Flattery is defined as excessive and recurrent praise of the qualities of another. The flatterer sometimes shows unrestrained, uncritical and more or less pathological admiration. At other times, it is simply a weapon that someone uses to manipulate another. For many, sycophants are a real nuisance. Others view them with sympathy and even need them. Because that's how flattery is: it cannot exist if there is no one else to demand it. It flourishes wherever there is a favorable ground for it. But unlike genuine recognition of the virtues of others, flattery always has a "secret agenda". The sycophant and the narcissist are the face and the seal of the same coin. A positive and negative version of the same reality.
In that sense, the flatterer projects onto another what he himself desires for himself. And his object of admiration is always an egomaniac. The egomaniac is an individual with an inordinate appreciation for himself. It is an infantile fixation that carries into adulthood what is experienced in the first years of life: the need to be the center of the world, ignorance and disinterest in the needs of others. The sycophant is exactly the same, but his history also includes episodes that may have made him doubt his own worth. In the case of the flatterer, it is often a person whose upbringing mixed "adoration" with mistreatment. Flattery is a way of belittling oneself. But contrary to what might be accepted at first glance.
In the same vein, flattery does not operate within the logic of identification with another, but it does maintain narcissism as a base. This is the case of flatterers who flatter in order to bend the will of another in order to manipulate him or her. One manipulates by flattering another when one wants to obtain a specific benefit. A favor, a pardon, an advantage. Telling others how wonderful they are makes them vulnerable. It induces a relative hypnotic state in which one feels comfortable with the way he is being flattered, while the flatterer calculates the next move to get what he wants. This type of manipulation operates in love conquest, business, work life, and so on. Praise paves the way for using you in some way. That is why you should be wary of gratuitous flattery.
In reality, only those who have a mature and solid self-esteem can discover this kind of traps. Those who know themselves well enough to know when they are truly being recognized for an attribute and when they are simply being conned. Almost all of us believe that flatterers are people with a secret agenda, who in one way or another are hiding a dark intention: to manipulate others. The truth is that this often happens. Inordinate flattery is used to offer false admiration for personal gain. Flatterers are almost always gravitating around people or situations that involve power. It is part of the narcissism that usually inhabits those who seek it.
In conclusion, flattery can also have a much more dramatic facet. There are circumstances in which what motivates it is not a conscious or perverse desire to manipulate, but an overwhelming lack in the face of which self-protection mechanisms must be developed. In this case, sycophants cannot be seen only as manipulators, but mainly as people with a strong affectation of their self-esteem. All flatterers have one thing in common: they demean themselves. Their flattery is a way of reaffirming the power, authority or superiority of the person they flatter. The exaltation given may be sincere or calculated and, in both cases, dictated by interest or necessity. The ultimate purpose is to gain the favor of that powerful figure and they think that demeaning themselves is a way to achieve this.
What do you think of flattery?
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