11/30/2021
Appearance-wise, I don't like what I am seeing in the mirror these days. Performance-wise, I know I did pretty bad. Consistency failed, lost streaks, missed days. Everything's ugly, and I am just trying hard to stay enthusiastic now. Even sometimes, I am losing hope.
Don't get me wrong, I am not sad. I am actually grateful. I just can't stop wondering why things are meant to be this way sometimes. I am talking about the certain circumstances, where we know we've done pretty much everything we could, yet the results are nowhere near our expectations. Lemme just give a simple example, such as buying products to get rid of acnes, yet, still seeing these stubborn acnes bloom here and there. This case maybe simple to others, but to me, who has never experienced this before, it is stressful.
I do not consider myself naturally beautiful, and these acnes are doing me worse. It affects my confidence, and as days pass by, it's becoming a big deal. It must be the face mask. I hate it, why am I crying over acnes? I apologize, it just frustrates me how I still see lots of them coming even I do freakin' lots of work already. It's bull crap. Sorry for the word, acnes are just annoying. I hate them, so much.
I am still in the shut down stage, but I don't wanna compromise my engagement in some platforms I love, by missing so much on writing and reading articles. I got lower engagements on my articles now, which I don't really like. I know it's my fault for being inactive. That's why it feels worse. I can't believe I am back in this stage now, inactive and less interactive. This is me trying to get back on track again, because I still wanna make every day count, and compensate the days I missed publishing.
Negative things aside, I have learned to not think much about these things, to te point that it'll affect my self-esteem badly. I just kept on thinking that these acne season will soon end, and I'll get to see my face acne-free again. On the other hand, I am starting (trying) to get back on track again, by fighting the urge to not open different platforms.It's a challenge for me to write now, not because my skills are fading, but because of the lack of will nor motivation to write something.
I had lots of times that I thought of taking a break..like a long break, and I know that one of the major risks would be my decreased audience, lost opportunity to earn, and possibility of my account to be consideredas spam. At the end of the day, I know I could not stop. I have to grind, even with the least effort I have. I have to try hard, at least.
The amount of articles to read is now actually overwhelming. I know I ain't superwoman to finish reading them all in one sitting. This is one of the disadvantages of not visiting for one to three days. I wish someone could read others' work for me, so I could accomplish undone tasks as soon as possible.
Here I am, still annoyed whenever I think of acnes, yet still writing this while it's almost midnight. Sleeping late = Acnes.
Christnas is coming very soon. This is that one thing that cheers me up instantly. I have heard others say that they could not feel the spirit of Christnas this year, and that it is not the same as before (pre-pandemic). I agree 50-50. Fifty percent because usually, I can already hear children and even adults singing Christmas Carols house to house every night. In our country, we call it as "Karoling" or "Pangangaroling". I also used to do this with my siblings and other friends when I was young.Lots of things has changed ever since the pandemic, mainly due to restrictions, that impacted travels and gatherings. Moreover, we know some families could not reunite on Holidays due to these quarantine implementations. It's sad to celebrate Christmas faraway from your loved ones. Let me insert here, salute to all OFWs, and those who sacrifice being together just tosupport the family. You guys are amazing.
The other fifty percent though, is for the whole point of Christmas. I respect if you may have different beliefs from mine. But for me, and probably others, Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ the Savior. More than feasts and gift-giving, this season is about love and forgiveness. So, whether there maybe extravagant parties or none, with or without travel plans, remembering the main reason for this season is what's most important.
Speaking of Christmas gifts, the best gift for me this year is that I am with my beloved family. Just the fact that we overcome almost another year together is more than enough for me. There is nothing more that I want aside from all of my loved ones alive and healthy. I always pray that all of us will live a long, healthy, and happy life, together. We may meet new people in the future, but our bond will stay unbreakable.
Let me end this blog with a simple prayer to God.
Dear God,
You know that our family is my everything. Why I stay sane, why I am happy, why I work hard, why my life has direction, why I have a great dream—it's all because of them, FOR them. You know how much I treasure them with my whole being. They comprise the sixty percent of me, if not eighty.
My mom, my dad, older sister, and younger brother. You know that I ain't expressive, but I love them so much I can't put it into words. They are the precious gems I hold dear. I would wish nothing more in this world, but good health for every single one of them. In Jesus' name, I declare them free of all sicknesses and diseases, not just i physical, but in all other aspects of their lives. Please bless them with the achievements, and friends that they deserve. Their happiness, is my happiness. They are my driving force. I love them so much.
And I know, You love them more than I do. So I always put them into Your hands. Wherever they'll go, whoever they'd be with, whatever situation they maybe in, in all times, please always guide and protect them, Father. Don't let evil win over them. I pray that they will be succesful in all of their endeavors and that your Holy Presence will always prevail in them.
I know that You have a beautiful plan in store for all of them in this lifetime, as You also do have for me. I know You know what's best for them.
Lord God, I pray that You let me spend more decades (and century, if that's possible), with them. Making beautiful memories, having normal misunderstandings, making up, eating together, laughing together, finding absolute comfort in each other's company. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
I wonder what's making me emotional while writing this part. My family absolutely means so much to me. I can always say that, without a doubt. I love them so much.
I may not be the type that hugs them, nor even expressive through words. My love language is in form of service. And in secret, in times like this, I always pray for them with my whole heart.
Whenever I see that we are all together sleeping in one house every night, I feel relieved. I feel thankful. Every time spent with the family, is time spent, one that I know I can't turn back.
I may not be expressive to all of them i words, but I hope I was able to make them feel just how big my love is for them. How thankful I am for being blessed with such people in this lifetime.
Goodness, I just love them beyond words. Sincerely. Eternally.
Hey there, December!
Few hours before November ends in here! Fewore weeks and it's Christmas! My best Christmas is every year, because I am always with the family. I know all of us love every single family we have, and we can't talk about it without crying.
We all know that we all can't always be together, because soon enough we'll have our own separate lives, or some other reasons.. and this thought alone that sparked while I am writing, caused the start of another emotional outburst in me. Just thinking we'll be apart breaks my heart already.
I'll be okay without being extremely rich nor beautiful. As long as I am with the family, I will be satisfied in my life.
How's your November 30th, so far?
Thanks a lot for reading! And also... ehem! Thanks in advance for considering to sponsor me. 😉 I will do my best to not disappoint you.
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Lead Image from Unsplash
I only had acne and pimples once in a while when I was teenager and they appeared on my head or back, not really on the face. But after graduating from college and I was about 21 that time, I experienced acne breakout on my face which worried me so much. I think after that stage, I never experienced such again and thankfully, I didnt have much peklats from that. Hehe. Maybe it is your stage now.