Never have I ever been in Love
They say that when you look at a person's eyes and you felt affection. That is "Love at First Sight"
The moment when you look at each others eyes and felt a warm feeling inside. The beat of your heart is getting louder and stronger. Your cheeks are blushing, and your muscles are paralyzed, you felt the euphoria.
But, you only realized that he was just looking at you because he just wanted to say 'hi' He waved at you, but it felt like everything slows down.
I would say, yes! I have been in love. I have fallen for someone that I think I can't possibly be with, or I'm having a one sided love. Even if I act cute in front of him and embarass myself, he would not care. Because he only thinks of me as a friend. You heard it right! Nothing more than that.
I guess, I will be living now in my fantasies. Hiding this feeling, and keeping it safe, that he would not find this out.
Well, do you relate to this? hmm... because not all people that you are in love with is not in love with you.
This is getting emotional! Okey!
Sometimes, we need to accept the fact and the reality that love won't be given away easily. Being in love with someone has a process.
You need to know the person first, sometime personality is what we prioritize, right?
But, it is not a sin to fall in love. You can't stop yourself from expressing it. Sometimes, doing your effort to make him/her fall in love is a good thing. I mean, making him/her happy, giving gifts, or making him/her feel important is a good thing to do.
But, they say that too much is bad. Sometimes, we give love too much that we forgot ourselves. We gave everything, but as soon as we gave our everything, some people that we love will eventually leave us, leaving us with with bitterness and heart aches.
And nothing will be left for you. You are waiting to be love back, assuming that they will return everything that you gave to them. I mean, not all people are like that. There are people who really cared for you and really love you. Those are your family,friends and yourself!
I mean love can be expressed into many things and interpretation.
I mean, I experienced being in love but not just to the person that I felt affectionate with. I'm also 'in love with myself'.
Yeah! That's right! Loving yourself is the first step. Because I believe that before you learn loving others, you need to learn how to love your self.
Because, if you accept who you are, and you don't hesitate to show yourself to other people. I will guarantee they will also love you.
So, back to my one sided love. Actually, I focused on myself after I woke up from the reality. I eventually forgot the feelings that I have for him. But, after a lot of changes, I show them who I really am. Eventually, the guy that I was in loved with is now making a move. I mean, he is now sweet to me!
*Deep inside*
Me: I won't fall for him again! Other me: he's so sweet! I can't! I can't!
Before learning how to love other people, it starts by learning how to love yourself first.
Never have I ever Played with you
A shell, that is very hard but can be so 'fragile', and can be easily cracked when forced by a sudden movement.
Feelings is like an egg, no matter strong the outer shell is, the inside is like as soft as the yolk.
We are easily tamed when somebody gave us importance, appreciation, and compliments. It is easy for us to fall for something that is very pleasing.
LIKE HIM!
There was a boy, that was getting closer to me during the school year. He was sweet, and kind, and easy to be with. I can rely on him, and I trusted him fully.
"Maine!" He shouted.
Hi! I'm Sharmaine Garcia. I'm in eleventh grade of senior high school, and attending Accounting Business And Management. I'm 17 years old. I think that's it for my introduction.
Well, I run towards that boy and stopped in front of him then smiled.
"What is it?", I replied to him and smiled again.
"Let's go home together.. I mean let's walk together.. ahmm you know what I mean". He replied
"Okey", then we walked together, talking about stuff, our studies, and making jokes.
Yes! That's only the happiest thing that I remembered with him. I can't even sleep that night because I don't understand what I felt. I think that I have a crush on that boy.
That continued for a week. Until...
........
"Hey, I need to tell you something," I said to him as we walked down the road.
"Yeah! What is it?", he asked.
"Why you're so kind this days, I mean, we walked together for a week, aren't you tired of it?", I asked.
"Well, to answer that question nope! I will never be tired of you", he smiled with a blush on his face.
I literally felt something, something that I never felt before. I felt like I was electrocuted, i was tickled and I just can't help but to smile. I was about to confess my feelings for him but I think that it was not the perfect time.
Or maybe, I was afraid.
I was afraid that my feelings for him is not mutual. I'm afraid that one day, he would avoid me and I was just assuming that he does felt the same as mine.
That continued for a month, and I was just waiting for him to confess. I'm like a ticking bomb, waiting to explode.
I'm really desperate for his confession, that it made me faked my smile for him on the inside of me, I'm really stressed out, I don't want to pick.
"If I confess, everything Will be gone this moment, this scenario that we have. But what if he also have feelings for me? What if he felt the same?! I'm getting crazy!" I'm literally crazy because I kept talking to myself.
*snap of a finger*
"Hey! Hey Maine? Are you okay?", I went back to my senses.
"Ah, ye-yes I'm okay" I utterly replied.
I'm going crazy on this.
.........
It continued for almost three months doing the same thing that we were doing.
"I can't do this!" I said to him, he was shock and stop walking.
He was a little bit confused of what I said.
"I don't want to play with you anymore! I want to ask something?" He was getting the scenario.
"Wha-what is it Maine?" He asked while being confused.
I'm still hesitating to do it, but..
"I want to tell you something, I want to tell you that... " I closed my eyes and shouted...
"I really like you!"
Everything became blur to me! All I can hear is my heartbeat, it's beating faster and louder, I'm about to explode.
"Wha-what??" He was still confused..
''I. said. I. Like. You." I said it again with a shy tone.
Everything was magical, there was slow mo and classical music around us, and I felt like I was talking to an angel, I think that we have the sparks. But, it all stopped when he said....
"NO!", my heart stopped by that simple word that I heard out of this mouth.
I felt betrayed and I felt a prick in my heart. Why no? What would that possibly mean? I'm the one who is confused right now.
He then, pulled me to the corner of the road and as I was looking to his eyes, he felt worried and not okay with what I have done . He grabbed and hold my both arms and looked around, if there are people passing by. He then whisper.
"Your getting the wrong idea..." He was like looking At me seriously.
"I'm a gay... ", he whispered to me.
I was shocked and could not explained what I felt that time. First, I think I was rejected and betrayed by my own mindset. I felt like everything was just a play. Two people laughing, making jokes with each other, and like a couple, doing it all the time.
"I'm a gay, okay? The reason why I always walk with you is because I have a crush on your brother... "
Okay, that went too far. No way! I was speechless when he said that. It's like repeating and it's echoing inside my head.
"I'm sorry if I let you felt the way, but I have strong affection or feeling with your brother. when he went to college I felt sad, because I could not see him again. So I searched that you were his younger sister, so I decided to come with you when going home so that I can see him." He explained.
I'm really speechless of everything he said. My muscles were paralyzed and all I can think was 'my crush is in love with my brother'
"I'm really sorry Maine, I don't want to go this far." He further explains himself.
Now, I realized that your feelings will really fool you. That if a person uses his flattering words, he can break your shell apart and will use your soft innocent heart. But, not all.
But, that's my past life story. That day was unforgettable. I still accept the fact that he is a gay, but I was hurt at the same time. I can't blame him for being inlove with my brother, and I can't blame him if he does not loved me back, I was just hurt because he broke my trust, my trust in him, he was dishonest of what he really is and he was just playing along. So, I decided to avoid him and to heal from the traumatizing event of my life.
I never thought, that I let my guard down. I let myself fall into a trap and let my shell be broken.
"It's okay to fall in love, but it's not okay to fall off the trap.
"I Accept the Challenge" @OfficialGamboaLikeUs @meitanteikudo Thank you for Tagging me 🥰
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Let me ask a question; Who would you allow me go out with your brother being a gay? I still can't believe someone actually saying this to you. Lol
I would have slapped him if it was me he told such. Though it hurts to betray you. He was only walking with you to get to your brother 😅
Well, that is human being for you. We shouldn't trust people so much especially when it comes to love. Some may not want to love you while you love them, it then becomes something hurting at the end.
Just love yourself.