When children break the relationship with their parents there may be a good justification: a history of mistreatment, antagonism in values. However, sometimes this is not always true. We must assume that there are also children who act selfishly. When children break the relationship with their parents, the parents do not always understand the reason. It is clear that no one is perfect. There will be fathers and mothers who, without a doubt, do not deserve their children's love. However, there are also children who, without any justification, choose to turn the page, to distance themselves and leave a painful silence in front of a bewildered and desolate family. This is undoubtedly a complicated issue that presents different approaches. Being a parent is difficult; and being a child is equally so.
In this sense, although we do not yet have statistical data on the number of families in which parents and children are estranged, it should be noted that in clinical practice this is one of the most common problems. On the other hand, there is a factor that should be emphasized. Within this more popular literature, it is common to find very often the image of toxic mothers, authoritarian fathers and dysfunctional families that give rise to clearly unhappy children. It is an undeniable reality that no one can dispute, it exists, it happens frequently and as such it is there. It is worth noting that one aspect that is not talked about too much is that of children who from one day to the next stop having contact with their parents. It is a problem faced by many parents even at very advanced ages.
Also, there are adult children who behave in a way that is adverse and exhausting for their families. Sometimes there may be a psychological disorder behind it, of course, but this does not happen in 100% of the cases. To explain why children break the relationship with their parents, we must take into account that this is often influenced by the cultural and social context. We see how cultural values about the family are very different from each other. The context, therefore, influences, but so do to a greater degree the personality and those internal dynamics that take place within each household. The reason why children break the relationship with their parents does not always respond to a single factor. There are no conclusive predictors because sometimes facts such as the children's partners come into combination.
However, we can start from two clear and evident facts. The first is that this parental-filial distance is due to a complex bond between one and the other. The second question is related to the personality of the children or the circumstances surrounding them. When we think of the reason why children break off the relationship with their parents, there is undoubtedly the weight of a past where detachment, humiliation, lack of support, criticism or authoritarianism were present. Thus, when we talk to these adult children to understand the reason for the distance and the need to cut the link. It is clear to them that their parents (or one of them) did not exercise parenthood correctly. The traumatic wounds they carry make reconciliation impossible. Putting distance is often a healthy exercise.
In conclusion, there is a clear distance between the values of one and the other. This would not in itself be a reason to establish a total break in contact. However, when parents do not respect the ideas or way of life of the children and there are sanctions, criticism and continuous reproaches, the children may opt for a more drastic way out. The reasons why children break the relationship with their parents are, as we can see, very varied. Each reality is unique and each family presents exceptional particularities. There will be cases, undoubtedly, where the distance is prudent and even necessary for certain people. However, one thing we recommend in all cases is communication. If a child needs to establish distance from the family of origin, he/she should explain the reasons that lead him/her to this decision. Something like this forces us to look for solutions.
Have you had to break off relations with your parents?
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I think another major thing that breaks the relationship between parents and children is the fact that the parents don't appreciate whatever the child does. Some parents are not satisfied. I understand the fact that they want us to do better but I think that the little ones we do should be appreciated. That's his I think it should be instead of the other way round.