If I Don't Graduate From College!

If I don't get to graduate from college, does that make me an unsuccessful person? Have I considered a failure?

I consider myself an achiever when it comes to my education because of the awards I have received when I joined school contests during my Elementary days, the medals and ribbons that were given to me every Recognition day, and the honors that were bestowed upon my name during my Graduation days.

When I was 6 years old, back in my Kindergarten days, I graduated as the 2nd honor or Salutatorian of my class. There were more or less than 20 pupils in my batch but I made sure that I excel in class. I became a competitive pupil from Grade 1 to Grade 6. I always belonged to the top pupils who were awarded every Recognition day. I was always one of the representatives of our class to join the Math, Science, and English contests in our district. Sometimes, I got the highest score on most of my exams in Elementary, especially Math. And in Grade 6, I again graduated as the Salutatorian among the 2 sections with more than 60 pupils.

Then I stepped my foot in High School. There I got to meet a lot of students who came from different schools in our town. I belonged to the cream section from Grade 7 to Grade 10. In our class, there were 5 Valedictorians, 3 Salutatorians, and a lot of pupils who received Honorable Mention from their respective schools. The pressure was too heavy for me to carry because expectations arise from left and right. I had no choice but to be competitive as much as I can and to also excel in class. With my dedication, I landed as the 7th honor in Grade 7, 2nd honor in Grade 8, and the 3rd honor from Grade 9 to 10. And I received With Honors in Senior High School, Grade 11 to 12.

Before I graduated in Senior High School, greater expectations were passed on to my shoulders- from choosing my course in college and making sure that I graduate with flying colors to bring honor to my Alma Mater.

Then I had to make a choice- the course I want to take in my 4 years of stay in college. Some teachers were expecting me to take Accountancy or Education, but I took a different path and am now taking BSBA- Marketing Management.

I know some were disappointed with my decision as if it was too easy for me to take because most of my batch-mates who also graduated With Honors are taking up Education and Engineering. Because of this, I was told that I need to graduate at least as a Cum Laude on my College Graduation Day.

It is actually one of my goals to graduate from college with flying colors and bring honor to my parents and my Alma Mater. However, sometimes, I am too pressured by the high expectations of my previous teachers, friends, parents, and relatives that I would think of just quitting my college journey.

I was in my 2nd year when I thought of dropping out of my course and stop studying already and choose to take a different path- to look for a job in our province or foreign countries. I was determined at that time that I thought of many backup plans just in case my original plan doesn't work out.

I was enthusiastic about my studies, but there always came a time where I would think that I am just wasting my time in college, especially whenever I am reminded that I don't have plans to pursue a career related to my chosen course. Yes, I dreamt of working in a company or bank but I don't want to be a so-called "Corporate Slave".

Now, I'm already in my last year in college. I don't know if it's just in my mind but I feel like greater expectations are passed on me once I step out of the University and start a new journey in the real world.

However, I am facing a huge fear and a lot of what-ifs.

What if I don't get to graduate from college with flying colors? Perhaps most of my previous teachers from Elementary to High School, and even some of my relatives who love to compare me with my successful cousins will look at me with a frowning face.

What if in my final year, I don't get to finish the final requirement, I don't get to defend my thesis study, and complete my On-the-job training?

What if I don't get to graduate from college at all?

With this question, I get to visualize the common reaction of the people who don't even have a great contribution to my life but have unrealistic expectations from me. I bet some will say "Sayang" (a waste) if they will hear the news that I just dropped out of college. Some will even conclude that I won't get to succeed in life and achieve some of my goals and dreams anymore because I did not graduate from college and have my tertiary diploma which won't land me a job.

Every time I think about it, I want to prove them wrong and break the stigma that just because someone did not graduate from college doesn't mean they will end up unsuccessful in life. And just because you have a college degree does not guarantee a successful life.

There are a lot of successful businessmen and wealthy individuals who are college dropouts and did not need a college degree to become who they are and have the success they are enjoying now.

And at some point, I wanted to be like them, not because I don't value excellence and education but because I wanted to make myself proof that I can be who I want to be, go where I want to go, and still be happy and successful even if I didn't graduate from college.

I'm already in my final year in college and these thoughts are still haunting me.

I cannot predict the future and nothing is certain yet but what I know is that I am a person with strong determination, and I have high hopes that some of my dreams and goals will become a reality.

I will not back down and give up on my goals but I will keep moving forward to reach the top with or without my college diploma.

I drafted this article before I enrolled for the 1st semester of my 4th year. Now, I don't have a plan to drop out anymore (that would definitely be a waste if I do) but what I'm planning now is the path I want to take after I graduate from college. I still have less than a year to sort things out but what will be, will be. 💫