I'm afraid that I might not remember you anymore

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As the second daughter of our family, I can't stop myself from being affected by our broken family because I'm their youngest baby and was immediately affected by the love of their parents.

I don't know how many years my father has been gone from my life, but I recently realized that I can't remember his face and wondered, "Did he deserve to be erased from my memory as well?" I didn't expect that I would cry after that because it hurts to think that I had forgotten about him slowly.

I'm strong on the outside, but I've been crying on the inside for how many years because I was jealous of the other kids who had their entire family. I missed my father's hug, his voice when he listened to songs and sang along to the lyrics, and how he took care of me, going to school, and making sure that no one was trying to court or hurt me. Little did he know, he was the first man who broke my heart in pieces.

To be honest, I don't hate him anymore now that he has his own family. I'm hurt for what he did to us. But what should we do if this is really our parents' destiny, right?

The thing is, I searched for his social media account using my dummy account just so I could be able to remember his face again, and I cried while doing that because no result was found. I can't find his face on the accounts that show up in the name that I searched for. It's a good thing that my sister sent a video screen of his account.

There's a video of his youngest daughter dancing to tiktok and playing in the park. My oldest sister still hates our father, and I do understand her because we have been through a lot together.

I stalked his account secretly here and there. I cried because I finally saw his face again and I remembered him. He changed a lot. He had white hair, and his cheeks got fat. He was now turning and starting to age.

Then, I also saw this one on my main account. Look how proud he was while holding my hand during my graduation day.

The last time that I saw him was during my SHS graduation day, and after that, we lost communication. I never talk to him or see him in person anymore.

Am I ready to face him again?

Despite what he did and after years of moving on to what happened, yes. If I get a chance to see or visit him, I won't hesitate to meet him.

Because he is still my father, I know that it's still hurting me and I still can't forgive him completely. But as a daughter, he is still my father, and I can't bear not to remember him for the rest of my life.

My mother told me that it was okay to be mad or angry at him, but that I should never forget that he was still our father, and that despite what had happened to them, I should still give him a place in my heart because he is still my father and has become a part of my life.

I love my parents...well, it's okay though we are a broken family now. But, losing them forever is something I can't handle.

Aside from this, there was also a time when my sister's dream was like this:

She saw a person carrying a coffin. But she can't see their faces. Then, when they put the coffin below, she saw our Mom lying inside of the coffin. Then the people that were carrying the coffin asked where to put the coffin, and our sister, crying, told them that they should put the coffin here at our grandparents' house. After that, she ran fast because she couldn't handle seeing our mother inside the coffin.

After my sister told me about that dream, I couldn't stop myself from crying and being scared because I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready to see them both be like that. If there's a wish that I want to say to God, that is not a blessing, but give my parents a longer life and always keep them safe, especially if they are not here with us.

Conclusion...

I'm sorry if I am being very dramatic right now. I just want to express my sadness as a daughter to my parents. I love my parents even though they didn't give us more time to experience having a happy family just like the other kids.

I wish I could have met my father even though my mom's family was against meeting him. so that we can have some free time to chat after years of not seeing each other.

As of now, I'm still crying because I'm sad. I'm still longing for my parents' hug. Thanks for reading!

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