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These are the words I tell myself whenever I feel guilty. You see, there is this thing I sometimes do before sleeping. I evaluate everything that happened throughout the day. What I did, what I did not, the words I said, the thoughts that crossed my mind, and in the end, I analyze if I made the twenty four hours count.
There are certain days I really feel guilty. It's because I observe that there are days I did almost NOTHING. Aside from spending a very minimal time with online earning platforms, I mostly slacked off. I slept, I watched different stuff on Youtube and Facebook, eat when it's time to, and repeat the same process. Yes, a typical day for a lazy girl. It's basically what I did for the past week that I was recovering from the sickness.
I should have used the time to try out other ways to earn at home. Or spent more quality time with more sensible things. There are lots of "should be" within that time frame, that did not happen, because, simply, I did not make it happen.
But then again, I was reminded: Girl, you asked for a vacation, and it was given. You are just giving yourself a break from all the stressful weeks and months you've been through. Why do you feel the need to guilt-trip yourself for giving it the rest it deserves? Stop overthinking things, and losen up.
At the end of the day, our bodies will thank us if we listen to it for once. Our eyes needed more rest, so it's okay to wake up a bit later than usual. It's not like you have been slacking off for years, it's okay to have some "just chilling" days. Laundry is not that overflowing, it's okay to sometimes miss a day or two. It's not like you're abandoning it forever. You have not treated yourself good food for a while now, a more pricey meal won't hurt.
Get more sleep, relax more, release that pressure. No one is giving you deadlines, take advantage of that. Don't think much about spending a bit more to give yourself some gift. A new bag, or a visit to your favorite cafe, a trip to a dream place, you go for it. You deserve it. You've always spent your days working, running after deadlines, talking to different kinds of people, or just doing that sickening routine for months, or years. A day, a week, or two of taking a break is okay.
Sometimes, we just gotta stop everything and close our eyes. Listen to our own voice. Feel our heartbeats, calm our minds, and get rid of hustle thoughts.
I personally shared a realization after getting sick. My back ached a lot, I had flu-like symptoms, and I am recovering from a painful lump in my neck until now. Moreover, I found it hard to sleep on some days, even my eyes are damn tired and my wholeness is exhausted. Midnight thoughts are stronger and they really had moments when they won over sleep, and I end up staying up until three in the morning. I still had to work the next day, and no words could describe just how ugly those days were. No one could explain how miserable it is to desire to doze off while working at the very moment, or to go home and ignore everyone. Those days were really, really ugly.
I have shared how I had to leave work for two weeks until I rid of the symptoms, and undergo swab test anytime within this week, the second one. The first three days were heaven, no overstatement here. Although I suffered symptoms, you know what? I am still ecstatic. I no longer had to deal with the alarm I've grown to hate (LOL) and I could sleep as much as I want. I never realized that nothing beats that relaxing feeling of sleeping knowing I have nothing stressful to look forward tomorrow. I had no sense of taste nor smell but it did not bother me greatly. I can't believe that colds and cough went away as soon as four to five days! Would you believe that? I did not even have to maintain the medicine, I think I had them only within two days. The next ones were just me trying out herbal stuff, like tea, herbal solutions, nutritious meals (thanks, Mom!) and good rest. I can't emphasize it harder.
It was like my body was screming inside, "I told you! I told yoi it was rest you need! See? You feel better now, right?" I can't ignore those thoughts and enjoyed the remaining days more. Of course I still had to answer questions of my amazing colleagues that had to take over my work for the time being, but they were all kind and always wished me recovery, I feel that they are genuine with that.
My sense of taste and smell came back within seven to eight days. The lump on my neck is still painful to touch, and my gums' still swelling, but I manage it by continuing to gargle warm salt-water regularly. I feel that it will go away in one week. Still bothersome and quite long, but it does not really affect my daily task, so I could bear with it.
It was the effect of rest in me. My whole physical aspect did its work to repair itself within a few days of resting. I also did my part on managing my mental, spiritual and emotional health through my own ways, one being open about my struggles through writing here. It helped a lot.
Many of the articles I read nowadays are about people getting sick, too. I also noticed some of my favorite authors taking a break because they may or may not be also sick. These times are really like this now. I am not the only one. I know you noticed it, too. Whether it is talking about physical, or other aspects of being sick, it all boils to one point, we are all not okay in some sense. And we all craved a break.
I dare ask you, have you also told yourself recently that you want some rest? Or you wished about something burdensome to end already. Or just the simple "I am so tired." Have you told or asked yourself one or some of these things? If yes, it is normal. It is valid.
Don't be the first one to invalidate your feelings. When the thought of craving a vacation comes to you, it is most likely that it's what you really need. Listen to that voice. Get rid of those guilt-provoking thoughts and pursue taking a break, for real. Having some good rest does not have to be expensive, as long as you know you'll really treat yourself some good break.
I have read an article by @MissJo about treating herself into a good massage. I feel a bit envious (Haha!) I really need a massage, too. One of these days, I'll really do that. It does not cost much to have a relaxing massage and feel much better after. Read this one, if you want.
Some treat themselves by traveling. Others do so by just staying at home and enjoying things he/she could not do at work. That's me. I watch series, I sleep, I re-organize my stuff, I write, and I relax. It does not matter how, what matters is when you're gonna do it, and the impact it would give you as an outcome. Personally, I have felt better, I have resolved some of lingering worries and anxiety, even not eliminating all, and I became happier and grateful. Maybe next week, I will really come back to work for real, and I know I'll thank myself later for choosing to take a break.
If you are having similar thoughts as the one I have mentioned above, and you are still ignoring those thoughts, this is your sign. Stop, and analyze yourself. What you've been doing ever since. When was the last time you pampered yourself? If you are scratching your head right now, it's because you might not remember it at all! Listen to me, take a well-deserved rest. As soon as you can.