery store where she had visited to refill her refrigerator while I had come to take pictures of the store concerning a project I was working on. How we started dating is a faded memory because she did came to me. At first, we had a one night stand in a restroom the next day on a date then proceeded to her place where she insisted would be favorable. Before she ushered me into her house, I noticed some porn dvd packs littered round her garden while her neighbors stole glances at me with strange and weird look that made me ponder what I was getting into. Though I wasn't scared for my life because I had reasons to but sometimes during our dinner together at her glass dinning table, something about her wasn't right. I mean, have you ever seen a spinster who plays pornography for her guest to watch on a first visit. That night, we had sex from the dinning table to the couch on her sitting room then found ourselves in a secret room which she called her trap house. In there, there're paintings of models, I mean beautiful pornstars which I didn't know were pornstars until she inserted the video tape on her satellite. The next day, exactly 5am. I heard a knock on my door only to open and find her standing wearing only lingerie. "Did you walk all the way here like this? I stuttered in awe. "Not exactly" she moaned with that same voice of hers which sits well in my spirit. We made love over and over again till noon before having brunch then continued again till sunset. Her body is soft as cotton wool, her breasts kicks with high self esteem and the way she handles me could send me or anyman to an early grave then I knew I was in for trouble. The truth is, she's toxic and at the same time; everything I need in my sex life. She barely appreciates penetration but gives all of herself to me for countless cunnilingus. Lest I forget, she's the best I've ever met when it comes to fellatio. One evening, after soaking our bodies in our exchanged sweats, squirts and semen. I managed to scamp from my king size bed which she had attached some cuffs. I knew my life was draining in countless oral sex over and over again. A part of me needed her to stop coming while the other insisted that she's all I need but before my eyes, I saw myself loosing concentration and focus for what I do; I could barely put up and article on my blog and anytime some inspiration did hit me, it soon vanished into abyss as she would start touching and caressing me. This isn't love, I whispered to myself. This is Jezebel reincarnated in your life and something has to be done quickly before I loose my balance to this sweet twenty one. She barely speaks about herself nor dreams and aspiration neither does she encourage mine instead all that matters to her is sex, orgy and anything close to it. My days are getting complicated even my neighbors now see me differently and it's clear I need help because these days I also find myself running after her when she's gone. But after we're done with several rounds and positions, I find her irritating and want to be alone. So now I ask, what's your take on this? Because somehow somewhere, she thinks am the only one who satisfies her urge exactly as she wants it and vice versa to me. I feel she's my cage and I, her prison because all that we do these days is explore our bodies in our trap house. She's the sweetest girl I've ever met and at the same time, the worst distraction in my life. At some point, I feel I can change her for better although its obvious that she's changing me for the worst. I hate to say this but these days, she's just like my medication from this cruel and lonely world but if I continue to dwell on this lustful truth, I think I might find myself in regret sooner or later so tell me what you'd advise if you were in my shoes.

@Eyesthewriter 21 May 2022

Tales of Soledad "I don't know how I feel around you" he paused trying to get his words together then continued, "Sometimes everything feels perfect then lust clouds us". His name's Hassan; full of live and energy to make his presence noticed yet the only thing that breaks him is the fact that the one lady he loves died mysteriously before their scheduled wedding so since then, loving again has been from one failed relationship to another till he swallowed the camel and decided to give up on love. Though he really loved the last lady he dated, Mayowa but what was he supposed to do? she had been extorting his savings behind closed doors and it was quite fortunate he found out on time else she would had drain every cents of his. Now to love again is something like suicide plus he believes no woman can ever understand him like his late fiancee. "How do you mean? Soledad moans still holding on to his hand even while he tries to let go. She has been his secretary for almost a year until sometime last month when they finally had their first kiss then started making out. Truth is, Hassan feels nothing about her except that she knows how to touch his body while Soledad believes he's the man for her and the best she'd ever have. She had sworn to have Hassan all to herself from the first moment they met. The way he talks to her, his smile and even the fact that he gave her the job knowing she wasn't qualified to have it. "You're saying this because of the last time" Soledad squeaks, "Don't forget you caused it" she continues. Hassan really wants to get rid of her from his life. To him, she's nothing but toxic and a threat to his career because the things she does to his body on bed would always make him late for work and distracted but at some point, he loves to be with her. I mean, she's got great body and curve plus she's busty and it's right up his alley. She knows he wants just sex yet can't help but nag why he isn't seeing that she could make a good wife knowing he's desperate about starting his own family. "I've told you before" Hassan groans, "Told me what" she counters, "that you take advantage of my body and think you can thrash....? She hasn't finished her statement when Hassan slams the table then cuts in "There you go again" he's actually furious and she can see the frustration in his eyes, "I don't want a family" he yells though trying not to shout at her. He strode towards the wall then halts in front of the portrait hanging next to the split unit. "She died with my kids, their hopes and dreams" he sneezes without covering his mouth then continues, "What's family without her? I can't imagine my kids calling another woman their mum when she got me this far". Hassan tilts his face to Soledad then whispers, "I owe her that respect". Soledad couldn't help but fall madly in love with him. She couldn't believe how much a man can love a woman even in death. Although she wants to hate and resent him for not finding her worthy yet she helplessly falls for his kind of heart, a heart that loves endlessly; a heart that couldn't give up on something that was already lost and she wants to have that kind of heart. Maybe that's why she has refused to give up the chase over his heart even when he made it obvious that what they share is nothing but for pleasure. Soledad's heartbeat triples as she walks closer to him. She clears her throat like she's about to make a pep talk then moans, "I understand how you feel but don't you think she was an angel sent to play a role in your life" She pauses for a second then continues, "Maybe she had fulfilled her purpose". "What are you even saying" Hassan objects as he turned to face her, "Her purpose was to raise my children, our children" he adds. At this time, it was almost past 10pm and Soledad had planned to distract him from what time it is in order to find an excuse to spend the night with him. So she quickly cups her left hand on his cheek then asks "What if she had lived while you died" She brushes her hand on his beards then continues, "Do you think she would have mourned you forever? Trust me, her question really did hit Hassan and for a moment, every moment with his late fiancee played through his memory especially those moments she had cheated on him with her childhood lover although that was barely a year into their relationship and he had forgiven her but right now, he's in a reverie and for the first time after her demise, a thought crept into his mind "What if she died because she would have cheated on you again". Hassan doesn't know what to believe right now even Soledad isn't making it easy on him as she slowly unhooks her bra while staring deep into his eyes. "I know how bad you want my body" she cups her breasts then moans with a seductive stare. "Not now, not now" Hassan whines as he tries to pull away from her but couldn't help it when she rubs her right index finger on her clitoris while her left hand brushes his penis that's already kicking beneath his trousers. Hassan pulls her closer, stares into her eyes then kisses her lips down to her neck which rains strikes of goosebumps on her thighs. "Oh my God! Soledad moans as she unzips his trouser then bends to give him the best fellatio any woman has ever given him. Soledad is quite graceful on bed compared to his late fiancee and past lovers and Hassan knows that. He wouldn't tell her he always wants her on bed because of her mastery in fellatio and the way she moans while he strokes her but to him, it isn't just about sex but love and the love he felt with his late fiancee is the realest thing he has ever found. "We can continue to have good times together" Hassan moans, "but please never expect me to wife you" he concludes. Although those words hit Soledad so hard yet she just kept slurping his penis knowing he's all hers for the night and wouldn't dare risk to say anything that would ruin the moment because all she wants right now, is good sex and that, he'd certainly give her. She might never let go of him because she thinks someday they might patch things up and become real lovers but for now, she said it's all about the pleasure she finds with him that matters.

@Eyesthewriter 21 May 2022

What if? What if you have a child with a name that's Yours. You embrace Yours and instantly dream a wonderful and blissful life ahead of Yours. For a minute, you forget what or how it feels to be a child but a parent who has scaled through childhood with balance and certainties, only to wake as a parent to realize that life's barely certain. What if you have everything with less to go around. Will you sink it all in your vault of treasury or share amongst the laden with nothing to lose except a pinch of your wealth which just transformed its form. What if wealth isn't just money but greats thoughts, compassion and love. Will you discard that jewel in the chest of your drawer or save it all for a rainy day. What if you can do this on your own. To love, live happily and learn. Will you jilt on friendships or prove a man who does what he loves while he lives till his end. What if tomorrow is today and that you call the future is only an illusion. Will you live for the moment or trace your trap house to clutch your omen. What if you can play the guitar although not as the Masters. Will you throw your picker into the strum box or enjoy every sound you pick. What if am just writing my thoughts in plain words while you skim through my light. Will you meditate on my words or bluff at the fact that here I find solace and peace. What if you love writing thoughts like me and pile it up for the world to see. Will you hate yourself or do that which makes you that which you think. I wasn't asking questions; just thinking out loud. Thanks🤗

@Eyesthewriter 20 May 2022

Life's what you make it. Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow. Sometimes in life, you're not always given a second chance, but if you do, take advantage of it, and go out with a bang! Every second a seeker can start over, for his life's mistakes are initial drafts and not the final version. Getting a second chance in life is about giving yourself the opportunity to grow beyond your past failures. It's about positively adjusting your attitude toward future possibilities. Second chance is like a cat with nine lives. It's like the relationship between a mother and a child. It's worth everything, every smile and faith. Second chances barely comes to those who actually needs it but to us that barely have a problem to call homeless. They say fear is for the brace while cowards barely stare in the eyes of their offender. These days the world seems unsafe because crime pays like a part-time job with so many rights in the wrongs. They say love is for the loving and never for those who're yet to love themselves first because without love, there's probably nothing that's real. I wonder whether or not you know that love is the realest thing on planet earth and beyond. Maybe that's why we get sick of it after draining a lover who sees us as a beloved. Maybe that's why the boys give love in order to get sex while the girls give sex in order to get love. Oh! what a shame. What a shame that we tend to love the wrong ones while breaking the hearts of those who really care about us. What a shame that we've walked a long road and worned it well yet seldom appreciate the bad days knowing 'This too shall pass away. You've seen a loved one die, spent new year's Eve with people you barely know and walked through the aisle with a supposed opposite version of yourself yet things never churn out as planned because these days, you text but he doesn't text; you thought you had figured out your Mr. Right yet clutch your wet pillow of tears hoping you would wake to find him next to you. You've got a lady yet never appreciate her because her ass isn't as wavy as the single lady next door. You spend the entire day appreciating strange women then fall back home without a choice to face your mistake, your wife; that woman you think marrying was a mistake. So you step outside and roll up some blunt to drain the frustration. The first inhalation brings this blissful relief making you feel the breeze. You grasp your PC then scroll through your mail to find only spams and fraudulent adverts. The sight of her irritates you and makes the ambient you call home a place of misery. You've suddenly gone rich so spend the weekend in hotel suits having a threesome. Now the people scream your name and call you all nice and respectful names but you and I know the truth. I mean, what's a man who can't stand up to his actions? who's he who doesn't know the difference between relationships and commitments? that, I wonder.

@Eyesthewriter 20 May 2022

Brace yourself My girl might leave me if she hears about this. I know I've got somebody and I can't just make love with anybody but sometimes I get lonely and wouldn't want to wet my sheets with some spout semen. The truth hurts although I see why I skip kissing you while we touch our bodies putting our clothes apart. A man has a mind of his own yet the pipe below his abdomen also has a mind of its own. My thoughts ask me to visit pornhub, my manhood erects for my hands to slurp yet I try to put things together and be a man of my words screaming, "No wanking, no cheating and no porn" but how long will I have to prove a better man when the lady I love remains in my fantasies. We barely meet neither talk, she never comes but only in my dreams after the lonely hour had enslaved me. I want to fly so I build a wing of my own but soon realize that these wings had become a beautiful cage of my own. No time to soak up the moments and be free from these truthful lies so I sit on a seat my ex girlfriend bought me with deceit then cuddle myself like a wounded soldier gasping,"This is the moment; the blue moment". He used to worry about tomorrow. The future and what it holds for the moment then it did hit him like a hawk after a hen's chick. "Save your soul, Eyesthewriter" hold on to the losses that calls forth your courage while you save it all for the rainy day although it may never come. Life's a movie, a fictional one at that yet it entails a tale only for those with the gift of listening and I hope you're reading along because skipping a paragraph might cost you a step, a step through the window of my own soul with glimpses of regrets. Lest I forget, this goes out to every failure out there. Here we are, a failure has won so dust your guts and brace yourself because the hour has come where you wear a cologne of smile on your face and click the like button. Feel free to sponsor.....

@Eyesthewriter 20 May 2022

A day with Mr. Badmus A day well lived must know the shape of silence. that, he had made clear since last night. We watched the birds chirping throughout the rising of the morning sun as our footprints traced us back to the market square. Mr. Alhaji Badmus had turned the black night into white, telling me stuffs and secrets I could barely know until my late forties so I wasn't flummoxed while he strode silently with his face ducked downwards as if he was learning how to walk for the first time. We've just reached the U-turn where he harbored to smoke some cigarettes last night when he cocks his head towards me and wails "The day is a prayer; we must pray the day". At first, his words sounds weird and incomprehensive but knowing who he is made me realized that he was just thinking out loud then it makes sense to me about his ability to stay calm and quiet over a long time. The day is getting brighter as the leaves shivers the morning dew. The shame of my own ignorance surges through me as I stare at his hard expressionless eyes. One white and cloudy, the other dark and unfathomable. My voice came from my mouth with a tentative quaver, "What do you think about anger? Mr. Badmus". That minute, his face cringed like I had asked a stupid question then suddenly lights with a smile "Anger is only for the one who speaks," he squeaks before pausing to admire a flower which looks like one he had called Queen of the night. "It never opens the heart of one who listens except he's one of those who has the anger of silence." He continues, he squints his eyes as always to scrutinize the flower properly then guffaws "There are two kinds of anger" he pause and squints again to read his wrist watch then continues "The anger who wants to speak" this time, his fidgeting lips reveals how much he has to say about anger but continues, " I'd advise you become the anger that listens". Every other words after then sounded interesting but forgotten because I was already in a reverie examining myself to be the anger who speaks. I knew I needed to be in the moment, at least to show some respect of listening yet I felt like I had gotten the whole point. We got to a Malina tree with huge branches, a piece of Ankara was laid indicating this is or was someone's shelter so he yawned then reached for a stick of cigarette when I quickly asks to eradicate the silence, "What about being lonely? What's your take on that" He giggles then remarks, " People take loneliness as being in solitude". Although I understood what he meant yet I needed him to continue talking so I whined, " Isn't loneliness same as solitude?" Mr. Alhaji Badmus exhales aloud then pinches the tip of his cigarette, "Loneliness and solitude are two different things" he lits the cigarette then continues, "Loneliness is like you in a hall and just the emptiness of the hall while solitude is still you in that hall but this time, there's no emptiness in the silence of the hall but lessons, beauties and magic words sprouting through your thoughts from everything around". I believe he noticed the amazement on my face about his lecture when he added, "Solitude is deliberate while loneliness can be a circumstance we can barely change". Cupping his left hand around his mouth to sneeze, he brushes his hand through his bald head with a reservoir of joy that was deeper than anything you can imagine. Mr. Alhaji Badmus averted his eyes, his voice was struggling yet his eyes had that twinkle of life and wisdom to share his knowledge which he had gathered throughout his entire seventy eight years of learning and practicing of something he calls 'The true church'. I wanted to ask more questions but didn't want to choke him with his cigarette while talking so I stayed calm then into a reverie when a young boy of about eleven years greeted us as he walked pass. The boy looks like a tramp and through his eyes, anyone could find hopelessness and pity thus engaging Mr. Alhaji Badmus to stuck his gaze on the little till he was out of sight. "To raise a child is an honor" Mr. Alhaji Badmus whispers as he tilts his face to me. I nod my head in affirmation when he continues, "But to raise a child well, is a Gift". He spoke so well in parables making it hard for me to give an authentic response until I squeaked, "Children brings joy, I guess". He shrugs like he was in disagreement with what I had said then bellows "Great joy makes us love this world yet it's only great sadness that makes us understand this world". His expression was as dark as the land beneath our feet; his eyes as hollow as the moon and somehow I wasn't my real self around him but a man ready to learn the schemes of life from his own perception so I grinned doubtfully, "True but who are we?. I don't know why or what erupted such question from my mouth yet I loved the fact that he understood my misery, "We become who we are at the expense of who we are not" he suddenly moans then finds his feet and gestures me to tag along as we hit the road towards the final right turn before our destination. He never said a word since then except for his consistent hissing, silent mumbling and nodding of head like a mad man but it didn't matter because somehow right now, I had realized the importance of silence and couldn't wait to grasp my journal and pen down everything I've learnt through him as I remember. I really bless this day with him and actually learnt a lot from his aged wisdom though it did hurt me to watch him gasp for breath yet couldn't quit smoking but what's the essence of being judgemental when true forgiveness is achieved when we embrace a person with our heart and make them feel that in our presence, they're welcomed home.

@Eyesthewriter 19 May 2022

You and everything Her blood pounds in her veins rhythmically as unreserved passion overwhelmed her. 'There's no substitute for true knowledge' but love in her could make Jesus cry yet it had hunted her, always would hunt her just as she'd whine. She's a scholar, a graduate from medical school yet ignorant of the fact that a scholar is committed to building on knowledge that others have gathered, correcting it, confirming and enlarging it. She has found faith in her Curriculum vitae, her curves as an enchanting lady and seductive stare yet doesn't know that life isn't about a goal that one persues but a calling one hears from within only when one is vigilant enough to listen. No wonder they say 'Where vigilance was avoided; darkness appeared at once' but There's glimmers of hope for her because life's freely given and it comes with a smile to tame our hearts. I mean these moments of loneliness, back to back days of hard times and strong memories. Memories of ones mistakes, flaws and deepest secrets which will forever remain a scar somewhere beneath our skin. But for now, all she sees in the mirror is her thoughts: the fount of action, life and manifestation. Sometimes ago, in a journal she had picked on her way home although savaged in dust and muds of the rain. The owner had scripted boldly beside the middle page "**A free man is he who has conquered fear and has put away all selfish thoughts".** Sometimes she succeeds with the actions she portrays; most times she fails like a drunk in a bar fight yet failure or success bridges no difference in a state of mind because it's clear like a HD lens how necessary it is to make ones speech a little more better than silence. Her mates look successful flaunting Dior and Givenchy. Her friends barely spend a weekend in Africa but beautiful and serene places in Asia, Europe and locals she has never heard before yet the words of her late father won't stop hunting her conscience whispering "Real success is success with self. It's not having things but taking charge and mastery over the flesh and emotions, having victory over self". Before he died, that night he had sneaked into her room to watch her sleep although he didn't know she was pretending to be sleeping. He brushed his hand through her hair then moaned, "That which awaits us is not what we seek". She could hear fear and disappointment from his voice and it hurt her so much why her mother had left her dad to be this miserable and lonely. But as days turned into months which transformed into years, it suddenly became clear that holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else when you're burning already. She has seen that it isn't you against everything but you and everything. She has learnt from the hazy eyes of her lonely father that everyday is an opportunity for a new life. She had seen through the lens of betrayer and greed that everyday, one stands at the tipping point of ones life and any day or moment, one can change the future through the way one feels. Then she reminisces the words of an aged friend, "None of us knows how long we shall live but all that will be left of us is the pride our children feels when they speak our names" and this sits well with her spirit saying the exact words of Victor. E. Frankl, "live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you're about to act now". Now the veil is revealed, you'll always be one decision away from a totally different life but for now, face it. Enjoy life with an open heart knowing it will always be about you and everything. Thanks..

@Eyesthewriter 19 May 2022

My version of what I've stopped believing. Greetings everyone and our honorable sponsors. To those who're yet to visit my blog, my name's Israel Bassey. Today, I'll be writing about @Theblackdoll contest about what I've stopped believing in. Here's her version https://read.cash/@Theblackdoll/used-to-not-anymore-a-prompt-idea-322e1015 **Firstly,** I'd say I've stopped believing in intimate relationships. Looking back through all these years, I remember waking one morning only to realize that my life was as good as death because I barely understood who I am, my purpose and dreams because I was up and down believing that I needed a girlfriend in order to be a happy man. Although I hate to admit that we all need someone in our lives to hold, cuddle when times are cold like this and commune with but it's sad to say that everything have a time and season and until I realized that I needed to first hold, cuddle and commune with myself first, I was never going to find a worthy partner or dare to live happily. Believe me, it was hard and frustrating to grasp the truth that until a man finds peace and solace around himself alone, he might never find it with someone else even with the person he loves. **Secondly**, I stopped believing on religious activities and its schemes of hypocrisy. I used to be a very much church boy. I was born and raised in Deeper Life Bible Church and if you've heard about this church then you might probably understand what it means to be born within the four walls of such church in the nineties. I remember always going to church, sweeping and even participating in various activities and please don't get me wrong, serving God is the most fruitful thing to do yet at a point in my life, I realized that I wasn't getting the desired blessings from God maybe because he could see from my heart that I was only doing those in order to hide my fears, sins and abstain from being judged. Isn't it frustrating today why gen Z's avoid going to church because they're afraid of being judged?. Though tough and excruciating but as I grew older, I realized that true service to God is doing what you were born to do and not the other way round where you just do things for people to see and praise you. I realized that although I was consistent with church services yet I was the greatest sinner within and without the congregation not because am a murderer or did some blashphamy but because I was a hypocrite and that, God hates alot. **Lastly**, I used to believe that life is all about education, good houses and a permanent job but soon realized that most people with these that I've mentioned still wake today with a hole in their hearts. They seem to have it all yet live miserable because they're yet to clutch their soul and true being. Now, am a graduate of computer science in the university of uyo and nothing feels different from when I was an undergraduate except for the fact that I've accumulated my thoughts and action chasing over the wrong things but wait a minute, there's nothing wrong with education when you know why and when you need it and my case was different. I had chased education because it's every parents dream to have an educated child. It has been a socially acceptable vocation else be reprimanded as a fool and hopeless. I thank God for these years, I appreciate the little education I've gained but am most grateful to understand that life is about being who you were made to be, just as the bird was made to fly while the moon is made to shine but only I the night so I realized that we all have our own time and chances in different conditions and places so understanding who and what we are is the best education any man can give to himself and the best part of it all is that it isn't just free but also easy only if we listen to the voice inside of us telling us what it wants and the kind of life it wants to grow through our body. I've realized that we aren't the circumstances of life but only a witness because life's the dancer while we're the dance. Laconically, I will to add that for any one as a young or aged person to be happy with life, one must learn to accept the truth that everyone has different destinies thus will do things differently, live differently and see life differently so the greatest defeat anyone would give to himself is to compare his or her life with that of his friends or neighbor. Thanks for reading this far and I hope you see the light else please comment where I got it wrong because am always ready to learn.