Strict parents; yay or nay?

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1 year ago

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Today's blog:

Strict parents; yay or nay?

This question popped up from basically my experience with having to live with a strict father.

Google defined strict parents as parents who place high standards and demands on their children.

Basically, some parents become unusually strict to their children when:

  • They feel insecure: The fear their children having to make some mistakes.

  • They are just too disciplined: They can be authoritative or authoritarian, depending on the parentsโ€™ disciplinary beliefs and responsiveness to their childโ€™s needs.

  • High expectations: Some parents, probably because of their background or the way they were brought up or trained have so much high expectations of their children. A movie I saw, few days back "Christopher Robin" explains how Christopher had so much expectation from his little Madeline"

  • Fear of being seen as incompetent.

My dad was the strict kind of father and from my experience with him, I can boldly come out to say all these:

  • I was never free with him.

  • At a point I became so scared of him. Infact it would seem like he should just be sleeping at work, and be communicating to us through the phone.

  • His; being strict actually yielded little or no result to me, but for my mother's leniency which really helped me alot.

  • I couldn't even sit to talk to him. For every little thing, for everytime I did something wrong and there was no cane in sight, it's either my dad uses chain for the generator, shoe, belt, iron, stool. Lol, just name anything he sees around at that particular time.

  • Some of my Nigerian sisters might be able to relate to this particular one:

It became hard to be seen walking on the street with a boy. If someone saw me and mistakenly lets my dad in on the information... Help me shout this: "Ella, you're dead!!."

So much more, but I'll stop there.

When I was teaching, there was one thing I noticed about young children; they are watching you, they observe, being kids doesn't mean they won't remember your ill treatment towards them.

If one is quite wicked to them, you'll see the fear on their faces. There was this girl I once taught, her name is Zion. I do shout at her anytime she pees on herself. She does this alot when she's asleep.

On that fateful day:

Zion slept as usual; with her head on the table and peed on her uniform, when I saw this, I quietly went over to where she was and woke her up. Immediately Zion was awake and aware of her surrounding, she looked into my eyes and bursted into tears. She knew what she had done already and she knew I'd shout. She cried and cried. And lol, I'm very playful around kids. I did act like I was upset. After which I had to pet her.

Why did I use that story as a brief illustration?

Children hardly ever forget what you do to them and your level of strictness towards them, would determine if they'll be free around you even to the point of voicing out their words or feelings.

I've told myself this: I'll make sure I'm so free with my children, I'll play with them, I'll scold them, but I'll try my best to make sure I'm not too strict.

I'll try my best to be lenient and still somewhat strict.

Not too hot, not too cold, after all too much of everything is bad.

If my child can't see me as a friend and confidant, then I've failed as a parent.

Being strict isn't bad, but being too strict is just too much.

  • A child easily voices out his/her feeling to a parent he/she is free with.

  • A child would see his/her parents, not just as parents, but as their friends and confidant.

  • A child could also boldly walk up to their parents to seek advice.

  • It helps in building a child's self-esteem.

This would be all for today. My take on this is: Be strict, but be lenient too, don't be too much of any. Too much of everything is bad. So be strict fully caring. Lol, if there's anything like that.

I'll still love to hear your opinion about this.

Thanks for reading.

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1 year ago

Comments

I feel like exteme of every thing is bad! Actually you know it depends on how the kid wants to be treated. If a person has 3 to 4 kids, not everyone of them would be obedient. Those who are obedient listen to you and understand everything with love. But then there are others who are stubborn and calm nature of parents doesnโ€™t really help there. For such kids, a little bit of strictness is necessary

$ 0.01
1 year ago

Hmm, you speak so well Raheela, you're indeed right. Thanks for contribution and thanks for stopping by.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

You are welcome

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1 year ago

Sometimes it's good to be strict especially nowadays, amd yes, too much is bad also that's somehow ruin child's growth, emotionally and mentally. So it's better to be balance at everything.

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1 year ago

Exactly TeacherJen, we should put balance to everything.

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1 year ago

Lol. Most of our dads are like that. My dad is not that strict per se. He's just a perfectionist. God help you when he asks you to wash his clothes when he's sitting close by, you will wash and wash till you peel the skin under your fingers. still the clothes wouldn't look very clean in his eyes.... Any small thing " during our time , during our time..... " . How that line makes me sick! ๐Ÿ˜†

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1 year ago

You're right Bilquees, most Nigerian fathers are like that. Lol ๐Ÿ˜‚ "during our time" really got me cracked up.

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1 year ago

Lol. That's the truth na

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1 year ago

Not strict, not lenient. Just be a GOOD ENOUGH parent. We can say all we want about parenting but no amount of advice or reading will be able to prepare anyone for the parenting battles. You have to be there in the parenting trenches to know what it's really like ;)

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1 year ago

You're right ma'am, but then reading about parenting could actually help one in parenting preparation. Experiences of other people too, might just contribute to one's profound knowledge

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1 year ago

My parents were very strict.. They used to pin point every single thing and typical brown parent stuff, almost same as your parents.. however, they did not beat us often as words and screams were enough to control me and my brother. Even though most of the times I hated that when I was a child, now at the age of 36 and having a daughter of my own, everything makes sense for me because I find myself replicating the same behavior towards my daughter which was required from their perspective and I'm scared my daughter might end up hating me and thus I'm being both strict and friendly towards her in approach

$ 0.02
1 year ago

Hmmm, really deep. You're right, maybe I don't really understand my parents because I haven't been a parent before. I'm really glad you're starting to be friendly towards your daughter. It's really awesome.

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1 year ago

if our kids see us as friends, they will not hide and share everything wit us, otherwise, it's going to be tough for everyone

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1 year ago

You've said it: Too much of anything is bad. However, I think some don't know where to draw the line when is too much too much?

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1 year ago

Article, yes; that's it. Too much of everything is bad, we should know how to draw the line; knowing when to be strict and when to be lenient.

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1 year ago

I'd say the best parents find a delicate balance between. Being too strict can make your child(ren) feel caged, thus, making them want to break out by all means necessary. These can lead to other bad things

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1 year ago

Exactly Aimure, the best parents would know how to balance strictness and leniency. Oh, I can relate to that. You're right Aimure.

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1 year ago

I suppose you had strict parents then. Was it across all board (both male and female) or just towards the females?

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1 year ago

Oh Aimure, indeed I had. And it was actually towards both male and females.

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1 year ago

Oh, that's fair then, I guess ๐Ÿ˜‚. But I like to think it has changed now that you've grown up ๐Ÿ˜‰

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1 year ago

Lol, sure Aimure. It has changed alot. No more spanking of any sort.

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1 year ago

Lmao๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Of course your parents wouldn't spank you anymore

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1 year ago

I am a no supporter of strict parenting. Although, that doesn't justify children's actions, but parents must also be moderate at times. I have seen cases where guys still turn to rogues and thugs despite strict parenting. Even girls didn't turn out well either..... I help you in shouting that LOL.๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿคฃ. Congrats on clocking 60Subs.

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1 year ago

Exactly Mic, being strict doesn't mean it would make the child the perfect child. Lol ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Thanks alot Mic, I really appreciate ๐Ÿ™

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1 year ago

At some point it could be nay and at the same time yay. Children must be disciplined at the right way for their own good but parents should also must know their limits. They can be strict but not to the point that they are already controlling their children's and somehow turned them into their own puppet. Some strict parents are not aware with their actions. For some reasons their rules for their children's are already existing and that was already taking away their own children's freedom as all they want is to let them follow. No space for No and But, as some strict parents always want a Yes as a response. Meanwhile there are also strick parents who knows their limitation and their children grows with a free well to speak and show their emotions and this is a yay to me.

$ 0.03
1 year ago

Grey, my oh my! You nailed it. You're very right Gray, it all depends on the kind of strictness. I love the last way you explained how some strict parents behave. Thanks for your contribution, Gray.

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1 year ago

Sometimes parents should understand that compare a child to another is something bad, what we have to compare exactly is this child in the past and now not because another person is better than him he will be anxious

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1 year ago

Whenever parents starts to be too strict to their children things get worse the the children will be used to be strict also.

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1 year ago

Exactly Allboy, this is just it. So one must learn how to balance the equation.

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1 year ago

It's good to be free with your children ร nd make the world ร  better place for them. I love that decision

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1 year ago

Yes Success, you're right. Thanks alot for your contribution.

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1 year ago

Ang galing namn,yong papa ko di xia strick pero yong mama at tito sila yong samin,,

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1 year ago

Yes you're right Ella, being strict is not bad but being so much strict, I think it's not good for our children, we should treat them equal, and teach them the right way.

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1 year ago

Exactly Steffi, you're right Steffi, let's just know how to balance both

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1 year ago

Parents being strict is the best way to train a child and at the same time, it is also the worst way to up bring a child. Just like everything in life advantages and disadvantages. But as far as I'm concerned, I would rather choose to be a friend to my children rather than be a strict parent to them coz the world is harsh already

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1 year ago

Exactly dear, I would also choose to be friendly to my children with a little bit of strictness. โ˜บ๏ธ

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1 year ago

I notice that some parents that are very strict has a rebel child, I don't know haha I also read books about it and some of the kids is being rebelled when the parents is strict. Be strict in a good way not in a way that it can affect your childs behaviour..

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1 year ago

Yes Dawn, exactly true, thanks for stopping by and thanks so much for your contribution.

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1 year ago

Being strict depends on the kinda child one has, if stubborn then is ok to be strict but with limit. But in generally strict is not a good parenting.

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1 year ago

Oh, thanks for your contribution Dan, being strict is okay but it should have its limit.

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1 year ago

Sometimes strict parenting will make the children assume that the parents are overlooking and guiding them this may makes them misbehaves too but . I really go for strict parenting but not too much ๐Ÿ˜…

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1 year ago

Hmm, you're right, I love to be strict at times but my children should still see me as a friend too... Just as you said; be strict but not too much.

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1 year ago

Parents who are strict have their reasons for it. But still, they need to be friendly and correct gently at least once in a while. I love your article ๐Ÿ‘

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1 year ago

Exactly Tife, thanks for stopping by. You're right dear.

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1 year ago

Parents are strict just because they are concerned with their children's future. They want to protect them from any danger. But to the point, that the parents will not give them free, their children will become rebellious someday.

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1 year ago

You're right Han, being strict also has it's advantage, but being "too strict" is just way out of board.

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1 year ago

Strict parent is a nay for me...it never turn out well for the kid, I have many theories to support my claims, I once wrote an article title: the impart of strict parent on a child, truly once have to train their kids, a kid that is free with you will respect your rules to heart, but you see those with strict parent become so smart at a tender age to evade all kind of things, lies set in, many things set in.. So its a big No for me... Some of my friends with too strict parent didn't turn out well especially the ladies and I blame the parent till date

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1 year ago

Hmm, Fash you've really said all there was; in my mind. People with strict parents often become wayward, I know of "friendsssss," that had to deal with these. It indeed never turned out well for them. Thanks for stopping by, Fash.

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1 year ago

You're welcome Dorc

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1 year ago

Parents being strict is way too common in this country, it has its upsides and downsides just like everything else. We should learn from the choices our parents made, and try to be and do better anyway we can.

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1 year ago

Hmmm, wise words el, we should try our best to be and do better, anyway we can.

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1 year ago