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5 Years Of Celebrating Father's Birthday Without Him

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Avatar for Jinifer
Written by   164
4 months ago

Yesterday was my Otosan's birthday or my father's birthday. It's been 5 years since he left us and went to the safest place. We just prepared a simple celebration and we had dinner all together with our family. Our oldest sister and her family came over to celebrate our father's birthday. My sister asked me if I would go with her to the cemetery, but I declined. My mom even scolded me about why I didn't go to the cemetery. I haven't visited him in a long time. The last time I visited him was at the time of his first death anniversary, and until now I still haven't visited him. All of my siblings forced me to go with them, since all of them went to see my father's tomb, but they failed to force me. I was left alone at home reading articles lol. I know you're wondering why I acted like this. 

When they finally came back, I prepared the dinner and everything. We just had a little argument with my mom because of my dumbass nephew, but it didn't last and we just acted like nothing happened and continued the celebration. We all had fun talking about my father's funny days when he was still alive. I can still see my mom's reactions to the way he shares their story about how they met each other. She said that our father was a guitarist and a band vocalist before. [Now I wonder where I got these traits of being easily attracted to a band member and a guitarist.] LMAO 

 

Everything went back to the time where I woke up hearing his breathing. It felt like he had run out of air. That was the most traumatizing moment of my life.

I was the one who witnessed and noticed him breathing heavily since all of them gathered at our grandpa's house and I was left alone in our room sleeping peacefully. My father was in the other room. He's a PWD. Half of his body was paralyzed and he's been suffering for 5 years already.

I still remember I was in grade 5 back then when my mom picked me up from my school. We were having a lecture at that time when my mom told my teacher that I would skip class for that time. He picked me up because I would be the one to look after my father since no one would be left at our house. I can't help but wonder why me? My sister was a high school student back then. I kept asking myself why it always had to be me. I was just a kid back then when I became my father's caregiver.

When I was in grade six, my friends wanted me to go with them. As much as I wanted to hang with them, I couldn't because I would be the one to look after my father. But my other siblings can freely go wherever they want. When I started high school, as far as I can remember, it was lunch time and we will be having a quiz later, first subject in the afternoon. I went home since the school is just right next to our house. When I opened the door to our house, everything was a mess. It looks like our house has been robbed. No one was there except my father. My mom couldn't stay at home because she had a lot of work to do. I don't have any other choice but to skip class. I still need to feed him and clean up the mess. I can't just leave it all like that. You know that half of his body was paralyzed as well as half of his brain. So, you know that he's not in his right mind. And sometimes he'll act like a kid.

I know that it's my responsibility because I'm the daughter, but I just can't help but think that I have siblings too. Why does it feel like all the struggles and everything is dumped on me?

When I woke up, I heard him breathing heavily. I got up immediately and headed to the room. I saw him there breathing heavily. I asked him what was wrong and he just asked me where mom was. I began to panic and shouted my mom's name outside since I heard them talking at my grandpa's house. Then I didn't know what was happening since I just literally woke up. I just saw an ambulance and they put my father on a stretcher. Everything went fast forward and I saw everyone panicking. 

He was comatose for a week, then days after, we received a message that he was finally free from all the suffering he had carried for 5 years. 

I felt a little relieved while typing this. I haven't told anyone about this, not a single one :>


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Authors Note:

As what the title of my recent article about. Expect that half of my articles for this month will be about birthdays LOL. As I already stated that a month of September is the month of Birthdays since most of our family members celebrated their birthdays in Sept.


Thank you guys for stopping by and reading this article of mine. I really appreciates all of your upvotes, likes and comments.

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Avatar for Jinifer
Written by   164
4 months ago
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Comments

You did well taking good care of him when he was sick. I hope you feel better now that you have let it out here :)

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4 months ago

So sorry about your loss, it is irreplaceable I know.. I miss my father too and he was also partially paralyzed... but am also sorry you had to do everything around for your father, but you earned god krama by doing so :)

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4 months ago

Happy birthday sa father mo sis. For sure Masaya na siya sa heaven ngayon.❤😘

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4 months ago

The departure of a loved one is sad. It is always healthy to remember the beautiful moments lived with that special person. You still have some questions that are still going around in your memories. The healthy thing for you would be to forgive. In the silence of your room. There. Forgive. I enjoyed reading your article. It is full of feelings.

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4 months ago

He will be so happy to know that you all still remember him. What an amazing family he has❤️

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4 months ago

Ayoko tlga ng malungkot 😢 pro happy birthday sa papa mo

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4 months ago

Aww I am sorry about your father, but he is pain-free now. It has been ten years for me without my father.

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4 months ago

Sorry about your father and happy Birthday to him. That must be hard for you. Imagine ang bata mo pa non aguy. Buti andyan mama mo nong nangyari un what if wala. Nakakalungkot lang na kinuha agad sya pero at least wala ng suffering for him.

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4 months ago

Happy birthday to your day in heaven sis. Ang sarap sa feeling noh, para kang nabunutan ng malaking tinik sa dibdib. You did the right thing sharing it with us..

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4 months ago

Nakaka gaan talaga sa feeling, salamat po ate chuchay ❣️

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4 months ago

You're welcome

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4 months ago

Magiging okay karin jini! Hugsss!! 🤗🤗

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4 months ago

Salamat sis 💓

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4 months ago

That must be such a traumatizing experience. I think your father is really grateful to have a daughter like you, who takes care of him during his hardest times. I hope you can slowly let go of past problems with everyone in the family and be happy. He'll also be happy seeing you that way.

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4 months ago

I feel kinda relief now. Thank you so much sponked 💞

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4 months ago

Happy Birthday to your Dad well I guess he is happy too that the land of living still loved and celebrating his day, peace be with your Dad in the safest place indeed.

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4 months ago

I'm sure he's in the right place. Thanks 🤗

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4 months ago

I think God allow that to happen so he can be free and rest from such inconvenience state he was. It easy though taking care of such person but you don't have a choice because he is your father. May his soul continue to rest in peace.

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4 months ago

Yes, everything happens for a reason. Thanks princess 💖

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4 months ago

He's a PWD. Half of his body was paralyzed. I'm a bit lost here, what does PWD mean?

I can understand how you feel when you decided not to follow them to the cemetery. I can be like that too. I lost both my parents and I know how it changes you. I believe the dead is already dead and there's no point in visiting the grave. Do you feel that way?

I'm glad you let go by saying it all out, sharing sometimes makes us feel better, and I'm glad you did that.

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4 months ago

PWD is a Person With Disability. Same here, dead is already dead, and that's what I thought too.

Thank you Kristoffer 😊

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4 months ago

You're welcome dear

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4 months ago

That's good for you mate. Stay safe always.

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4 months ago

Thanks Niazi, stay safe too

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4 months ago

Virtual hugs to you! I’m also glad that you felt relieved letting it all out now

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4 months ago

Thank youuu hihi 🤗

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4 months ago