I Need A Vacation

This is so not me. Two days again, of inactivity. I hate this, but I have to say, it is because I have a valid reason: I was very busy this week, and I had to rest.

Here I am again, awake before six in the morning, on weekend. So awake. On a workweek, I ain't like this; I always crave for more sleep. That's really hard to understand. With no alarm, I always tend to wake up at this hour. But on a work week, although the alarm has rang already, I sould turn it off and sleep more. I can't believe it.

I have to say, I am not feeling the best, but I am writing this to prevent zero productivity today. My performance this month is remarkable, because it is bad. I still have an inner hope that I could complete that thirty one articles for this month, though there is some remote possibility.

What date is it today? Oh, August 28. All the lights are still off because everyone else are still sleeping. That's good, because I have been waiting for silence like this. Throughout the whole week, I answered lots of phone calls, talked to lots of people, and worked harder. It is so damn exhausting. I am thankful I did not make much mistakes, though I still think of those little errors every once in a while.

I have said that this week has been the busiest one for me. And next week will also be. Because I am relieving someone's job. Yes. Until next week, I will be doing that again. And God knows how I wanted to skip to the week after the next already. I can't believe I would celebrate my birthday as haggard as heck, even I primarily planned on taking a leave next Thursday, second of September. But how can I do that? I have a deadline that I haven't started yet, because I don't know how to do that specific stuff—again, it's not my work. I feel upset somehow, but thank God he helped me through the first week.

I don't know what I'd do if I didn't pray well last Sunday. Maybe I'd be overwhelmed by anxiety throughout the week, and do a lot of mistakes. Instead, I felt lighter, and less upset, and even kinda... enjoyed what I was doing, though not all.

My brain's got nothing to say except, take some rest, you rascal. I have to prevent myself from getting sick because that would mean, no income to support the family. I listened to Joel Osteen's Podcast every morning before going to work. That also helped me.

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After this, I don't know, I may continue my sleep, or proceed on reading unattended articles. I am a bit proud to say that I still managed to read many articles everyday while traveling home. Though not a hundred percent, because after work is a crucial time for me. I am either dozing off already, or I am feeling weak due to exhaustion. But I will really do my best to accomplish two things this weekend: compensate that one article a day streak, and read all missed articles. Fighting, Elle.

You know that feeling when you already can predict that you're about to get sick? That is exactly what I am feeling today. I feel like I should prepare for an incoming headache, or colds. Not that crown though, okay? I always tend to get colds when I force my body to work more than the usual that it does. I will counter this feeling as much as I can by drinking lots of water, and, you guessed it right, having more rest. That's how I get well. A good sleep is okay.

This is another diary like blog. Yeah, because I felt the need to share what has happened. I would look back again to this article one day, and see that I was once like this. That I craved vacation. Dear, I really want a vacation. I can't stress thus enough. Goodness.

Is it okay to not be okay? Yes it is. No matter how we always pursue happiness only, there are still days where we could not just bring ourselves to be fine. There are certain times that nothing said by our friends nor family cheers us up. Sometimes, we are not okay with the situation, or because the piled up emotions are suddenly bombarding you one unexpected night. As for me, I randomly get anxious of what the future holds for me, or I tend to think and think of my past mistakes (even from years ago!) from time to time, and I would still relive the regrets.

When someone asks me, I always say I am Okay, even I am not. I am better off dealing with those feelings in my own, than sharing them to others. I don't know if it's just me—just thinking about those thoughts exhaust me already, talking about it to others is another story. The only one I could share my lamentations are freely is God. I don't have to speak all the time. I just cry it out and I know He hears my thoughts and comforts me.

Writing is also one way I express myself. I am grateful for that. Anyway, thanks @Ayane-chan , for this wonderful question. Though I ain't sure if you'd still remember it. LOL. This is a common question, and I know everyone has come across to the question at least once but I still answered it because it just felt right with the theme I am going for in this blog. Wait, you still reading? Drop some comment with "heya" in it, to let me know.

Right now, I am not okay, but I am still thankful.

That's it. I feel like my head is aching avit right now. I am also dozing off a bit. I hear my father already preparing breakfast while everyome else are asleep. The egg fried sunny side up smells good, I could hear it frying from here. How nice if that would be paired with fried rice. LOL, demanding.

Oh, I suddenly remember. Today is payday.

Happy Saturday everyone, and thank you for patiently reading through this mess. I thought it would be fun to have some little surprises for whoever has gone to this part. So, find the surprise! Tell me in the comment section if you get it. Haha!

Love lots, and until next time, babies.

-Elle ❤️

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