Drop the ego and fix that relationship

Many relationships have been ruined due to a lack of understanding and ego on both sides. So many angry statements have been taken seriously. I've learned that a partner's ability to understand themselves affects whether a dispute is settled. When it comes down to it, the most important thing in the world is relationships. Relationships are the bedrock of our existence. Empathy is vital to a healthy life, and relationship health leads to a happy life.

So often we think we are right and our partner is wrong. We think our pain is the only pain, our suffering the only suffering, our thoughts the only thoughts, our experiences the only experiences. We have been taught to see the world this way, but it’s time to drop the ego and get a fresh perspective. It’s time to see the world through your partner’s views, not your own.

The ability to see the world through your partner’s lens is a beautiful thing. It makes you empathize with their experiences and pain, not your own. It makes you want to listen to their point of view, not your own. It makes you want to understand where they’re coming from, not just your own.

Quarrels and misunderstandings are bound to happen in a relationship, but the key is to be able to resolve them as soon as possible by empathizing with your partner. When you speak with your partner, don’t make the first move to defend yourself. Wait for them to bring up something in a conversation. Don’t make assumptions about what they’re trying to say.

The ability to manage your ego before your partner is the key to a sustainable relationship. It is the ability to be empathetic and understand your partner, no matter how wrong they are. The ability to manage your ego is the ability to be humble enough to admit when you’re wrong and be honest and open when you’re being spoken to.

In my 15 years in marriage, I have come to understand that the more I pinned down my ego the more submissive my wife become to me. I would always let my ego take over and speak about how wrong my wife was, and she would let her ego take over and fight back against my ego. Our relationship deteriorated rapidly, but I was not able to drop my ego. I was so focused on pinning down my partner’s wrongs and defending myself that I didn’t see how I was being a bully.

It wasn’t until I dropped my ego and I gave my partner the benefit of the doubt that we were able to resolve our differences and move on from those old arguments. I learned to be humble enough to admit when I was wrong and, to be honest, and open when I was being spoken to. I learned to drop the ego and fix the relationship.

I recall having a heated argument and disagreement with my wife one morning, and I was trying to persuade her to realize she was wrong for doing what she did. She, too, was talking back, attempting to persuade me of my error in the circumstances. The argument was so heated that I got weary of shouting at the top of my lungs and dashed out of the apartment to get into my car and drive to work. "Where are you running to, are you exhausted right now, go and come back, you will meet me in this house," my wife said as she hurried after me. "No dinner for you tonight," she continued, to which I answered, "I don't want to eat your food anymore." and drove away in anger.

While driving home from work in the evening, I considered the situation and reasoned that if my wife would not prepare dinner for me, there was no reason for me to return home at that hour. I dropped by a friend's house, a married couple who has been a long-time family friend. When they inquired why I didn't go home straight from work, I explained that I was having a disagreement with my wife. They tried to reason with me but were cautious not to take sides in the matter. I departed a few minutes before 10 p.m. and began driving back home.

I knew that getting home at that hour would exacerbate the situation, and I was prepared for the worst. When I arrived home, the front door was unlocked, and as I walked into the sitting room, I noticed that my meal had been prepared and was waiting for me across the dining room. The room was filled with the aroma of freshly prepared vegetable soup. I didn't even think to ask for my wife; I just walked right to the dining table and started eating whatever was presented to me since I was starving.

My wife came quietly behind me as I was hurriedly devouring the palatable vegetable soup and Semo (Cassava flake) and wrapped her hands around my neck with her chest against my back and whisper gently into my ear "I thought you said you would not eat my cooking anymore, I know you will always do". She sat next to me as I continue eating and spoke in a more polite way for me to understand her view on the subject of our contention. I listened to her more earnestly as though the palatable vegetable soup I was devouring has reset my brain. I suddenly got to admit my wrongs while she admit hers also.

The ego can destroy a good relationship if not well managed. It takes two to tangle but unfortunately, it takes one to meddle. The greatest challenge in maintaining a good relationship is to control the ego. It takes wisdom, self-control, and restraint to manage the ego.

Whenever you get into a major disagreement with your partner do not expect them to drop their ego, instead, you drop yours and fix the relationship.